Llama

Hope you have a really good weekend🌈🏞️!
 
Thanks guys. Both my knees hurt pretty bad when I got home yesterday but they were ok after icing. No more excuses for postponing weightloss. With a bit of luck the meditation should help keep my cravings down though.

I wrote the following on the motivational quotes thread but then needed so many qualifications with it I decided it belonged in my diary instead:
My current profile pic is a quote I find motivational even though I don't much like the show it comes from (my 600 pound life):

Nobody said this was
going to be easy.

It's not.

But it is ultimately
a choice.

I want to believe Dr. Nowzaradan means well and it's just TLC's vulture culture that make things look so bad (contestants have to agree to be filmed naked for a shower/bath/wash, they don't get psychological support until they screw up particularly badly even though they all need it, they film therapy sessions for trauma gold*, and a 1200 or sometimes even 800 kcal/day diet is unnecessarily strict for people that big and just makes it harder for any of them to reach their goals) but I'm pretty sure it's still his son's production company that makes the episodes so I assume he has a say in how things are done. Either way he could refuse if he didn't agree. So... probably not a good dude. I can't watch the show as they go so hard on the sideshow freak angles it hurts my cringe muscles but I skip through it sometimes anyway because when they do have good outcomes it's so good to see. All that to say I like this Dr. Now quote even though I'm not happy with the source.

*Or maybe they reenact them? I think Dr. Honda once said you can't televise actual therapy.
 
I hope the weekend is a lovely relaxing one for you Llama. Such a shame about the knee pain. I hope with the continued icing you can at least enjoy some good walks.
Llama said:
I want to believe Dr. Nowzaradan means well and it's just TLC's vulture culture that make things look so bad (contestants have to agree to be filmed naked for a shower/bath/wash, they don't get psychological support until they screw up particularly badly even though they all need it, they film therapy sessions for trauma gold*, and a 1200 or sometimes even 800 kcal/day diet is unnecessarily strict for people that big and just makes it harder for any of them to reach their goals)
Click to expand...

I don't know that show at all, but that all sounds a pretty awful way to treat people who are really struggling with something so serious.
 
Wow, those weight loss shows were already so messed up, and they found ways of making them even more exploitative. Phew! I read somewhere that most of the contestants gain the weight right back after the show, because they didn't lose it in a sustaining way. I really feel strongly that I need to see how to do this in a way that I can sustain this time. I think your quote can be taken either as a harsh goal-oriented type Spartan quote, or as something encouraging you to be good to yourself despite things being hard to accomplish. I like it if you are taking it the second way! I really hope your knees feel better and that you get to rest them a lot!!! Sending healing hugs your way... :grouphug:
 
Oh, it's an awful show. But it's wonderful to see people succeed after they struggled for so long. Of course they'd be more likely to succeed if they weren't being used for content. But then they likely wouldn't be getting treatment at all without the tv team because if you have insurance or can pay for surgery yourself you're not going to let those creeps into your life. So... it's complicated.

Lovely walk, lovely visit, very tired. I also dropped my backpack on my way back and broke both my water bottles, despite the protective sleeves. So that's fun. I had these for a surprisingly long time though: longer than any of the plastic ones I've had. I should probably buy metal bottles but I really dislike drinking from metal containers.

Also: I have to remember I switched my shift with a colleague so I'm working early tomorrow!
 
Yes, I agree about how the contestants wouldn't get help otherwise. It's sad. That really stinks that both water bottles broke. Ours are metal and are so beat up. I don't think glass ones would survive how hard we are on them. Glad your walk and visit were so nice, and hopefully your early work day is going well!
 
Thanks Liza and Marsia. Work went well (groups, because of the switched shift, but everyone was cooperative so it was fine) and I made it to the embassy on time with all required documents. Too bad the maximum time limit for getting new IDs out mentioned on the website is no longer accurate, so I still don't know if I'll be able to travel. I paid for expedited handling and sent them a copy of my ticket but that's still no guarantee. The people at the embassy were super nice and I don't blame them at all but bureaucracy just sucks.
Oh, and then I went home and ate a 200g chocolate bunny.
 
Too soon, and not soon enough. For now I'm focusing on the upcoming weekend though: I have a secondary friend coming over and I need to prepare my apartment! Crazy to think we've known each other for 30 years... Today won't be the day I deep clean the place though: between work, the gyno, my neighbor, calling Dad, and meditation class I just don't have time. Gyno went well though and this time remembered to take a painkiller an hour before so I'll hopefully be ok for after-cramps as well 🤞
 
Oh that's fun that you'll be having an old friend for a visit. Do you two see each other regularly? I don't think I have any high school friends left!
 
She lives near my parents so we generally get together whenever I go home. I have another school friend left but she moved across the country so it's rare for us to meet up in person. I should make more of an effort to see my old college friends as well but that's 6+ hours of travel and there's always so much to do anyway...
 
Catching up with old friends is not easy. It's great that your school friend is coming to visit, Llama xo
 
Thanks guys. I'm glad everything went ok yesterday and everything will be back to normal soon.
I do have a question: last night was my fifth visit to the meditation center and it was - again - quite lovely but I slept terribly. No weird dreams or anything, it's like my brain just couldn't settle down enough to reach deep sleep until 5 am. I think it's been like that every time so far. Is that a normal newness thing that'll wear off after a while or something I should actively work on?
I already go home on foot, which is usually a good brain soother, and I don't even want to look at my phone after class so it's not the blue light. I could see sitting down with a cup of tea for a while being helpful but it was 9:45 pm by the time I got home and at that point I ought to be in bed so if it's something I'll just get used to I don't want to take another half-hour of potential sleep away.
 
I wonder if it's more just going out/coming home that late? I don't know-- for me anything that takes me out of the house in the evenings means a couple of hours of winding down before I can go to bed. Have you tried just meditating at home in the evening to see if it still has that same effect to narrow down more what is actually disrupting the sleep. I haven't found for myself that evening meditation will disrupt my sleep at all, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's different for everyone.
 
I don't know because I have the opposite problem. I fall asleep very easily in meditation, so if I need to sleep, I meditate in bed lying down. I like Liza's idea of experimenting at home. Does meditation make you energized?
 
Thanks guys! Meditating right before bed is not an issue and I'm fine for sleep if I go out for an evening walk or even see friends. The brain feeling is pretty much like what I felt after evening BJJ classes - one of the reasons I gave that up. So yeah: it's probably doing 1.5-2 hours in a group setting with often quite intense exercises. I messaged our lector and he tried to help me troubleshoot. I think next time I'll do some crocheting for an hour or so after getting home instead of even trying to sleep. Deeper sleep for a shorter time is probably better than a full night of only occasionally dozing off.
 
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