Michelle's Place- A bit wiser this time around...

mishi

mishi

New member
It has been a whirlwind last year and a half. Last year at this time I was at my lowest weight (157) since high school and it felt great! I was able to maintain until the winter and my wedding and then I just let go. Of course old habits die hard and since I had just squashed mine and didn't change them they came back with a vengeance and my weight is back up to what it was when I joined this site a few years ago (200). I am 5'3" btw. It is hard but I am DETERMINED to stay positive.
I hate reading my past diaries and hearing myself complain about this and that. I know they are meant for things like that but I hate hearing myself whine. lol That goes for in my own head too. Like a hunting dog wanting to be let go to chase a rabbit I want to explode out onto the scene, cut my calories and do what I did before to lose weight. I know it works. However, it is something that didn't work because it all came back. The changes didn't stick!
I joined Sparkpeople and have been reading through their beginning steps and I like them. I am in a hurry to lose weight because there is a wardrobe in my closet I can't wear. It has been sweats and sports bras for months now. sigh. However if I want this to succeed I need to do, not only what works, but what works right and what I can keep working. There are people on here I have admired for the work they have done. Wishes and Mal are at the top of my list. Wishes for all her hard work and the effort to really share what she has done and being so real about it- and now of course giving a kidney to her brother!! and Maleficent for being so steady and common sense about everything not to mention weight loss... and also so funny and not afraid to tell you how it is lol :)
There are great people here. I have been feeling so closed off and private about so much lately but I am thinking that is because I am ashamed of where I have gotten back to. So instead of wallowing in that I am trying a test post. lol. I am posting how I feel and starting a new diary. I need to get back on track and find what works...even if it takes a little while for the weight to come off.
My goals-
I want to run a marathon in 2010 life circumstances permitting*
I want to start running again lol.
I want to be healthier.
I want to fit into "normal" clothes again.
I want to have a baby.(my husband is in on this too but it's my diary lol)
I want to have a healthy pregnancy.
I want to eat better and cut out fast food!
I want to make exercise more a part of my life.
I don't want to feel like I am starving.
I want to set myself up on a track that can continue indefinitely.

I am sure there are more but that is it for now. I need to be more proactive. *We are officially trying to have a baby so I know that when I get pregnant I will have to watch what I am eating and not use the "eat for 2" excuse this time around. I gained 60lbs last time when I did that!! I need to be diligent but not over the top and implement things slowly.

First thing to implement:
walk at least 20 minutes a day

Baby steps. If your still with me wish me luck and thanks for reading:):waving:
 
mishi said:
It has been a whirlwind last year and a half. Last year at this time I was at my lowest weight (157) since high school and it felt great! I was able to maintain until the winter and my wedding and then I just let go. Of course old habits die hard and since I had just squashed mine and didn't change them they came back with a vengeance and my weight is back up to what it was when I joined this site a few years ago (200). I am 5'3" btw. It is hard but I am DETERMINED to stay positive.
I hate reading my past diaries and hearing myself complain about this and that. I know they are meant for things like that but I hate hearing myself whine. lol That goes for in my own head too. Like a hunting dog wanting to be let go to chase a rabbit I want to explode out onto the scene, cut my calories and do what I did before to lose weight. I know it works. However, it is something that didn't work because it all came back. The changes didn't stick!
I joined Sparkpeople and have been reading through their beginning steps and I like them. I am in a hurry to lose weight because there is a wardrobe in my closet I can't wear. It has been sweats and sports bras for months now. sigh. However if I want this to succeed I need to do, not only what works, but what works right and what I can keep working. There are people on here I have admired for the work they have done. Wishes and Mal are at the top of my list. Wishes for all her hard work and the effort to really share what she has done and being so real about it- and now of course giving a kidney to her brother!! and Maleficent for being so steady and common sense about everything not to mention weight loss... and also so funny and not afraid to tell you how it is lol :)
There are great people here. I have been feeling so closed off and private about so much lately but I am thinking that is because I am ashamed of where I have gotten back to. So instead of wallowing in that I am trying a test post. lol. I am posting how I feel and starting a new diary. I need to get back on track and find what works...even if it takes a little while for the weight to come off.
My goals-
I want to run a marathon in 2010 life circumstances permitting*
I want to start running again lol.
I want to be healthier.
I want to fit into "normal" clothes again.
I want to have a baby.(my husband is in on this too but it's my diary lol)
I want to have a healthy pregnancy.
I want to eat better and cut out fast food!
I want to make exercise more a part of my life.
I don't want to feel like I am starving.
I want to set myself up on a track that can continue indefinitely.

I am sure there are more but that is it for now. I need to be more proactive. *We are officially trying to have a baby so I know that when I get pregnant I will have to watch what I am eating and not use the "eat for 2" excuse this time around. I gained 60lbs last time when I did that!! I need to be diligent but not over the top and implement things slowly.

First thing to implement:
walk at least 20 minutes a day

Baby steps. If your still with me wish me luck and thanks for reading:):waving:
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:party: WEeeeeeelCOME BACK!!! ....and YESssss, STILL with YA!!! YOU can DO IT!!!!

...we are HUMAN, and IT happens....and WE all WHINE....lol....the BEAUTY is that WE are ALL here to HEAR it, and HEAR you SUCCEED too!!! :)
 
A plan

So I realized after yesterdays post I was slightly vague on the plan. There is good reason I am vague. I feel that I am starting from scratch. I haven't found my niche. I know I don't want to restrict my calories to be as low as last time. I would like to aim for the 1600 to 1800 calorie range. I just need to replace some of the not so good foods with better, fresher foods. The bad thing is I don't even know if this will work. It's like I am starting all over again. I am a bit confused on where to start. Sparkpeople says to make small changes. I am trying to drink more water and get out and walk for around 20 minutes a day (whether or not it's all at once). The one big thing I need to do is record my food. I have a love/hate relationship with that. I have a fitday and a sparkpeople. Sparkpeople is more user friendly for food entry but fitday is what I have always used. sigh. No matter what though I need to start doing it. It keeps me accountable and accurate.
So the plan for now: get more consistent with recording my food, get out for 20 minutes a day.
Still fighting that urge to go gung ho.
Thank you Alta:) I hope so. I am sure I will be whining here as well lol. Just want to be positive as positive is good for me lol.
Have a good day!
 
Hello former New Mexican! I am new, yes, but I have struggled a long time with my weight, like most people here have.

You seem like a determined person and have a good head on your shoulders about the whole process. I think you will do great! A huge topic here is you have to get your mind in the right place and then the weight lose is easy... I for one know how hard it is to get your mind in the game... but like I said your plan is not ghun ho and very doable... I'm all for baby steps!

I look forward to seeing your progress and getting to know you better!

Cheers,
MissD
 
yay for goal setting... I've done a bucnh of it for work recently and the one thing about goal setting is to make them SMART

S = Specific
M = Measurable
A = Attainable
R = Realistic
T = Timely

If your goals are vague -it makes them very hard to achieve...

and long term goals (like the 2010 marathon) are great... have some intermediate goals in there as well -like maybe a 5k or a 10k (always a good way to build a cool tshirt collection :D

And thanks for appreciating my abrasive personalilty :)

Hope you're enjoying Colorado :D
 
A bad day.... and then a good day:D

lol. Yesterday was not one of those days I like to talk about. Was home. Was bored. Had a freezer with a new box of dilly bars in it. sigh. The whole box... gone during the course of the afternoon... not to mention a huge plate of nachos, a bowl of cereal and a small cheesecake later that night! I wouldn't normally admit to this but I am trying to be accountable here. I just can't let myself get away with days like that. There are several drawbacks to gaining weight like not fitting into your clothes but the health reasons are really getting to me. I wonder what I have done to my body in the course of gaining this weight and it is freaking me out!! How's my heart, blood pressure, kidneys, liver, joints??!! I just worry. It is strengthening my resolve to get back to business. I just can't control myself around "bad" foods right now so better not to keep them in the house. I went shopping yesterday and bought sugar free fudge bars and popsicles. I also bought lots of fruit and veggies and fresh foods. I did well for dinner cooking pesto salmon with pasta, zucchini and squash but with all the dilly bars I ate during the day it was just no good. I put the dilly bars in Sparkpeople and the box came to 1,400 calories just to give you a clue. sigh
So today I resolved to be on my best behavior. Using meetup.com I have joined a few groups and I had rsvp'd for 2 today at the same time. One was a group I was looking forward to meeting and they were having an ice cream social....yikes. The other was going to the zoo. I opted for the zoo figuring ice cream social was the last thing I needed and the zoo would be good exercise (I was right and my feet hurt lol).
So I have eaten with some control today and exercised. So far so good!
Hi MissD!! Nice to see you around my diary:) I am a pretty determined person and did very well last year. I think it was just too fast and I didn't do things I could sustain. It is hard to get my head back in the game. I have plenty of motivators to lose weight but there are plenty of motivators to be bad too! lol Slowly but surely I will get it:) Thank you!
Hi Mal:)- SMART is cool and I wish we had had that at my school when I was teaching. They had PDSA- plan, do, study, act... I still don't get that concept and nothing ever came of it so I wasn't the only one lol. You are right about smaller goals. I think my thoughts are so jumbled right now it has been hard for me to put a plan together for eating, exercising or anything! I have thought about getting a trainer to help me with direction but they are costly and we are being good financially right now. I will have to look around. I am sure Denver offers a lot in the way of 10ks and 5ks. Even if I walk them it will be something:) Denver has been wonderful so far. I have been so busy that I haven't missed having my friends around too badly...yet. I guess it was a good thing I was a bit recluse for the last several months lol. It is very pretty here and lots and lots to do. I love it!! Of course everyone says just wait until winter.... in NM it doesn't snow except for freak storms every 10 years. I am looking forward to a snowy winter!
Take care all!:)
 
howdy loveley I was dropping in to say miss ya and to wish ya luck because you done it once and you'll do it again!!Hugggs Tammy
 
Doing well today but hanging on by a thread. Sticking to calories is not as easy as it sounds. I am stressed out, shaking, and crying. Why did it get this hard??!! I am not hungry. I have made sure to eat little meals all day. I am up to around 1800 calories and have eaten lots of veggies today. It's like withdrawls. sigh. Damn bad food :(
 
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mishi said:
Doing well today but hanging on by a thread. Sticking to calories is not as easy as it sounds. I am stressed out, shaking, and crying. Why did it get this hard??!! I am not hungry. I have made sure to eat little meals all day. I am up to around 1800 calories and have eaten lots of veggies today. It's like withdrawls. sigh. Damn bad food :(
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ohhhhhhh MISHI :grouphug:......BE STRONG, when WE GET weak, JUST know, that IT IS OKAY....just keep GOING....keep TRYING, keep getting back UP!!!

YOU CAN DO IT AND will!!!!!!
 
Not to bad, Not to great

This weekend had ups and downs. A good days and some bad days. Just trying to take it a day at a time. I need to get an exercise routine down and I think it will help if I schedule some things. I think I want to do a bit of weight training for different parts on different days so I am doing cardio and strength most days of the week.
Mal you were right lol of course ;) and signing up for a 5k will be fun. There is a Susan G. Komen 5k in Denver October 5th.
The fund raising can be anything I want... even nothing but I am going to raise more than that!! So that sounds good to me. Gives me several months to get back into things. I think the couch to 5k plan will work well for this. I am definitely on the couch!! lol
Thank you Alta and Miss D for your support. I had a rough night. I am having such a hard time cutting my calories like I did last time. I may need to ease into it? I had about a month of preparation last time to work my way down. I think I need to do that again.
Another hard thing I am going to do is clean out my closet. Most of my clothes are from last summer and none of them fit. I have about 3 pairs of pants and a few shirts that actually fit but I think looking at the closet full of clothes I can't wear stresses me out. I might hang something up on the wall as a goal thing to fit into but the other things are going into a box until I can wear them again. Then I am going to go out and get some new clothes that fit which is a bit sad because I will need to shop at a "fat store" again :( but that will be better than having no clothes and I need to be realistic about where I am! wish me luck!
 
Yes that 5k plan is a great one! Good luck! I myself am pre-training for a half marathon... but don't let that fool you right now even 3 miles seems far! But I hope to do the 5k or 10 in the Duke City Even in October!
 
Good morning

Hi all and thank you for the comments. I am excited about October and am looking forward to more training. I had the first day on Monday so today will be my second. I downloaded a podcast that talks you through the work out so I will know when to speed up and slow down without having to look at the clock. It went well on Monday but there was a couple issues: 1) The earphones came out of my ipod and I thought there was something wrong with it and pressed buttons which messed up the workout. ( I am OCD so this bothered me that I walked to long while I tried to find the place I was lol) and 2) the treadmill sticks and I get a little jolt every once and awhile which scares me. I am trying to run at 5.5 which is pretty fast for my short little legs and when it jolts I just worry about falling off. I am glad I have taught my son to dial 911 ;) I am using the apartment fitness room so I will need to tell them about it. Because there is no daycare I take my son with me and he is supposed to sit quietly and play. He did well on day 1. We shall see about today:p
Also I have joined the "Aurora Walkers Group" at meetup.com and I went to the first meetup last night. They walk 3 miles at a pretty good pace! I need new shoes! I got a big blister on the ball of my right foot. I was huffing it and out of breath but it was fun and there were people to talk to. I will do that every Tuesday night. Actually the group leader will be out of town for a few weeks and I volunteered as the assistant organizer so I can continue Tuesdays while she is gone. So that will keep me going lol ;) It will be a nice run when I am able as it's 3 miles. Right now it takes me an hour to walk. whew! Sweating just thinking about it!!
That's great MissD! I actually have a friend who is going to come up from ABQ to run the 5k with me in October. Want to join us? It's only a 6 hour drive:)
I will be hitting folks up when I am fund raising but I won't be annoying I promise. I may set up a website or something (when I say I will set up a website I mean my hubby will ;) ) . I am signing up officially after August 1st so we can work the entry fee into our budget.
Hope you all have a good week.
P.S. My eating has been crap. I do great until the evening and as always the cravings kill me and I fold. I am going to try to stop eating by 7pm and just try to stay strong. I have a hard time and then hubby pulls out chips or something snacky and it kills me! sigh. I can't blame it on him but it sure doesn't make it any easier :(
sigh but if I can get exercise going that will be good for me. Diet can come in line at some point... soon dammit!! lol
 
Week 1 down

I finished the first week of C25K yesterday and I am pretty proud of myself:) Friday was hard, I think because I ate badly the day before but I got through it and completed it. It's nice to feel that sense of accomplishment. I downloaded the podcast so now I get to move on to week 2 lol. I like the podcasts. They help me not get bored and help the time not drag out because I don't have to watch the clock. I just run when the voice tells me lol. I like the not thinking about it ;)
So we are back in Albuquerque this weekend to do work and will be headed back tomorrow then Monday I start week 2! Yay!!
 
Being Dumb

:rant:I am being dumb about this whole struggle. I really need to take the responsibility and stop eating the things I know that are bad. When we got home last night I jumped on the scale with my clothes on just for a look. Shouldn't have taken it seriously because my clothes were on and it wasn't my normal weigh in but the number still got to me. 214lbs. sigh. That is only 26lbs away from my all time highest weight. I am super swollen this morning too. Not sure if it was the long car ride or the weight or something else but I just can't keep doing this. The things I eat aren't worth feeling like this! I need to get control of what I eat and that awful binging at night. I am going to try again to post my food. As much as I don't like it it works. I saw some sort of quote somewhere that said "Eating that doesn't feel as good as being thin". Food is a temporary fix and when you are fitter it is all the time. I need to stop. For my health. For my family. Wish me luck.
The Plan: more veggies less crap. Generally I eat well until the evening but I would like to start loading up on veggies more during the day so I don't feel so hungry at night. I am not a big veggie person but I also know if I eat something for awhile I will forget that I don't like it. It takes some time but it will be good for me to start snacking on raw veggies.
Also today is the start of week 2 of C25K:) I am excited about that! I have been enjoying the program.
 
Hey lady! I've found that logging my food here helps, and yeah it sucks but it makes you accountable. Just remind yourself that you did this once before and that you are a strong woman! You can do it again!

Congrats on finishing the first week! I hope the second goes well!!

As far as the binging goes... You might have your husband help out. My boyfriend knows the signs of a binge moment and has been able to stop me in my tracks by either commenting or physically ripping the food from my hands... and then he will remind me how hard I've worked and how far I've come and that those potato chips aren't going to help my progress. And I won't lie I've had weak moments, but we aren't perfect. You will get through it lady!! Just remember the answer is not in the food!!!

Happy Monday and here's to week 2!!!

~MissD
 
Thank you Miss D:) How do you log food here? Do you mean just list it? I have been using Sparkpeople and fitday did well for me. I am not sure which one I want to use. Sparkpeople has been more user friendly.
That is good advice about my husband. The bad thing is he has been the one coming home with chips and snacks and just eating after dinner. When I see him do it I tend to fold faster or if I want something he will want it to. It's a bad mix. We both have to be better as his weight is really high (over 400lbs:() I am really stressed about the whole thing but need to be strong for myself and maybe he will follow suit. We had a talk about it in the car yesterday on our 6 hour ride home and talked about the money it takes for those extra ice cream and snack trips and how we just need to eat dinner and stop. So hopefully it will get better. I can't plan with him because we go at it differently but we both know something needs to change and we are trying hard to work on it together.
 
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