My quiet journey to a glorious body

[Shinsplint]

Time for another diary update! I've been AWOL b/c of a stomach bug which sent me to bedville for a day, disrupted my sleep for a night and rendered me inactive for a further day due to lack of sleep. I'm glad it happened though because it was a test I had to pass; I've never remained steadfast in a weight loss program in the past through sickness.. somehow, it always made me go back to my old eating ways.

Thursday 14th January

Weight: 177.5 lbs

Breakfast: some milk; ham/cheese/lettuce sandwich

Dinner: fried Rockling fish, white rice

Exercise: 10 mins warm-up on treadmill at ~5kph & 1.0 incline; 2 mins each on elliptical and other walking/cycling machines; 2 mins total on upper body weight machines (~35 kg); leg presses (2X15 reps).


Friday 15th January

Weight: 179.7 lbs

Lunch: some whole milk

Dinner: ham/cheese/lettuce sandwich; tea with milk and 1/2 tsp honey

Exercise: 60 min Fat Burner aerobics class, inc. thigh/ab/butt work-out for 15 mins at the end (the so-called 'TTT' trio: Tum/Tail/Thighs - and my pear-shaped bod loved it).


Saturday 16th January

Weight: 176.4 lbs

Breakfast: green apple

Lunch: 1 cup wholemeal pasta; a little more than the same amount of meat with pasta sauce; 2-3 tsp of cheese sprinkled on top.

Snack: peach (peeled), 3 almonds, m. banana

Dinner: cocoa made with whole milk & 1/2 tsp honey, low-cal egg biscuit.


Today

Weight: 176.4 lbs (and falling!)

Lunch: 2 X ham/cheese/lettuce sandos - WHOOO

Dinner: green apple

My diet has been quite restricted because of the stomach bug and I haven't been eating as much or as big a range of foods as usual. Just sticking to the basics for now and stuff I know won't throw me into nauseous fits and bouts of diarrhoea. I'm just glad I plucked up the will to go to the gym because it was great and I hadn't had so much fun exercising in a long time.

I didn't do any exercise yesterday because I was really sore around the middle and arms. Surprisingly, legs weren't sore at all, despite the heavy aerobics work-out, the likes of which I haven't done in many months... All I can think is maybe all the hiking I've been doing has actually strengthened my legs, even if I didn't feel like I was getting any stronger. I always have this problem where for the first 10 minutes of walking on any sort of incline, I feel like I'm gonna die. Then it gets better and I can walk normally. But that first 10-20 minutes is a killer and I'm wondering how to get to a level of fitness where it won't happen. Or maybe it's because I'm still so fat... it takes time for a heavier train to get chugging, haha.

Today was another lazy day: got up late and the gym closed early, then it poured... so I just curled up in bed with a book and pampered myself.

Thank you to all who have been visiting my diary giving me encouragement... I will visit your diaries and see what you all have been up to! Having a lovely weekend, I hope!

 

[Trusylver]

Awesome effort, Its great to see that new gym membership in use and it is also good to see you rcovered from that bug.

 

[Shinsplint]

Awesome effort, Its great to see that new gym membership in use and it is also good to see you rcovered from that bug.

Tell me about it! I hate getting sick when it affects my diet! Usually the foods that hurt me at such times are the fibre-rich and healthy foods too. It drives me bananas!!!

 

[Shinsplint]

Wednesday January 20th

Weight: 175.7 lbs

Monday

*some milk;
*small piece of pasta and cream pie (like lasagne but with short spaghetti instead of flat pasta as layers... and cream on top under the cheese);
*cocoa w/ 1tsp honey, 2 diet biscuits.

Exercise: 65 mins of treadmill with different inclines of 1.0-8.0 at average speed of 4.5 kph; 5 mins of elliptical - which felt like 5 days, no shit.
Weights: 2X10 or 15 reps, depending on difficulty, of: pull-downs, chest presses (hope I have that right), shoulder/tricep machine (the one where you push the two bars forward in front of you with back to machine). Sheesh, I'm bad with names and proper nomenclature. I hope I get better as I get to know my new metal buddies.

Tuesday

*some milk;
*cup green tea with milk and some honey;
*meatball pasta spirals with some parmesan sprinkled on top;
*green apple, banana, 8 almonds, 2 salted peanuts.

No serious exercise apart from walking round the shops because I was in recovery.

Today

*ham, cheese and lettuce toasted sandwich on dark rye bread;
*T-bone steak, mashed potatoes, peas, lettuce salad with drizzled olive oil.

Exercise: 6 min warm-up on treadmill; 60 min fat burner aerobics class (felt nauseous at the end again); 17 mins on the reclining cycling machine while I waited for my appointment with a nutritional consultant.

So what came out of my gym visit today was that I'm very unfit to be doing the high impact classes and maybe I need to start with yoga or an easy moves class because I like working out but I don't like feeling like I'm going to die, hurl or both in quick succession at the end of a class. Also, I'm not eating frequently enough during the day and my breakfasts need to be 'beefier'. All great news to me. I've been doing many different things in the last few days and all of them have been to the background music of my stomach rumbling and my brain shuffling through endless recipes. Bring on the chow!

As for any changes... I was weighed and told my weight has dropped 1.1 kg from 6 days ago and my body fat from 43% to 42%. I am now below 80 kgs for the first time in 3 bloody years. I'm so happy I don't know whether to slap my fat thigh or wiggle my flabby butt for joy.

Yesterday I met a friend I hadn't seen in 5 years. In all that time I didn't know what she was up to. Well, as it turns out, she was becoming a body builder and winning competitions. She showed me some pics of her ripped abs and amazing V-shaped torso and told me it was the hardest year she's ever lived through because of the incredible strictness of the regime she had to stick to. As I admired her large trophy and medal it became clear that I am in this for a medal too.... Not a physical one but an inner one: A shining feeling inside that I have DONE something that has always eluded me. My inspiration was rekindled and I realised the feeling of accomplishment one gets after a big task done well feels so great because it's been so damn hard to get. And that's exactly what makes you want to GET it. So I bless my bodybuilder friend tonight in my heart and all those who are inspiring me on this difficult but very rewarding journey.

 

[Alta818]

First, Congrats on Joining the Gym!!! !! & most of all ..glad you are going! !

Second, I hope that you are feeling better there! I know the woes of being sick, let alone fighting with an irritable stomach. On the plus note, makes you really value how healthy foods don't send WAR signals in there and you can stay on a happy note. So I understand how you have been constricting your food variety. ! Keep it calm in there !! haha

Third, Way to log it all in!!! & Way to set a Target!! ! You are staying so nice and consistent that there is no way you aren't on the road to success!! Congrats...Those pounds are SMASHING right off!! OooOOoOoUuuuuUU!!!

Fouth, Glad you are feeling your hard work and some soreness all over! It's nice when we have a little reminded that we are working something in there! hahah!

Fifth, That is purely amazing about your body builder friend!!! ! I completely feel that you attracted her into your life right now! I think that she is someone that you are meant to reunite with when you did, at that particular place in time!! Sometimes, we don't realize who and when people pop into our daily lives, but it's for a reason!!! Take that inspiration with you my dear, we can all do this, we just have to WANT it!!....and since you want that metal (just like me) Let's GET IT BABY!!!!!!! OoooooooouuuUU! !

 

[Alta818]

Have it taken regularly and it's all good. But I have heard high blood pressure can make you dizzy. Maybe I should go in and check it again. Personally though, I think my body is still getting rid of toxins from all the processed junk I've been eating up until a few weeks ago and it probably takes a lot of water to flush that crap out. I have been a disgrace, really.



You said it Alta. Thing is, I see my doctor so often I'm beginning to feel he's starting to think I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. Every time I suspect high blood pressure or diabetes or brain tumours from migraines (no joke), I run in to him and have tests done and they all come out fine. I end up feeling so dumb and old ladyish as he gives me these little talks about just trying to relax and enjoy life and get out there, instead of focusing on every tiny little thing that's happening in my body. He doesn't exactly say it like that, but that's his drift. So I thought I'd go away and change my life, get healthy and go back in 6 months to have tests done when I'm healthier and fitter, just to see how, if anything, has changed with my blood work etc. I'd love to see a drop in sugars by a point or so, down to 4, and some other hormonal changes, which they reckon are connected to leptin and obesity. I reckon it's all bloody connected and the key to it ALL is what we eat and how much we move!!! So new stylish gym, here I come!

Thank you both for your wonderful support. Here's a treat for you: Now, don't eat it all at once. (It's nice cold too!)

Wow!!! That's a BIG DECISION & I COMPLETELY SUPPORT YOU!!! ! I know you can attain health!!! Remind yourself daily...that you " ARE HEALED & THAT HEALING FROM THE INSIDE OUT FEELS AMAZING~& THAT THE GRATITUDE THAT EXUDES YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR INNER HEALING IS THE GRACIOUSNESS OF GOD SHOUTING FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR CELLS...THAT YOU ARE HEALED!! YOU ARE UNIFIED FROM WITHIN & YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN ALIVE!!! BELIEVE IT, CAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!!!" Love you woman!! !!!! You can do this and anything else in the world!! I see through you ....and I loveeee what I see!! !!! Now GET IT!!!

 

[bellyoff]

As for any changes... I was weighed and told my weight has dropped 1.1 kg from 6 days ago and my body fat from 43% to 42%. I am now below 80 kgs for the first time in 3 bloody years. I'm so happy I don't know whether to slap my fat thigh or wiggle my flabby butt for joy.

Yesterday I met a friend I hadn't seen in 5 years. In all that time I didn't know what she was up to. Well, as it turns out, she was becoming a body builder and winning competitions. She showed me some pics of her ripped abs and amazing V-shaped torso and told me it was the hardest year she's ever lived through because of the incredible strictness of the regime she had to stick to. As I admired her large trophy and medal it became clear that I am in this for a medal too.... Not a physical one but an inner one: A shining feeling inside that I have DONE something that has always eluded me. My inspiration was rekindled and I realised the feeling of accomplishment one gets after a big task done well feels so great because it's been so damn hard to get. And that's exactly what makes you want to GET it. So I bless my bodybuilder friend tonight in my heart and all those who are inspiring me on this difficult but very rewarding journey.

Congratulations on hitting a new low (ha ha). Shake it don't break it whilst you celebrate!
Thanks for sharing this encounter with your friend. I was just prattling in my diary about how I'm starting to feel proud of my hard work (rather than daunted by it). So glad you're on fire! You've reminded me that the some of the rewards are immediate. They don't all have to be farrrrr off in the distant future. Keep plugging along!

 

[MissJellyBelly]

You are doing amazing!!! Keep up the good work!

 

[Shinsplint]

I fucking hate my brother. He is the biggest bully I have ever met. Sometimes I wonder whether I would have even HAD a weight problem if it hadn't been for him. All he seems to do is get up my nose. Like tonight. I bought a book, a great book. About food. I thought I'd sit and read it for a few hours; I so rarely ever just sit and read (and now I know why). Well, here's the thing. My brother has a loud voice. And since my father's hearing started deteriorating, it's gotten even louder. But more than that, he doesn't seem to understand the proper volume at which people should speak in different situations. Like in the home. I put on my earphones, I turn the radio or TV up and try to concentrate, to hear my own thoughts... but I can STILL hear my brother's booming voice reverberating through the walls. Nobody else's. Not even my father's. Just his.

Once I brought this to his attention and was yelled at. "Why didn't you come and tell me all this time? I've been talking for half an hour! I don't think it's annoying to you at all; I think you're just bored and want to piss me off!!!" (I had been waiting for him to finish his rant but seeing it wasn't finishing, had approached him with the request he keep it down, before his outburst). So this time, I didn't wait. I went and asked him if he could please try and speak quieter. Really nicely. And what do you think happened? He started arguing and slinging insults at me. "You're so controlling!! You want to control people! If you don't like it here, why don't you just move out?!!" bla bla fucking bla...

I have heard speeches like this a hundred times before. So often in fact that I have started to see myself in a different light: as a culprit. As the one who needs to change. I have started apologising for my actions even when I am not in the wrong. At other times, worrying that I might be being pushed around, I baulk and act unreasonable, just when I shouldn't. All because my confidence has been shattered - by this great bully. This big oaf of a grown man who decides his life won't be complete unless he pushes his sister and mother around.

The reason I write this in here is because I am fighting a losing battle in my own home right now, one that has in the past ALWAYS resulted in me going back to SUGAR and JUNK FOOD. It has been my secret comfort. Every time I have kicked the habit and things have been going great, suddenly a big battle like this has erupted and totally destabilised my emotions, making me lose control and act like a drug addict on Death Row. It's like, when my feelings get like this, NOTHING else matters in the world. All I want is to get some junk food or do something crazy and self-destructive because I don't care about my life because it sucks so bad. I feel trapped since I can't afford to move out, don't have a job and will always have this social ineptitude that will make my social life hard and make getting those things that normal people take for granted (a job, house, marriage) impossible. And when this shit happened tonight, all this was in my heart and on my mind and I was so close to running out, grabbing the car and heading for the nearest milkbar or supermarket to repeat a lifelong pattern. A pattern that's been in motion in my life for 15 YEARS. But I heard that getting all these feelings out can help to control these crazy desires, so I decided to stop keeping this shit inside and just let it out in my diary. I apologise if anyone is reading this and thinking bloody Shinsplint is at it again with her negative raving. I'm sorry! But I am trapped, trapped, TRAPPED!!! My only hope is in a miracle. If I could win the damn lottery and buy a house of my own and move out of this crazy place, I would do it, and then nobody would hear another peep out of me again! I would be happy!!! I've tried therapy, I've tried moving to other places, other countries even, and nothing has worked out. Maybe it's my lot in life to suffer like this as a prisoner of my own family. I'm just so fucking tired of this psychological abuse!! Nobody backs me up against him; when I snap, they always reprimand me for being immature, when HE does or says something stupid, it's always, "Oh, you KNOW what your brother is like. Just don't talk to him, he'll grow out of it one day." I'm tired of feeling like I have to walk on eggshells around a grown man who should be out there raising his own family but who insists on being treated like royalty while he storms about the place demanding his food be cooked and his clothes washed for him by people he never respects. Somebody PLEASE tell me I'm not fucking crazy for thinking this way!!!

 

[Shinsplint]

First, Congrats on Joining the Gym!!! ... Sometimes, we don't realize who and when people pop into our daily lives, but it's for a reason!!! Take that inspiration with you my dear, we can all do this, we just have to WANT it!!....and since you want that metal (just like me) Let's GET IT BABY!!!!!!! OoooooooouuuUU! !

Thanks sexy. (Sorry I cut your post short; too many images to display, though I value all of it - of course!!) Interesting idea, the one about people coming into our life for a reason. I hadn't thought of it like that, but maybe I should.

Wow!!! That's a BIG DECISION & I COMPLETELY SUPPORT YOU!!! ! I know you can attain health!!! Remind yourself daily...that you " ARE HEALED & THAT HEALING FROM THE INSIDE OUT FEELS AMAZING~& THAT THE GRATITUDE THAT EXUDES YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR INNER HEALING IS THE GRACIOUSNESS OF GOD SHOUTING FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR CELLS...THAT YOU ARE HEALED!! YOU ARE UNIFIED FROM WITHIN & YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN ALIVE!!! BELIEVE IT, CAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!!!" Love you woman!! !!!! You can do this and anything else in the world!! I see through you ....and I loveeee what I see!! !!! Now GET IT!!!

Wow. You really should be an inspirational speaker Alta... Some of the stuff you say gives me goosebumps. I am looking forward to being healed from my hormonal problems but I think it's probably going to be a long-term healing that is dependent on my diet... And my diet will be dependent on my emotions... So if my emotional life is healed, the result will be a healed body. Let's hope! (because I am pretty screwed up inside).

Congratulations on hitting a new low (ha ha). Shake it don't break it whilst you celebrate!
Thanks for sharing this encounter with your friend. I was just prattling in my diary about how I'm starting to feel proud of my hard work (rather than daunted by it). So glad you're on fire! You've reminded me that the some of the rewards are immediate. They don't all have to be farrrrr off in the distant future. Keep plugging along!

Thanks belly babe! In my next life I want to be an electrical appliance... and keep plugging, all day every day. (And nobody will have to hear my stupid jokes).

You are doing amazing!!! Keep up the good work!

Thanks JB - Here's to relating less and less to your nickname as time goes by (you should SEE my plate of Jell-O)!

 

[Shinsplint]

January 25th

Weight: 175 lbs

HA!!! Take THAT, you stubborn, unsightly fat cells! Get out of my life, I HATE youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

I'm finally under 80kg. One more pound and I will have lost 30 pounds since this show got on the road. Bring it on! (Imagine Lleyton Hewitt yelling after a won point here and you'll guess my mood exactly).

Didn't work out today but went to the gym about my membership. Because of a screw-up with my payments I get a month free. After which, I may change to the yearly membership, which is cheaper. But also, more importantly, it will make me commit, and that's what I really need to get my ass into gear, to get serious about this.

Tomorrow is a public holiday; I may go for a walk and then chill out with my book - The End of Overeating by David Kessler. It seems like a fantastic book. I've only read a chapter (or ALREADY read a chapter) and I love what I see so far. A lot of what he says has been in my mind for years; every time I've given in to the sugar bug and lifted a box of biscuits off a supermarket shelf, I've heard it. That silent fight between wanting to do what's best for my body and wanting to do what's best for the junk food companies. It sounds melodramatic but really, I am so glad I walked into the bookshop today.

 

[Shinsplint]

A few things I want to add here: Firstly, I apologise if anyone has been reading my diary and come across my unsavoury language. I don't often swear, just when I'm really upset. I could try to not type it but that wouldn't be who I am; I'm not a princess with a ladylike mouth when I'm fuming, sorry to say.

Now, a nice discovery I just made is my arms are getting stronger; I can feel more toning in my shoulders after just 2 weeks of weights. I'm totally blown away.

People on this board who are encouraging me are truly my greatest allies in this fight for health; even my own mother, who birthed me, just showed me she doesn't understand what I'm going through. As always, I'm the problem. Why do I speak like I do? Just because I said I wanted to be left alone. Because I like being alone. Because nobody friging understands me. Alone never misunderstands me.

 

[Trusylver]

your doing a fantastic job, and as for the choice words, I don't know any aussies that don't use a few at times

Have a Good AUSTRALIA DAY

 

[20to10]

I curse too. It's just an expression of frustration, which is expected when you make such a major life change. Feck anyone who reads this and is offended! Saying 'feck' is a national pasttime in Ireland. Just watch Father Ted!



Well, I will try that book out, definitely! Thanks for the recommendation and I know what you mean about no one understanding! It's very isolating trying to battle this every minute of every day but we have to control the food and cravings, not the other way around!

 

[20to10]

D'oh! I meant to say CONGRATULATIONS on hitting 175 and under the 80kg mark. Sadly, I am still struggling to get under the 95kg mark!

 

[bellyoff]

Now, a nice discovery I just made is my arms are getting stronger; I can feel more toning in my shoulders after just 2 weeks of weights. I'm totally blown away.

Congratulations on hitting 175! You won't be there long. Before you know it you'll be outta the 70's and into the 60's. If you do ever happen to stall on the scale, remember all the other benefits like the muscle you're building, strength you're gaining, and inches you're losing. Nice work!!

 

[Shinsplint]

your doing a fantastic job, and as for the choice words, I don't know any aussies that don't use a few at times

Have a Good AUSTRALIA DAY

Thanks hon! Hope you had a great Australia Day too!

I curse too. It's just an expression of frustration, which is expected when you make such a major life change. Feck anyone who reads this and is offended! Saying 'feck' is a national pasttime in Ireland. Just watch Father Ted!



Well, I will try that book out, definitely! Thanks for the recommendation and I know what you mean about no one understanding! It's very isolating trying to battle this every minute of every day but we have to control the food and cravings, not the other way around!

I totally agree! It's about showing them who's boss! lol

D'oh! I meant to say CONGRATULATIONS on hitting 175 and under the 80kg mark. Sadly, I am still struggling to get under the 95kg mark!

I'll visit your diary to see what you're up to; I'm sure you're doing great and getting there, slowly but surely. The longer it takes us, presumably, the longer we maintain the new weight.

Congratulations on hitting 175! You won't be there long. Before you know it you'll be outta the 70's and into the 60's. If you do ever happen to stall on the scale, remember all the other benefits like the muscle you're building, strength you're gaining, and inches you're losing. Nice work!!

Wow, thanks bellyoff! What a great encouragement! I've figured I've got 3 more kilos to go to get into the 160s... I hadn't thought about it before but now it's really exciting me and I can't wait to get there! Thanks for helping keep my mind in the right place!

 

[Shinsplint]

No entries for a few days because I've been lazy and hate having the computer on when it's hot. Gawsh I hate the summer... heat, mosquitoes, SPIDERS!!! YechowwWWW! (Just killed a big, hairy huntsman and my heart is still skipping beats). But one thing is good about summer: my appetite for fatty, sugary, starchy foods drops to nil, which is a Godsend since I'm trying to eat healthier.

For the last few days I've been doing an average of 50-75 mins of cardio every day in the form of hill walking - or incline if in the gym - and weights every second day.

My arm work-out routine is as follows:

*chest press: started at 2 X 10 reps at 10kg, now doing 2X12;
*flys (where you bring the handles in front of you from out the sides): 2 X 12 reps at ~20kg;
*pull-downs: I can never remember the weight on this one, but I think it's the second-easiest - I started at 2 X 15 and now doing 2 X 18 reps.

Obviously, since I'm hopeless at remembering weights and names and left my sheet at the gym, I'm guessing most of this info based on memory. But next time I go back I'll take a scrap piece of paper and jot down all the info to have as a personal training log on here.

Food today:

*muesli cereal with prune and banana with whole milk;
*3 meatballs in tomato/herb sauce, ~1 cup white rice (tut tut!);
*green apple;
*2 after-dinner mints & a good 10 teaspoonfuls of Nutella

Focus for tomorrow will be to reduce the foods in bold and eat more vegies!!

 

[Trusylver]

Great work on the cardio, looks like it is time to increase the weight on the pulldowns

A small notebook is realy good to include in your gym bag for taking notes and is great for recording how you felt about some of your exercises to make it easier to adapt to changes.

From what you posted I am guesing that you have a split routine (different body parts each day), what do your other days consist of ?

 

[20to10]

Way to go on the working out. You're kicking ass!!

I'm so jealous you're down to under 80kg. I distinctly remember getting that low the last time I did this (2007/8) and it was a major thing to get under 80, then under 70, too!

You can do this. I'm still working on getting under 90 myself, and like I said in my own diary, I think there's something more stalling me and I'll know more when I get my bloods back. Meanwhile, I can't take that as an excuse to avoid exercise! I'm fine on the food/cals side, but need an asskicking on the exercise. Just watched loads of TBL on youtube and I find it really motivating. I'd love to spend hours and hours getting worked out!

I would love to be able to afford the luxury of the time and money for a trainer!