nataliejo's diary: Moving, flowing, grooving forward... change is coming...

Hey Heather, Sophie, and Buzz!
Well I had jumped off the proverbial wagon all month, have gained ten pounds back and am pissed at myself for letting it go, but I am not going to let myself gain the fifty back, no freaking way! So I am going to start going walking around nine am in the morning and walk for twenty at first, than thirty, and forty, than an hour... the previous were minutes.
I am going to try and get Derek to do it with me. He is a little pudgy and his stomach would come in if he walked like I was doing...so I may try to suade him into healthier habits and join me..
I need to be with someone who will help me on my weight loss project, u know. And he is willing to walk with me. But he is such a "woman" in the morning ...urgh ... lol
He is crazy witchy in the morning, but I think if he knows I will lose weight and be healthier than he will do it. He seems pretty good about it now. But walking to the stores down the street are not a walk, walking to the commons and going at a fast pace around and around and around the circle would be good, not to mention the swing set, which I always swing on when I am there... one time Derek was pushing me and I came under his face and he kissed me upside down...talk about romantic...

but anyway so things are looking up. Eating a little better than
I have in the past month... I was downing ice scream, talk about bad. before that I hadnt had ice scream for two years. I was doing good...but Derek has bought Vanilla, which is the one I wont eat, he just flavors it up so he makes a smoothie out of it. Which I dont care for ..

so thats what is going on now ..
I helped a friend of his move stuff in his house around and he can barely move... he is so overweight .. I realized than one of the reasons Derek would like to see a healthier me... he doesnt want me to create stress on my body in any way ...
He says he would just like to see me fit, but not thin... he likes my curves, but wishes I could be rid of the diabieties and what not ...so I am working on that again and my metabolic syndrome...working on that too ...

well talk to you later chicas

love yas
will check in tomorrow after my small walk ...
always
your friend
natalie jo

hugs***
 
Im back, gave up, but back!!

:seeya:I gave up peeps. I gained seven pounds back, but somehow it doesnt matter to me, because I know I can do this and am not going to give up. ITs been really tuff, dealing with my bfs love affairs with chocolate and ice scream...yea chowwed all that down ..

I have to cut this short, because a thunderstorm.

But I gave up and I shouldnt have, but maybe I needed to realize what it meant to reach the end. IT takes a shitload of work and I know I can do it ... I have been skipping out on the forum... holding myself accountable here

love you all
always
natalie jo :)
 
laureelee07 said:
YAY YOU'RE BACK!!!!!!!

i left for a month or so too =X...but now i'm back as well!!

good luck girl! keep this journal ALIVE!
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Thanks laureelee,
I am going to keep this journal alive. Its been dead in the water for a while. I am re-focused now and ready to go. Ate a real dinner last night with chicken, boneless and skinless, with spinach and two biscuits. The biscuits aren't the best, but I was eating much worse before.

Thanks for stopping in hun, I will return the favor...

thanks
love yas
natalie jo :seeya:
 
Ankebuzz said:
Ye, keep us posted, we've missed ya round here!
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Thanks Ankebuzz,
I think I may write in my diary just about everyday. I think I would hold myself more accountable that way and I am getting a scale for my boytoy's home, because I can't weigh myself for the challenges. I am joining the July challenge, even though I am late.

See you around hun
love yas
always
natalie jo :seeya:
 
Holding myself accountable! :)

Yes folks,
I am holding myself accountable. Its time to lose the next 57 pounds. Yeppeer!! I am ready to go ... yesterday I took a thirty minute walk in the middle of the day and in the morning took more like a ten minute walk. I am preparing my heart for the harder stuff to come. Eventually I will be walking up to the hospital and back, which will probably take an hour ... for me anyhow ..and its uphill ...it should work wonders for the stomach and legs and butt. I want my butt and stomach and legs to be smaller, but don't we all lol
But I am really re-focused and ready to go ...

I ate ok yesterday, but last night I binged. One thing was my boytoy's chocolate peanut butter reeces candy bar. Next time I am vowwing not to touch it lol ... I also ate some cashew butter, kind of like peanut butter, but no suger. Its actually very good for me. So thats all good and I had some raspberries and blueberries. So I guess the only mistake was the damn candybar. Dammit all! lol but I am not going to focus on that, I am going to focus on what I will do next time when faced with temptation.

Been drinking a lot of green tea ...because ...damn! Its tastes good!!
and I have been drinkingg Seltzer water... the signature seriers from Shaws tastes good, with no calories, no sugar and no fat...works for me ...

I am also drinking a little juice, cranberry mostly, mixxed in with Water, so no sugar highs. My eyes are doing better since cutting down on sugar and increasing the amount of protien I get and now I eat Rye Seeded bread, more fiber....

Well all is getting better. And I think I have probably lost a pound or two over the week. Ate much better this week. And actually moved my butt. Here is to this week!! :sifone:

anyway ttylater all
love yas
always
natalie jo :seeya:
 
Nat! I'm so glad to see you are back on the bandwagon! And with that positive attitude you are on your way to progress.

I have not been to the gym in a week and a bit! I have my gym bag ready today though. Here's to the both of us getting through this "adventurous" weight loss journey! We can doooooo it!
 
misty22 said:
Nat! I'm so glad to see you are back on the bandwagon! And with that positive attitude you are on your way to progress.

I have not been to the gym in a week and a bit! I have my gym bag ready today though. Here's to the both of us getting through this "adventurous" weight loss journey! We can doooooo it!
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Hey Misty!!
I am happy u have stuck it out hun. I have now gained 12 pounds back. I took a look at the scale.

But I did take a 22 very high powerred walk today, sweating my rear off, but happy!
and tomorrow I am doing forty minutes with Derek. Heat or no heat.. I am there. I can't stop this weight loss even in ninety degree weather and I have learned this the hard way ...

jump into your diary soon .. :)
love yas
always
natalie jo :)
 
I guess today is the day of realization. Today I listened to a nice gentlemen tell me and my bf on the bus, about his nephew who died yesterday of a sugar high... he had diabeties, just like me. and he ignored it. He thought he was invincible.... u know how we are when we are young ...

so ...
I have decided even more so than the last few days, I need to get myself in high gear!! I weighed myself today folks, and I was fing shocked. I weigh 272.4 pounds. What the? I would say to myself, but I know all too well what it was. I am involved with Derek and since being with Derek I have let my body and mind slide. I have let Derek, not by his choice, but by my desire to be with him in his presence...take up so much of my time, that I haven't made the time to work on the body, mind and soul. Sure I am in love, but I need to love myself and I have been so self deprecating of late, because I see my tummy getting much bigger, u know...

I so want to get out there with him and have him as a walking partner, but he doesn't want to walk fast and why should I ask him, really ... plus he is shorter than me and doesn't share the same stride. I just drag him along, literally, when I go walking ...

Its me who needs to lose the weight, and its me who will lose all the weight...
I thought about starting a new diary, but I am still in this diary because I know the title fits me so well! ITs time for me to get a groove on and walk this lifestyle change right into the deep walk of the heavens...

I need to exercise and eat right on a daily basis, no excuses for myself, except I have f'ed up and now its time to pick the pieces up and walk, pound the ground, jog, wog...do whatever it takes to reclaim my body.

I used to be ani_mia, I have been on meds that increased my appetite, the birth control made me go from a 180 pound girl to a 224 pound girl ...there are so many reasons I gained this weight, down to ...

I am a food addict... And I am now restarting to read my "Conquering your food addiction" book. I need to reclaim my mind and use mindfulness when weighing in what to eat, when to eat, how often, etc.

I know what I need to do and I am doing it ..
Today ... in the balmy heat ... it started to rain, but not cold rain, which sucked, but I did a very HIGH powered 22 minute walk. Had my heart beat going... not racing ...but going ...a beat higher than it does when I do nothing...

tomorrow I am walking for thirty to forty minutes, hopefully forty...

When it gets really hot ... I just have to remember what I told myself on days there were blizzards, "IF I am going to do this, I need to go all the way" I thought I was pretty hot walking during the winter ... I thought I was all good, but now... eighty and ninety degree weather has hit and a I have a new love, and I always put myself on the wayyy side when I am newly in love. But not anymore.

I will wake up earlier than Derek on the days I am with him. I am going to wake up at eight am and walk, walk like never before... I had lost fifty pounds.... now its not a even fifty ...now I have only lost ... 45 pounds....
according to the ticker less, but I started at 320 pounds ...

I have come a long way, but letting it go is the last thing one would want to do ... I am not fretting anymore ...because I know I can do this ..and am once again

Tonight was a new night for epiphanies and resolutions ...this is one that will stay at the top of my list ...

my goal : 170 pounds
current weight: 272.4 pounds
need to lose: 102.4 pounds

I can do this!
love you all
always and will report in tomorrow ....

natalie jo :cheers2:
 
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Awesome, love!!! I think that's a great idea! I myself just recently got back from vacation and got all out of the groove of things and I really need to get myself back on track. I ate out 2 meals a day basically every day.
But I know you can do this, girl!!
<3
Best of luck!!
 
Hey Natalie!

I've let emotional eating get the better of me the last while, and also need to get back on track. Also had a flu, so I'm a bit out of the exercise routine. Gotta get going again!
 
laureelee07 said:
You go girl!! ;)
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Thanks Laureelee!! I appreciate your kind words... all of your kind words... I so am happy to see people not have given up on me and are writing in my diary ...

I felt so lost not on this forum. I knew I was gaining weight the minute I began my relationship, I just didn't think it would be this bad, but I think there is a valid reason why I gained the weight. I misscarried a embryo the other day. I have been in pain for the past couple days, big time. I called the doctors and they told me to call tomorrow if I am in a lot of pain. And they would rush me in.... I didnt tell them the full story, but enough...

they are worried, but I think I will be fine ...

I wasn't ready for a baby, but someday I know I will make a great mother!
love yas
always
natalie jo :)
 
Lilyofthevalley said:
Awesome, love!!! I think that's a great idea! I myself just recently got back from vacation and got all out of the groove of things and I really need to get myself back on track. I ate out 2 meals a day basically every day.
But I know you can do this, girl!!
<3
Best of luck!!
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Oh my word! Thank you Lily!! and congrats on your loss so far, wowser! You go girl!! I appreciate your kind words. They hit home. I havent had a cheering section for a good two months. It feels good to be back and I have missed you all so much.

love yas
always
natalie jo :seeya:
 
Ankebuzz said:
Hey Natalie!

I've let emotional eating get the better of me the last while, and also need to get back on track. Also had a flu, so I'm a bit out of the exercise routine. Gotta get going again!
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Hey Ankebuzz!! Thanks so much! and I know what you mean about emo- eating... guilty here too!! I am kind of loopy since the Tom .... probably also why those cravings for sweets were so high. I am a chocolate lover during that time of the month. Ugh!!

We can do this hun!!!
love yas
always
natalie jo :seeya:
 
Hey peeps!!

Hey peeps, So today is the second real day to weight loss, to taking care of myself...

Tonight dear Derek has decided to help me out. Especially since he filled the freezer with all cold junk food. I wanted to take it all and stuff it in his mouth in front of Walmart and I was just spitting pissed...

I was just outraged. We are getting a padlock for the freezer. I am a food addict. I eat during sleeping hours. I am not fully awake. I just go to the freezer, pick up various junk and eat and stumble to bed afterwards. Not good!!
Last night I did get up, but did make an effort. I ate frozen blueberries, which I absolutely love frozen, plus they are more filling. So thus a healthy thing to eat, until I stop eating completely at night. But my stomach was not happy to have all that I usually eat, been having indigestion/acid. Because my stomach is large once again and I am used to eating all the time and now I am eating three meals a day, only half a sandwhich for lunch, a bowl of cereal for breakfast and a meal for dinner, not past nine pm. But tonight I will be eating past nine. Because I think Derek feels bad for buying the crap in the freezer, because I cried and talking with him heatingly and he had a sorry face ... So he is going to take a half hour speed walk with me tonight a nine pm. Stay on main streets... yes that is the plan and just walk like I am running from something otherwordly lol

Well I did have, unfortunately a misscarriage. I am kind of sad to it, the pain is very great in my abdomen, taking quite a bit of ibuprofen. My gyn and his nurse want me in the office tomorrow... I think I may go...it was just an embyo, but at least it wasnt more complicated. But the pain is hard to deal with. I had missed my period a month ago. And I did a douche. We are all women here, don't read on if you don't want to, but this kind of saddens me.
but I did the douche and sudden pain washed over my whole abdomen, it was hard to deal with and with in days it came out.
I can even pin point where the embryo was, because of the point where most of the pain was. Even though I know I am better off this way. I am lucky, because I am on ssdi because of mental illnesses, but I know one day when the time is right, I will make a wonderful mother to only one baby. I will risk a lot to have this one baby, but I will be happy to give all my love to my child. I only wish this had happened when I was and will be a school teacher and I was married. I think Derek is the one. I really think so. I would love to have his baby, someday... hmm ...
but for now, must focus on my health, and the health of our relationship.
school is a must and a degree, and masters are essential to my well being. The next three years will make or break me. And I know I will never give in, so they will make me!

happy to report, I am here to stay and will reach my goal.

Thank you all for your support!!
love you all!
always
natalie jo

plus bought scale and shows already a one pound loss exactly. Hope to be down one more pound by next Wed. Two pounds a week would be good. Four pounds a month would be heaven, which is usually what I lose..

later peeps, lovies
love yas
natalie jo :seeya:
 
Hey!

I've had a similar experience as your miscarriage. I really understand how it messes around with your body. You can heal now though. Well done on your first two days back! Just do it for 1 week again and get motivated by the results! You can do it!

Oh, I went to gym today :)
 
Ankebuzz said:
Hey!

I've had a similar experience as your miscarriage. I really understand how it messes around with your body. You can heal now though. Well done on your first two days back! Just do it for 1 week again and get motivated by the results! You can do it!

Oh, I went to gym today :)
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Thanks Ankebuzz! It is pretty painful...but I am going walking this morning with Derek... hmmm lol

Anyway... I weighed in at 269.2! Another pound bites the dust ..

and Congrats on going to the gym!!

love yas
always
natalie jo
 
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