nataliejo
New member
Misty, you are so right!
Thanks ...
I know I can do it too...
its just a matter of getting out there everyday and I know I can take that hour or so and devote my time to that ..
ttylater hun
love yas
natalie jo
nataliejo's diary: Moving, flowing, grooving forward... change is coming...
- Thread starter nataliejo
- Start date
Misty, you are so right!
Thanks ...
I know I can do it too...
its just a matter of getting out there everyday and I know I can take that hour or so and devote my time to that ..
ttylater hun
love yas
natalie jo
nataliejo
New member
So hey everyone,
I actually got out yesterday and did more than an hour walk. And I am now below 270 pounds ..yea!! I feel like a whole new person has taken over. A strong person. Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I will catch up with all your journals as well and give my support ..
love you all
always
your friend
natalie jo
I actually got out yesterday and did more than an hour walk. And I am now below 270 pounds ..yea!! I feel like a whole new person has taken over. A strong person. Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I will catch up with all your journals as well and give my support ..
love you all
always
your friend
natalie jo
L
Lilyofthevalley
Guest
WOW!! below 270?! Great job girl!! You're really doing great!
<3 Annie
<3 Annie
Hey Nataliejo,
It's Frankie here from wayyyy back, hope you remember me!
Congratulations on the wedding, how exciting!! I am so happy for you, and looking at your ticker progress you have done amazingly well, what an inspiration! Your power walks sound insane!!
Well, I am back and hope to hear from you as I continue my journey.
By the way, love the blue and white theme and the origami. We were never so creative!!
Take care,
Frankie
It's Frankie here from wayyyy back, hope you remember me!
Congratulations on the wedding, how exciting!! I am so happy for you, and looking at your ticker progress you have done amazingly well, what an inspiration! Your power walks sound insane!!
Well, I am back and hope to hear from you as I continue my journey.
By the way, love the blue and white theme and the origami. We were never so creative!!
Take care,
Frankie
Hey Nataliejo,
It's Frankie here from wayyyy back, hope you remember me!
Congratulations on the wedding, how exciting!! I am so happy for you, and looking at your ticker progress you have done amazingly well, what an inspiration! Your power walks sound insane!!
Well, I am back and hope to hear from you as I continue my journey.
By the way, love the blue and white theme and the origami. We were never so creative!!
Take care,
Frankie
It's Frankie here from wayyyy back, hope you remember me!
Congratulations on the wedding, how exciting!! I am so happy for you, and looking at your ticker progress you have done amazingly well, what an inspiration! Your power walks sound insane!!
Well, I am back and hope to hear from you as I continue my journey.
By the way, love the blue and white theme and the origami. We were never so creative!!
Take care,
Frankie
L
Lilyofthevalley
Guest
Hey Misty!
You are correct. My mother told me I need to do things even though my depression tells me not to ...well u know what I mean ...
and she is right and I know she is right. I will feel better if I just do, instead of ponder into a depressive episode, u know...
thanks hun
love yas
always
your friend
natalie jo
I have had difficulties with severe depression in the past, and I was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I used to get so involved with my emotions, really feel it when I was down, but my dad helped me find a way to make my emotions less important in my life. He took a zen approach, teaching me that emotions are just transient, just passing through our minds, that don't actually CHANGE the physical world, even though it may seem they do. Emotions are just perception, unimportant in the grand scheme of things, and he taught me the phrase "This too shall pass". Everything is impermanent, and you have to learn to appreciate the moment, and realize that everything will eventually change and pass.
Hang in there!<3 Annie
nataliejo
New member
Hello everyone,
I feel almost like I should start a new diary. This diary is in memorium of the old Natalie. A Natalie that I was loving, but one that was not strong enough. Strong enough for her own emotions. But I am feeling I need to continue in this diary. To finish what I have started. This summeer sucked. I mean it really did. I gained a total of thirteen pounds back. As of now I stand at 272.2 pounds. I am binging massive binges. I need my book. "Conquering your food addiction", because I have one. I use it to satiate. To numb myself. The rush, of eating something so tasty and yummy, while going through a depression. Today was horried. But tonight may be better. Come the morning , maybe I will be able to repirt I didnt eat last night, especially the stuff from the stocking, u know ...the dangerous stuff that you eat in the holidays. I was not outside today, but tomorrow I hope I get the nerve to walk to the commons and walk twice around, with two pound weight in each hand. Monday I go to my mom's and visit my little baby guinea pig, Dookie. Like before I am not able to have him in the apartment I moved into with Derek. Yes I am living with him, we are co tenants.. it feels good to be on my own. The stress level however is going through the roof. Derek things its the tension and how I am taking to the new place. Its so beautiful... I have cleaned it up. And now I am putting up New Years decorations and Spring decs and Valentines decs.
Derek and I are doing awesome!!
I just need to pull it together and in writing you now, after my long hault on the forum, I hope to be doing a major plus to taking back my life, by not eating when I shouldn't be and respecting my body more...
Well ttylater everyone ..
love you always
natalie jo
I feel almost like I should start a new diary. This diary is in memorium of the old Natalie. A Natalie that I was loving, but one that was not strong enough. Strong enough for her own emotions. But I am feeling I need to continue in this diary. To finish what I have started. This summeer sucked. I mean it really did. I gained a total of thirteen pounds back. As of now I stand at 272.2 pounds. I am binging massive binges. I need my book. "Conquering your food addiction", because I have one. I use it to satiate. To numb myself. The rush, of eating something so tasty and yummy, while going through a depression. Today was horried. But tonight may be better. Come the morning , maybe I will be able to repirt I didnt eat last night, especially the stuff from the stocking, u know ...the dangerous stuff that you eat in the holidays. I was not outside today, but tomorrow I hope I get the nerve to walk to the commons and walk twice around, with two pound weight in each hand. Monday I go to my mom's and visit my little baby guinea pig, Dookie. Like before I am not able to have him in the apartment I moved into with Derek. Yes I am living with him, we are co tenants.. it feels good to be on my own. The stress level however is going through the roof. Derek things its the tension and how I am taking to the new place. Its so beautiful... I have cleaned it up. And now I am putting up New Years decorations and Spring decs and Valentines decs.
Derek and I are doing awesome!!
I just need to pull it together and in writing you now, after my long hault on the forum, I hope to be doing a major plus to taking back my life, by not eating when I shouldn't be and respecting my body more...
Well ttylater everyone ..
love you always
natalie jo
Hi, Sweetie! Been a looooong time since I've stopped by your diary...and wasn't I surprised to see that you and your beloved are planning your Big Day! Wow, that is really something. It sounds like you have a true friend in him NJ - one who understands what it is like to live with bipolar, depression, and other issues that can have such a profound impact on your life. I read thru many pgs of this diary tonight, trying to catch up and see where you are at. The one feeling I get (besides your very deep love & affection for your beloved) is that you are very hard on yourself for your eating. You binge - and then get mad at yourself. And lo and behold - the madder you get, the more you binge. It is such a vicious, nasty cycle. NatalieJo, if I could give you one gift, it would be FOR YOU TO LOVE AND APPROVE OF YOURSELF. Not 30 lbs less than you are now, but RIGHT NOW. You are the only one who can set yourself free in this regard.
Well, I guess that's all from me for now. I am sending you a nice, big ((HUG)) all the way from cold, snowy Canada!
Have a wonderful New Year, my friend.
xo
Janice/ABBA
nataliejo
New member
I read thru many pgs of this diary tonight, trying to catch up and see where you are at. The one feeling I get (besides your very deep love & affection for your beloved) is that you are very hard on yourself for your eating. You binge - and then get mad at yourself. And lo and behold - the madder you get, the more you binge. It is such a vicious, nasty cycle. NatalieJo, if I could give you one gift, it would be FOR YOU TO LOVE AND APPROVE OF YOURSELF. Not 30 lbs less than you are now, but RIGHT NOW. You are the only one who can set yourself free in this regard.
Well, I guess that's all from me for now. I am sending you a nice, big ((HUG)) all the way from cold, snowy Canada!
Have a wonderful New Year, my friend.
xo
Janice/ABBA
Your right Janice. I just wish I could work on my self esteem, but I am starting to pull it together. This summer I looked down at the ground and was so frustrated with myself. This month is the first month I have been looking up when walking, but when a stranger, or many strangers approach or walk by,
I put my head down. I have not done this since high school. I am toooo hard on myself. I do love my body the way it is, but
I never give myself kudos for the weight already lost. I almost feel like I had given up on myself. Last night I ate all the junk food. Needless to say, we have none, therefore I can't eat any!
So I also took a suger pill, or metformin right before bed, I thought I could beat it, but it beat me up. I was eating all night, my fiance kept calling for me...
I do want to love myself and enjoy food, instead of being afraid of it. I eat too much, but I am going to go over what I have been doing, and not been doing and figure out the best plan of action...
thanks for stopping by
always
love
natalie jo
nextimethistime
New member
The holidays suck when you are trying to lose weight. But I hope you went out and took your walk. You know what they say about a journey of a thousand miles beginning with a single step. Happy New Year to ya and best wishes. I'm starting over for the zillionth time myself, but at least we're still starting over, right?
nataliejo
New member
Janice
Thanks Janice ((big hugs)) I can't seem to access the other smilies ..ugh ...but I wanted to give a hug back .. I needed it. I feel so alone. Trapped in this depression. I don't know what to say to my "hubby"... he asks me whats going on and I have my face down and cry. I have no clue whats going on, but I made two appts. One with my therapist and one with my pysch doctor. I need their help. I have a sun lamp which seems to help. But today was mild and the sun is shining through the window.. I WALKED!!
not fast, but I went outside and that was and is good ..
love you
always
natalie jo
nataliejo
New member
Your right ThisTime!
A single step. I will remember that quote. Everyone has such inspiring quotes. I remember one from Thoreau,
"I live my life to the core and rind"
if only I could say that of myself. I used to, but my depression has caught up with me finally. A new med change will be taking place, but I think most of it is seasonal depression, but Lily was right. Man ... I need a vacation from this depression ..lol but I walked today in the beautiful bright sun and felt it on my hands and head and face. Stared at the sun, closed my eyes and could see the orange in my lids ..just what I needed ..
always
natalie jo
nataliejo
New member
I have had difficulties with severe depression in the past, and I was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I used to get so involved with my emotions, really feel it when I was down, but my dad helped me find a way to make my emotions less important in my life. He took a zen approach, teaching me that emotions are just transient, just passing through our minds, that don't actually CHANGE the physical world, even though it may seem they do. Emotions are just perception, unimportant in the grand scheme of things, and he taught me the phrase "This too shall pass". Everything is impermanent, and you have to learn to appreciate the moment, and realize that everything will eventually change and pass.
<3 Annie
Thanks Lily,
This approach def would help me. Thank you for your personal input...
I will read this post to remember about the emotions .."this to shall pass"
thanks
love
natalie jo
Hi Sweetie
Good job on getting out there for your walk in the sunshine! You are wise to recognize the seasonal component of your depression - not to mention the fact that there is almost always a "post Christmas blues" that we are all prone to!
Take a deep breath and realize how many wonderful things there are in your life these days, starting with the fact that you can breathe/think/move. Then just look at your wonderful fella, who loves you so! And your loving family, pets, a cozy place to live...There are so many reasons to be thankful. It is one of the best ways I know to help me feel better.
Glad to know that you are seeing your docs and still on meds, looking into a change if needed. You are doing all right, girlfriend!
Janice
Good job on getting out there for your walk in the sunshine! You are wise to recognize the seasonal component of your depression - not to mention the fact that there is almost always a "post Christmas blues" that we are all prone to!
Take a deep breath and realize how many wonderful things there are in your life these days, starting with the fact that you can breathe/think/move. Then just look at your wonderful fella, who loves you so! And your loving family, pets, a cozy place to live...There are so many reasons to be thankful. It is one of the best ways I know to help me feel better.
Glad to know that you are seeing your docs and still on meds, looking into a change if needed. You are doing all right, girlfriend!
Janice
nataliejo
New member
Hi Sweetie
Good job on getting out there for your walk in the sunshine! You are wise to recognize the seasonal component of your depression - not to mention the fact that there is almost always a "post Christmas blues" that we are all prone to!
Take a deep breath and realize how many wonderful things there are in your life these days, starting with the fact that you can breathe/think/move. Then just look at your wonderful fella, who loves you so! And your loving family, pets, a cozy place to live...There are so many reasons to be thankful. It is one of the best ways I know to help me feel better.
Glad to know that you are seeing your docs and still on meds, looking into a change if needed. You are doing all right, girlfriend!
Janice
Hey Janice,
Thanks for writing. I think all of those are valid reasons for cherishing ones life. I love my pets, I love Derek. I hope I can learn to love myself. I did something rather funny tonight. I live in an apartment complex. Well I live on the second floor. Well as I was going to check the mail, I marched down the floor with two pound weight in each hand and marching down to long winding hall. People laughed and I laughed too. I love living here, I think this was a good night to venture into taking exercise with in the apt complex. We have three floors, I am going to take advantage of them. They are nothing like my old home area, or my back yard with the huge garden, but I am more social now and I think I shall enjoy living here. The adjustment is difficult, but maybe I can pull it off after all ..
love yas
always
natalie jo