Marsia's Diary

Don't ever apologise for waxing poetic. I love reading your insights as I have told you before. I think it is the weight-loss that leads you to re-evaluate your life. When I first lost weight back in 2007 I really did that & made big changes. I think 2009 is my year to do it again. I might dig out some more books on psychology I think. Keep waxing poetic please Marsia :)
 
Thanks Cate!!!

I went and tried on sweat pants and most of them fit! Wow, that never happens. I got three that were my style (not tight and look right on someone with big hips) and a top and a couple sweaters that were all flattering and comfy. I haven't bought clothes in so long because I didn't want to have to buy a big size, so as I cull through my old clothes, I may have to buy a couple more here and there. It was still a little hard looking at myself under those unflattering lights. I have strange bumps of fat in places now. I used to lose weight pretty evenly, but this weight is coming off so differently. Maybe it's the intermittent fasting or just being a lot older than the last time I weighed this amount.

I missed the workout with J today but am just going to call my 12,000 steps good enough because I am tired from staying up late the other night and then getting up at 5 am to meditate. The meditation has been so helpful. I now don't even mind it being 30 minutes long. I could probably meditate even longer. Maybe I'll lengthen it a little and see how that feels.

It rained and rained today. So nice and so great for all the animals - the grass is green and the cows and horses grazing in the rain looked really happy today. The deer are returning to our area after a years long drought where you hardly saw them the last few years. Saw a young mother and 2 fauns today and keep seeing a beautiful buck with a big rack of antlers - he is not afraid of me, but I chase him across the road because if he is in my driveway when a car comes, he may panic and get hit. And the coyote pack must have moved on - I never hear them now, and they used to have coyote puppies in the orchard across the way.

So tomorrow will be rainy, so I will go to the gym after the new sweat pants come out of the washer and dryer!
 
Marsia said:
I wrote a big long letter to an old friend about my life since around age 25 and I was so pleasantly surprised. I had a wild, happy college time studying art and psychology followed by never finding my place in society for years and years, followed by this relationship where I built a nice family and home and feel at home with myself so much more than I ever did.
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I love that you wrote a letter to your friend too. I feel sad that it is a lost art. No-one will ever bother looking at emails. I have almost every letter written to me. They are priceless. I hand-wrote a letter to the family of the old vet that died recently & decided I was going to start writing letters again. It felt good.
 
Darn, well I really wrote an email and not a letter, and just said it wrong, but it felt like a letter because it took me 2 days to write. J used to get letters from a really great dad of one of our friends who was interested in how to create peace in society and they wrote about education back and forth. I really should write letters - I actually came upon old letters from friends a while ago, and they are priceless.

I am going to do some art this morning and then head off to the gym - wish me luck!
 
Did resistance exercises, half hour on the stair stepper, and did a sketch that didn't come out how I wanted. My ideas get too big for the little piece of paper in my small sketch pad, plus when I start up doing art again, the images look rather stiff. So that was a warm up day. It felt nice to do stair stepper and I coaxed myself to keep doing 5 more minutes until I got 30 minutes in. I lost a tiny bit more, so am at 198.8 now.
 
Haha Marsia we will let you off . I do emails regularly to friends as I have friends around the world but I love the idea of a handwritten letter . I used to do it a lot . I kept all the letters my husband wrote to me 30 years ago I must go look for them . I think I will write a letter to someone this week as one of my little tasks . Thanks for the idea .
 
Thanks you guys!! I agree about writing letters. I think I may write one to my mother in law who is seriously undervalued and has been so nice to me and I want to return the favor. It feels so nice to be firming up. I dropped another pound yesterday, so 177.8 today. I am starting to feel skinny! This makes me want to screech like a school girl with happiness!!! I don't feel the need to join a challenge though. I feel like going at my own pace with things for a while. I think I am starting to be self-motivated - gasp! And ironically it in HUGE part to you all being so supportive and encouraging of me!! :hug2:
 
Well done on feeling skinny Marsia . I don’t know if I was ever that weight . You don’t need a challenge you doing great . I need it to get a bit of a start .
 
Thanks Petal. I may need the support of a challenge at some point, but I am experimenting with how to motivate myself more with my life, because I can get passive and just do stuff for other people and forget myself if I don't work on it. I am actually having an interesting time working on this. I am learning a lot!
 
I don't do well with challenges at all. I just want to be 3.5 kg lighter before our holiday so that I feel better & my clothes won't be tight.
You are doing so well with motivating yourself!
 
Marsia that's been my problem I have forgotten about myself totally for a long long time . It's a huge work in progress . I realise my weight problems now are not because I'm greedy or eat wrong foods but because I was eating from boredom unhappiness sadness and loneliness stress anxiety . And the list goes on . I have to say I should have been an actress because I have hidden all that to the whole world bar one or two. I'm too learning so much .
 
Hi Petal, I think this is true for a lot of us, especially if we raised families. It's just so easy to forget oneself, and it kind of snuck up on me slowly that I wasn't taking care of myself and was getting lonely and bored and not feeling well. Add to that we both have husbands who go off and do their own thing, and something has to change! I am so happy you are doing your book and figuring out what makes you feel light and happy again versus what weighs you down! I am doing something similar, so we can keep each other company!!!
 
I was lonely a lot and your right about it all but I can see how things are changing for you and it’s inspirational and I feel the tide might be turning for me too . It’s not easy though . It’s been a damn hard journey
 
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