My Story

I thought you might be homeschooled. ;) That is something I might consider doing with my own children. I know a lot of people pooh pooh it, but I believe that if the parents are well-educated and make sure that their children have plenty of opportunities for social interaction with their peers, it can be a great thing.

Your blizzard calculations cracked me up!! :smilielol5:

Have a great weekend! Don't have too much fun with all those boys. ;)
 
I must admit - I think that you should make sure that your brother helps with the housework. If the place needs cleaning to have people round - it isnt the sole responsibility of the female inhabitants.

That huge chocolate sundae sounded good. I certainly plan on reintroducing treats of that nature eventually.
 
Agreeing with Omega here. This is why my guy friends, when they move out of a place, have to have two-day cleaning marathons--because their mothers or whoever always cleaned for them, and they never learned to be functional people in terms of cooking or keeping a house or such.

Also, yay for your dessert treat! It's funny, I just started my period and I've been craving, but I keep being unable to decide what I'm craving and so letting it go. But if I ever make up my mind, there's definitely going to be a splurge!

Sophie
 
It really feels like forever since I've been able to be online. Only two days really, but this is like me second home. I miss it here.

There is SO MUCH for me to update about you guys, it isn't even funny. I'll start off with the replies and go from there.

Marg hon- don't worry. I make my bro clean his own room, do his own laundry and take his dishes upstairs. I don't mind straightening up when he's busy, but if he's well capable, he's definitely doing it himself.

Kimmy- homeschooling really is wonderful. I honestly don't know if I'd be *as* educated as I am if I haven't been for the past couple of years. In fact just last night, I may have intimidated one of my boys because of my intelligence. I'd delve into the conversation but it involves the movie 'I Am Legend' and I don't want to give away any spoilers.

Steph-Eat whatever you can find in your cupboards that include the words "Dark" and "Chocolate", oh and in mass quantities usually helps. At least until that pesky third-day-of-my-period craving. Haha.

Lovely-I'll update on the sleepover following this, but I did want to say that I agree with your wholeheartedly. Humor was always the way I dealt with being overweight. Subconsciously, it was a distraction, make them look at the right hand and not the left, sort of thing. If they were pleasantly overwhelmed and delved into my personality, perhaps they could overlook my physical shape. I am grateful anyway that I came away from that mindset with a sense of humor still in tact. I've been known to leave a room in stitches. It just *feels* good.
 
Alrighty, I'm going to jump into my HUGE update now starting with the finer points.

On Friday night, while my girlfriend and boys were away at a Passion play, I ran the rest of my goal and then some. I accomplished 5.9 miles making my total for this week around 18 miles. I'm rather pleased with that sum given how busy I've been these past couple of days. This week I intended to run five days again and bring my mileage back up to 25 miles per week. I do think this deflation is what I'll keep up. I'll start the month by running 25 miles a week, then 20, then maybe only 18 and back to 25. I'd hate to wear myself out to badly by running five days every week. Three is sufficient if I've ran two extra days the week before. So I was able to accomplish my mini-goal and am quite proud of myself.

Also...drumroll please...I hit a new low on Scalentino this week. I stepped on him last night and he read 155.2. That's the least I've ever weighed. I'm rather certain this new milestone can be attributed to my constant running. I'm honestly hoping I can drop the last five before I leave for Florida in a month. I honestly think it shouldn't be too difficult. I'm really excited about this you guys. I'm *so* close to my goal now!

That being said, I'm now going to update on the eccentricities of my personal life. Now, keep in mind that my treadmill is in *thee* warmest room of my basement so naturally, I get really, really heated and when I shower afterwards, it has to be hot or it's not enjoyable for me. Anyways, it was around eleven thirty on Friday night when I'd finally gotten refreshed so I slipped on my usual T-shirt and boxer shorts combo and went downstairs to hang with everyone else.

At the bottom of the hall stairs is Mr. Confusion and he's just jumped up from the floor to ask me if his laundry is done yet. To be honest, I'd forgotten about it but told him I'd go pop his clothes in the dryer right away. (Okay, this is where it gets weird, ladies) Two doors down from my bro's room (where everyone was watching the movie) is where the laundry room is and as I make my way toward it, I hear my brother say "Hey, whoa, whoa, man" I didn't think anything of what was going on behind me because I had my mind set on figuring out what setting I have to put the dryer on. Anyway, while I'm transitioning the laundry, I hear roars of laughter coming from my bro's room and though I'd like to play ignorant, I had a feeling it had something to do with me in one way or the other.
I find out later, that it in fact did. Apparently, my brother's comment was directed toward Mr. Confusion and the fact that he had been following me toward the laundry room.

Apparently, when he'd gotten back in the room, he shook himself as if he'd just gotten a shock-wave and reported. "Wow, she's in short shorts." in a really high, quiet voice and then reported his appreciation to the room. My brother reported later that when he was following me, he was in-fact observing this and looked stricken when he'd gotten back.

I supposed afterwards, this is why when *I* walked into the room with the blanket I'd pulled out of the dryer, everyone started laughing. I was trying to figure out what was going on and hear my brother call out this guys name in warning, and I look behind me and notice he's on the floor staring up at me. He then makes some smartass comment about how we weren't in a nightclub and at this point, I realize what all this was about.
 
Okay, now keep in mind I'm not a tramp. I don't think that woman should have to dress as street-walkers to gain a guy's attention and truth be told, I hadn't thought anything of wearing my boxer shorts and having a room full of guys. They're honestly *not* that short. I considered them modest when I bought them and it's why I wear them to bed all the time. Because I cannot stand boy shorts, they *are* too short. I was even sure to ask my dad last year if he thought they looked decent enough on me and he said yes, if they were too short he'd let me know.

Now all of this reeled through my head in the two point five seconds I was standing in the room full of friends with a blanket in my hand and I was completely and utterly embarrassed, solely because everyone had then started staring at my legs. Justifying myself, I explained how running 6 miles and then taking a shower as hot as a sauna makes me hot, and for any of them to say otherwise is stupid and inhuman because running so much would make anybody unbelievably warm. Every time I used the word 'hot' the room broke up in laughter, and I then tell them "You guys know what I mean and you know what, you're all eight years old for being so juvenile about this." I then tell my girlfriend I'll sit next to her because she loves me.

It wasn't until after the movie was over and my girlfriend and sister and I go upstairs that I got the lowdown on what ACTUALLY happened. I had no idea what was going on before I walked into the room and everyone was staring at me. My girlfriend had to tell me of Mr. Confusion's reaction, and my brother's protectiveness watching him eyeing me.

I'd gone to bed that night thoroughly embarrassed, let me tell you. It wasn't at all because of my shorts, but that he'd *said* something about them and everyone else had to notice. Seriously, they're just enormously comfy, and I'm convinced that it wasn't that they're incredibly short, but that my legs are incredibly long. I even asked my bro later that Friday if *he* thought my shorts are too short and he said "No. Not at all. They're fine." And he's really honest, so I was comforted by the fact that I didn't look like a tramp. A. I didn't want any of my friends to think I did it on purpose. I can acknowledge that I have great legs, but I won't delve to the level of over-exposing them in order to attract. It sends out the wrong signals in my mind. And B. I feel strange being equated to a sex object (though, I'm a smart cookie and understand the testosterone rages of men, ergo the start of this in the first place.)

Let me tell you you guys, following Friday night, Saturday was uberly charged with some kind of underlying chemistry. We left at seven for the b-ball game and when we'd gotten there, I was pleasantly surprised to find out another one of my guy friends was there. I really like talking this to guy, I do and he's awesome fun. I'm suspicious though of some-kind of power play between this guy and Mr. Confusion. Every time I talked to one or the other, the other had to be within three feet. I would honestly like to be ignorant of what this is, but I'm quite certain what realm this falls under and it's name is jealousy.

I was convinced of this when I went over to my boy's house to watch a movie last night, and Mr. Confusion and this guy were alone in the room with me trying to figure out how to work the movie projector. It was weird you guys. I'd never been in a situation where two guys were trying to get my attention at the same time. Actually, I rode home with my friend and he was hinting at how often he and Mr. Confusion talk about me. I can only imagine the words of 'She likes me more than you' that they've exchanged.

Honestly, I'm extremely flattered, but it's freaking me the heck out. I hate complications and especially in relationships. First of all, I've never had a steady relationship and second of all, I don't want to have to choose. I care and love both of these guys ALOT and I won't date either of them if they're going to fight over me. I really don't even like typing any of the aforementioned right now because I hate how conceded it sounds.

Lovely, I think this delves deeper into what you've hinted at. Never before in my life have I entertained the idea of ANYONE being attracted to me because of my physical over-bearings, and now that I've lost all the weight and AM more aesthetically pleasing, all of this happens.

It's almost overwhelming because I've never had to deal with this before. I'm not stupid though. I see and understand the slow creeping smile of a man's face when I walk by, but I never, ever let it get to me or inflate my ego.

I always imagined that I would end up one day, with someone who thinks I'm the cat's meow no matter what. I never considered that more than one man at a time could possibly think that of me. Now I'm conflicted and it's giving me the world's biggest headache.

To get even more personal, these guys are completely different. One of them is comfortable-reading-a-book-by-the-fire-with-a-mug-of-coffee kind of excitement and the other is a thrillingly-dangerous-rebel-within-respectable-reasons-could-leave-you-with-a-taste-of-imminent-euphoria kind of excitement. These two guys are not only best friends, but polar opposites and apparently, are both attracted to me.

I've yet to figure out what type of personality I'm more attracted to. I've never had to decide this before, but I've a creeping feeling, I'm going to have to. I don't want to lose friendships with any of my boys, and maybe I wish they would get over me so I didn't have to. I don't know though. Maybe I like leaving them with a taste of something when I walk out of the room.

All I can give myself right now is time. If men are like woman, and I'm right, then it'll take them a while to get over me, and in that case, I have time to figure it all out. If I'm wrong, and they get significant others rather soon, than nothing was meant to come from them and I.

If I'm going to be brutally honest with myself, as I wrote the above, a creeping feeling of disaapointment appeared in my gut when I thought of one of these guys with someone else. Yeah, I know what this means. Maybe I'm stricken too.

Everything is so unclear to me right now because I've never admitted that my being extremely attractive is a possibility. Again, I'm wrong. I've got to be ten times as self-conscious about myself as other people are, if I believe what I hear people say of me. All of it is really, really nice and very, very flattering, but finally accepting it for myself is taking a long while.

The only way I deal with these types of frustrations is by running, and when I do that, I'm sure to never think. I just pump my feet to the melodies of my music and get out of my head for an hour. It's when I'm in the shower I remember my life. LOL.

I love all of you, and I'm so happy you've stuck this far into my enormous update. Trust me, if I wasn't so tired right now, I'd write a whole lot more.

Physically and emotionally I'm drained right now. I need to go watch some X-files...
 
So thrilling to be mentioned in the love tales of "she with legs growing from her neck" xD

hehe, Ok well I really suck in this whole department. I've always been the funny one so when I was 17 and dropped 78lbs and males realized I had a shape other than round, I had no idea what to do. I was used to being the one the boys talked to about their girlfriends and such, not the main attention. So my advice to you is... run! hehe no, not really! Just try to enjoy the attention for now. Stay friends, don't choose unless you really feel something for one or the other of them. And since you said you wouldn't want a certain one to be with someone else, that kinda seems to me like you've already choosen anyways. So enjoy the ride and see where it takes ya! Advice I will give though is don't try to be with someone that's too completely different from you. If that makes sense. I mean I'm a home-body type person so when I dated a "rebel" it was fun for the first bit but then it got to where we had nothing to agree to do together. You need similarities as well as differences ;) May the force be with you!
 
Hi Rae

Happy Easter

It sounds like things have been going pretty well for you.

Firstly - congratulations on the weight loss. 155.2 is brilliant :party: and you will drop the last five pounds before your holiday with all your running - I am sure. Stay focused, keep being good with your food and doing your exercise and it will happen. All the running that you do should make it happen soon.

I think that it is great the way that things are happening with two charming, lovely men clearly attracted to you. I honestly think that there is a difference between being pals with someone in a crowd and dating - so you will have great difficulty finding out which you prefer without dating them. An occasional date is not going steady and need not mean that you have to initially choose one or the other. At least that would give you time to spend with each alone and could see what they are really like. At the minute - the waters are muddied by the constant presence of the crowd.

It would appear that you like what you know of these young men. I suggest you date either that asks and see how it goes. Accepting a date need not mean anything more than just exactly that.

At least it would get you beyond your current angst of uncertainty and foreign situations. There is no harm in spending time with a friend.

Allow the attention to be good for your ego. Many girls would be envious of your situation.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
Thanks so much Soph and Marg. I appreciate the advice. I'm definitely taking it. I need as much experience-through-others as I can get. I'm quite new at all of this relationship stuff.

Update for tonight is satisfying. For this week so far, I've ran 6.1 miles and burned 750 cals. I want to run 25 total this week again, but for right now, my mini goal is 20. I decided I wasn't going to set goals I couldn't realistically accomplish.

Yes, I've achieved 25 miles in one week, but my body was outstandingly resilient toward physical pain for those seven days. If I'm physically able, I'll run twenty-five by Saturday night, if not, I'll try and at least achieve twenty. That'll be four days workout instead of just three and not five. We'll see how it goes. Naturally, I'll keep everyone updated on my progress and/or shortcomings.

Caloric intake today is tricky to calculate. I had a little bit of everything for Easter dinner which was ham, homemade mashed potatoes, peas and a small yam. I also had a yam for dinner, and a bowl of oatmeal and cereal for a before run carb attack. I also ate two-hundred cals worth of air-popped popcorn while I watched 'Mystic River'. When it comes to popcorn, chocolate and running, I merely cannot help myself. They are all my guilty indulgences.

Guesstimating, I'd say I had...not enough cals to support the amount of energy I expend during a run. Just now I calculated my guesstimates and got 1,500 at the most. Great...lol...that means at the end of this day, I'd have taken in less than I should have. Let's hope I'm off drastically. You know what, I'm going to end up eating a grapefruit now. Not many cals in it, I know, but still it's 50 of them that I don't have to replenish my body. I really need to start taking in more calories I think.

I've talked to Steve of this, and he relayed to me that a deficit is a deficit whether or not you burn off the calories or consume less. Your body won't recognize the way in which the deficit comes, merely that there *is* one. This means, that on the days when I don't eat more than 1,700 cals, I shouldn't run. If I eat 2,000 or more, I'd feel much safer. The area isn't so gray.

Or you know what, maybe I could just eat three Dairy Queen blizzards a week. That would take care of my extreme deficits.

Yesterday was terrible calorie wise you guys. I had nothing but a piece of taco pizza, a bowl of cereal, a low-cal fudge bar, a box of 130 cal rasins and a twenty ounce up of coffee with cinnamon. On the days of my period, I'm honestly NOT hungry. Beforehand, I'm ravenously hungry, but during and after, hardly at all.

I was sure I wasn't going to run last night because of my lack of cals. I wasn't paying attention to eating enough today either. Steve told me there's two ways you can measure if your intaking or outputting enough energy.

The first is by weighing yourself weekly. If you lose more than ten percent of your body weight every week for too long, you're most probably overtraining and it would be a good idea to take it slower or eat more.

I don't recall the second off hand given the first has embedded itself in my mind as my method of choice. So I decided I will keep a track of my weight from Sunday to Saturday, and be sure I'm on a healthy track. Given I haven't fall over dead yet, I'm getting along well, but I'd hate to be burning muscle mass and not know it.

Still, I'm rather proud of my accomplishment when it comes to running and I'll never be able to give it up. If this means bring on the ice cream, then so be it. LOL.

I hope all of you are having a great start to your week!
 
Hey Rach,

Probably out of all the threads, this one is my favorite and didn't disappoint as usual.

Few comments... I usually hold a high regard for people on this forum. You are without a doubt in the top five people. Now, I know, who gives a crap about MY opinion on that.... however, I am pointing this out because usually it doesn't mean it can go much higher. However, I can say without a doubt that you have easily raised my respect for you through the roof. I know the suspense is killing you... why? You hold friendship higher than you do a potential boyfriend. Furthermore, if those guys want to duke it out and spew testosterone all over the floor just to get your attention, you have the decency to know they aren't even the right guy for you. Now, I know it seems weird or trivial, but I also know your age and background, so as a high school teacher, you are obviously years ahead of the game.

I would love to comment on the dedication and motivation you have to perfecting your body as usual... but your comments on the personal life were so much more captivating than the goal of 25 miles for the week ;)

You're like the little sister I never had and I just wanted to say how proud I am of you. :)
 
Keith,

Wow, you made my day. It really makes me feel like some kind of special to hear something like that. I'm honored you think so highly of me. Not only does it flatter me beyond belief, it raises my own self-respect and esteem. Thank you so much. I'd write more to you, but to be honest, I'm relatively speechless after reading that. All I can say is thank you.

Obviously, I hold everyone on here in a rather high regard and you're certainly within the majority.

Thank you again, so very much.
 
Girl!! You are too damn funny! :smilielol5: I would love to have your problem of guys :drool5: ing over you. Now if ever there was a woman who knew how to handle men fighting over her, it was Scarlet O'Hara. Now she may be fictional, but still, she is worth studying. There is a scene that comes to mind where she is at a barbecue surrounded by admirers, and things are getting so heated that she's delighted that it might get violent..ahaha. So read Gone With the Wind if you haven't, and if you have, re-read the first part of it. She will teach you all the tricks you need to know. And until you've done it, instead of trying to defend yourself, just laugh it off. Roll your eyes and say, "Whatever." Just play it cool and enjoy the fun of it all. I am a merciless flirt, so I would be basking in the adulation..haha. I wish I had your problem...:smilielol5:

Oh, and you don't have to dress like a street walker to get a teenage guy's attention. ;) A hot figure like yours could turn them on in a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt--not to mention your pretty face. :svengo:
 
Kimmy, wow, you've just made me feel so awesome! (((BIG HUGS))) You know, it's been such a LONG TIME since I've read Gone With the Wind that I completely forgot about Scarlet's southern charm. I'll have to go and read that chappie again. If nothing else, I'm sure it will entertain the crap out of me.

You know what, I was talking to my best friend today (also named Kimmy, imagine that) and she mentioned as well how she wishes she were in my situation. She told me most girls would be envious of my complications with young, attractive men. I told her she could have them. This frustration is giving me an uber headache. LOL.

I've tried focusing on being productive today, but as you can imagine, my mind has been preoccupied with other things. Six hours of thinking and I still haven't sifted through the glim, metophorical fog.

I have decided one thing for certain, and I'm thanking Keith for this, that unless they can keep thier machismo in check around each other, I'll avoid being near the both of them when they're together. It annoys me that they feel they have to compete. I care and love both of them for thier individuality and in my own unique way. If this keeps up, I'll have to clue both of them in on this. I can't imagine losing either of their friendships, and it's not worth my headaches to have to deal with all of this.

That being said, I can admit that I'm a young woman and flirting is in my forte. However, I find seperate, invidual fliration quite a bit more special then flirting with someone in an open crowd. There's a deeper, underlying meaning in getting to know someone in private than hearing things from thier friends. I feel it creates a stronger emotional bond to know the person isn't talking to impress a room but to merely impress you. There's a sweetness to it that can make a summer day taste like lemonade. If you know that I mean.

Transitioning to a much less captivating subject, I'm hardly hungry at all today but I want to run tonight. I've added my cals up for the day and I have three hours to stuff 1,200 cals in my mouth if I don't want my body to think it's starving because of my activity level. I was thinking of treating myself to an ice cream sundae, but truth be told, I'm not really craving sugar right now. I know. I surprise myself too. Never would I have thought that there would come a day when I would say I *wasn't* craving chocolate, but there's a first time for everything.

Perhaps I'm simply making an excuse because it's comfortable down here on my hunter green carpet and zebra stripped pillow. I'm on my second 32oz sports bottle of water and I'm getting sad because I'll have to get up to refill for a third one.

I just feel weird today, you guys. It's not that I'm lacking enery or that I'm fatigued. I suppose the word that comes to mind is 'overwhelmed'.

If what I think is true, both of these boys are pining for my individual attention, and I don't want to dissapoint either of them. If there's one thing we as humans fear, it's rejection. I don't want to hurt either of them, especially not emotionally because those are the deepest of scars.

When I was younger, I was excited about the possibilities of a romantic future with my prince charming, now I'm living in the real world and realize it's not a fairy tale but a soap opera.

I'm just going to de-stress myself by browsing this forum and maybe after a few days of just *me* time, I'll have a better mindset towards the opposite sex and my attraction to them.

I didn't think figuring out what I really wanted was going to be this tricky. They both love Jesus, their mothers and they both care for me. Those were the only qualifications I had when it came to possible potentials. Looks like God's got a sense of humor. Haha.
 
Rae--I think you are way overanalyzing the whole thing. You're all teenagers with raging hormones. Flirt, have fun, and don't worry about anything. You are way too young to be worried about settling down. If two guys were getting all testosteroneish over me, I'd sit back, enjoy the show and lmao while letting my ego get bigger. So should you. ;)

Seriously--there's nothing to worry about. Just go with the flow and let them make fools of themselves. I'd love to be a fly on the wall at your house sometimes. I think I'd find it highly amusing.

Go dust off your copy of GWTW. Mine's falling apart from so much use...haha. Pay attention to how she plays Brent and Stuart Tarleton and all the other single men at the Wilkes's barbecue--classic stuff there. :sifone:
 
Kimmy honey, I'm so with you. I decided last night, to let my over-analyzing slide, because no matter what, in the end, they're still just boys and I'm still just a girl. I'm thinking I will have fun with this, play it out and see what happens. Naturally, I'll flirt mercilously-you know, within reason. I'll consider myself an apprentice to Scarlett's feminine wiles. Who knows, I may have more testosterone ravanged males in my clutch then I realize. Haha. J/K. Don't know if I can handle that. LOL...

I've decided my personal life isn't worth stressing over. I'm going to let it roll of my shoulder until pigs fly or the roof caves in. Basically, if come a day where the crap hits the fan, I'll deal with it then. Until that time, I'm just going to be me and enjoy my friends...and possibly, subconciously in secret, the way I make them squirm. Maybe... ;)

Alrighty well, I didn't have time to update yesterday, so I'll write in Monday's calculations today.

Last night I ran between the 5.8 and 6.0 intervals and pounded out 6.2 miles and 740 calories.

Overall yesterday, I summed my calorie consumption between 2,200 and 2,400 cals. The reason why it's so weighty, is because of the waffle and chocolate sundae I ate so I didn't have a replay of Sunday, when I consummed only 40 more cals then I burned off. I hadn't been paying attention and hadn't eaten enough carbs and cals to support the energy burned.

Thankfully yesterday, I ate the waffle which had 600 cals and the ice cream which had maybe about 6 to 700 cals. This left me with a big enough deficit. In the end, my daily caloric consumption was around 1,700 and that's where I need to be to.

Look at this you guys, because I run, I actually NEED 1,400 cals in one sitting. Crazy, isn't it?

Anyway, great, great, GREAT news, rather exciting for me, actually...I added up my total number of miles ran so far for the month of March, and the total comes to 91.55. That's almost 100 miles.

If I can pull this off every month, I will be a lean, mean machine by soccer season. All I need is 8.45more miles to achieve my March goal, and there's still 6 days left in March.

If I'm calculating correctly, by the end of the month, if I keep up my routine, I will have actually ran 115 miles. To me, that's really, really exciting given, just seven months ago, I couldn't have dreamed up the possibility of even 25 in a month.

I'm really, really feeling an immense sense of self-accomplishment and pride right now you guys. It's crazy how empowered I feel.

That being said, I'm taking today *off* of running. I really don't want to over-exert myself. Usually, I run two days in a row and take the next off, and given I ran Sunday and Monday, today is my rest day. Here's hoping I pull of my goal by Saturday. Hoepfully I'll have achieved it and then some.

I hope all of you are having as excellent a Tuesday as I am right now! ((Big Hugs))
 
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Scarlet, dahling, I'm glad you've decided to stop thinking about boys so much...hahaha You're better off putting that brainpower into calculating how many blizzards you can eat now that you've run a bazillion miles. :D Actually, why don't you run over to Michigan and reward yourself by joining me in a Shamrock Shake? :rofl:

I have no doubt you'll have a swarm of men at your feet in no time. It already sounds as if you do. :D

:hug2:
 
I went to bed early last night so I wasn't able to update as I'd intended, so I'll go ahead and do that now.

As you all know, yesteray was my day off running, but still, I made sure I stayed active. I played basketball with my bro and two of our friends. (Mr. Confusion was one of them.) Somehow, everytime we play two on two, I end up being on his team. It mildly frustrates me though, to be honest, because he is *so* amazingly talented when it comes to basketball and a I pale in comparison. I always picture embarassing myself. Still, I put in two baskets and had some wickedly awesome passes and two jump rebounds.

Overall, it was actually, really, really fun. The other boy there had on these awesome plaid nerd shorts-we're talking Weird Al Yankovich cool here. Afterwards, my bro and I drove Mr. Confusion home and I apologized for not being able to catch the ball (the wind was really cold and impeding my grip)-he said it was fine, not to worry and that I'll get better. I told him I hope so or else there really is no hope for me. He said it didn't matter cause he had a lot of fun.

Actually, he caught me off guard by calling me 'Rachie' when we were on the court. He's only ever called me that once, and usually, this guy doesn't use pet names outside of private quarters. It was kinda cute, honestly.

And also, I realized that EVERYTIME he comes over, he's sure to smell really, really good. Now, I have to explain why this is.

My brother is a HUGE lover of himself. Not in a conceded or egotistical way, but in the way where he is *extremely* metrosexual, and he's got at least eight bottles of body spray on his dresser. This being said, when my boys first started coming over, my bro would spray his room down with Axe, and I would always mention how crazy that scent made me. I mean, really, it smells *flail* so good. After this incident, we went over to my boy's house and when it was time to go, I followed by brother out and told him to stop wearing whatever scent he was wearing cause it makes me crazy. Now my friend, the one I spoke of in above posts, the other testosterone craved young male competing for my affection, he asked wether it was a good crazy or bad crazy and I said it was definitely a good crazy.

Ever since this happenstance two months ago, Mr. Confusion has been sure to wear Bod everytime he's around me.

It's not fair. That's all I'm saying. I mean, I can control myself when there's no sense involved, but it you throw in a game of b-ball, a bottle of Bod, and physical contact on the court, I'm pretty much done for...so yeah...I'm so girly right now.

There are days when I both love and hate being a hormonally charged teenager. Thank God I have the moral sense to take the term 'jumpshot' too far. ;)
 
Invariant said:
I went to bed early last night so I wasn't able to update as I'd intended, so I'll go ahead and do that now.

As you all know, yesteray was my day off running, but still, I made sure I stayed active. I played basketball with my bro and two of our friends. (Mr. Confusion was one of them.) Somehow, everytime we play two on two, I end up being on his team. It mildly frustrates me though, to be honest, because he is *so* amazingly talented when it comes to basketball and a I pale in comparison. I always picture embarassing myself. Still, I put in two baskets and had some wickedly awesome passes and two jump rebounds.

Overall, it was actually, really, really fun. The other boy there had on these awesome plaid nerd shorts-we're talking Weird Al Yankovich cool here. Afterwards, my bro and I drove Mr. Confusion home and I apologized for not being able to catch the ball (the wind was really cold and impeding my grip)-he said it was fine, not to worry and that I'll get better. I told him I hope so or else there really is no hope for me. He said it didn't matter cause he had a lot of fun.

Actually, he caught me off guard by calling me 'Rachie' when we were on the court. He's only ever called me that once, and usually, this guy doesn't use pet names outside of private quarters. It was kinda cute, honestly.

And also, I realized that EVERYTIME he comes over, he's sure to smell really, really good. Now, I have to explain why this is.

My brother is a HUGE lover of himself. Not in a conceded or egotistical way, but in the way where he is *extremely* metrosexual, and he's got at least eight bottles of body spray on his dresser. This being said, when my boys first started coming over, my bro would spray his room down with Axe, and I would always mention how crazy that scent made me. I mean, really, it smells *flail* so good. After this incident, we went over to my boy's house and when it was time to go, I followed by brother out and told him to stop wearing whatever scent he was wearing cause it makes me crazy. Now my friend, the one I spoke of in above posts, the other testosterone craved young male competing for my affection, he asked wether it was a good crazy or bad crazy and I said it was definitely a good crazy.

Ever since this happenstance two months ago, Mr. Confusion has been sure to wear Bod everytime he's around me.

It's not fair. That's all I'm saying. I mean, I can control myself when there's no sense involved, but it you throw in a game of b-ball, a bottle of Bod, and physical contact on the court, I'm pretty much done for...so yeah...I'm so girly right now.

There are days when I both love and hate being a hormonally charged teenager. Thank God I have the moral sense to take the term 'jumpshot' too far. ;)
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There is something about your style of story telling / writing that is absolutely phenomenal... have you ever thought of journalism or being a writer? You have a true gift...
 
Darth Pooh said:
There is something about your style of story telling / writing that is absolutely phenomenal... have you ever thought of journalism or being a writer? You have a true gift...
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Wow Keith, thank you so much!

Truth be told, it was advised to me by my college instructor that I consider journalism/writing as a career choice. As an assignment, I had to write two essays of where I saw myself in ten years. In one of them I'm accomplished and in the other, I'm miserable. The latter of these essays depicted me as an alcoholic.

To be honest, I don't drink. I'm afraid to because of my genetic weakness towards substance abuse. Biologically, I'm susceptible toward addiction, so I don't tempt fate. Given that fact, I decided to write my second essay on the possibility of losing my determination.

It's because of that essay he recommended I become a writer. He even sent my work into the English professor at the college. It was flattering, to say the least.

You know what, I'll post it here, in case you guys get bored and need an interesting read. I've also got a short, one-shot essay on the Black Death I wrote after a history project. My advisor told me to write about anything, for whatever reason. So I thought, why not? You know?

_____________

Creative Writing for Plausible Reality




Bad Day Essay


The bottle between my fingers is cold and empty.

It didn't take long this time for the Vodka to diminish, to slide warm and comforting down my throat. My shoulders, my head, my whole body aches for more, for the taste of release that swims in the clear fermentation. I can feel the need, hot and clenching my stomach, a yearning that's become an intimate associate.

With shaking fingers, I brush wet hair from my damp flash.

Instead of the cold, kitchen floor, I woke today on a bed with no memory of how I'd gotten there. My skull had ached, numbing my sight, vision, and fingertips, a pain that's a constant companion, a lover that greets me every morning I wake.

This morning, dragging my tired, aching body into the shower, I swore things would be different. I'll feel today, I told myself, I'll eat, I'll laugh, I'll erase from my mind the ecstasy that pours from an empty bottle.

I'm addicted to the false promises I vow an empty room.

Now I sit here, alone, naked in the dark, with my personal savior dangling, heavy and utilized, from my shaking hand.

In my head, I hear my children's laughter; I hear the voice of my husband, his words beckoning me to come to bed, to spend the morning tucked away from the world. Then I hear Marion. We've won, she tells me. We’ve won the Oscar, Rach! And she's pulling me, heralding me onto a stage illuminated with lights and joy.

The memory makes my neck ache, makes my back tight as I rock back and forth, clenching my eyes through ragged breath.

Congratulations, I hear my father say, we’re so proud of you. We're so proud of who you've become.

Then I see myself, lying in the closet, on the kitchen floor, on my bedroom carpet, around my feet are empty bottles full of hidden regrets. Than I hear Michael.

I hear the angry, heated argument that left me huddled around sharp, jagged pieces of glass and clutching divorce papers. It's over, I hear him say, it's over. I'm not going to try and fix you anymore.

Tears are hot now, trailing down my cheeks and dropping to my bare knees. I brush them away with an angry swap of my hand.

You're a liability, I hear my boss say, through lips as red as her hair, we can't afford to keep you anymore. We've found another editor. I'm sorry.

Then I'm sitting in a bar, drowning sorrow into my drink, feeling the burn of Whiskey scorch my throat.

You have an addiction, my sister tells me, and it’s consuming you. Think of your children. Then she's crying, they're all crying, huddled against me on a couch, as white and pristine as the room we're sitting in. It's the best treatment, the interventionist says, it's for ninety days. But I don't go, I won't go, I refuse to go. They were lying to me, tormenting me, separating me from the only true friend I have.

You can't see the kids, Michael says to me, days later, when I'm wet and exhausted, dripping rain water onto the entrance-way steps we once shared together. They don't know who you are anymore. I don't know you.

Then I'm standing in a derelict building, feeling my muscles ache with the absence of time.

It's the best we have, the landlord says, it's what you get for the price.

Under my feet, is carpet stained with age and old use, on the wall, a cockroach skitters through a hole in the ceiling. I hate this place, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters because there's a drink on my lips, bodily contentment in the form of Jack Daniels.

Like tainted cinema, my mind's eye reels everything I've lost; my husband, my children, my family, job, car, home. I've lost my happiness, drowned it in the bottom of countless bottles.

I clench my jaw, mad at God, at life, at injustice and myself. Anger, pulses through my veins, pricks my skin to heat my collar.

And then I hear the bottle break, watch the broken glass fall from the wall in front of me. My empty hand feels lifeless.

How did I get here?

In the distance a jagged shard beckons, tempts me with its glint.

This isn't what I wanted. I can't do this anymore.

It's in my hand now, the sharp glass, teasing me to play.

I need to escape. I need to not feel this pain. I need to be taken away.

Blood drips, crimson and warm down my wrist and I feel the release, a tingling that surges through my arm and tickles my elbow.

You're lost to us.

It's the last thing I hear, my husband's face, the last thing I see, before I'm enveloped by darkness.

So yeah, that's it. I could probably write it better now, but still, it's gotten me acclaim. That's all I could ask for.
 
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