Marsia's Diary

Your food sounds delicious. Glad you had such a nice, relaxed day.
 
Marsia said:
We just moved to South Carolina to an island off the coast near Charleston. It's very hot and rainy, but so charming and just gorgeous, pristine nature where we are
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Oh wow-so interesting! Looking forward to hearing all about it as you get to know your new home! Sounds like you're doing some nice exploration already with the neighboring forest. Gardening is such a great way to keep our bodies moving. Did you get a nice ready-to-go garden with your place or did you have to put it in yourself?
Marsia said:
I think of you when I do yoga, too! Glad you are remembering a lot of your Tai Chi.
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I thought of both of you when I thought to stop on the forest trails today to do some qi gong after my run :) Admittedly it was a super short session, but better than nothing!

The food sounds awesome!!!
 
Thanks everyone!
liza3 said:
Oh wow-so interesting! Looking forward to hearing all about it as you get to know your new home! Sounds like you're doing some nice exploration already with the neighboring forest. Gardening is such a great way to keep our bodies moving. Did you get a nice ready-to-go garden with your place or did you have to put it in yourself?
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Hi Liza! We've been mostly hiking in the pine and oak woods, exploring rivers and the wild beaches, and visiting Charleston which is the most charming, beautiful place. It seems like a different country here. I am on the porch with tropical bird sounds and crickets singing at the moment. Sometimes the frog chorus is so loud here, it's truly like a symphony. Last night we took a walk to the river, and there were fireflies in the woods, where you looked up into the canopy and there were twinkling fireflies like stars in the treetops. The river at night is so incredibly beautiful, and last night there was a distant thunderstorm on the next island over. You could watch the lightning striking over and over in this little area of super dense storm clouds while our river was serene and still.

I had to start the garden from scratch with raised beds as the previous owner dumped a bunch of toxic chemicals on the lawn, so I can't garden in the soil here. It's mostly sand anyway, so the raised beds are a better choice anyway. And added bonus, filling up raised beds in the heat and humidity is an excellent workout! I have a lot of baby fruit trees in big pots that I'll plant in the spring when the weather is nice, too.

Qi gong on the forest trail sounds wonderful! 💕

Got the first coat on K's walls, and it is night and day better. The old color actually made us tense - a medium blue that is nice in theory, but just isn't relaxing to be around. Every room we paint makes us love the house even more!

I have been feeling really unsocial lately, and have been getting down on myself about it. I think it's the same thing that's been haunting me for a while. I really really want to do art, but there is a stack of dishes waiting for me or a wall of moving boxes or a path covered in palm tree fruit that I didn't get to. And there is this zinnia that came up in the lawn that has these bright yellow star stamens that I'd love to sketch. It just feels like what I want to do, no telling why. But being me, I ignore the feeling and prioritize the dishes. So I don't feel like making friends now and having even less me-time. I'll go take a picture of the zinnia so if I don't get to sketching it, I can at least work from a photo.
 
I hope you get a chance to paint that zinnia. Life is so short and in ten years time nobody will ask you how much fruit you carted away or whether you always did the dishes right away.
 
Thanks Cate and LaMa! I meditated a bunch and felt all the weird feelings I was feeling. I realize that I feel all this pressure to do art, but I am treating it like it's another chore to get to. I don't even know where the art supplies I put to one side are so that I could paint what I want with the zinnia at this point. I spent the day painting with K in her room (the ceiling and walls and trim) and feel that doing art is part of what I want for my life, but so is enjoying my last years with K in the house, and just enjoying the house and garden and area. I want to do all this from a place of enjoyment, and get off this hamster wheel of feeling that I am behind. You are right that no one will care if there is a pile of rotting fruit at the entry to the house or that I can't get caught up on dishes. I need to just do what I can do to make the house functional and my art supplies accessible and in a spot that doesn't get too hot. I need to make my life my own, but not in some pressured way.

This house is perfect for the lifestyle I think we all want. I just need to have a positive attitude that eventually all the painting will be done and things put away. I need to not get stressed for no reason about it not happening sooner. I did take a picture of the zinnia and will make a quick sketch of what I wanted to do with it, and I will make a painting, but when I feel more relaxed and able to take my time doing it.

My weight is staying the same. I would like to be making more beds outside (because that really gets the weight off fast), but it's been really hot, and I want to finish painting some things in the house first. I painted K's ceiling yesterday, which was a good workout for muscles in my back that I don't usually use, so I limited my gardening to planting some flowers last night when it was cooler outside. It was really nice being out there at dusk with the fireflies.

Someone in the health food store recommended an excellent farm stand that is near our house. It has wonderful heirloom tomatoes and lovely peaches and I think we'll go back today and get more. I want to make a fresh salsa and make some teff tortillas up for quesadillas.
 
Marsia said:
We've been mostly hiking in the pine and oak woods, exploring rivers and the wild beaches, and visiting Charleston which is the most charming, beautiful place. It seems like a different country here. I am on the porch with tropical bird sounds and crickets singing at the moment. Sometimes the frog chorus is so loud here, it's truly like a symphony. Last night we took a walk to the river, and there were fireflies in the woods, where you looked up into the canopy and there were twinkling fireflies like stars in the treetops. The river at night is so incredibly beautiful, and last night there was a distant thunderstorm on the next island over. You could watch the lightning striking over and over in this little area of super dense storm clouds while our river was serene and still.
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That all sounds so lovely and stunning. I am so glad you are finding some time to explore and enjoy it.
Marsia said:
I have been feeling really unsocial lately, and have been getting down on myself about it. I think it's the same thing that's been haunting me for a while. I really really want to do art, but there is a stack of dishes waiting for me or a wall of moving boxes or a path covered in palm tree fruit that I didn't get to. And there is this zinnia that came up in the lawn that has these bright yellow star stamens that I'd love to sketch. It just feels like what I want to do, no telling why. But being me, I ignore the feeling and prioritize the dishes. So I don't feel like making friends now and having even less me-time. I'll go take a picture of the zinnia so if I don't get to sketching it, I can at least work from a photo.
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So hard sometimes to find that balance of what we want to tend to in our lives. I'm sure once you start getting the extra jobs completed, you will find a nice balance...it's hard when you have a bunch of hours needing to go into just painting and unpacking and sorting, while also tending to just the day to day like meals and dishes.
Marsia said:
I just need to have a positive attitude that eventually all the painting will be done and things put away. I need to not get stressed for no reason about it not happening sooner.
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Exactly!

I really love the sound of your new place--all sounds very ideal!
 
I think getting the house in order is the priority right now Marsia. You will be finished at some point, and then you can get back to art. Take it easy on yourself, girl. You got this!
 
Thanks everyone! I have not felt like thinking about weight loss the last few days. I was having very negative thoughts a lot, so meditated on those more over the last few days and feel a lot better. I think I've changed a lot in the course of my life and was putting pressure on myself to be more like I used to be, and I am feeling more comfortable in my own skin after going through a little intense mini-depression. I don't even feel particularly bad about being fat at the moment, which is a small miracle. It's nice not to have nagging bad feelings in the back of my head about myself. I am actually feeling grateful for having gone though that so I can be less stressed now. I feel like I've gotten less wild and spontaneous and more solid and practical over the years and that my priorities are now very family centered, and it feels good to accept the changes and be content with being more traditional in a way. I was writing to an old friend and noticed that he hasn't changed in the 3 decades that I've known him, but I really have, and that I am a more well rounded person than I was before.

I may need to start tracking calories. I am not happy about stalling out in the 190s, and August is the hottest month here, so I don't think I can get the outdoor exercise needed to keep eating too much and just exercise it off. It's time to get out the measuring cups. I'll give myself a couple of days and then start again.

Got the ceiling and first coat of trim and doors done in K's room. It's looking very relaxing in olive green colors. She really likes it. I think I'll wake her up and go out for coffee with her. I need to figure out what I record and where as far as homeschooling, so will bring that stuff to the cafe. Since August is supposed to be miserably hot here, we decided to start school early and then take off when it's cooler and maybe even do a trip to Washington DC. I really want to get to the National Gallery, and we barely scratched the surface of the Museum of Natural History when we were there with a school field trip. I am so happy we'll be home schooling and can travel during the school year, so travel will be a lot more affordable!
 
You know, I think it's fantastic that you feel you've changed so much over the last 3 decades. That means you're learning and developing and experiencing all that life has to offer. You should feel proud of the changes you've made and the person you are now.

I'm reading at the moment about certain types of thinking patterns many of us get stuck in, and saying 'I'm so fat' and using that as a way to hold ourselves back is so energy-draining and a waste of the perfectly good bodies we have. They might not be aesthetically perfect, but being able to do everything we want to do every day is such a blessing. I'm trying to keep reminding myself of that.
 
I have been ruminating lately ( lots of dreaming) & I will try to put the past in the past. I think I'm a better person than I was decades ago too & I should be more forgiving of my past mistakes. I think we learn from one another. You seem to me to be a lovely person, M & a great Mum, partner & friend & you were also a great daughter. I think it's natural to be restless from time to time. We're only human.
 
I love the sound of the homeschooling. Love that you get to spend quality time with your daughter and do fun things.
Traditional school can make learning so boring!

Excellent too that you can look back over the years and appreciate the changes you've made and the well-rounded person you've grown into. :grouphug:
 
You guys are the best!
Llama said:
Affordable travel, with educational trips as an excuse, sounds wonderful!
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LaMa, I am so happy we are homeschooling! We just started an English unit I got from a homeschooling family of 6 sisters who all homeschool. It's on writing your personal mission statement, and it generated so much in-depth conversation on our individual outlooks on life. We're so enthused about the English writing curriculum now! And inexpensive travel fueled by curiosity - it's what we've always wanted to do!
Emilyrose said:
You know, I think it's fantastic that you feel you've changed so much over the last 3 decades. That means you're learning and developing and experiencing all that life has to offer. You should feel proud of the changes you've made and the person you are now.

I'm reading at the moment about certain types of thinking patterns many of us get stuck in, and saying 'I'm so fat' and using that as a way to hold ourselves back is so energy-draining and a waste of the perfectly good bodies we have. They might not be aesthetically perfect, but being able to do everything we want to do every day is such a blessing. I'm trying to keep reminding myself of that.
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It does feel good realizing I am becoming the person I hoped I'd become! I have worked quite hard at it, so it's really good to see things falling into place as far as growing and changing for the better. I think I am a late bloomer, but that just means I'd better take full advantage of the life I have left!

I really like what you are reading about holding ourselves back with negative messages. I think that's a big part of why I've been so shy and reclusive a lot of my life. I hold myself back and don't learn from other people as a consequence, which makes me even shyer. It's been really good for me being on this forum where everyone has their own unique path, but we can still all inspire each other to be more ourselves. And I am seeing more and more how much practicing gratitude does for me. It's kind of magical!
Cate said:
I have been ruminating lately ( lots of dreaming) & I will try to put the past in the past. I think I'm a better person than I was decades ago too & I should be more forgiving of my past mistakes. I think we learn from one another. You seem to me to be a lovely person, M & a great Mum, partner & friend & you were also a great daughter. I think it's natural to be restless from time to time. We're only human.
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Cate, I've been doing that, too. I feel like I get stuck in comparing my current self to some ideal, but also my past self, which is silly because I really can't change the past, only see it in a more helpful light, I guess. You are so kind - thanks for all the compliments. (I'll try to let them sink in!) I feel like I maybe have escaped my past to a large degree, and it's good to be reminded of that! I am feeling less restless now that we are starting the homeschooling curriculum, and it is interesting and engaging. It feels so good to be learning things in ways that make them fun and relevant. I think that is a big element of what I was missing.

We were going to start school today, but stayed up last night very late making very long, involved figures for a patent. So happy K helped me with them. They took forever. We both forgot to paint the 2nd coat on 2 windows, so we'll do that, and K can move into her room. We made such good homemade salsa yesterday. I'm going to make a nice tabouli with the quinoa I cooked up and some the oodles of mint the last person grew. I am up a few pounds, so I will log breakfast in MFP now!
 
The tabouli sounds tasty. Glad you are in a positive frame of mind and are enjoying building an English curriculum with your daughter. My dad tried to teach me how to play the piano at one point - we realised quite quickly that it wouldn't work! Hahaha. Glad you get on so well with her.
 
Marsia said:
It's been really good for me being on this forum where everyone has their own unique path, but we can still all inspire each other to be more ourselves. And I am seeing more and more how much practicing gratitude does for me. It's kind of magical!
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I am going to concentrate on practising gratitude too. I have been doing Tai Chi outside in the cold at night & that feels so good. It's good to be grateful for what we have. Your homeschooling program with K (& J) will be very rewarding I'm sure. Having that extra quality time with your daughter before she flies will be lovely.
 
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