Losing Weight in the Land of Chocolate and Cheese!
- Thread starter decisionmaker
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decisionmaker
New member
Thanks girls!
Azara - I feel dreadful that this is the first time you popped into my diary and I'm a bloody whinger and a half today! Ha. Oh well, we all have those days, eh?
Amy - Yeah... I'm trying not to psych myself out about it though. I'm a bit of a claustrophobe too, so I'm hoping that they aren't going to have to put the whole of my inside one of those coffin-like chambers... *shudder*
Azara - I feel dreadful that this is the first time you popped into my diary and I'm a bloody whinger and a half today! Ha. Oh well, we all have those days, eh?
Amy - Yeah... I'm trying not to psych myself out about it though. I'm a bit of a claustrophobe too, so I'm hoping that they aren't going to have to put the whole of my inside one of those coffin-like chambers... *shudder*
Azara
New member
No worries Dm, I understand completely! I'm guessing the ankle thingy isn't good for your sports career too, eh? :/ And I imagine it can be a bit frightening thinking about MRIs.. Maybe you should relax a bit, have a nice bubble bath with candles, peace and quiet 
Stay on the positive side!
xx
Stay on the positive side!xx
decisionmaker
New member
You know what, Azara? I totally just did that. It was soooo nice... I have this problem, though, where I always fall asleep in the bath! It's the only place I can nap. haha. Not really a problem... until one day I slide under the waves...
__________________________________________
Time for a little psychoanalysis.
AKA: WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF
I said I wasn't going to post my food. It was dreadful. I ate BAD things. ONLY. Well... besides my breakfast.
WHY? Well, I've been thinking about it.
Firstly, like I briefly mentioned once before in one of my first posts, I used to suffer pretty severely from an eating disorder. Which is still so freaking hard for me to say - it is an immediate admission of failure and of being unable to control your life. So, I think that all of my thought processes around the world of food and 'diet'ing need to be really closely monitored.
I'm totally one hundred percent better now, but I know that there are things that push my buttons, and that I have to avoid doing or thinking, if I am to stay healthy. Which is my ultimate goal.
Today is the first day in perhaps two years where I have eaten like this. It's not that I had enormous binges and ate until I was overly full, or anything like that (which I would have done two years ago), but moreso the fact that I only ate bad things. And grazed continuously throughout the day.
The strange thing is that I still remained very conscious of it. All my decisions were deliberate. I thought about all the food I was eating. I made conscious decisions to not weigh things, and to buy that raspberry muffin, or to have those two cookies that my friend put in front of me... I was very aware the whole time.
I think it is some weird way that I try to test myself and my body. I want to see what I can get away with. If I eat like this and then don't put on weight (yeah right), then awesome! But I don't actually expect that to happen... God, I don't know what the hell goes on in that screwy brain of mine.
Anyway, I've just put away my glass of wine, half empty, and decided that will probably be all I'll drink for a while. I haven't been wanting it that much lately anyway, and it'll be good for me to have a bit of a detox.
Psychoanalysis Over.
If you're still reading, you can consider yourself truly a silly duffa. My mind can be one crazy crazy thing...
haha. Not really a problem... until one day I slide under the waves... __________________________________________
Time for a little psychoanalysis.
AKA: WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF
I said I wasn't going to post my food. It was dreadful. I ate BAD things. ONLY. Well... besides my breakfast.
WHY? Well, I've been thinking about it.
Firstly, like I briefly mentioned once before in one of my first posts, I used to suffer pretty severely from an eating disorder. Which is still so freaking hard for me to say - it is an immediate admission of failure and of being unable to control your life. So, I think that all of my thought processes around the world of food and 'diet'ing need to be really closely monitored.
I'm totally one hundred percent better now, but I know that there are things that push my buttons, and that I have to avoid doing or thinking, if I am to stay healthy. Which is my ultimate goal.
Today is the first day in perhaps two years where I have eaten like this. It's not that I had enormous binges and ate until I was overly full, or anything like that (which I would have done two years ago), but moreso the fact that I only ate bad things. And grazed continuously throughout the day.
The strange thing is that I still remained very conscious of it. All my decisions were deliberate. I thought about all the food I was eating. I made conscious decisions to not weigh things, and to buy that raspberry muffin, or to have those two cookies that my friend put in front of me... I was very aware the whole time.
I think it is some weird way that I try to test myself and my body. I want to see what I can get away with. If I eat like this and then don't put on weight (yeah right), then awesome! But I don't actually expect that to happen... God, I don't know what the hell goes on in that screwy brain of mine.
Anyway, I've just put away my glass of wine, half empty, and decided that will probably be all I'll drink for a while. I haven't been wanting it that much lately anyway, and it'll be good for me to have a bit of a detox.
Psychoanalysis Over.
If you're still reading, you can consider yourself truly a silly duffa. My mind can be one crazy crazy thing...
decisionmaker
New member
Thanks so much Amy. You're a star. Thanks for the offer of support - I feel like I have been doing really well lately, and this is just a little glitch that makes me think about all these things, you know? But I'm getting there. And I'm actually really happy and proud of myself to be doing this weight-loss-journey-lifestyle thing without being radical about it, without wanting to lose all that weight IMMEDIATELY, and without getting too hung up on it. Though my last two days probably aren't testament to that Thanks.
decisionmaker
New member
Figured out I had 2420Cal today. Which is about double my usual standard. But I felt like I ate nothing substantial - just lots of fluff. Makes me realise how much I miss my veggies...
Tomorrow I start again. Feeling much more positive after I got all that out.
Tomorrow I start again.
Feeling much more positive after I got all that out.
overtherainbow
New member
Oh Decisionmaker, Decisionmaker You can't be feeling good right now. In the past maybe you overate in big quantities because part of it made you feel good, even though you knew it wasn't. And maybe you wanted to experience the "comfort" of that again. I'm so glad that you remained concious of what you were doing and you weren't doing it on autopilot, as you may have possibly done in the past. You must be feeling pretty miserable about your ankle and the doctors. Don't beat yourself up about this, learn from it... I know the massive feeling of satisfaction you get when you resist eating crap at parties etc.... And the way your feeling now must be the opposite. Eat good foods=feel good, eat bad foods=feel bad.
Talking about your food disorder ISN'T AN ADMISSION OF FAILURE, and No one in their right minds would think badly of you because of it. Everyone has times in their lives when things spiral out of control, so don't beat yourself up over it.
Reading your post made me so sad. You don't need me to tell you the benefits of eating well, you know all that. Obviously I don't know the full story, and maybe the feelings behind your eating disorder are different to what I have assumed, and I am sorry if i've given you a load of unsolicited waffle. I just really want you to eat great most of the time, and feel great all the time.
Remember this is only one day! xxxxxxxxx
You can't be feeling good right now. In the past maybe you overate in big quantities because part of it made you feel good, even though you knew it wasn't. And maybe you wanted to experience the "comfort" of that again. I'm so glad that you remained concious of what you were doing and you weren't doing it on autopilot, as you may have possibly done in the past. You must be feeling pretty miserable about your ankle and the doctors. Don't beat yourself up about this, learn from it... I know the massive feeling of satisfaction you get when you resist eating crap at parties etc.... And the way your feeling now must be the opposite. Eat good foods=feel good, eat bad foods=feel bad.Talking about your food disorder ISN'T AN ADMISSION OF FAILURE, and No one in their right minds would think badly of you because of it. Everyone has times in their lives when things spiral out of control, so don't beat yourself up over it.
Reading your post made me so sad. You don't need me to tell you the benefits of eating well, you know all that. Obviously I don't know the full story, and maybe the feelings behind your eating disorder are different to what I have assumed, and I am sorry if i've given you a load of unsolicited waffle. I just really want you to eat great most of the time, and feel great all the time.
Remember this is only one day! xxxxxxxxx
overtherainbow
New member
Ps, what is your real name? x
decisionmaker
New member
Hi Ruth, I'm Johanna. Or Joh. Top o' the mornin' to ya.
You're an angel, you know? You just get me. You're right about all of that. And that thing you said, so simply, really hit home for me: Eat bad foods, feel bad. Eat good foods, feel good. It really is that simple, huh? Yeah, the psychology behind stuff is a bit warped, but I don't think it's that complicated... you pretty much hit the nail on the head. Apparently being a bit of a control freak and an obsessive perfectionist just throws you into the pit of potential eating disorders and you have to fight your own way out. Which I have done, so I'm proud of that. I only actually put it into words for the first time about a year ago, after... eight years. And when I finally had the courage to tell my husband, which must be so shocking and awful for him, he has been so perfect about it all. I know I'm really lucky with that.
Thanks for everything. It really means the world to me that you take the time to pop in here.
___________________
Guess what?
It's a new day! The sun is shining, I have grand plans for all the things I am going to do today, which includes a lot of writing, some editing, heading to the health food shop for some vitamins, doing a big grocery shop, and most definitely meeting up with my lovely friend for a 1.5km lake swim later this afternoon, which I'm really looking forward to.
I've not weighed myself, which makes me a smart cookie, I think.
I've already had three glasses of water, and I've had my yummy healthy breakfast:
- 4 small wholewheat crackers with cottage cheese, sliced tomato and pepper. YUM!
Fresh start. Bring it.
You're an angel, you know? You just get me. You're right about all of that. And that thing you said, so simply, really hit home for me: Eat bad foods, feel bad. Eat good foods, feel good. It really is that simple, huh? Yeah, the psychology behind stuff is a bit warped, but I don't think it's that complicated... you pretty much hit the nail on the head. Apparently being a bit of a control freak and an obsessive perfectionist just throws you into the pit of potential eating disorders and you have to fight your own way out. Which I have done, so I'm proud of that. I only actually put it into words for the first time about a year ago, after... eight years. And when I finally had the courage to tell my husband, which must be so shocking and awful for him, he has been so perfect about it all. I know I'm really lucky with that.
Thanks for everything. It really means the world to me that you take the time to pop in here.
___________________
Guess what?
It's a new day! The sun is shining, I have grand plans for all the things I am going to do today, which includes a lot of writing, some editing, heading to the health food shop for some vitamins, doing a big grocery shop, and most definitely meeting up with my lovely friend for a 1.5km lake swim later this afternoon, which I'm really looking forward to.
I've not weighed myself, which makes me a smart cookie, I think.
I've already had three glasses of water, and I've had my yummy healthy breakfast:
- 4 small wholewheat crackers with cottage cheese, sliced tomato and pepper. YUM!
Fresh start. Bring it.
decisionmaker
New member
Just ordered a decaf latte.
What the? I think they forgot to put the coffee in it. Seriously. I think I just got a cup of hot milk. But it's decaf, right?
Too scared to go ask because I might look like a tool. And these guys seem to think I speak perfect German, so I'd prefer not to get into a big conversation!
What the? I think they forgot to put the coffee in it. Seriously. I think I just got a cup of hot milk. But it's decaf, right?
Too scared to go ask because I might look like a tool. And these guys seem to think I speak perfect German, so I'd prefer not to get into a big conversation!
Sounds like you're bouncing back really well. I think a key part of dealing with any psychological issue is knowing yourself and being able to think about- if not work out, that's really freaking hard- why you do what you do and take steps to try to get yourself out of it. I haven't had food related problems, but I do have my own share of psychological problems- to that extent I know just how strong you are to get through it all, and how lucky you are to have that support. And I may have some vague inkling of how challenging healthy weight loss must be in the context of other food related issues, past or present. I still have my triggers for my own problems- but yours can't be avoided.
Shame about that coffee. Bleugh.
Shame about that coffee. Bleugh.
overtherainbow
New member
I'm not suprised you've found the perfect man, what with you being such a perfectionist You are really strong to be able to change your whole way of thinking towards food, I know that eating disorders can be a lifelong issue for a lot of people who have had them, so you should be really effing proud of yourself for coming so far! I think that your attitude towards dieting is completely normal, you aren't starving yourself or being ridiculously naughty, your eating in a way you will be able to sustain for the rest of your life, with a few treats, but thats okay. I think you have a better dieting head on your shoulders than me
Can you take a pic of the lake you swim in one day? I would LOVE to see it. I'm SO JEALOUS!!!
Glad your on track and happy xxxxx
You are really strong to be able to change your whole way of thinking towards food, I know that eating disorders can be a lifelong issue for a lot of people who have had them, so you should be really effing proud of yourself for coming so far! I think that your attitude towards dieting is completely normal, you aren't starving yourself or being ridiculously naughty, your eating in a way you will be able to sustain for the rest of your life, with a few treats, but thats okay. I think you have a better dieting head on your shoulders than me Can you take a pic of the lake you swim in one day? I would LOVE to see it. I'm SO JEALOUS!!!
Glad your on track and happy
xxxxx
overtherainbow
New member
Where are yoooooooou?
decisionmaker
New member
HAHA I know, right? Like I've only been on here twice today! What the? It's the lake. It pulls me to it... I will DEFINITELY find you a good picture tomorrow and post it for you! It's about 1am now and I am SOOO buggered, so will do it tomorrow
Thanks so much, girls, for your support and understanding. It means the world. And, also, for the compliments! It really IS hard, but it has become a lot easier. It is just weird for me not to be frantic about it, and want IMMEDIATE ENORMOUS results. Which is great, and I'm really happy that this has changed in me.
_____________________
TODAY
Rainbow, like you said - eat good food, feel good. Yup! And going for such a long swim in the lake with my beautiful friend was just magic. I love it so much! I think it will have to be a regular thing I do. So revitalising for your body, your mind, everything.
FOOD: 1342Cal
(I counted up my calories on the train home, so I know the total)
- 4 wholewheat crackers with cottage cheese and tomato slices
- 1 'decaf' latte... so, let's just say it was a cup of hot milk. 3.5% fat.
- Antipasti plate - I ate 3 slices proscuitto, fat removed, 3 slices salami, 3 slices grilled eggplant (not in oil), 6 slices zucchini, 6 olives, lots of picked capsicum and about 20g parmesan. (was out to lunch with two girls. They both had enormous pizzas. Glad I didn't... though I think it nearly killed me at the time)
- fruit and nut trail mix bar (like a muesli bar), 1 kiwi, 20g freeze dried apple
- 160g potato rosti, veggie sticks, 2 small slices rye bread with margarine and cheese
- cup of herbal 'calm' tea.
Exercise 820Cal
- 20 minute fast walk
- 1.5 swimming - like, properly swimming, not just splashing around. Breaststroke, freestyle and backstroke. It's weird to not be in salt water! It's tougher to stay afloat!
Ate nothing after 7pm, and it's 1am now and I've been famished for the last 4 hours! I think that swimming really took it out of me... especially now that I see how many calories it burnt! No wonder I was bloomin hungry!
Thanks for looking after me, all you lovely people.
Thanks so much, girls, for your support and understanding. It means the world. And, also, for the compliments! It really IS hard, but it has become a lot easier. It is just weird for me not to be frantic about it, and want IMMEDIATE ENORMOUS results. Which is great, and I'm really happy that this has changed in me.
_____________________
TODAY
Rainbow, like you said - eat good food, feel good. Yup! And going for such a long swim in the lake with my beautiful friend was just magic. I love it so much! I think it will have to be a regular thing I do. So revitalising for your body, your mind, everything.
FOOD: 1342Cal
(I counted up my calories on the train home, so I know the total)
- 4 wholewheat crackers with cottage cheese and tomato slices
- 1 'decaf' latte... so, let's just say it was a cup of hot milk. 3.5% fat.
- Antipasti plate - I ate 3 slices proscuitto, fat removed, 3 slices salami, 3 slices grilled eggplant (not in oil), 6 slices zucchini, 6 olives, lots of picked capsicum and about 20g parmesan. (was out to lunch with two girls. They both had enormous pizzas. Glad I didn't... though I think it nearly killed me at the time)
- fruit and nut trail mix bar (like a muesli bar), 1 kiwi, 20g freeze dried apple
- 160g potato rosti, veggie sticks, 2 small slices rye bread with margarine and cheese
- cup of herbal 'calm' tea.
Exercise 820Cal
- 20 minute fast walk
- 1.5 swimming - like, properly swimming, not just splashing around. Breaststroke, freestyle and backstroke. It's weird to not be in salt water! It's tougher to stay afloat!
Ate nothing after 7pm, and it's 1am now and I've been famished for the last 4 hours! I think that swimming really took it out of me... especially now that I see how many calories it burnt! No wonder I was bloomin hungry!
Thanks for looking after me, all you lovely people.
overtherainbow
New member
Well done You only had 400ish calories if you take away the exercise! So, if your maintaining your weight on 2200 calories, thats an 1800 deficit, and a quarter of a kilo lost just today, which makes up for the other day big time. And you had LOADS of fruit n veg
You only had 400ish calories if you take away the exercise! So, if your maintaining your weight on 2200 calories, thats an 1800 deficit, and a quarter of a kilo lost just today, which makes up for the other day big time. And you had LOADS of fruit n veg
decisionmaker
New member
Thanks, Amy and Ruth! Yeah, it really was a nice day. And I feel so good about everything now. Ruth - you are totally right. I've lost another stack of weight (did I say I wouldn't weigh myself everyday? Whoops), so it is all sorting itself out. Minus 0.6 today! Crazy.
Wow... this website wasn't working for me at all yesterday
- that's when I realised how much I need it! ADDICTED! I just kept wanting to get on here and write my food! See how you are all going... Weird.
YESTERDAY'S FOOD: 1305
- Went out for breakfast: French toast mit kase (2 slices white bread (106) in 2 eggs (140) with a little whole milk (15)and gruyere cheese (110) in the mix, and slices of tomato (15))
- Large Milk coffee (150)
- 4 cherries, (10) 1 cracker with cottage cheese (55)
-one very small scoop lemon sorbet (65)
- Spaghetti and meatballs (559) with parmesan (35) YUM!!!! I spent ages making really good meatballs and spent way too much on really good fresh pasta... TASTY
- 1 small whiskey (55) (then moved onto water... everyone else was drinking... for about 4 hours! So happy with that.)
EXERCISE: 400
- 40 min walk (180)
- 1.5 hours housework (which includes traipsing up and down the 6 flights of stairs a thousand times to do three loads of laundrey) (220)
TOTAL: 1315 - 400 = 915
Is this bad? Should I be having more than this? I don't know whether I should really count my housework... I mean, I don't count all the calories I spend just sitting and breathing, so... I dunno. Maybe not.
Wow... this website wasn't working for me at all yesterday
- that's when I realised how much I need it! ADDICTED! I just kept wanting to get on here and write my food! See how you are all going... Weird. YESTERDAY'S FOOD: 1305
- Went out for breakfast: French toast mit kase (2 slices white bread (106) in 2 eggs (140) with a little whole milk (15)and gruyere cheese (110) in the mix, and slices of tomato (15))
- Large Milk coffee (150)
- 4 cherries, (10) 1 cracker with cottage cheese (55)
-one very small scoop lemon sorbet (65)
- Spaghetti and meatballs (559) with parmesan (35) YUM!!!! I spent ages making really good meatballs and spent way too much on really good fresh pasta... TASTY
- 1 small whiskey (55) (then moved onto water... everyone else was drinking... for about 4 hours! So happy with that.)
EXERCISE: 400
- 40 min walk (180)
- 1.5 hours housework (which includes traipsing up and down the 6 flights of stairs a thousand times to do three loads of laundrey) (220)
TOTAL: 1315 - 400 = 915
Is this bad? Should I be having more than this? I don't know whether I should really count my housework... I mean, I don't count all the calories I spend just sitting and breathing, so... I dunno. Maybe not.