Llama

Take care. It doesn't matter that you didn't run today. You probably really needed that rest. Good luck shorts-hunting!
 
Get some painter's shorts, LaMa! Would it matter if they have dark pockets? Men's clothes are so practical.
 
Llama said:
I started binging over 25 years ago so I guess I'm a pathological optimist too, for thinking I may be able to get a grip on it long-term at some point but here we go. Better to have too much hope than none at all.
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The term pathological optimist is funny, but also I am so glad you don't give up because even though you've been struggling a long time, look how little weight you have to lose compared to many people who've been struggling so long! I'll keep my comments shorter - saw your post in Rob's diary about people who are just posting to be supportive without much to add - that would be me! :)
 
Thanks guys. My legs did need a rest but walking would've done me good, I think. Oh well. I wouldn't mind black/dark gray pockets on my shorts but the boss likes to see us in white and the giant patches probably wouldn't fit that. Marsia, I clearly worded that badly: what I meant is that when I'm doing badly I don't feel like I "deserve" the kind comments so I just... hide from them. Sometimes it's easier to just muddle along until I can deal again.
 
I try hard not to be passive-aggressive and to actually say what I mean! Communication clearly suffers when I'm tired though. Treadmill duty today. Went to find white shorts after (bought 2 pairs) and walked into a couple other stores as well so I ended up with 5 pairs of mismatched socks (3 of them gifts), 2 pairs of gym shorts, one pair of jorts, and a pair of sneakers. And I finally remembered to buy the extra toothbrushes I forgot the last three times I went out to buy them. Then just when I put my tired feet up a friend messaged me to meet up. I really wanted to say no but I also really wanted to see her (and deliver the first pair of socks) so I said yes and walked another hour and a half.
 
By the way, Marsia, this is the scarf I want to try and recreate if I can get in the right headspace: 91AayTJ42wL._AC_UL1500_.jpgIt's just a striped triangle with the different stripes in different colors and textures. I like these colors (except the gray) but I think I have a better assortment of greens and I really can't justify buying more yarn right now.
 
Wow, gorgeous scarf! I haven't crocheted much since I was a kid, so don't do such detailed work. That's beautiful, and looks like such a fun project!

I don't think of you as passive aggressive in any way. One of the traits I most appreciate about you is that you say what you feel! I do worry about how awkward some of my responses are sometimes. I even get social anxiety while writing at times! So no worries!!

Sounds like a wonderful shopping spree and meet up with a friend!
 
Marsia said:
Wow, gorgeous scarf! I haven't crocheted much since I was a kid, so don't do such detailed work. That's beautiful, and looks like such a fun project!
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I loved it as well. I don't think it's actually that difficult because it's just straight lines but it is quite a big piece. I need a rest day today so I think I'll stroll over to the store again to look at the details because I can't find a picture of it not draped like that.
Marsia said:
One of the traits I most appreciate about you is that you say what you feel!
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Thank you! But as you see it's far from a guarantee that people will understand what I mean. I have been an awkward potato all my life: these days I try to keep going regardless and if something falls wrong I'll deall with it then. It's funny because people have told me I look poised and in control all the time. Probably a leftover from secondary school where showing weakness made the sharks go into feeding frenzy.

I was going to the gym this morning but I clearly need a rest day. Yesterday wiped me out. Will try to stay active enough to keep the bloodflow in my legs going and eat regularly to keep my blood sugar levels stable but that's about it once I'm done with family exercise. The extra weight is really starting to make itself felt in this warmer weather and yesterday was hard on my knees and ankles. And I'm not even obese! I don't know how people get through the day when they're twice my weight!
 
Gym time done, chatting done, grocery shopping done. Not as tired as I was this morning and the inner critic is already trying to convince me to not be a lay-about and do something with my life today BUT I'm going to be sensible and kind to myself instead.
Put away my winter shoes and took out my summer shoes and I found two pairs I'd completely forgotten about because I hadn't actually switched them all out properly for years. So happy with my options!
 
Trying to convince myself to get up, brush my teeth, and go to bed already 🥱 Hau-Ruck!

Ok, teeth have been brushed, bed has been freshly made, and breakfast has been prepped. Decided to give bircher müsli another go. Smells strangely like the porridge we had as kids even though I think that was 99% wheat. Still: it was a comforting food then so maybe it'll be nice to have again 30-35 years later. I mixed together oats, millet, buckwheat, dried chokeberries, flax seeds, pumpkin seeds, brazil nuts, cashews, and cacao nibs to soak and tomorrow I'll grate in a small apple and add some soy flakes and puffed quinoa. May be awful, may be nice. I hope it's nice because it does my body good to have a satisfying plant-based breakfast and it's the kind of thing I could have regularly with very little effort.

I really don't want to make a plan for tomorrow but if I don't I'll just lie on the couch all day and my body has had all the rest it needed today. I also need activity and time in the forest. So... I should take a train out of the city. Probably pack my breakfast up to eat along the way somewhere, unless I wake up late and want it before I leave. Will try to make it home in time before lunch because there's food that needs eating.

Edit: my lentils are starting to sprout! Will probably be a couple of days until they're big enough to eat, of course.
 
I really want to, but... I don't want to get up. Think I'll take the subway to one of the larger parks instead so I'll at least get some green exposure. Breakfast was nice: let's see how long it keeps me full. Sprouts are around a centimeter long!
 
I did :) Ended up going to the zoo and feeling very free. Now home. Had lunch as planned (started to get a little hungry just past 11 so hodgepodge porridge worked quite well) and it was very nice but it isn't 2 pm yet and my body is telling me it isn't satisfied. Which... I could use as a reason to go for a walk and try out the McPlant. Apparently it's in every McDonald's in the country, so I should be able to find one somewhere.
 
Feeling weirdly melancholic atm and I'm trying to figure out how to face that feeling rather than to avoid it. Maybe I should put off walking and draw something instead.
 
Ended up starting a jigsaw puzzle instead but it's clearly close to time for creative endeavors again.
Ran 3 km with one walking break. It's far from easy as of yet but it is getting better.
 
Also checked how to get my 4th covid shot: will probably do it on Thursday. And made a start on planning my September trip to London: now that hiking in Ireland isn't happening this year I have a little more freedom time- and moneywise. Still feeling... nervous. Like I'm forgetting something important. May just need a little more food than I have planned.
 
Probably should've eaten more but I just couldn't be bothered to make more. Maybe I should make sure I have something nice-enough-but-not-TOO-nice ready to grab. Nuts don't tempt me at all, dried fruit too much. Probably corn cakes and ham or something would work.
Tomorrow will be... Gym. Müsli for breakfast. Cleaning. Tuna/antipasto spread with lettuce and corn cakes. Work. Bean mash wraps. Can't find chia seeds anywhere so I'll have fruit and flax instead.

Lentil sprouts 2 cm long now!
 
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