Owl writes about things that make people blush

Hey...how you show affection to and label things are your business...I was just requesting clarification for all of our innocent ears... *puppydog eyes*

E.
 
I never said being dirty was a bad thing...

yes, it was golf balls, if I was kissing any other kind of balls I'm sure I would have posted better details, like size, texture, firmness and the like...
 
I never said being dirty was a bad thing...

yes, it was golf balls, if I was kissing any other kind of balls I'm sure I would have posted better details, like size, texture, firmness and the like...

What about color? Personally, I'd like to know the shade and tint of said balls. Like, were they a muted tone? Shiny, possibly reflective? These are things I need to know.
 
ok seriously when you said you kissed your balls I almost peed in my pants!

Hopefully you were reading that at home!

Okay, I've noticed that lots of people write their food intake in their diaries for accountability and I think I will too.

Breakfast:
Coffee: 16 oz (5 cal)
Creamer: 2 servings (51 cal)

Snack:
Twix fun size: 2 (160 cal)

Lunch:
Healthy Request Soup: 1 serving (140)
Panera Bread Asiago Cheese bagle: 1/2 (175)

Dinner: (planned)
Nasty Lean Cuisine Panini: 1 serving (330)
Edamame: 1 serving: (75)

Snack: (planned)
Whole tomato w/ salt/pepper/fresh basil (40)
Amstel Light beer: 2 bottles (190)

So far w/plan: 1166. I'm aiming for 1800, so expect to see some changes.

more later, must switch desks to cover for someones lunch...
 
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What about color? Personally, I'd like to know the shade and tint of said balls. Like, were they a muted tone? Shiny, possibly reflective? These are things I need to know.

The golf balls are florescent pink and shiney...you were talking about the golf balls right?
 
The golf balls are florescent pink and shiney...you were talking about the golf balls right?

That's kind of what my balls look like, really. Well, mine also have some mossy looking green spots on them and an occasional scratch here and there. But, I use mine quite frequently, so I guess some wear and tear should be expected, you know? It doesn't help that I can't swing my stick very well. Sure, I get lots of practice in my spare time, but every time I get a partner to play with (you know, when it actually counts) and I try and get my balls in the hole, they usually just end up in the rough patches. Whoever I'm with at the time usually gets annoyed with my terrible game and ends up walking out. But, on the bright side, that just leaves me with more time to putz around my putter.

...

...

Oh, wait...you were talking about golf balls?

:leaving:
 
You play with pink balls? :eek2: Amateur... *j/k*

On our tundra course you have to, or you never find your balls. Imagine deep loamy mossy tundra, that swallows balls like a woman I once saw on xxx-tube...never mind, you probably never watched that video...at any rate, they sink into the tundra and if you don't have something bright you look for your balls all day long and waste time.

That's kind of what my balls look like, really. Well, mine also have some mossy looking green spots on them and an occasional scratch here and there. But, I use mine quite frequently, so I guess some wear and tear should be expected, you know? It doesn't help that I can't swing my stick very well. Sure, I get lots of practice in my spare time, but every time I get a partner to play with (you know, when it actually counts) and I try and get my balls in the hole, they usually just end up in the rough patches. Whoever I'm with at the time usually gets annoyed with my terrible game and ends up walking out. But, on the bright side, that just leaves me with more time to putz around my putter.

...

...

Oh, wait...you were talking about golf balls?

:leaving:

BWAHAHAAAAAA!!! EEEEK! I think I just peed a little in my rough patch!
 
That damned trainer, who is quickly becoming annoying just called me to tell me he would be waiting for me at 5:30 at the gym "and be ready to feel pain." I guess I didn't show enough weakness last time we met...he feels the need to break me. I told him about my elbows and my arse but said, I'll be there and ready to fight. that give me an hour between getting off work and going to the gym to drink as many beers as possible, I'm joking, I'm joking...maybe.
 
That damned trainer, who is quickly becoming annoying just called me to tell me he would be waiting for me at 5:30 at the gym "and be ready to feel pain." I guess I didn't show enough weakness last time we met...he feels the need to break me. I told him about my elbows and my arse but said, I'll be there and ready to fight. that give me an hour between getting off work and going to the gym to drink as many beers as possible, I'm joking, I'm joking...maybe.


LOL, he really said that? "Be ready to feel some pain" oh he's going to make you work hard! Keep up the hard work owl, thanks for your support as well
 
Hopefully when he sees my elbows he decides to take it easy on me, or maybe he'll just decide not to work my arms so hard. Although, even bending and unbending them at this point is excruciating since they have some inflamation and serious bruising.
 
I get raped and mauled by an angry marsupial.

Yeeeeeah, that's how I want to die. If you'd like, you can be there to watch. Apparently, you'll probably be topless too, which will add to the awesomeness of my demise. But, just be sure to bring a camera. I want someone to take a picture as soon as the marsupial begins to have it's way with me. It'll be epic.

I want to attend too. but only to ensure that the marsupial officially stops raping you when you die, cause necrophelia is no laughing matter.

But, if its autumn, the chances of me being totally topless is little to none. In the autumn I wear pasties to keep the nips warm.

We'll get you the warm nipple equivalent of a fluffer. I will be there already anyways........

I should either stop posting about nekedness or post a real picture of myself neked so the forum knows how to visualize me correctly.

My vote is for option two, although unless you include the llama this may not work correctly.

Also, I'm very surprised we did not get into the fragrance of afore-mentioned balls. I mean, they could be spicy or fragrant. For instance I keep mine so deep in the bush so often that they pretty much smell like pine leaves round the clock.
 
Also, I'm very surprised we did not get into the fragrance of afore-mentioned balls. I mean, they could be spicy or fragrant. For instance I keep mine so deep in the bush so often that they pretty much smell like pine leaves round the clock.

*gouging eyes out*

I need a weekend from my weekend. Two days of golf really takes it outta me. My arm is sore, and one of my legs is sore...not sure why just one though. Our course is quite tough, on the side of a mountain, in tundra so thick we had to make special tees. We had water hazards, fog hazards, dog hazards, kid hazards, and drunk hazards (they tend to pass out in the middle of the game, where ever they want)...and no golf carts, it was all on foot. Day one we ended 8+, day two...we were so drunk we forgot to keep score so we made it up at the end. I managed to perfect my long drive, or, what we affectionatly now refer to as my drunk driving.

A funny thing happened as we were enjoying cheetos at the club house between the 4th and 5th holes on the second day. My son's uncle appeared out of no where. Freakin guys been missing since my son was 4 months old. Turns out he was in Texas.

Another funny thing happened when I weighed in this morning, I was up two lbs. Okay, not so much funny as it is depressing. But, I did drink myself silly and ate pizza this weekend so I'm the only one to blame here. Well, I could blame it on TOM bloat, but I doubt thats going to fly since its like, two weeks away. Maybe I start bloating up early...really early.

Thats my weekend update, more later...
 
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