My weight loss transformation (A work in progress)

Sunflower said:
You need to seek help, sweetheart. Addictions are damaging. The social life will come if you put more effort into getting out and doing stuff. Join a sports team! You've done so, so well. We are proud of you and here to support you x
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When I wasn't playing this game , (And I've been playing it off and on since I was 12, I'm now 23) I would sometimes go to the website of the game, and that's how I got back into it. It's so tempting to go back to that website when you aren't playing it, and get sucked back in. I want to be here for you guys, and the magic boards I attend to, but I don't want to be tempted to go back to the gaming website.I'm thinking about just selling my character off. Maybe I won't be tempted to go back then. I know I'll regret doing this, at least in the short term.
 
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OR



Have a look here, Spark. Maybe get some tips from people going through the same thing. Let us know if we can ever help out, and fuck the haters man. You look awesome.
 
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I was a computer addict for a long time.. networking, people, chats, and other deviancies.

The only thing that got me out of it was to basically do nothing on the computer and try to live in the real world. It doesn't always work, and it is much harder but on most levels it is more satisfying.

I do know though that the people I met online, the chat networks and support groups helped me through a very very dark time in my life when I had no friends at all, I don't know how I would have made it without them. So I'm not telling you what time it is in your life... I hear you though, once you get on the computer, it sucks you in and the only way I've found to cure that is to keep killing the things that draw you in (if they're bad) which is not very effective, or just not get on at all.

Regarding those mean posts, I hope you reported them... I mean, I posted pics because I wanted advice and some pervert wrote and asked for more with less cloths! ICK. Way to feel slimed over.. but the Admin took care of him.

You have done awesome weight wise and should never think otherwise. And don't take this wrong because I think people should know they look good but for me, there are parts of my body that are damn ugly and there are parts that are pretty, and I just have to accept that.

When it comes right down to it, everyone (except the few models of the world) has blemishes and things they dislike, and when you meet someone, you'll probably find they are more accepting then you think... I know from a girls experience too, that a guy doesn't have to be a model for me to fall in love with him... the body is important, but some model status guys I would never even look at cos of their rotten attitudes or the way they treat women like meat.

Don't loose hope it isn't all or nothing, its small steady steps in the right direction, leading to a much better end.
 
Thank you AngelWings.

This is hard for me to talk about but,
How do I get over this terrible fear of taking my shirt off?

When summer comes, I want to be proud of what I've accomplished, but I feel embarassed. I feel I don't look good still. I feel people are going to judge me, negatively, most of all.

I want to get a tan on more areas of my body except my arms and shoulders, but I am too afraid to take my shirt off riding my bicycle. I don't want to be judged by the loose skin. People might think it's fat or something. I could go to a tanning salon, but I'd still feel afraid to take my shirt off.
 
That was one of my biggest things--Wear a bathing suit. I felt like everyone would stare at me and judge me. Really, no one gives a shit. Honestly. I felt almost hard-done by, I was expecting some sort of negative reaction and just got treated like anyone else on the beach!
There will always be people who are thinner and more toned than you. But for every person like that, there is some poor sod that is bigger than you. You just have to try not giving a shit. Life is too short.

Like this!:
 
SparkErosion said:
Thank you AngelWings.

This is hard for me to talk about but,
How do I get over this terrible fear of taking my shirt off?

When summer comes, I want to be proud of what I've accomplished, but I feel embarassed. I feel I don't look good still. I feel people are going to judge me, negatively, most of all.

I want to get a tan on more areas of my body except my arms and shoulders, but I am too afraid to take my shirt off riding my bicycle. I don't want to be judged by the loose skin. People might think it's fat or something. I could go to a tanning salon, but I'd still feel afraid to take my shirt off.
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I've been following your story for a VERY long time spark and your an inspirational person. Granted I've still got an awful long way to go but I hope the members of this board can help you get your confidence back :).

I really understand your addiction to the games, heck i've been there done that and it is hard, it calls you to play it and you neglect other things for it but you will overcome it. Maybe you could try replacing the game with a less harmful activity?. I replaced my game for the most boring thing in the world ever and thats political research :p, Most people will probably think oh how boring, but i find it really interesting and you could probably keep yourself occupied with a different activity or hobby that you're interested in such as learning a foreign language for example?

I realise you have body image issues and no amount of me or anyone else saying you look amazing is going to cheer you up as you probably wouldnt believe us (even though we think you actually do! :p). However look at yourself now compared to how you looked previously and I think youll find a very positive change for the better.

I'm being honest with you and I sometimes kid myself, feel sick with myself, want to cry, and not go outside because my body isnt how it used to be before i put on the weight, I'm not the "cool" and "popular" guy anymore, heck I had a really good body before I piled on the pounds but I'm reminising over the past and I suspect your doing the same. This is not a bad thing as it shows just how far you have come and as awful as the side-effects of weight loss are im sure you wouldnt still want to be over-weight with all the possible health-complications.

We'll never have our old bodys back and yes it does suck but what's done is done and weve all got to move on with our lives and try and respect just who we are. I completely share your worries about taking your shirt off, it frightens me to death and your the same as I know ill never be able to compare to all these "studs" lmao but I have a few suggestions that could help.

You could perhaps just wear an open shirt so you still have some of your body showing but you are still covered up? (If your bothered about stretch marks, try applying some foundation (make-up) on them as they hide them pretty well). But just go for it dude, Your body isnt ugly, it isn't something to be frowned upon and 99% of people wouldnt care one little bit about it, and as for the other 1%.. well they can be shot into a skip as they aint worth the time as they are only jealous of your muscles :p.

I realise I've went on and on and on but I thought I'd give you some encouragement to not give up and keep pressing ahead!
 
Thanks Jabbed. Been trying to get more comfortable wearing a muscle shirt in public. It's difficult. But it may be helping.
Shirtless I can't do yet - I just can't. especially riding my bicycle where the loose skin sags. I know I shouldn't care but I don't want someone to look at it and think its ugly or fatty.Truth is most people wouldn't even notice or care. But, I've had these girls whistle at me before "Wooooooh" while driving past really loud. This was recently. But, when I was really fat, some girls drove by and called my friend and I "fatties!". I still think of that. Again this goes back to what Sunflower said, "Who gives a crap", well, I take it too personally. That's my problem.


I'm getting a hydrostatic dunk test (underwater weighing) for very accurate body fat test. Someone suggested I do it.

I'm going to flip out if the bodyfat is average...I worked too hard to get it good.

Its scheduled may 14th.
 
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I'd say the easiest way to overcome fear about how you look is to stop thinking about yourself so much. As an overweight person I found that I really obsessed about my body more then I should have, and I still go back and forth on that. The closer I get to a normal weight, the more I realize that people aren't looking, and I do look pretty damn hot but I'm still obsessing! I like to be proud of how I look, but too much obsessing makes me arrogant and no one likes that attitude.

Trouble is, I've been overweight since I was 15 and now I'm 23 thats 8 long years of seeing one image, and only 1 since I started loosing weight and looking different. Mental images last for a long time. Its a good exercise to take current photos, compare them and really make your brain understand what you look like today.. not a month or year ago.

That goes for how you talk about and perceive yourself around other people, it affects your confidence, who you talk to, how you talk. Its like loosing weight it doesn't go away overnight, but if you focus on improving this aspect of your mind instead of obsessing about how your body looks, I think you'll find alot of happiness in it.

Honestly, you have done amazing, and you do have some loose skin but I was actually surprised about how little you had because when you talked about it it made me think of the images I saw on Google of these people who looked like flying squirrels! When I saw your pictures it can be noticed, but not freakishly.

And you know, I like muscle shirts, but when I see any shirtless guy in public hot or not I feel Aaaakward... lol Unless its at the beach or pool :)
 
Spark, it might be frightening but I think once you've actually done it and noticed how little effect it has on people (your loose skin, if that's what you're worried) it might really help you get over it quicker. :) Facing your fear, in a way. I remember dreading getting undressed in women's part of the gym at first just 6 months ago. Now I don't dread it at all. We all have our jiggly bits and hanging bits and even the most athletic and skinniest of them have their flaws. I feared going to swimming too but now afterwards nothing to worry about. Just keep breaking your limits. You'll find that it was big only in your mind. :)

You are NOT fat. You look very good. Your stomach may have a bit of loose skin but erm, it doesn't look bad at all. Look at some celebrities who have a bit of loose skin on their bellies on bikini. Yours is not bad at all. And your arms and back look amazing.

Just keep repeating this to yourself: I'm not fat, I'm not fat. Fake it til you make it. And you WILL make it.

Do it do it do it!
 
I'm going to wear my muscle shirt to my Dr's Appointment (Psychology appoint) and my class (Wellness). To face my fears! I even saw one other person wearing one there, so it must be OK.

Thank you Siru.
 
Well I've gone from depressed, to extermely depressed, and back to extremely depressed again.

I'm not bi polar or anything, I always feel low, but, it's gotten worse, a little better, and worse again.

Today it was pretty bad. I feel I can't fit in. I can't socialize well. People take that for granted. I have aspergers and it's difficult for me to know what is "right" in social situations. I cannot read people that well. I'm OK at it, but not the best. The more i Try to fit in/socialize, the worse and more lonely /isolated I feel.

I went into a bar, wasn't going to do any magic (as I'd just get kicked out, even if I brought it up during a conversation, if I could even GET a conversation with someone, which was hard.) I talked to this one guy, and he was like when I asked him his name, "What does it matter?". Soo...that didn't go well. Maybe that was the wrong thing to say. People were having fun. There was dancing, karaoke, music, etc. The worst feeling in the world is knowing your around people, but unable to socialize with anyone, and I feel so ackward. Sometimes I do OK, but often times, it's very difficult, mostly. I felt trapped.


This other lady was crying, I felt bad for her. She just broke up with her boyfriend, felt she was worthless. I knew how she felt, so I told her I hope she feels better. She told me not to talk to her. So, I didn't. I wanted to help her though. Nothing else I could've done.

I ended up just sitting in a chair, practicing my magic for 3 hours, while listening to the music. I was hoping someone would be interested, but, people didn't care. The more I try to socialize, the more isolated I feel. I'm desperate to socialize with someone, but I feel I can't.

This girl I met through an online site, we had alot in common. She called me to "touch bases with me" asked me what I did during the day. I told her, and apparently because I didn't mention having a job, she never called back. I would've at least liked a "Sorry, it won't work out." or something call back. Or, 'You're a loser with no job." call back. Or something. Are people really this selfish? Just because you don't have a job, means you have no money?(Not that I don't have any money) That's not what really matters ! What matters is the person. You could be the poorest person in the world with someone and be happy. That's all I want. How many times am I going to be rejected before accepted...

I just give up on this online dating crap. No one cares there. People are just too selfish and shallow.
 
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I am very sorry that you are going through this. It breaks my heart. I find that I have issues socializing, too. I always feel like an alien. I recently moved, however, and I have found that people are nicer. Apparently, it wasn't me, but everyone I worked with. They were bitter and unhappy, and took it out on me.
The bar....okay. If the guy was alone, he probably preferred to be alone. He is isolating himself. The girl...if she just broke up with a guy, she hates guys. She probably thought you were going to use her.
The girl online. She might have had a really bad relationship with a guy that wouldn't get a job. I know that's what happened to me. That wouldn't stop me from dating someone, but I would want to know that they have ambitions.
I have no real suggestions on where to meet nice people. Video games are my source. Lol. You could find forums dedicated to magic, and meet people there. Find people with your interests. I'm sure you'll do fine.
If you ever need to chat, just message me!

"Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est."
 
Dont worry about those haters Spark.



I've read through your whole journal, you have so much to be proud of. You saw something you didn't like, and you made a change. The transformation you have gone through is tremendous.

Keep on being yourself. From the sample I see in this journal, you have a very good heart and great intentions. Believe it or not, that does shine through. So what if one lady blew you off, her loss. I FIRMLY believe that if you keep being who you are, you will find someone that is perfect for ya buddy.

Without obstacles, the victory wouldnt be nearly as sweet. Good luck in your journey man.
 
SparkErosion said:
This girl I met through an online site, we had alot in common. She called me to "touch bases with me" asked me what I did during the day. I told her, and apparently because I didn't mention having a job, she never called back. I would've at least liked a "Sorry, it won't work out." or something call back. Or, 'You're a loser with no job." call back. Or something. Are people really this selfish? Just because you don't have a job, means you have no money?(Not that I don't have any money) That's not what really matters ! What matters is the person. You could be the poorest person in the world with someone and be happy. That's all I want. How many times am I going to be rejected before accepted...

I just give up on this online dating crap. No one cares there. People are just too selfish and shallow.
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Well, the problem I've seen with these online dating sites is that there is so much variety. Pages and pages of potentials for both sexes. These next few lines are just from my initial impressions. I could be way off, but I have a feeling I'm pretty accurate.

Getting to know someone intimately one-on-one is difficult unless you have the initial attractive qualities of course, have a steady income, and can hold an interesting conversation right from the start. If she thinks you're just copy/pasting or using a "line" that 50+ other guys have already used prior to your contact, you'll most likely never hear a word. It's like speed-dating, only through a computer screen. You have to work hard to stand out among your 'competition'.

The issue you're describing, and that she probably conjured in her mind, is the lack of financial security if a relationship were to eventually evolve. So she just moved on to the next guy on the list.. as unfortunate as that sounds :\

Yes, some people really are that selfish, Sparks :\ I've seen my fair share of individuals like that.

And I know you said you have money, but being employed offers that person a sense that you won't run out of money anytime soon - even if it's not much :)

or... you could always lie, and then if things start to happen, tell her you recently got laid off, but are actively searching for a new job ;D

Nah, jk. Don't do that. hehe :leaving:
 
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Well, I went to las vegas for a magic convention, was away for 2 weeks....gained about 8 lbs. I was 152 I'm now 160.5

Gotta get to around 155 and I'll be happy.

Today I went to a community pool in my city, and took my shirt off. Wasn't nearly as bad as I had thought, people didn't stare. It was embarassing a litttle from the loose skin, but I feel I'll always feel a little insecure with it flopping around a little.

I just don't care anymore what people think as much...the only place I probably won't wear it is my community center where I know people....It's still too difficullt. They said I Could though wear my tank top. (That's what I was referring to).

I've come to realize that some people will reject me and make fun of me, I just can't please everyone. Those who do, can screw themslves, as it's obviously their problem. Those who do accept me though, as, from what I've seen, most do, then that's good.

The hard part for me is not taking the reject/make fun of etc personally. But I haven't been teased yet, it was only online.
 
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I gained on vacation too. 185 up to 190ish. Funny how easy it can happen.

I think in your regular workout routine you'll burn it off in a few weeks. It could well be a little salt gain too.
 
Okay, I'm 155.5 today. Must've been from the salt or something....

This is why I'm so depressed. It's a vicious cycle. I'm 23, in the best shape of my life I've ever been, at an excellent bodyfat (Less than 10%), normal BMI, yet I have chronic fatique syndrome (constantly tired, don't wake up rested). Every test possible was run, nothing is "wrong" with me. Even a sleep test. And I have high blood pressure still. And I take medication for it. I just checked it today, and like a slap in the face, it's not good even WITH the damn blood pressure meds. I'm taking 30 mg of linospril. (whole pill)

147/75

The top number is too high. Above or equal to 140 is not good.

I'm so frusterated. I just want to have energy, I worked so hard, yet I still have all these problems. I eat very healthy, excerise, lift weights, even have extra muscle mass. It's depressing.


...sigh
 
Hey Spark,
I was just reading about your depression, and I was wondering if you've been prescribed anything for it?
Cause you sound so much like a friend of mine moodwise, and she has chronic depression and so far it's been really hard to treat, especially because her CBT counsellor is crap.
She's always tired as well, so might be worth looking into for you?

Btw, I still think you did the most amazing thing by losing so much weight and you look really great.
Please don't give up on dating, yeah some girls are stupid and shallow or mean but I'm sure there's a nice girl out there for you :)
 
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