Mowens's Diary

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I've had a good last few days. I was down in weight for a 4 day streak which felt great.

Monday was a nice, mild 53 with the fog still rolling off the lake so a friend and I decided to do some fishing.

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We were out on his 12ft boat for about 6 hours and baked in the sun. He's one of those people that weighs 130lbs and eats anything he wants. He had packed Little Debbie cakes and Oreos while I had my no-salt peanuts and low calorie granola bars. It's a bit unfair to see him weigh so little and eat whatever, but I know weight isn't the only indicator of health. :p

Here's a quick shot of my catches. Not my best by a long shot, but it's enough to eat.

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I'm still really loving my FitBit. Some days I feel like it's giving me too much credit and I'm hesitant to put too much faith into the numbers, but I'm down 32.2lbs as of this morning, and I'm still 10 days away from having been doing this for 3 months.

And this is just something I saw that I thought was a good bit of inspiration for my weight loss journey:

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Those Brim (some call them sunfish or perch) are small but really tasty. You gotta catch a bunch but they are worth the effort cleaning. That catfish will be good too! Unfortunately I love them fried lol.
 
Yummy looking fish Mowens! I love that quote too. I'm snaffling that for the motivational quotes thread. Thank you.
 
Feeling pretty down on myself. Weight loss has slowed lately even though I think I'm doing well on it. It's still heading in the right direction, just much slower than previously.

Down 34.0lbs as of this morning.

I'm really stressed out because my financial situation is very tight. My wife quit her full-time job back in January after the birth of our second child and has started an in- home daycare to help subsidize the difference in income, but she's still bringing in significantly less money for the tradeoff of getting to spend more time with the children instead of working her life away to be able to afford to let someone else raise them.

I totally sympathize with her even though I can barely make it through a regular weekend with a 10 month old and an almost 4 year old. :p They're very exhausting in the way children of those ages can be. And the financial strain is taking a toll on our relationship a bit. We are (mostly) good with money but there comes a point where a dollar can't be stretched any further.

On top of that, I'm just shy of 5 weeks out from the 1 year anniversary of my mother's death. She died on October 25th, 2015 from complications stemming from a broken leg she had gotten in August 2015, exacerbated by her weight problems. It's been extremely hard on my dad and the last 12 months have been some of the most stressful I've ever had.

As I had mentioned in my opening post of this diary, my mom was a big reason why I wanted to start this lifestyle change in the first place. I didn't want to go down the same road and have weight be a deciding factor on whether I live or die in my future and I think she would be proud of the progress I've made so far. And because of that, I try not to be too hard on myself when I had a few rough days.

I didn't really have much to say today, this is just a vent post to get some of it off of my chest.
 
Vent away Mowens, sometimes stuff is just hard. Sending hugs in case you have a use for them. To quote Ehrmann´s Desiderata:

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe; no less than the trees and the stars.
You have a right to be here.
 
Glad to see I'm not the only one, Mowens. Part of our financial issues is because my wife is working part-time in retail, which makes bupkiss, and pretty much just pays for the daycare. I'm practically begging her to look for something full time, but if I push too hard she shuts down. She is looking, but has a hard time recognizing that she has marketable skills that would land her a good full-time job. Her mother was (is) a cheerleader, and raised her in a "you're the best at everything" mindset, which was great until she found out she wasn't, so she doesn't take compliments, and doesn't seem to know what's she's really good at.

Yikes, didn't mean to share that much, I guess I'm trying to say that you're not alone!
 
That all rings a bell from my end too. I married my wife straight out of college and she has a teaching degree but has never really pursued a teaching position. I inherited about $15,000 in her student debt and she was unemployed for the first 18 months after we got married. Now she wants to be a stay at home mom, which I support if that's what she wants, but it's very difficult to make ends meet and I wonder why she spent the 4 years and tens of thousands of dollars if she wasn't going to turn it into a lucrative career.

Me, on the other hand; I am only high school educated and I only took 2 semesters in a community college yet I work full-time in a government position which I've had since 2007. Sometimes it feels like we were raised in separate worlds, so I can definitely commiserate with you. :eek:
 
Hi Mowens. This year seems to be difficult for many of us. We all have our down times. They will pass, but hopefully, they will pass very soon! Don't give up on doing what you are doing. You know that you are losing weight for the right reasons. If not even one person says anything to you, you know that you are doing really well. 34lbs lost is excellent. You should be very proud of yourself.
Re: your wife & the work/$'s situation. You know how you felt when you were home alone with your children. Juggling a job while your children are so young & needy is absolutely & utterly exhausting. I don't think I could have done it. Do you & she have a time-frame for when she does return to full-time work? I know my self-confidence was eroded when I took time off from full-time work to look after our kids. I would have really struggled to get a job on my own. G & I took over a business together after I had spent 5 years away from work.
You'll work things out. When your kids are young, life is not easy. It will get better & you will be fitter & healthier & be able to enjoy it more, xoxo
 
You just described my life...about15 years ago. Now oldest son is at Baylor and middle son is a plebe at USNA which is a long way from Texas and I'm stuck here out numbered by the females in the house. Fight on my virtual friend. You have made progress to be proud of and your motives are pure!
 
Thanks cate, brawny and LaMa. You all are the best. (I hope you don't find it too strange that I say this, but I consider you all to be my friends.)

I wish I could see myself in as positive a light as some other people do... I find it very difficult. I know that I should be happier with the progress I've made and to an extent I am. I feel that I need to make some new changes to get there.

First of all, I'm going to take the advice most of you have been giving me from day 1 which is to stop weighing myself every day. While a streak of 2-3 days of losses helps the self-esteem, 3-4 days of little to no progress is crushing to the motivation. I'm going to pick a day (probably Friday) and do a weekly weigh in instead of driving myself insane doing it daily.

Second, I'm going to start keeping better track of my exercise. I've been taking about two 25 minute walks a day, which feels fantastic, but I'm going to start adding some time in the evening to walk as well (as the body allows) and/or maybe up the intensity of my walks to get more out of the limited time I'm allowed to use at work. I'm not working toward a 5k or anything, but as long as exercise is bothering me less and less, I see no reason not to get myself more fit.

Side note: It still blows me away when I walk for 20 minutes and have more breath in me than what 3 minutes used to do to me 3 months ago. I almost feel like there's something wrong with me when I'm not sweating and just calmly breathing as I walk.

I need to start looking at pictures like these to remind myself how much I've already seen change. Look at how much thinner my face is and how much neck fat is gone. I can physically tell a difference in my neck when I lay down to sleep at night. The first picture is from a couple of weeks after I started and the second picture is from last night.

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Ugh, I'm sorry for making you look at my face. haha! :eek:
 
"I wish I could see myself in as positive a light as some other people do." I really hope you learn to, too. Pretty sure that's prerequisite for treating your body well in the long run. Could you make a rule like "no negative comments on myself, body and mind, including self-deprecating humor, for a week"? Instead, every time you feel one bubble up, you might actually say something nice to yourself. I could set it as a challenge if that makes it easier, and I'd join in because it's something I'm working on as well.

PS: the difference in the two pics is pretty amazing!
 
That would be fairly difficult for me. Self-deprecating humor is a pretty big part of my personality. Conan O'Brien is my spirit animal in that way. :p Humor in general is my mechanism for getting through awkward, tense or depressing situations. I find the more open I am about my feelings, whether about myself, politics, religion... anything really, the more I look back and feel like no one cares in the first place. It's a vulnerable thing to do.

I don't really dislike anything about myself... well, other than how big my stomach is... but other than that, I've come to terms with the way I look. haha! I know I'm nothing special to look at. I didn't grow up in a nurturing environment so my instinct is to push away anyone who is nice to me.

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But it you want to make it a duel challenge, I'll take that bet with you. Call me out on it and I'll do the same. :beerchug:
 
Big difference in those photos dude!
I am a weekly weigher myself. That way I usually see some loss but once in a while I plateau. I will occasionally sneak on the scale mid-week if I feel like I might like what I see.
 
:) Glad to hear you do like yourself in general. And I really hope your kids know you do, too, because kids often copy behavior without really understanding the meaning behind it. But I think it would be an interesting experiment all the same! Do we start tomorrow or on Monday morning?
 
Dude- what a difference!! Looking GOOOODDDDD!!

I always weighed myself weekly. Weight fluctuates too much from morning to night and day to day. Just made me frustrated to weigh daily. Affected my mood for that day. I used to weigh on Mondays. That kept me from pigging out on the weekend ( which was a problem as I used to overeat on the weekends). This held me accountable and it worked for me.

Track your exercise. When I started running, I would walk to the next driveway from my place and then run from that driveway to the next one then walk and so on. Eventually I was able to run around my subdivision (I live in the country) which was about 2K. Then I tried for another lap. Eventually I worked up to 10K then further. You don't have to run but walking works just as well. Remember that your body gets used to the distance you walk and eventually you should push yourself a little farther or faster so that you continue to benefit from the exercise. You don't have to sprint or walk 10 miles but pushing a little outside your comfort zone is a good thing- tracking lets you know where you left off.

Funny thing about my weight loss. I started at 320 pounds and weigh about 180 now. I still see myself as fat. It takes some time for your mind to catch up to your body. It isn't until I look at old pictures of myself( I hate having pictures taken of myself so they are sometimes hard to find-lol) that I realize how far I have come.

You are on the right track and doing a great job!
 
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