Project Rox

Warning: This entry contains some details of my VERY KINKY and DEVIANT SEXUAL ADVENTURES. Only read it if you have a very open mind. Thank you for your attention.


So- as I indicated previously, lots has happened over the past few months.

Remember the very adorable Nick that I wrote about back in May? Well- we are completely in love! We're crazy about each other and lately have been seeing each other nearly every day. We're into swinging and have crazy sex all the time. Example: on Friday night we were at a new swingers' club and had sex with another couple and a single guy that I had picked up (33 years old and SO cute!) .


While we love the kinky sex scene, we're perfectly happy at home just on our own. We're SO happy together.


And remember the sexy viking? We're still friends and he gets together with Nick and me for nice evenings of threesome fun.


JL is also still a good friend and also always up for a threesome with Nick and me.


BUT there is a HUGE problem: just when Nick and I met, his girlfriend got pregnant:willy_nilly:.


He's 40, has never had a child and definitely wants his baby.....and he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend because of that.

It's all very messed up...


In my defense, I have to disclose that I did NOT lure Nick away from her, or anything of the sort. When we met, he'd been in the Lifestyle (swinger scene) for eight months already. So, he was already sexually straying from his girlfriend of eight years... I didn't even know he HAD a girlfriend at first. And even after, I didn't think it was so bad. I wouldn't want a married guy, but a boyfriend seems like fair game, if he's already out in the marketplace hunting around...


I really don't see how this can go anywhere good. But I'm too in love and too blissfully happy to be wise.
 
a roxy! its great u feel so much inlove!things seem to be a bit comlicated at this moment,i am sure sooner or later they will be more clear.

the only thing that is really serious is the baby,i think its not fair for him to keep such a huge secret from her now that a child is going to be born ,i cant imagine what her reaction would be,it just seems so unfair though.since he is in love with you he could come clean and be a dad for his kid.

you must feel really stressed about this,but you are managing really well


stay here and you will feel better 2 cope with maintainig.i know the feeling u r getting like its not real.its rare for someone to be ''good'' while social,its usually the opposite,thats great,to be with friends have fun and be 'good'


let me ask,why only 1400 cals to maintaine?How much did u eat while dieting?
 
Thanks, Jasper! I hope things do eventually become less murky- but for the moment, I'm hanging in there.


As for Nick and the upcoming baby... you're probably right- but I think he doesn't want to face it. I know he's always dreamed of being a real "hands-on" father and not absent all the time like his own dad was. He probably can't face the idea of his gf moving out and him not being a daily part of the child's life.

And I just feel that I can't get too mixed up in the issue. I'm 46 and already have four children! It would be very hard for me to give N. a baby of his own...and frankly, I'm just not at that place in my life any longer. I'm more into sex, passion and freedom...


So- it is what it is, for the time being...


As for my "odd" eating style- it makes sense when you remember that I was (am?) a binge eater and binge eating is a solo sport. So, I do much better when I'm around people all the time.


As for your final question- I was losing weight on 800 to 1200 calories per day. People have said that it wasn't healthy to eat so little, but it was the only thing that worked for me.


Now that my weight hovers at 140, though, my calorie needs are much lower than they were when I weighed 221lbs. I think my metabolism was never very fast and now that I'm 46 and of a normal weight, I just can't eat much without gaining:willy_nilly: SO unfair!!!!!
 
I can't resist posting these before and after shots.

I just came across this photo from May 2008. OMG! I knew I looked bad and I was right! No wonder I never wanted to be in pictures back then....

The second one was taken two weeks ago

I'm much more willing to be photographed now:coolgleama:
 
Originally Posted by Flumes


Wow Rox.



Amazing transformation!
Click to expand...


Thanks so much!

I'm so much happier now with myself. Managing to turn myself around that way really has given me new confidence
 
AI was so happy reading about how totally in love with Nick you are, then my heart sank when I heard about the baby. That is really shit. You don't seem to be overly upset about it though. Maybe its easier to take things like that in your stride when you are a wild uninhibited sex goddess :) I can't wait till I am in love again, just the thought of it makes me feel loved up :D

You don't need me to tell you how sexy you look :D

Are you still with that bastard husband of yours? x
 
Hi Ruthie! Thanks for coming over to visit! I'm so glad you're feeling better!


Yes, I'm still with the bastard.

First of all, our kids are are being held as economic hostages. He'll definitely quit his job if I leave him, and take an early retirement. He'd go from making 13,000 swiss francs per month to about 4000. He's completely mad, so I know he'll do it- even if it means that our eldest can't go off to art school next year. Prices here are so high, that once he's paying rent for an appartment, there will hardly be much left out of 4000 swiss. Certainly not enought to pay much child support. And no job I can get will be able to come close to what he makes. I'll be lucky to get 2000 per month.... Maybe it sounds like lots of money to some, but we live near Geneva, Switzerland and the cost of living around here is very, very high. In fact, Geneva is the fifth most expensive city in the world!!! so, I'm not being overly dramatic when I say that money is a concern...


Also- he's threatening me. He got violent the last time I tried to talk to him about divorce. He didn't hit me, but there was grabbing and pushing. And even he told me he'd burn the house down.

Even worse- there was a case near us recently of a separated dad who burned down his house with him and his two daughters in it. They all died. The older girl was a classmate of my son. When my kids mentioned this horrible story at the dinner table, the bastard said " See? That's what happens when people get divorced". I don't think he'd really hurt our kids. But I definitely think he's willing to hurt me....


I feel pretty defenseless. Nobody is going to protect me and the kids from him. It's up to me to protect my kids and the best I can do right now is appease him. As long as I'm sweet, he's perfectly "normal".


As you can imagine, this is horrible and stressful. What makes it bearable is that I have the love of my kids. They are so precious to me!


Another thing that gets me through is my relationship with Nick. He's so wonderful. I feel that so many things would be different right now if his gf wasn't pregnant. Frankly, I'd probably already have left the bastard husband. But Nick is pretty much trapped where he is for the moment and my situation is too hard to face head-on on my own. I wish things were different , but they aren't.

Actually, I'm so crazy about him that I don't let any of it bother me too much. Maybe it's crazy. I'm sure it is. My brain is no doubt completely drowned in hormones, pheremones and whathaveyou....


I'm a bit sad right now because Nick is away on a business trip this week. (He just now sent me an sms from the airport in Casablanca, though
smile.gif
) I'd been looking forward to this week, because the bastard is away on business in the south of France. So, I'd counted on spending extra time with Nick. But instead I'm on my own. Well- not really on my own...if I wanted to, there's lots of "friends with benefits" that I could see. But I've really gone off seeing other men, unless Nick is there to participate!


That reminds me- last Friday night was SO much fun. Nick and I went to a club and met up with a really cute Brazial guy that I know. And Brazilian guy brought along Pablo- an even cuter Brazilian guy. To sum it up in clear terms: I spent a couple of hours having crazy sex with my darling Nick and two really hot young guys (who are both really sweet!) Awesome!


And on Thursday, we were at another couple's house, along with a guy that Nick knows. Nick's pal turned out to be a really sweet 25 year old Senegalais guy. Over six feet tall and very well proportioned, if you take my meaning. He was lots of fun and really fancied me! So did the husband of the couple, but he really wasn't my type. Too old, with a really tiny you-know-what. Not good! But I had Nick and Kalif to keep me happy....


I really wish for you to find love again, Ruthie!! Someone who makes you completely crazy and passionate! But I hope your situation will be different to mine- that it will be uncomplicated and you'll be able to really be together and live happily ever after!!!!
 
I haven't posted to my diary since December- but that's NOT because I've gained weight! (Thank goodness!!!!) Maintaining is brutal work, but I'm managing. It took me about nine months to lose 82 lbs. And at this point, I've kept the weight off for over a year...nearly 14 months. I know that I can NEVER lose my focus and will have to be vigilant all my life.

It's not fair, maybe, but that's how it is.


The stress in my life makes it super-challenging. I'm still with my crazy "husband"- at least for the time being. Sometimes I would love to retreat to the shelter of eating and reading. Gorging on tasty food while reading novels was always my go-to for forgetting my troubles. (And it really worked great, FYI. Too bad it made me so damn fat!)

But I don't have that comfort any longer. I exercise a few days a week, but maybe I'm a mutant, because I don't get any stress-release from it. It's just what I do to keep looking good. It is nowhere hear as emotionally comforting as eating and reading used to be.

But that isn't me any more. I won't let it be.

I know that if I regain the weight, it will really be the end for me. My self-esteem will plummet and I'll lose my ability to deal with the huge challenges looming in my life. I have to keep strong and confident!


I'm still with my beloved Nick, of course.


And my sex life is still super-kinky, of course:coolgleama:!


Anyway- I'm still here and still fighting the good fight!

I am never going to give up.

Ever!
 
My kinky girl!

Oh how I have missed the deliciously deviant posts you post! :p


Sorry about your prick of a husband. Can't believe he's doing this to you. How do you see this ever ending, though? When the kids are grown up and able to take care of themselves? Wont you get half of what he has in the divorce and that could tide you over? Know it's an impossible situation and I know you're still seeing other men but emotionally it's got to be so draining :( thinking of you and wishing you all the luck in the world, Roxypants <3
 
Thanks for the very kind words of support, Hana. You're such a darling.


I am indeed under a lot of stress, but I have to let things be for the moment. Due to major stupidity on my part, I've lost my driving license until July!! i'm such an idot!!! at any rate, I really can't take action until I get that sorted out. Also, I'd like my eldest to get into the art school she wants to attend in the fall. And my son is thinking of going to a boarding school to study cinema (he's 16) I'd love to get them both into their respective schools in other towns. Then my husband will be obliged to keep paying for it all. He's a jerk, but I don't think he'd make the kids drop out of school just to make me miserable. I don't think, anyway. He's kind of crazy... At any rate, at least that would just leave the twins at home. And if we lose the house, it will be much easier to find a two bedroom apartment for the girls and I than it would be to find a place for myself and four children! So, that's my thinking there.


Things with Nick and I are going really well. We're completely in love and so happy together. He's trying to find a second apartment to rent for us!!!! I couldn't live there (yet!) but it would be a place for us to be together when we're free. He has his own business and works from home a lot, so he could use the place as a second office (his business is based in an office in Geneva), rather than staying at home. None of this is ideal, of course. But we're both really constrained by circumstances.


As for my deviant tendencies....I've been having lots of fun. On Saturday night, Nick and I met up with one of my old "boyfriends"(we'll call him "J") and his newest girlfriend. She has never been in the lifestyle, but he'd been talking to her and she was interested. So- we got together for a drink at J's place. She really like the both of us and we found her really, really nice- she's a lovely Dutch girl. we ended up all ...being extremely friendly. For about three hours. Then we all went to a swinger's club. And there Nick and i hooked up with a very hot couple we'd seen before, but never really talked to. The girl was gorgeous- looked just like Beyoncé!!! And she really fancied me!!! And the rest is....well- WAY too hot to go into here!!!!!


Now, for a complete change of subject- I've been eating about 1000 calories a day for the last two weeks. And I've been exercising on most days, despite being kind of sick with a bad cold for the last two weeks. Despite all that, I've only lost about .2 kg, according to my scale:cry:

BUT, my pants are SO big now!!! The jeans I wore yesterday were literally falling off me. And my "skinny" pants I have on today are quite loose!! So, I've definitely lost inches!! I'd love to see the scale move more, but I guess that's not meant to be for the moment. But at least I feel that I'm looking pretty hot!
 
1000 calories, woman?! *stern look*


EAT MOARRRR!


Kinky things sound awesome. Wish there was more BDSM stuff going down in Portsmouth but unfortunately only found pervy old men and couples in their 70's. Not so hot.
 
Originally Posted by Sunflower


1000 calories, woman?! *stern look*



EAT MOARRRR!



Kinky things sound awesome. Wish there was more BDSM stuff going down in Portsmouth but unfortunately only found pervy old men and couples in their 70's. Not so hot.
Click to expand...


Well- it's kind of tricky. I've been maintaining on 1500 for the last six months!!!! So, about a month ago, I started cutting down, hoping to drop to a lower weight. But nothing was happening!! I got down to 1000 about two weeks ago and decided that I just couldn't go any lower. Too dreadful to face!!!

I'd try to eat more, but I don't think it will help, as my maintenance level seems to be 1500 or so.

So, I feel a bit stuck.

I guess I could excercise more, but it might be hard to fit in.

However, at least I'm enjoying the baggy pants look now:coolgleama:. I can hardly wait to buy smaller ones!


The BDSM scene in France and Switzerland is pretty hot, once you get into the right circles. Now Nick and I know the "right" people and get invited to amazing parties. There's not much of a club scene in Switzerland, though. I'm sorry that the place you live is so tame. I've heard there are good private clubs in London. Maybe you could make a special trip to go to one as a treat when you reach a mini-goal and are feeling hot! Kinky sex as weight-loss motivation, lol!!
 
I didn't weigh myself today. I'm just sticking to 1000 calories and hoping for the best.


I didn't excercise, either. I was too caught up in housework and preparing for my youngest girls' birthday. My twins turned 14 today! I can hardly believe it, as thay are my "babies", but it's true. I decorated the house a bit, made a chocolate cake and a special chicken lasagne for dinner. They are lovely girls and mean the world to me!


Also- I was supposed to see Nick this afternoon while the kids were at school, but he had too much work. So we won't see each other until Thursday night. It seems like too long to wait....
 
Wow Rox, I have seen many transformations in the forum, but yours certainly 'takes the cake' for excitement! Thanks for brightening up my week. I have now caught up with all of your diary! Hmmm.... hormones.....I remember them well! I love the photo of you in the mesh top. WOW! Keep up the interesting posts in your diary. Maybe the posts you lost were deemed too hot for the WLF site? It will be good when you get rid of that husband of yours. It must be awful to keep the pretence up. He sounds like a right bastard. Got to go. A car just pulled up in my drive. Cheers, Cate
 
Originally Posted by Sunflower


14! Oh my! Did you do anything fun? Bet their so proud of you for all your hard work xxx
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I'd gotten them some gifts- one got lots of books and the other a Sephora gift card. They are both gorgeous, but have very different interests! Then on Sunday, we went out to a chinese buffet to celebrate the event. I had a bit of a "cheat day" then , as I've been pretty severe with my eating these last weeks.

Actually, i'm getting a tad frustrated, as I'm trying to lose a bit more weight. i'd love to get down to 130 eventually. But i'm on a hellish plateau. I am SO good, but the scale doesn't move.

On the other hand, I am losing fractions of an inch at a very slow rate. Yesterday i tried on a pair of jean I'd bought about four months ago. I bought them without trying them on and when I got them home, I found them to be really too tight. I could get them on and zipped, but it was not pretty.


However, when I slipped them on yesterday and buttoned them....there was magically NO muffin top!! Hooray:hurray:!!

So, I'm trying not to get too down about the numbers...

For your amusement, here are the celebratory pics I took in my bathroom yesterday...
 
Foxy Roxy, you SO DON'T NEED TO LOSE ANY MORE WEIGHT! You look amazing just the way you are, and I would hate to see you turn into a skeleton! How would you have enough energy for all your sexathons eh? And I've heard that each orgasm burns 25 calories as well, so that's something to keep in mind :)


Your "Husband" does sound crazy. It really really shocked me when he said that things like the fire happen when people get divorced. I would like to say its all bluff, but you never really know, do you? I suggest that when you do leave him you don't give him any warning, just get the hell out of there and far away while he's on a business trip or something. I don't understand why he is so anti divorce... Why?


Sending you peace, love and happy xxxxx
 
you look fantastic!!!!I love your tummy.....did you do crunches?normal sit ups????WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!I Want a tummy like that pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


maybe the scales arent going down caue you are at a super healthy weight but with working out and healthy eating you will manage to keep looking this super!!!!!

ENVYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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