Losing Weight in the Land of Chocolate and Cheese!

I agree with the getting angry thing. Its good not to internalise you anger. That said, I know that emotions are not always a simple choice, you feel what you feel, and react to things in the normal way for you.

I read a book called "I only say this because I love you" a while ago which was talking about the way we treat family members and the way we are treated by them. Its good, you should have a look of it if you can get hold of it.

It sounds like your Dad has been this way for a very long time. He obviously hasn't listened to a word you have said, believing his way of saying things to be the right way, and he probably will never change the way he acts (although maybe you could try writing him a letter). I am glad that this week has made you look back on your teenage years, and realise that the problem with him was not you. I know you don't need me to tell you that his views on what you should be doing, and how you should be doing it are wrong. Like you said not very long ago, You are REALLY happy, the happiest you've been in ages (excluding your ankle situation), if you were miserable I could understand why he would be giving you all this unsolicited advice. I feel bad for you that the old feelings you had as a teenager are coming back to torment you again. Please try not to take his critisisms personally :(

I really hope that he changes and you can have a good relationship where you don't have to grit your teeth all the time. Has your Mum tried to mediate the situation? Do you think he would listen to her?

I'm glad you are spending time next week with just your mum, the Tuscan cookery course sounds AMAZING, I am super jealous.

And, I know I am being a hypocrite, but no more food diary AWOL-ness girly :) x
 
"I only say this because I love you" - UGH! What a spine shiver that gives me! That is exactly the problem. I'll definitely be looking for that one.

I tried writing him a letter once. What a disaster that was. And I tried to get angry at him once. It was perhaps the worst day of my life, so I'm never going to attempt that again. Okay, so not the worst. The day we found out my sister was sick was the worst. But the second worst. And I'm not just being melodramatic. Part of what made it so awful was because my mum did try to mediate. Ugh, it was just such a disaster. He is not open AT ALL to learning about my feelings or understanding how I work - it's a lost cause. It's weird how I become a different person with him around. I have learnt how to get angry now, but I would never be able to do it with him.

Ja, I can't WAIT to do this cooking thing with my mama. :)

And??? AWOL?? You have no idea how much I have WANTED to get on here! Like REALLLLLY wanted to! This is the first time I've had an hour to myself in what seems like forevererer! I'm trying! :)

:( I have to be food-diary AWOL next week too, from monday to thursday, because of florence. But, like 44 says, I should enjoy it. Once in a lifetime.
 
Heya sweetie.
I totally get you on the 'worrying about what everyone else thinks of you' I am just the same. I find the smallest bit of 'criticism' really hurtful and i take everything really personally. I put everyone else first. I think i am a nice person but think i am discusting phycially, so, i feel inferior and that makes what they say right. (am i making sence?)
Unlike you, saying 'leave it' to your dad i would just take it then spend ages thinking about what i should have said to stand up to myself. I have got much better with age but i so get what you are on about. Fortunatly, i don't have to take any of it from my family. My dad is a grumpy old fart and i tell him all the time!!

Anyway, waffling over...........I loved my C25K tonight!!!! I felt bloody awesome after doing it!!! Lovin' it, get me lol

Xxx
 
im sorry you felt bad about things with dad.The sure thing is that as you said he was always like that and will be.So its good that you understand your feelings and the sitiuation when hes around,and understand that its not YOU thats the problem but him.Its the way he is.I love that what im going to say is cliche but he is your dad and loves you and doubt he acts like he does to make you mad or even on purpose

I saw you going to italy ,florence...Well it s my lifes DREAM to visit Tuscany and buy a house there!(yeah then i woke up!!!!)I im dying to go there...I saw a nice movie once (well not once , maybe like 50 times) its with Diane Laine ,,Under the Tuscan Sun...I just fell in love after that
So i am super jealous of your trip to florence for the cooking session...if you can please take some scenery pics!
 
Family's...are crazy...we all just have different levels...I don't think any of us will ever figure it out...we just have to figure out how to survive!! ....and change with our own kids what we hated about our upbringing and keep what we loved..its the best we can do. :grouphug:

Florence sounds wonderful..I so want to come to Europe someday...I am meant for culture...not cow patties!! :smilielol5:
 
Hi Joh, I'm so sorry your Dad has left you doubting yourself a little. He obviously can't or won't change. I have always been aware that I am more critical of one of our sons. I think it's because I see him making a lot of the same mistakes that I made & I want to protect him & steer him in the right direction. I have learned that the best way is just to support him in whatever he does but let him know that we are there as backup. It's really hard being a parent & probably the hardest thing for your father is accepting that you are no longer a kid & can & should make your own decisions & that he should have faith in your ability to do so.
I think it's wonderful that you are determined to get to a healthy weight. If you were starving yourself and not eating healthily I would worry but you are.
I know how hard it is not to take criticism personally as I am as guilty as anyone at that. Be yourself Joh. Trust your own judgement. I find anger only makes me sick. I'm sure that you know what you're doing & are on the right path. You are wanting to be as healthy as you can before you have a child. You will be a great Mum and you will have learned some very valuable lessons on parenting along the way.
Enjoy your time in Florence and as you say you can have little tastes along the way & enjoy them. Sending you lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
I never heard the rumour about cheese and nightmares. I have heard it about constipation and i am inclined to believe it. I am even starting to think that milk contributes to it,blah blah. Not your problem lol.

Back to you. Oh so its joh. I don't think i knew that at all. How did i miss that. Anyhow, well if you are so dependent on what other people think of you, i think you should find someone to help you work on that and learn to not move beyond it. I know what it is you are saying and i am affected some of the time in some situations but it sounds like you have it a bit chronic my dear.

As to your dad. Well, I don't think he's necessarily right. I think learning german whilst you are in Zurich is an excellent idea. If you are burnt out with sightseeing and that sort of thing, it doesn't matter. Its your life, you choose how to make the most of it. The thing is none of us is perfect and none of us make the right choices all the time. I have recently begun to learn how to accept my mistakes and just get on iwth things. I learnt that in therapy actually but its something that i am always finding i need ot renew. IT was one of the profoundest things i learnt in therapy. It just evolved out of my therapy. My therapist never said to me, "learnt to accept yourself blahblah" But i am absolutely certain this deep change of attitude towards things in life resulted from my therapy. And i can tell that it is very freeing to know that while you may have made a mistake, made a bad choice, taken a bad decision, not something as well as I could have, etc etc, i now accept that is just how it is and continue on. I will always try to do better next time and hope to get it right but only some of the time i get things right, do things well, make great decisions and so on. Sometimes i don't even notice when i've done the right thing cause everything goes so smoothly. But sometimes i realise that hey, i've made a lot of good choices etc and i am happy iwth it all. The odd erreur i can live with. We should all learn to live with our imperfections because we aint ever going to be perfect, make perfect choices, blah blah. But so long as we can be happy about things that's the main thing. Be happy with where you are at. When giving yoruself a hard time about not meeting someone's or your own expectations, try to remember that probably on the whole you are making more right choices than wrong and whatever you've done, if you are enjoying it that's a big deal. kif you are happy to be learning german, then that is excellent. If your dad is not happy about it, that's really his problem. Its sad he wants to make it your problem. But its really not your problem at all.

One other little trick you might try to get him to stop his criticisims is to say in a simple clear manner. "that really hurts when you say that" and then try to avoid getting into a discussion. Just leave to think about the fact that' he's hurting you. Sometimes saying things like that can really pull people up short and make them more careful before they criticise you again or do whatever they are doing that is upsetting you.. And believe me this sort of assertiveness really gets people respecting you a bit more, respecting your feelings and your choices. I've done it others and i've had it done to me and it really works. Try it.

I didn't mean to give you another lecture. I dropped by tonight cause i am trying to find my hummus recipe. Now i gotta get on and do that cause i am really hungry right now.

Take care hun.
 
:grouphug: Thanks so much for all your support, guys. It's such a tough situation, and in a way I wish I had never brought it up on here - it really does make me feel really immature when I talk about having 'problems with dad'. But cest la vie. Most of your suggestions I have tried already, and I have attempted to confront him about it many times, so I know it's something that I just have to learn to accept, and hopefully limit my contact to a bearable duration of time - ie. Not one solid week stuck in a campervan, followed by another solid week in a one-bedroom apartment where I have no 'proper' job to escape to ;)

Anyway, enough about that. I don't want to harp on about it and it makes me feel a bit shit to talk badly about him, so I'm just going to move on. Thanks so much for all your responses though, and from so many perspectives. xxxx
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FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOd

I mentioned AAAGES ago that I am really good with public eating, but tend to eat badly in private. I think that was the main reason why I did so well in France - I was never by myself.

This morning, I was by myself. I woke up earlier than my parents, left them a note saying I had gone to a little cafe for an hour to write, and of I trotted. Right into a pit of yumminess. In the form of a croissant. With custard inside it. And I scoffed it in fear that my mum or dad might wake up and come join me, and see me eating that after me being so adament about NOT eating that when we were away. WEIRD!

Man, my mind freaks me out sometimes.

FOOD TODAY
- croissant with vanilla custard
- 2 skim milk coffees
- lemongrass chicken breast with salad and a mini veggie quiche - though I left the pastry. (Lunch at my man's work - the compulsory google zurich office tour ;) )

planning vietnamese spring rolls for dinner - lots of veg, all healthy and fresh. and my lovely little edamames. NOM NOM NOM .
 
Sorry to hear about how awful it was when you confronted your dad :(

How did it go at the naughty restaurant last night m'lovely?

I am assuming that you are DESPERATE to come on here, so I won't tell you off :D x
 
Heya sweetie.

I just read your bit about going to the cafe to write and having a croissant. Firstly,Well done at just one, and then being good for the rest of the day. Secondly, you made me laugh out loud cos you did exactly the same thing i do. Scoff it so fast so others don't see you. I (well i use to) secretly eat. I would go down (our kitchen is downstairs) to make a cup of tea and while the kettle boiled i would scoff about 3 kitkats or other type of choc biscuit so Mark wouldn't know i have eaten them. My brain seemed to think that if i wasn't seen then it didn't happen. Do you want a laugh? I have even in the past hidden in public toilets to eat something!!!!!! How pathetic is that. Anyway, i so know where you are coming from with the secret eating. Personally i think admitting that you have done it is half the battle for me.

I am off to the gym in a minute to do the next C25K!! I'm not supose to do it til tomorrow but can't wait. I am even considering doing it twice cos i am going to be at the gym for an hour tonight (giving my gym buddy a lift so i have to stay for her) I'll write on my diary when i get back and let ya know. I really think i am turning into a freak!!! I am normally the laziest person ever! Thank you for being as excited as i am about my running, it really is like having you there cheering me on lol
 
Oh, Rainbow, I'm DESPERATE to get on here! LOL. Beeatch ;) You make me laugh.

The naughty restaurant last night was great, but of course naughty. Not TOO bad - I mean, I had lots of salad and not heaps of the cheese fondue, but still I hate to think how many cals exist in just one of those pieces of bread dunked into the winey-brandy-y-cheesey-hot-pot-of-heaven. No dessert, no drinks, nothing to eat after 7pm - and I only put on 0.1kg, which I reckon is largely due to salt too. Or I like to think so!

Hunnybunny I totally AM your personal running cheer squad! I love that you are going SO well with it! It makes me so excited for you! And it really makes me believe in the whole C25K process. You are my proof! haha.

And yup - I am TOTALLY like you with that whole concept of scoffing as much chocolate as possible in the shortest time possible so no one will see. Weird, isn't it. It's not remotely enjoyable during the process either. Haven't done that for a couple of years though (I don't count one croissant as in the same category!) but it is still soemthing I have to keep control of.

:) And you're right about admitting it being half the battle. Even if it IS only through an anonymous forum. :)

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Had Vietnamese spring rolls for dinner and they were SOOOOOOOO good! And soooo healthy! Love them so so much! Did some egg omelette to put in them tonight too. YUM! That hoi sin sauce is a winner.

I made dessert (banana caramelised with butter, salt and brown sugar) with caramelised condensed milk and lindt chocolate shavings... kind of like a banoffee pie I suppose? BUT I DIDN"T HAVE ANY! Just made it for everyone else, handed them out, and sat with my cuppa. :) Not an issue! Awesome.
 
Feeling a bit low at the moment because of the not-being-able-to-play-netball business. I really miss it. I haven't been able to run for months, and I haven't been able to ride my bike around the city all day either, like I usually do, seeing as my parents are here and are bikeless. And the weather has been shite so I haven't gone swimming. I'm walking everywhere all the time (actually, my calves are killing me), but I don't feel like I'm actually doing any exercise. Makes me feel a bit... I dunno. Just not like myself. I also haven't had a chance to do any writing in two weeks. Which also makes me feel not like myself. It makes me feel boring.

Oh well. Whine over. FLORENCE on Monday! And it'll just be me and mama, so I will have a BLAST! Here's a pic of me and mama. And I asked - she doesn't mind her face being on the 'fat forum' ;)
 
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BANOFFEE PIE!! You managed to not have any and it wasn't an issue!!!! That has got to be the biggest display of self control i have ever soon. I know i haven't gone over my cals but if i had some banoffee pie in my hand there is no way i could not just have some!! Hats off to you sweetie that deserves like a million bonus points :):):)

I'm sorry for going on and on about running when you've got an injury and can't do what you love. Just think though, when you get the chance to do it i can cheer you on. Xxxx

Ooooooh Love the pic of you and your mum.
 
Oh pleeeease don't feel bad! Yeah, your talk about running made me realise how much I'm missing that, but I really really love to read about your success story! Like I said, I'm living my dreams through you! haha. Don't stop telling me about it! :) xx

And thanks for that million bonus points - I'll take 'em gladly ;)
 
See I'd have had some and justififed it by saying it's fruit :p (If I liked banana's and banoffee stuff that is ;) )
Just working through your diary at the moment and decided to pop to the last page to see how you're doing now.
How come you're not playing netball anymore? Did you get injured or something? I'm a right one for injuries, I'm always spraining something or pulling something!!
Also, I read the stuff that your dad said, and one bit that got to me a little......
It was the bit about not drinking while pregnant? I take it your TTC? I think it's brilliant that you're not drinking now, as you aren't going to know you're pregnant the second you get pregnant, so why risk it is my opinion!
You probably won't need to come answer these because knowing my luck by the time you get round to replying I'll have read it all in your diary lol
 
Its like magic when condensed milk turns into caramel. Next time remember to say abracadabra :)

I did the secret eating thing as well.... I'd buy a packet of cakes, and I would always say to myself that I would save half of them for the bf. Then I'd think, just two more, then I'd polish off the lot of em, and throw the wrapper over the back of the garden fence so the evidence was hidden. Why I didn't just put the wrapper in the bin, I don't know :eek: I threw a broken washing line over the fence as well, and when it was autumn and the leaves had fallen from the bushes it look awful, so I got it out and was quite horrified by the amount of packets and wrappers I had worked my way through :/ It was like every day for months. I think I always knew in my heart I was never going to share them, its was a little excuse I always made to myself.

Are you making any progress at physio? I feel awful for you. A big part of your life has been taken away. You are still the same fabulous you, netball or no netball, your not boring! AT ALL!!! But it must be hard :( x
 
Your mom is beautiful!! As are you!! She looks so happy and fun!!

Sorry about missing netball...while I am not an athlete ...I am a mom of two and the hubby has played sports his whole life and still does mens softball 4 times a week...I so understand the VOID when you miss what a team sport gives back. I am just a spectator and I love sports...I could only imagine the empty place in you without it right now. :(

But your winning this weight battle and that is sure to bring out your competitiveness..so enjoy this victory!! you have earned it!! :hug2:
 
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Hi Lyl! Thanks for dropping by, and for reading my somewhat obsessive rambles. :)
Yeah, I'm pretty badly injured at the moment with some crushed bones in my ankle that are still (after four months) leaking marrow. EW. So no running, jumping, or any impact whatsoever. Which means no netball. BOO.
I KNOW what you mean about my dad's reaction to the drinking when pregnant thing! I think it's so freaking annoying that there's no support for the fact that I'm just trying to be as healthy as possible, and an alcohol detox is part of that. GR! Glad you get that! :)

Rainbow wow it must have been pretty confronting to see that big pile of wrappers! And yeah, I know what you mean with the fact that we always try to trick ourselves into thinking it's to share...

Physio is DEFINITELY comign along really well! Surprisingly! :) That is making me happy. So much progress - I can now bend all of my toes, but still can't stand on my toes... I can now grip a piece of newspaper with my toes, which is awesome! :)

Thanks for the compliments, tetem and Eerika - I told my mama and she's chuffed :D And yeah, tetem, it definitely is my competitive streak that is missing out!
 
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Owww that sounds like fun!
BTW I didn't get round to reading your diary because you linked to your bike blog and I started reading that instead :p
Well I did say i was easily distracted!!
It sounds amazing!! I'm soooo jealous!
 
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