Natasha's Diary: In it to win it...

nmartinez0531

New member
Today is Sunday, September 7th, 2008. I am really feeling frustrated, depressed, and all over down and icky about myself. I currently weigh 265 lbs. I want to have another baby, but am so out of shape that it isn't even possible. I am promising myself today that I am going to do this, I'm so tired of wearing these fat girl clothes that I've been wearing for far too long! I am going to start shopping for healthier foods to eat for myself and my family. I am going to make sure I am eating the right amount of the right foods, and I am going to make myself start to work out even if it kills me. I am 25 years old and am entirely too young to feel the way I feel, and I want another baby so bad that it hurts me to not be able to do this. I want my sexy back!!! Please god help give me the strength to make this the final time I set out on a plan to do this. Please let me actually get it done. I would like to lose a total of 120 lbs which would put me at 145 lbs. but to break that down, I would like to lose 40 lbs by March 7th, 2009, so I should weigh 215 lbs by this date, if I weigh less, that's great. That puts me at losing 6-7 lbs per month minimal. I am also going to ensure that I write in this journal every single day to hold myself accountable. I am looking forward to my new life and success for the very first time!!!

-- How much weight do you want to lose? 120 lbs

-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight? 1 ½ years or less.

-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)? Diet & Exercise

-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal? My family and my fertility doc will keep me on track also. My mother and cousin are also great support.

-- How realistic is your goal? Very realistic, I used to weigh less than that before.

-- When will you start? Started September 7, 2008

1. What is your current height and weight? 5’6 265 lbs
2. If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be? 145 lbs
3. At what weight would you like to be at four months from now? 215 lbs or less
4. Why do you want to lose weight? Feel sexier, Be healthier, have more babies =)
5. Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event? No. Just want to be healthier and have more babies.
6. What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals? PCOS- can be very hard on the body and weight loss.
7. Why do you think that you now have a weight problem? I overeat, am addicted to all the wrong foods, and am flat out unmotivated and don’t work out.(This will change)
8. What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight? No more junk food in the house or unhealthy food for that matter, being more active- swimming, walking, working out.
9. Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight? Yes, I did weight watchers, but counting calories and points is for the birds, I’d rather just eat healthy foods and watch portion sizes without having to count everything. (if at all possible)
10. Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back? My husband brought junk food back in the house (oh no!!!), and I got tired of counting calories/points, so I just said screw it.
11. What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work? Adkins diet, Southbeach diet, Cereal diet, liquid diet for starter, WW. They were too restrictive or too time consuming to just be able to figure out if you’re doing them right.
12. Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time? Done that, and have been keeping a journal previous to this- it’s not pretty.
13. Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook? Yes. Usually it was junk, whatever was fastest, pizza, hamburger helper, whatever was a meal in a box, or meat, potato or pasta, and a veggie. But I cleaned out the cupboards and gave that bad food to the food bank. I have bought good and healthier foods. =)
14. How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go? Well, I do a lot of Carl’s Jr., and occasionally subway. This is going to stop- well subway isn’t so bad if I get the right stuff.
15. What are your three favorite foods? Pasta- anything with pasta, pizza, Chinese foods
16. What are your three favorite restaurants? Panda Buffet (my biggest downfall), Corines Mexican Restaurant, The China Dragon
17. What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food? Pick healthier food options, eat more often, watch portion sizes.
18. If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different? Everything.
19. Do you eat when you are not hungry? Yep.
20. Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)? Yep.
21. Do you hide your food or eat in secret? Yep.
22. Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed? Oh yeah!
23. Do you eat as a reward? Yep.
24. Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer? Yep.
25. What do you normally eat for a meal? Meat with pasta or meat with potato and veggies, pizza, hamburger helper of some sort.
26. What type of snacks do you eat? Cookies, chips, lunch meat, just about anything I can get my hands on that’s completely bad for you.
27. In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing? Nothing.
28. Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home? Don’t do it.
29. What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise? None. But I would like swimming and walking.
30. What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals? I want to be sexy again, I want to be healthier, and I want more babies.
31. Do you have rewards for certain goals? Yes. I will buy me new clothes =)


9/7/2008: Here is what I ate today: 1 chocolate chunk oatmeal cookie, 1 6 inch tuna on wheat with vegetables, mayo, cheese, oil n vin., 3 inch chicken teriyaki with cheese n veggies, ½ apple, ½ roma tomato, handful of grapes, 1 apple sauce I swam for almost 2 hours and did 50 sit-ups and 15 pushups. Not too great, but not bad to start.

9/8/2008: Today’s meal plan is: 2 eggs with veggies with 1 oz of cheese and 2 Tbs of salsa, 1 orange, 3 pieces of broccoli, 1 carrot, 2 Tbs of eat right ranch, 1 3” chicken teri sandwich, ½ banana, teriyaki chicken with brown rice, Sobe life water

I think I did fairly good today on my diet, except for the rice crispy treat and pack of pb crackers which weren’t originally planned :toetap05: I think maybe I’ll try to find more filling snacks and choose which one I’ll eat according to how I’m feeling at the time. I walked about 40 minutes, from our house to the old middle school. I may also do the 50 sit ups and 20 pushups if I can find the strength. Overall, I feel more empowered, but I am also the kind of person who wants immediate gratification, I just keep telling myself, everything will be worth it and so I’ll keep pressing on. If I mess up, I’ll get back on track.

9/9/2008: Today’s meal plan is: cereal and banana for breakfast, apple and pb for snack, left over stir fry for lunch, fruit cocktail for snack, turkey burger with grilled veggies, banana

I didn’t work out today, I decided this would be my day off, Wednesdays are perfect since they’re in the middle of the week. I will work out again tomorrow through Friday and maybe I might take off either Sat or Sun, we’ll see how it all works out.

9/10/2008: Today I ate: oatmeal and banana for breakfast, grapes for am snack, chicken salad from carls for lunch, a salad and smart ones pizza, and a smart ones brownie alamode for dinner/dessert, I swam for about an hour and a half tonight which I think is great exercise, it feels great on my arms, and in many other places also. I will keep pressing on. I will keep on doing great.

9/11/2008: Today I ate: yogurt and banana for breakfast, broccoli and carrots with ranch for snack, a smart ones enchiladas and a salad and pears for lunch, and an orange for afternoon snack. For dinner however, it was alyssa’s b-day party and I had lasagna and cake and icecream- ouch!!! I did swim for about an hour though. I will do better tomorrow, that was one of those once in a while things. I feel like I got a pretty good work out from swimming tonight though, so I don’t feel so guilty. = )

9/12/2008: Today I ate: yogurt and banana for breakfast, grapes for snack, chicken salad from carl’s for lunch, chicken taco for dinner, low cal popsicle for snack.
I swam for 2 hours tonight. I’m doing pretty good I guess. I need to stay away from Carl’s though I think and just make my own salads at home.

9/13/2008: I weighed in this a.m. and OMG! I lost 13 lbs!!! That’s right 13. :willy_nilly: I must be doing something right. =). I am so pumped up. I also lost 1 inch off of my waist, and ½ inch in my arms, and ½ inch in my thighs. I am so happy!!! Now I know I can do this!!! :hurray:
Today I ate: 2 eggs with salsa for breakfast, a yogurt for snack, a lowfat chicken burrito on wheat tort for lunch, fruit cocktail for snack, lowfat green chili with blackbeans and wheat tortilla for dinner.
I guess I was in the mood for Mexican food today. =) I did pretty good, but I don’t think that the 2 tortillas eaten today were the greatest choices. :toetap05: I did swim for 1 ½ hours tonight, it feels so great. My bathing suit is starting to get loose on me, I almost lost the bottoms in the pool =). I think I may need a new one soon!!! I’m still doing great, and I’m not starving myself for once.
 
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Wow, a whole week in a single post! Natasha, your in th eright place, I see that you've also stopped in on some other peoples diaries. Good move, there are tons of nice people here to help out. Welcome in!
 
Hi friend...

Thanks cabbie. I appreciate the words of encouragement. I had been keeping a journal in word on my computer, so I just pasted it so I can keep myself accountable to everyone, not just me. Drop in every once in a while, and I'll be checking in on you. :waving:
 
hey thanks for the comment and encouragement! I think you're in the right place for support- Most, if not all, of my weight loss is directly related to this site and all of the great encouragement I've received here. All 30 pounds is thanks to having to check in every day and keep myself accountable. I know you'll do great!

Best of luck!

Annie
 
Thank you also Annie.

Thanks for your words of encouragement and for checking my diary post. Good luck and I'll be checking in with you from time to time! :seeya:

Natasha
 
9/14/2008 entry

9/14/2008: Today I ate: 1 bowl of shredded wheat cereal with ½ cup of milk for breakfast, grapes for snack, Tuna Sandwich made with light mayo and whole wheat grain bread, 2 chicken tacos, 1 smartones brownie alamode.

I think I did okay today. I probably could have done without the so brownie, but I was really craving something sweet and I guess it could have been alot worse... I didn't work out today, but I did grocery shop and reorganize my cupboards... That's alot of work in itself. I will work out tomorrow and won't eat as bad hopefully. :biggrinjester:
 
You've made the first step and that was when you decided to start losing weight. It looks like you have your plan all worked out for you. I hope your journey is a good one. You're on your way! You can do this!
 
Englangrover

Thank you for your warm welcome and your encouragement, it really means alot. And good luck to you also, it looks like you're doin this thing!!! You go girl!:party:
 
9/15/08 Diary entry...

Well today was a rough day at work... I swear that some people have to be paid to just be assholes!!! :banghead:Oh well, it sucks that he's the top dog of our facility though. Anyways, I'm about to head out the door to go swimming, but first I want to log what I ate today. So...
9/15/08: Today I ate: a yogurt and banana for breakfast, skipped am snack because of assholes overloading me, rigatoni for lunch with 1/4 lowfat cottage cheese, broccoli and carrots with eat right ranch for snack, and a whole wheat bagel with lowfat cream cheese, and 1 slice each of turkey and ham. Overall not too bad, especially for the kind of day that I had, emotions usually get me into trouble in the food area, but I'm not letting anyone get in the way of me and my goals. I wish I could have planned my meals better, I think the pasta and the bagel were probably too much for me, I should have replaced one or the other with a salad, but I did eat in normal portion sizes, so I should be okay. Well until next time... adios!!! :seeya:

Natasha
 
9/16/2008 Entry... uhoh

Well guys, I was really bad last night. When I went to the pool, they had an issue with the pool and had to refill it, I guess the cleaner backflowed and sucked alot of the water out. Well, I couldn't find anyone to walk with me, so I decided to go to my mom's house (worst thing to do) to see if she would want to walk with me. Oh no... instead, she said well I made some potatoes and milk gravy and liver and bbq chicken. At first I said no, but everyone else was eating, and I hadn't had milk gravy in a really long time.... so, it started, I had only a little bit of potatoes, a few spoons of milk gravy, one bite of bbq chicken, and 2 bites of liver... then I went home, and I was even worse, it was as if that was all it took to kick in muchie mode... I ate a bagel with cream cheese, a half a hot dog, a bowl of cereal, and an apple. :banghead: I was so disappointed in myself, but I was so sick this morning, I almost felt like I had the flu :puke: I will not do that again!!! So anyways, I did alot better today :)

9/16/08: Today I ate: yogurt and banana for brunch (I couldn't eat this morning), grapes, stirfry chicken with vegetables and rice, and a few more grapes. ( I know, not all that much, but sheesh I was sick...)
I walked a mile and a half today and did 50 crunches, I weighed myself this morning, and even though I messed up, I still lost another 4 lbs, that puts me at 17 lbs lost so for :sifone: I guess it's not as good as the last 2 weigh ins, but it's still pretty good. By the way, did anyone watch the biggest loser tonight? They kicked butt. I can't watch that show without crying :cry: It might seem silly, but I can totally feel their pain and relate, and sometimes I cry their tears of joy too... Kinda silly huh? Oh well. I will keep striving to improve myself and do better and better everyday.
 
Hey I know all about Mom's cooking. My mom does the same and then wonders why I don't visit as often as I used to. She is constantly cooking my favorite foods so I have STAY AWAY....:angelsad2: I missed the biggest loser but I'm the same way when it comes to being a crybaby when I watch it. And I'm with you about feeling their pain. We will all feel each others pain on this forum. I'm here with you girlie. You're on your way. Good job on the pounds you lost. You are doing great for yourself.
 
Englangrover

Hey I know all about Mom's cooking. My mom does the same and then wonders why I don't visit as often as I used to. She is constantly cooking my favorite foods so I have STAY AWAY....:angelsad2: I missed the biggest loser but I'm the same way when it comes to being a crybaby when I watch it. And I'm with you about feeling their pain. We will all feel each others pain on this forum. I'm here with you girlie. You're on your way. Good job on the pounds you lost. You are doing great for yourself.

Thank you girlie, I know I can do this, there is so much support and so many people here to inspire me, I just gotta take it one day at a time. And I'm glad I'm not the only cry baby when it comes to that show or just in general about my weight. People like you really make this site so much more supportive, so thank you! :hug2: And I'm here always...

Natasha
 
Seventeen lbs is a helluva start. You're doing great.

I get the whole cooking thing too. Sometimes it happens even closer to home... my wife is slowly coming over to my way of thinking about food.. but sometimes... I just wonder...

For instance... She set the crock pot up this morning with pot roast (complete with potatoes, gravy etc..) not exactly light food.

I was good though, I had a small portion of everything, and pushed myself away, then tracked it in fitday.
 
Thank you Cabbie

Seventeen lbs is a helluva start. You're doing great.

I get the whole cooking thing too. Sometimes it happens even closer to home... my wife is slowly coming over to my way of thinking about food.. but sometimes... I just wonder...

For instance... She set the crock pot up this morning with pot roast (complete with potatoes, gravy etc..) not exactly light food.

I was good though, I had a small portion of everything, and pushed myself away, then tracked it in fitday.

Yeah, I was kinda bummed that I did that, but I paid dearly for it this morning, so oh well, I guess kharma bit me in the ass... literally if you know what I mean :) Sorry, I'm just being honest. Yeah, I told my husband, no more junk food in the house, get it out of here, but he's already fit as you can see in our wedding photos, so it's harder for him to understand. Oh well, what can we do, just try our best I guess. I know, I'm so psyched about losing the 17 lbs, I'm almost half way (3 more lbs until I'm half way) to my first goal of 40 lbs. Well, good luck Cabbie, and thanks for dropping in.:seeya:
 
Hey Natasha!

Thanks for stopping by my journal the other day and the really kind words of encouragement. You are doing some amaaazing work yourself....17 pounds is incredible! Go you! So glad I can keep up with your progress from the beginning.

I LOVE watching the biggest loser! I t-voed it and watched it twice! haha! There's a thread going about it. http://weight-loss.fitness.com/weight-loss-media/24159-biggest-loser-families-4.html

Also, there's a Biggest Loser Club Challenge http://weight-loss.fitness.com/club-challenges/24207-biggest-loser-game-exercise-challenge.html where we do certain exercises everytime they make alliances, cry, backstab, whine....etc...It's fun! And about crying during the show....I was crying for like the whole thing. And then when I watched it the second time, I cried again! Don't feel silly! It's emotional to watch people changing thier lives and waking up to a hard reality that they are unhealthy. That's why I LOVE this show!


Well, glad you are here! See you around!
 
9/17/2008 entry...

Today was a hard day for me. My son has asthma really bad, and for the past few days it's been really flaring up. I hardly slept last night, I've been having to give him neb treatments every 4 hours back to back, and he still keeps having asthma attacks!!! It's so frustrating to not be able to help your baby... and I am so exhausted. On top of all that, the assholes where I work are talking about possibly letting me go if I don't get approved for FMLA since I'm not the one who's sick and it's my son... What the hell is that?!? He's my baby and my responsibility, he came from my body which makes him a part of me. Well, tomorrow will be day 3 of work I will have to miss because of this. I just told them that my son is more important than any job. He's my life, and a job is replaceable, he's not. They seriously have me mistaken if they think I'm going to just ditch him off on someone this sick just to make them happy.... Not gonna happen. I mean, I hope I don't lose my job because I really can't afford to, but neglecting my son is not an option. Especially right now as much as he needs me. I should have looked for another job a long time ago, I don't even know why I am even employed with them, they have the worst reputation and can hold on to most people for a max of 2 months!!! Well, just pray for me, that either I will be able to find another job quickly or that they don't let me go... which at this point, they've pissed me off so bac that I don't even care!!! Also, please, please, please pray for my baby boy, he's only 5 years old and is really having a rough battle right now with this asthma episode.:rant:
Okay... so....
9/17/2008: Today I ate: a yogurt and banana for breakfast, cantaloupe and pb crackers for a snack, left over teriyaki chicken with rice for lunch, oats n honey bar and fruited jello for snack, and for dinner I ate a baked potato with chili on it from wendys... Okay, not the best today, but not all that bad being that I was going off of maybe 2 hours of sleep and am completely stressed out, normally in these circumstances I would have easily eaten triple or maybe even quadruple that amount. I did not work out except for detail cleaning my house. I also might have to get rid of our dogs the doc says because it can make asthma worse. I really hope not. Well, enough of that for today... Until tomorrow:(
Natasha
 
Asthma sucks! I have it, both my kids have it. I've been there!!

I've had the situation too where we've had to monitor the nebs every four hours for days at a stretch...

Sucks that your job is not being supportive. That is one thing my place has always been good about.

Hope everything works out... We'll be thinking of you, and your son.
 
I'm sooo sorry about your son and the way your employers are acting about it. I really hope and pray that he is better very soon. Hang in there, this will all get better.
 
Asthma sucks! I have it, both my kids have it. I've been there!!

I've had the situation too where we've had to monitor the nebs every four hours for days at a stretch...

Sucks that your job is not being supportive. That is one thing my place has always been good about.

Hope everything works out... We'll be thinking of you, and your son.

Thanks Cabbie, I know, it does go on for days when it hits. As for my job, yeah, that's working in corrections for you, treat the inmates bad, treat employees worse!!! Ah well, all I can do is roll with the punches I guess. I just hope he snaps back soon from this one, this is the worst one he's had yet since we found out he's had asthma. It's scary!!! I've been at the docs almost every day and they're considering admitting him. I'll keep you posted. And again thanks for your support, it really means alot!:hug2:
Natasha
 
I'm sooo sorry about your son and the way your employers are acting about it. I really hope and pray that he is better very soon. Hang in there, this will all get better.

Thank you girlie for your support... It seems like everytime you post here and I see that smile, it's contagious and makes me want to smile. :p It's been rough, but god will get me through it, he's never let me down before. IT's just tough for awhile I know, but when it's your baby... you know...:waving:
Natasha
 
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