Rho's Diary

Hey woman, I'm just checking in to see how you are feeling at the moment. I hope the soreness is nearly gone, and you better not have gone on any more 20 mile treks. :hug2:
 
Good morning Rho! Or should I say good afternoon to you. (forgot about the time difference)

I hope you had a fantastic weekend. How was the wedding?
 
Hello my lovies,

I don't even know where to start! It's only been 5 days but it might as well be a month with the amount of catching up I've got to do!

Ok - first things first. No, I've not gone AWOL, or fallen off the wagon or anything. Life just got in the way. I'd decided to quit my job on Friday so I had to go through the handover procedure with those replacing me. As if that wasn't enough my upstairs neighbours decided to keep me up for 3 consecutive nights with their stupid parties, loud music and stomping about, so by Friday I was running on pure adrenaline. The wedding was on Saturday so I thought I'd get an early night on Friday night (I even cut short the leaving do my work colleagues organised for me at the pub so I could get home early) but the blasted neighbours had the biggest and worst noisefest of all. They started around 9pm and didn't end until after 3am!

I was so shattered by this point I called the police. Did they help? Of course not. They said they don't deal with noise complaints and I should call the Council emergency hotline. I spent the next hour trying to get through. No luck. Not just me, my flatmates as well - we were all kept awake. It was so frustrating I ended up sleeping on the kitchen floor (which hurt my still healing hips something stupid) so I woke up the next day feeling like murder. It's really annoying feeling so helpless, you know..

Anyhoo, enough of all that. Thankfully, the wedding more than made up for everything. My dress fitted so perfectly, with that perfect amount of slackness that showed just how many inches I've lost! I've not yet uploaded the pics, but once I do, I'll be able to compare them even more..

I've been feeling very restless as I haven't been to the gym in around a week. I don't regret it though - my hips and right leg (and ankle) had to heal. Yesterday I walked for around an hour and I felt a slight twinge so I know I'm still healing. Still, I'm already planning my next walk (or I've already planned, I should say). It'll be this week if things go according to plan.

Now that I'm off work until September, I'm focusing on my dissertation, but I know I'll have more time for myself as well (gym, walking and eating properly), which I'm very much looking forward to!

Thanks for all your comments guys. You've been fantastic. I can't wait to catch up with your progress!

Have a lovely evening guys... PS: I'll be going to the gym tomorrow, so I can weigh myself and see if the scales have decided to cooperate. If they haven't, screw 'em. I felt better than I've felt on Saturday in as long as I can remember so scales aren't going to dampen my newfound confidence..
 
Ok - I'm having loads of problems accessing this site. It's taken me nearly 20 minutes to load a single page. I'm tried of trying. I'm off to bed. Hopefully it'll work better tomorrow..
 
Hi Rho I have a little time to just say hello and I missed you! So I'm happy you're back, I knew you were doing fine, but I'm happy you've confirmed it. I've been having trouble with my neighbors too! I'm sorry! Mine have never been like this before though so I'm trying to be laidback about it...for a while at least haha. I can't believe you had to sleep in the kitchen, how rude of the people that lived above you.

I'm happy you'll have more time now, I'm sure this will make the process much easier for you, since you can focus on yourself a bit more. Have a nice night Rho :)
 
'ello me hearties, I really wanted to check out diaries last night but this site was inaccessible! Maybe the site doesn't like me anymore because of how I've been away *boohoo*

It's really sunny here at the mo' - weather forecast predicts rain though so I'll enjoy the good weather while it lasts..

Hey Sara - I'm so sorry you're also having problems with neighbours. How come there are so many horrible people in the world?! The sad thing is the previous tenants in the flat were horrible people also. My flatmate says that the landlord just wants a&&holes in the flat. Still, I've got more time on my hands, so I can be more variable about when I sleep, which will help a lot, what with the workout schedule I'm going to put myself through this month. I'll write more about it later.

Hey Blancita, I wish I 1.) the summer was freer, and 2.) it was summer! It's meant to be summer now yet I seem to take my umbrella with me wherever I go. There's been the worst flooding in England in years, thanks to rain!! I sure hope the summer does rear its head before autumn clamps down on us all!

jimb12 - I have no idea what you're on about. Subjective statement or fact? Did you mean to post here?

Ok - I've a dentist appointment in a little while (I need a filling), so I'm off to get some breakfast (at 10.30am!!!yippee!!) so I don't faint during the procedure. I'll update later. I'm off to check y'all's diaries!
 
Finally!!

Ok, drum roll *dumdumdumdumdumdumdumdumdum*

I got my a&& down to the gym today, and was surprised to see how much smaller I looked in the mirror. My waist definitely looked smaller, and my 'spare tyre' (my pet term for love handles) looked smaller. So I decided, in much trepidation, to weigh myself. I hopped onto the scales in the changing room, shoes and all, and nearly fainted with delight when I saw the delightful figure: 202.5. To say I was overjoyed would be the biggest understatement of the year. I couldn't believe it, so after changing I decided to use another set of scales in the actual gym. Same figure..

I think the excitement got to my head though, cos my weight training workout today was more intense than ever before - I pretty much upped all my weights as my tolerance had increased, but at the end I thought I'd maybe do a half hour cardio session, and 5 minutes into that, I nearly threw up. So I decided not to push it any further, so I lay down on the mat for nearly 5 minutes, until the urge to throw up had somewhat died down, then I stretched and very carefully made my way out. Luckily I'd brought 2 satsumas along with me, so I had those as I left the gym, which made me feel better. But I don't feel like eating anymore today (as I don't want to upset my system), which means my calorific deficit is quite high today.

Today's food
Breakfast: Wholewheat tortilla; 2 eggs, scrambled; 1 cup orange juice
Snack: None (wasn't hungry)
Lunch: Mixed roasted vegetables (onion, bell peppers, turnips, sweet potato); stir fried chicken, 100g Quark, 200g mixed leaf salad
Snack: None (still full - Quark is soooo filling!!)
Dinner: 2 Satsumas..
(Total calories: around 1200 calories, which is waayyy too low, I know)

My workout today was:
Lat raises: 3kg (this is still a b*%&£ of an exercise and I HATE it, but I know it works wonders)
Squats: Done with 3kg weights, upped from 2kg
Tricep dips: 4kg, upped from 3kg
Bar bell dips: 20kg, upped from 15kg
Inclined chest press: 6kg, upped from 5kg
Hammer curls: 5kg, upped from 4kg

My little cardio workout burnt 114 calories..

Ok, looking at my calorie intake, I think I need to eat something. My tummy just feels really sensitive right now and I don't want to upset it. But I feel weird and it was hard concentrating when people spoke to me after the workout, so maybe I need to force myself to eat something..

Anyhoo, I'm just so ecstatic that the scales are keeping up with my inch loss. I can now update my ticker!!!! Which means I'm into double numbers! Yippee!! :jump:
 
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YAY!!! Thanks Sara - you've been great!! I'm into double numbers too!!! My happiness knows no bounds right now!!!! Thanks for motivating me and helping me see beyond the damn scales.. :D
 
OH my gosh after that workout you better eat some more! That sounds intense, and good for you Rho, I hope you really do get some good nourishment, and also yummy menu. You always eat SO well! It's cool to know that you're just got it down. Your habits are well ingrained, fat is going to continue to burn off. I'm proud of you! :hug2: I have to get ready for the gym now, but I'm happy you posted before I left. Have a good night, get some good sleep!
 
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Aww, thank you, you're such a sweetie.

To be honest, the food thing is a constant struggle, but everytime I get tempted to overeat I just think of how miserable I'll be afterwards, so I turn my attention to something else. I doubt I'll ever conquer the battle with food, sadly. I hope the food thing does become ingrained cos at the moment I still have to think about every single thing I buy and eat...ah well. G'night Sara, and thanks for sharing in my joy!!!
 
I have been thinking about this post, and I think that even though it is a constant struggle, the fact that you're not giving in, day after day, is what is obviously solidifying the habits you'd want to become second nature. I truly don't struggle. Not while I'm home at least. But the moment I go to the movies, or to my mom's for dinner, or to a friend's house, to a restaurant, I'm overwhelmed. Actually the other night I ALMOST gave in to Chinese food because my dad was visiting and he was complaining that I didn't have any food here and he didn't want to eat any more 'damn organic apples.' But at the last second I changed my mind and told him that since there's no way for me to know exactly how many calories are in the Chinese food, I'm not having it. But go ahead if you want. Then I think he felt bad because he knows I'm trying to stay on track. I know I'm ranting but I feel really guilty about this actually. Like he was being nice and he's like 'oh look, see they have a "healthy option" section on their menu, you can get that!' and that's really sweet of him to try, and although the effort was super nice and I appreciate it, I still don't want to guess about what is going in my body. I was driving my sister to the movie store and I asked her if I was rude, and she said 'no you're not rude, but it's frustrating for him and for me too, because even when we try to help out and suggest stuff, it's never right.' So I don't know. I know that I'm strict with myself. I know it may come off as rude, but I did apologize and thank him for the effort. I need to be this way. What do you think? I mean I know you had a similar thing when you went to the movies with your friends the other night and you simply didn't indulge. I told my family to order whatever they wanted to eat, but they felt awkward eating it around me, but really I wouldn't have cared. WOW I'm stopping now. Thanks for letting me rant Rho!
 
Don't feel anyhow about pouring your heart out - that's what diaries are for..

Now I understand more of what you meant in your pm. You're saying that at home you're fine and you stick to your plan, but outside in the real world you find it more difficult.

It's perfectly normal to feel that way. I've felt the same way before. In one of my very first posts on this site, I said that I'd once lost weight before. This was also because I stayed at home most of the time. But summer rolled in, and I began to have more fun, and I just let myself go - If forgot that healthy eating doesn't stop once I leave the house. It's something that remains with you, regardless of where you are. I think this is the biggest lesson I'm learning this time.

Don't think it's been easy - there've been many times I've very nearly given in to temptation, but I always remember something negative about when I was bigger, and compare it to how much better I feel now, even though I'm only 13lbs down, and the thought tends to sober me enough to look for a healthy option.

I think you've done a fantastic job so far by planning your food carefully indoors. Everything comes in stages, so when you've got this down, I'm sure you'll want to move on to the next stage - outdoors (which includes influence from other people). I guess a certain amount of stubbornness helps me too. Whenever people try to pressure me (or guilt me) into having stuff I know I shouldn't, I immediately think "Well, you're not the fat friend. I have no interest in being the fat friend anymore!" and that resentment..anger..spurs me into making the right choices.

At the wedding on Saturday I smiled inwardly because most of my female friends have put on weight (noticeably too cos the bellies were bulging and the arms same size as mine) yet to a certain extent I think they still felt safe in the knowledge that 'at least they're not as fat as Rhoda'. Subconscious thought, of course. I know that before long, I'll be the fittest of them all, not even because I'll be the smallest or whatnot, but because I'll have gained so much knowledge on what and what not to do to my body. I was the only one that didn't have cake (chocolate cake, at that), not because I didn't want to, but because I was already full and didn't see why I should eat any more, especially when there was dancing to be done.

So, in my case, I guess the reason it's worked for me so far is because of the stubborn zone I get into sometimes. My motivation for doing this is so strong, and I can only hope and pray it remains enough. You know what's motivating you to do this. You did the right thing by letting your father know that you appreciated the thought. But you did an even better thing by following your heart. In the end this is for you - no one else! Seems like a harsh way to look at it, but I've always felt like the whale of the family - every other member of my family is nice and slim! So do what is right for you, whatver works for you. The more everyone gets to see how serious you are, the less pressure they'll hopefully put on you to make less healthy choices, and who knows, you might even motivate others to become healthier!

You'll be fine Sara - you've got Leigh on your case now :D
 
Rho I'm sorry if you think your friends really think like that. I'm not saying they're bad friends, I know in a way it's just the unavoidable grotesque side of human nature, is to compare ourselves, but I think we have the power to transform our thinking- we can be constructive and positive if we choose to do so. The friends that you suspect compare themselves to you in such a nasty way, I feel terrible for them. Because not only are you far more beautiful with your inner strength and spirit, once you have met your goal, your pride will skyrocket, and not at the expense of anyone else. You will be fully responsible for your self esteem and you won't have to degrade anyone else to feel good about yourself.

And you're right, it's a matter of caring about yourself enough to do what is right. Truly, I think it's equal to turning down drugs. I used to be into drugs quite a bit and when someone now offers something-anything-I have this knee jerk reaction of 'no dude,' I don't even think about it anymore. So I'm getting there, but bad food is far more mainstream than drugs so it feels like I'm hit with it all the time. I tried to break the news to my friend last night on the phone that I'm eating healthy and exercising and stuff, and her immediate reaction was [indignant tone] 'well you have to take a break while you're here' and I just said [reasonable tone] 'I'll try to keep it up as much as I can.' Then she was silent...like I offended her? Man it sucks! I'm more determined than ever to pull a Rho and turn down any and all bad food presented before me ;)
 
Hey Sara,

I don't think those friends are doing it in a bad way - it's just stuff I've noticed over the years, like being described as 'the big one'. And when I try to suggest eating more healthily for fear they become as big as me, they always seem to go into extreme denial mode, like "No - I'll never be that big", and then they realise they're speaking to me, and try to make it sound better. Thankfully it's not all my friends that think this way - it's just a few, and I know they really don't mean it in a negative way. I felt better about myself on Saturday than I've done in a very long time, and I'm keen to continue feeling that good so me and this lifestyle are here to stay.

I know I've had self-esteem issues, but I've worked on them over time - getting fit is really the last hurdle... I can be in the same room with people who hurt me with their 'fat' comments and not want to punch them or cry, or both. I can chat and laugh with them and not think about how badly their comments made me view myself. I feel more confident knowing I'm trying to be a better person, physically and mentally, not holding any grudges, just getting on with what I have to do to make myself happy in harmony with the world.

I wonder why people feel better about pressurising people into eating more, or eating stuff they shouldn't. It's like a constant battle, sort of like my flatmate with her chocolate (She shoved some into my hands this week and I had to get rid of it on the down low). Maybe your friend thinks eating healthy involves eating dry rice cakes all day long, but at least it'll be you doing the healthy eating - she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to, right..

It really does suck :(

"Pull a Rho" - that's a funny one... Pull a Sara, more like...you've been so on point with everything!


On a slightly different note, today was a rather bad day for me. No, not eating or whatever. I fell out with my brother over the phone and it just spoiled my mood all day. I even found it difficult to go to the gym, but I thought 'Nah, to avoid it today is to keep finding a way to avoid it', so I went. Around 8pm. I did 65mins cardio on the stat. bike, and burnt 746 calories. Then I walked home to clear my mind. I'm still pretty upset but the workout helped a lot.

PS: Before I forget, I made this lovely cod recipe for lunch today. I found the recipe on the Internet, but tweaked it (as I always do). Simple marinade using olive oil, chilli, lime rind & juice, fish sauce (nam pla) & coriander. Spread on fish, bake for 8 to 10 mins on Gas Mark 7. I had it with the roast veg from yesterday. It was so lovely I took a break from being upset just to enjoy it (while also watching Justine Henin beat Serena Williams at Wimbledon).

So that's my little update. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day. I've got a meeting with my dissertation supervisor so I can develop some direction with the project. I hope everyone is alright (will check diaries tonight). Ciao guys..
 
I'm really happy for you Rho Rho, you're really on your way to being in the 100's. That is just great!

You just sound like you worked the weights hard and it really makes you hungry and worn out.

Whatever you're doing, just keep it up as it seems to be working like a charm.
 
Rho I'm so sorry about your fall-out with your bro. I hope you two can patch it up soon :( In the meantime, good for you for taking something negative and turning into a positive by exerting your frustration at the gym, and then even WALKING home! You are a strong woman my friend, I hope today was a better day for you. :hug2:
 
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