Marsia I have been in that situation too as I mentioned before . It's not pleasant and in fact I ended up distancing myself. I think I have been needy lots in the past and way overthink things. Tbh it made me to a degree become very introverted and guarded . But that is one aspect of my life I have let go in maybe the last year . The feeling of exclusion is horrible and Cate has gone through it recently too.
Hi Petal, I'm so happy you are sleeping well lately!
What you wrote really, really touched me. This is what my social anxiety is - it's needy and introverted and guarded all at once, and mostly it is about me abandoning myself to try to be who I am not. I have been trying to write to my friend about this, but it was in a confused way, and what you wrote really clarified things for me. I am so attracted to what spiritual people call love because I need to accept and embrace who I am by being compassionate toward myself, and that helps me be more compassionate and accepting of other people and how imperfect and hard to figure out we all are.
It has been helping me a lot to be more in my body - exercise (especially resistance exercise where I have to pay close attention to my muscles and how each one feels) especially helps to bring me back into my body where I can really physically feel what I psychologically feel about things. It's way easier to know what is good for me and what resonates when I feel my reactions that my body has to things - like I was trying to talk about the other day - do things feel heavy and a burden, or do they feel light and good for me? There is a Buddhist word for this - embodiment - and I never realized that it isn't just about trying to live from what is healthy, it is also feeling with your body what is good for you and what isn't. And I tend to do the same as you - way over think things which just makes me be in my head instead of my body. I think probably Cate experiences some of this with worry.
Also being stressed and tired makes it hard to feel how your body feels about things. And the body tends to hold in stress from old stressful situations, so I am starting to really see why exercise is so vitally important. Also I like breathing out the stress while feeling tense parts of my body and just purging all the old pent up emotional baggage.
Feeling excluded is so horrible. It triggers abandonment in me, and I am starting to explore how do I not abandon myself when I feel judged or excluded.
Maybe a theme this year is learning to be self centered, but in the good way - being centered on what makes you light and happy and energized. It seems like your book is really centered on that. May I ask the title? It's a really intriguing book - it seems like it is about living from an embodied place!
