Real Gorgeous

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fortyfour

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New Diary - Real Gorgeous is the title of a book i'm reading. (Ironically its a book that urges us to love us as we are, to eat what we want and to give up all these crazy diets. Well i am not going to do a crazy diet. I just want to get back to some decent eating habits and reduce some of this flab i've acquired in the last few months.



Last year at the end of my last diet and cycling journey, i was down around my goal of 55kg. I"ve ballooned so much this year that I've had to go and buy some dresses! to do my gardening in as shorts look hideous on me now. I"m 165cm.



Last year i began by following a strict diet but very healthy diet and then i started a cycling journey. It all went well. But of course when i got home, gradually my appetite came back i went back up into the 60s by about xmas time and with some depression in recent months, i've ballooned. I've hardly been moving so every icecream i've eaten has gone straight to my thighs and bum and even my tum.



I read an interesting article on weight loss and its failures earlier this year. It said that when a person loses 10% of their body weight, the body can't help but react by making you hungry so that you get fat again. I know there's truth in that idea so this time, i'm going to try to do this slowly. And i had an idea that maybe one should have a long pause at a certain weight to give your body time to settle into the new weight before starting again and going down to a weight 10% less than the original weight.



I had better go and weigh myself now i guess if I want to follow this idea...WEll to my horror, I am over 76kg. So i should go steadily down to 67kg and hold that weight for a while before trying to go down further according to this theory. But evne 67kg seems high for me. I should be able to sit around 65 or 64kg quite easily.



I have been eating nothing but icecream, chocolate and Kool mints practically oh and some weetbix and milk with honey and lots of coffee. I started to freak myself with the amount of vegetables i was not eating and so bought some vitamin pills. Now because i still dont' feel much like cooking, and for the first time in my life, i am buying canned meals (which are not the greatest - often too salty) just so i can eat some vegetables. I'm cooking rice to go with them. At least this is filling me up and satisfying me so that i don't crave icecream etc.



Of course the other big problem behind all this is a great deal of inactivity. I'm not feeling motivated enough yet to deal with this but hopefully as the depression wanes i might get more active in the garden.



I am a really lazy person i have to admit. Depression makes me lazier and my laziness makes me depressed. But i can never quite find a balance that i can stick with over the long term. Last year before i went cycling, i was going for a run every second day. That was a good routine then, but i'm not ready for that again just yet. I've got a cycling journey planned for september and hope to be in better shape by the beginning of that but if not, well it will get me going again.



This is all a bit dull i know. I probably should try to start keeping a food and activity diary again here.



A warning: i may not get very involved in other people's diaries this time. I haven't come for support or advice. So please don't be offended if i don't visit your pages. I wish everyone else much success with their journeys. But its nice to see some familiar 'faces' around. Decisionmaker, ijustwannabefit... I hope you guys are doing well.
 
I wrote that yesterday. 8 June now and time to start my food diary.


Brunch at 12noon:

2 cups of coffee (so far) with milk and no sugar

Bowl of cauliflower cheese i made last night. That's the first thing i've cooked for ages and its very yummy but made with a fair amount of fatness. Still its a fresh vegetable.

1 mandarine


I'm not planning any exercise for today.


4.50. I got around to spending about an hour in the garden afterall. I dug a hole and mucked about with that for a bit. Planted some little things and did a spot of weeding. I have to admit that apart from feeding my animals, that's the only productive thing i've done today but its a lot more than i've been doing of late.


4.51: Dinner will be

bowl of salad greens - im eating them now. Too lazy to make a dressing.

Rice and canned stewiness. I know, not very exciting but at least i don't have to cook it and it has vegetables in it. I think its Heinz brand. It wasn't a very big serve.

I had a tiny banana a few minutes ago.


To deal with my depression i've got to work at getting more involved with real life. I didn't feel like doing that for a while but now i think i'm starting to get a tiny bit better and so i've said i will volunteer to mind the exhibition for a few hours at our local art centre one day soon. I'm also working at getting a meditation project up in my area. This doesn't involve a great deal of work at the moment. The main challenge is not giving up on it before it can get going. And i'm trying to establish a meditation habit. The task on hte home front is still to build a roof to put over my head or kitchen rather. That's what the hole was about. I am way behind schedule but it would be good if i could get it done before i go away in September.


7pm: half a salada biscuit with a slice of mersey valley cheese.


7.30pm i'm feeling peckish. I think i need some type of low cal bulking feed. Some rice and beans would be good.


7.50:Ok i just found some leftover sticky rice with banana in the fridge and i ate that with a stewed apple and some milk.


later i had a mandarine. I'm up late tonight. Its nearly midnight and i'm feeling peckish again. I might have a cup of cocoa made with a little bit of sugar and a dash of milk. Its too late to have a coffee.


btw my earlier diary was called I'm aiming for 59kg though i changed that goal to 55kg when i found out its what my sister weighed.
 
Hi 44,


I somewhat half-hazardly stumbled on your journal and thought....jeeze....this sounds like me.


Couple of years ago, I was in the groove .... this place helped my get my weight down to just about where I wanted it...and then whammo.


I gained my weight back and got so lethargic, compared to me, a couch potato would look like an olympic athlete.


Anyways, I've been tiptoeing back here....nervous and apprehensive to attempt something I might fail at (again) while still somewhat struggling with depression.


I don't have any advice for ya....but will probably lurk to see how you are dealing with yours and how you are managing your weight loss with it.


Best of luck with your goal and hope you get well soon.
 
Thanks for commenting and sharing your experience. Basically i think it doesn't matter if we fail. Its keeping on trying that counts. I've have gone up and down in my weight so many times now and i think even though i haven't been able to hold it down at a good level for extended periods of time (since i quite smoking 14 years ago) at least the effort involved in getting it down and healthy has to have some health benefit and for a while i feel good about my body. The thing is i've started again now because i've reached that point where i am really quite disgusted with myself and feel something has to be done. If you don't feel like that yet, maybe you can wait a bit longer to start. You will work it out. I'm starting off quite softly and tentatively. I figure when i am this fat, i don't have to eat much less to lose weight. Its only when my weight is way down that i have to be so very careful. The main task at the moment is return to eating normal food and stop eating just shit all the time.


On a bad day i might eat a box of magnum icecreams (4) a family block of chocolate and a whole packet of kool mints. God just talking about that food makes me think about it and start to want it. So its a good idea not to talk about it actually.
 
Saturday 9 June ... 76.8kg


brunch: 11.30

rockmelon

2 cups of coffee w cream since i've run out of milk.


Proper lunch: 3pm

2 whole grain toast with fried in 2tsp olive oil cherry tomatoes, 1 mushroom, parsley. I had cheese on top but no butter.

Now i'm having more coffee.


A tip: if you diet has been really bad lately or if you head down that route ever again, it might be a good idea to start taking a multivitamin. I started that recently when i wasn't eating any vegetables. EAting badly like that only makes your mood worse and i wonder if the vitamins might help.


I also need to make myself drink more water. On my last diet i kept my coffee drinking to a minimum but at the moment i am still drinking a lot. I need to drink more water and less coffee.


Dinner: 5.30

Canned sausage and vegetables with added chickpeas. with rice.

Mandarine

coffee w milk


This afternoon, i did a little in the garden. Probably about an hour.


Its nearly 3am now. Yes my sleeping pattern is a bit out of whack these days. It was good for a long while but i've let it run out. Tonight we watched The Departed though i missed the first half hour which was a mistake. It was an excellent movie. Action style but great.


so anyway i ate some more food. Dad gave me a plate of tiramisu which i enjoyed. IT was mostly cream and not much cake.


Later i got hungry again and had 2 slices of whole grain bread with nothing on it. Had i not started this weight watching, i probably would have put something on it like a lot of butter and jam or cheese but i thought of my dairy and decided against it.


Then i had a coffee with some cream. I used it up. I have to go and buy some milk tomorrow.
 
More water and less coffee. Amen.


I don't know why an increased water intake helps in losing weight. But it does work.


I dont think coffee is an evil thing...its just not the only thing. Add a few glasses of water each day and still enjoy your coffee! Why not!



BTW...I found your cycling trip pics. (I know...I'm not as creepy as that sounds lol)


Amazing! I dont think I could l get the nerve to sleep (with both eyes closed), IN A TENT, near a riverbed that has animals with teeth bigger than mine.

Too cool!


And your pics are awesome. I am sure your adventures would be book material.


(Oh....and the honesty of your icecream/chocolate bar/cool mint intake was humbling.) I really felt the difficulty you have with them just by how easily you came by it.)

Hope you can get that under control and somehow just enjoy one bar once in a while.


Take care
 
Hi Again flume. Where is your diary thread, i was going to write on it but i couldn't find it. I could probably cope with one regular :)


No i am sure you are not creepy. thanks for liking my pictures. I don't sleep where the crocs could find me. Don't worry.


btw i am 48 now. I was 44 when i first came up with that name on another forum. I see we are of similar age.


I've just popped back now to update my food log. My father gave me a dessert which had a ton of cream on it. And yes i enjoyed it all. Its too early to get really strict.
 
"Hi Again flume. Where is your diary thread, i was going to write on it but i couldn't find it. I could probably cope with one regular :) "



Nope....didn't start a new one yet. YET. I'm getting motivated...put it that way. I find it much more enjoyable to read of others success right now. Not even the actual success at losing weight...but just the excitement and the focus people like yourself are submitting in your daily journal.



I had a couple of journals....one that I was 100 percent commited. Then I had a train wreck...and happiness went into a tailspin. So after some time, I thought I was ready to try again....but I couldnt focus....my Mom was ill...and I had some ghosts that kept bothering me. And of course....there is comfort in food. So I gained almost what I lost.



Once my jealousy gets the best of me, and I am envious at how well everyone else is doing...I will share my steps. But right now, I just don't want to fail again.



"No i am sure you are not creepy."

Whew!....finding good character references would be sketchy! lol <just kiddin>


"btw i am 48 now. I was 44 when i first came up with that name on another forum. I see we are of similar age. "



Yes...I just turned 48 a month ago. Cheers!


"I've just popped back now to update my food log. My father gave me a dessert which had a ton of cream on it. And yes i enjoyed it all. Its too early to get really strict."



Sounds rich! Yum! Mooderation is the key....enjoy a small piece for me :)
 
Sunday 10 June


I went to bed at about 5am today. Or was it 7am. It was light anyway. I hope this doesn't become a habit. It's a hard pattern to break out of. So now i didn't get up until 1.30


Bruh... lunch 1.30:

leftover cauliflower cheese

coffee

water... I know i wont remember to add in all my glasses so i am not sure why i am posting this


Ah ok Flume. I know what you mean about not being ready. You have to find your own time. :smile:


So now its 1.22am and i have bad eating to report.


I went to town to see a movie and then on to my meditation session as planned. The movie was wonderful. The most exotic Marigold Hotel. Its particularly special for becuase i've spent a fair bit of time travelling in india.


Anyway on my way down, knowing i wouldnt' have time for dinner between the sessions, stopped off at a supermarket and bought some junkfood. Three bags of chocolate/peanuts/sultanas/sugar/buttercaramel stuff. Probably totalling about 600g. I ate it all by the time i got home at about 9.30pm


Oh and on the way home, when i stopped to buy milk, i bought an iced coffee 600ml. I guess i was thirsty. I hate to buy water.


Since i've been home, i've only had one coffee w milk. I'll probalby eat something else before i go to sleep which wont' be for a few hours yet i guess, given how late i went to bed last night.
 
Monday 11 June


Breakfast 10.30am: At least i got up at a more respectable hour than yesterday

rockmelon

coffee w milk

glass of water


Lunch 1.30pm:

2 whole grain toast with melted cheese and cooked cherry tomatoes, mushrooms and parsley in olive oil.

A small handful of lettuce leaves

glass of water


I still haven't moved much. I've been watching mabo on iview which i missed last night due to meditation.

Re meditation i'm going to start trying to practice letting go of my negative thoughts more assiduously.


Dinner: 6.30

The same sausage vegie chickpea stewy thing i had the other night w rice.

A few more lettuce leaves

coffee w milk


I managed a tiny bit of gardening.


8pm:

a grapefruit. Yummy


I'm so glad to be eating proper food again. I feel my motivation growing doing this food diary. Just now i thought i might start walking again soon. Last time i started out by going for a long walk every second day. I think maybe i should start doing that again too. I am not hideously unfit (I think) and although i know i will feel a bit sore the first few times, especially in my feet, i think will start with either a 5km or 8km walk as before. Ultimately i want to turn that into 10km running. I have a planned cycling trip in September so it would be a lot easier for me if i weighed less and was a bit fit to start off with. I have done it before from scratch and fat but it is better to start of being slim and fittish. So i think i am going to use that to motivate me.
 
Tuesday 12 July

76.6kg Well what i'm eating seems to be the right amount to keep my weight stable in my inactive state.


11.30 Breakfast

a green apple

2 cups of coffee w milk

glass of water


Its not that i am trying to eat nothing or not much for breakfast. Its just that i don't feel like food yet.


I've been out to wash my car and water some plants.


1.30 Lunch

2 slices wholegrain toast with uncooked cherry tomatos 2 mushrooms and 2 slices cheese toasted. So today i didn't cook the vegies in vegetable and i have to admit it didn't taste any less good and although olive oil is good for you, i've shaved off a few calories there.


More coffee w milk


5pm: Dinner

100g spaghetti and 1/2 can of tomato and meatballs.

some lettuce


I've just got back from a short walk on the beach with dad and dog.


7pm; cocoa with milk and sugar.


I didn't go to sleep until 2am. (its not the morning after).

Before that i ate 4 weetbix with a cup of milk and about 1tsp heaped sugar


2 pieces plain wholegrain bread


1 more cocoa w milk and sugar


All because i ate dinner too early and then stayed up too late, i think.
 
Wednesday 13 June


I feel my depression has now gone. I am probably still not about to start getting really energetic (but that's jsut because i am lazy) but i have ideas flooding in, i feel positive and optimistic and feel i can carry out these ideas. One is about starting another oil painting course which won't start til next semester. I've been wanting to restart my painting since last year but haven't been able to get to it. I'm doing the course even though i don't really need to just because i might learn something and its being sociable and it might make it easier to get started and commit to it.


Another idea is a project i've been trying to get going for a couple of months now. Its a meditation centre for my town. Its a big big project. Lately i've been wondering whether i have the energy to commit to it. But this morning at about 5am i woke up and couldn't go back to sleep again for thinking about a new twist in the program. Its lifting my feelings up a lot right now.


I think it all began about two weeks ago when i decided to visit my doctor. I think that helped. (It always helps.) Actually i think it began before that when i decided i should take a multivitamin pill because my diet has been so bad lately and i was worrying that i might even be getting short on some and therefore my depression might linger and deepen. So i've been taking those pills for maybe a bit over two weeks now. I can't be certain that they have made the difference but its possible they've been significant.


Also i after my doctors visit, when i started this diary in fact, i've been making an effort to eat better and start out again on losing some of this added weight. So i am not longer wishing my life would end. ( I still don't mind if it were to happen but i am not wishing for it right now.)


Breakfast 8.30am:

Cup of cocoa made with half milk and 1/2 tsp of sugar (its my usual amount)

Earlier i had a coffee w milk


I've tried to go back to bed since waking up at about 5am but have given up. I will be tired today from insufficient sleep. Bed last night at 2am. Today i am going to make phone calls and try to do a few things in the garden. It would be good if i could do a bit of shopping too.


Days food log continued

I had to go back to bed in the end. I wanted to do things but couldn't summon the wherewithal. My mood is great but if you lack sleep, there's nothing much to be done. I woke up at 2pm


Lunch 2.30:

2 whole grain toast with raw cherry tomatos, and some cheese grilled. No butter or extra oil.

Coffee w milk, probably 2 or 3.


My weight is still way up. its 77kg this evening. Oh well i know it bounces around massively according to water holding so i'm no going to worry. Stabilising the diet is the main thing right now.


I went for a short and very nice walk with dad and dog on the beach. I met a new person down there. Most of the afternoon i spent phoning people about my meditation centre project. I feel really good. I seem to have made a very sudden recovery. Its odd but i'm not complaining.


6.30pm

100g spaghetti with the same meatballs from a can i had last night. I also fried up a big onion in olive oil and added half of it to the meatballs. (I will have the rest on my cheese toast tomorrow.)


Tonight i'm going to do some work on my project as well.
 
"I feel my depression has now gone."


Excellent! Your losing weight and you losing your depression! Who could ask for anything more!! :)


I'm sure it will take you a while to get back to your 100%...but isn't it cool to actually feel better??!! Very good to hear!
 
Actually i don't think i have lost any weight yet but i am starting to eat better which is very good!. Thanks for reading flume. :smile:


You can read my post in the On Topic folder in General where i go into more detail about my vitamins and how i think it may have helped. It might help you too?
 
Vitamins? Hmmmm....Ok...I'll make you a deal. You drink more water and I'll look into the vitamins :)


Yes...I think you are right...but I am too stubborn to admit they will do me good.


I'll go read your thread there. Thanks for the nudge :)
 
Flumes, I don't think vitamins are necessary for anyone who's eating plenty of vegies and other nutritious foods. I think if someone is not feeling very perky and their diet is bad, it might be a good idea. If you try it, keep a bit of a note of your starting date and your mood so see if things change. I recognised changes in my mood each time i decided to do something. Today i am feeling remarkably vital.


I haven't done a lot of physical work in the end today, but.., see above for more detail if interested.


Oh and i am being deliberate about drinking more water. I have had a few glasses.
 
Its 12.40am. I am going to bed now with a new book. I will be far away from the kitchen so i shouldn't get an urge to anything else before going to sleep even though it might not be until 2am that i can fall asleep tonight.


I still can't believe how much better my mood is. Sorry for going on about it.
 
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