Lena's diary

L

lena410

New member
well here's me :) back from beautiful, stressful year in Budapest where because I had no place to cook but microwave and where I could not have fresh food the way I used to I gained weight again (not as much as I had I think but I went one size up) not a nice thing I tell ya.
Buuuut now I'm back home, to my own kitchen and back to my own life, and back to my usual habits...which means back here too.

the big news: I got my masters' degree :D

so new beginning deserves new diary :)

Hello, I'm Lena :)


P.S. old diary at http://weight-loss.fitness.com/weight-loss-diary/7763-lena-s-corner.html
 
Thanx mal :)

its good to be back. I'm currently dealing with the appetite, fighting the urges to eat constantly as I have for the past two months. its sad how months of hard work just go into the wind...just like that, because i lost control. and that's what its all about...damn control.

so my determination is back. and in so many ways. not only that i am attacking my bad eating habits from scratch , i also have to get myself out of debts. fortunately i'm going back to my old job, so that will help with half of the debts, but i will still need to find something extra. so i'm thinking of some online work, for example translation (croatian-english, english-croatian). however, not many companies in croatia offer that kind of job. so i'm thinking of trying with some european or us ones as well. so if you hear someone wants croatian translator for something, let me know :)

as for food, i traveled all night (i'm in bosnia visiting my bf) so my eating today started with yogurt, and plenty of it. hopefully i'll have some veggies for lunch, and i plan on having a tomato-pepper salad for dinner. no exercising for now because its too damn hot. next week i'll start swimming when i go back home.
 
thanx joe and cerella :)

so i've going through my old diary and realized how much i did manage to change in the past two years. my fears and reasons why i started the journey changed so much.
the only thing that obviously did not change were my reactions to very stressful situations. i put my life and my goals of becoming healthy second. and honestly that was more convenient at the time.

but i don't want that for myself. i do want to be healthy and have normal eating habits. i don't want to be the person that goes out to dinner and instead of ordering something light as planned orders steaks and fries and drinks heavily just because 'well you live only once'. no, i don't want that for myself. i need to learn how to react and how to deal with everyday situations. and lay of alcohol for most of the time. most of my weight gain int he past few months had to do with food, but believe me beer and martinis had their say.

so today i started by having a sandwich. which means i have to focus on veggies and fruit for the rest of the day. which is good. i don't have problems with drinking water all day, since its soooo damn hot here.
 
Huge congrats on your Masters! What's it in?

Really glad to have you back and nice to see you determined to make up on the lost ground.
 
Its MA in Nationalism studies, and my thesis was about influence of political elites and symbols (buildings and monuments) in creating divisions and unifications in contested towns (case study of Mostar, Bosnia).

and i am determined to get back on track. i just need to remind myself that it is my decision whether i eat bad or good. and it is my decision that i want and deserve to be a happy individual. now i just need to put that into practice for the rest of my life :D it does sound easy enough hehe
 
Welcome back! Ive been to Budapest before [Ive always thought that name was funny]

Congrats on the Master's!
 
thanx everyone :)

well i am getting backt o my old life. i'm working hard at my job, so i don't have a lot of time for posting. my diet is also going great. however i feel really bloated. it seems to me like my stomach is only getting bigger. it could also be because i'm drinking big amounts of water. so i decided to eat lightly for the next couple of days, and mostly fruits and salads, to see how the things will progress.

i also started with light exercise, elliptical, small weights and swimming. for now, i'm only doing it in a comfortable pace just to gain certain momentum of exercising in general. in a few days i'll add a bit of pace.
 
lena410 said:
i also started with light exercise, elliptical, small weights and swimming. for now, i'm only doing it in a comfortable pace just to gain certain momentum of exercising in general. in a few days i'll add a bit of pace.
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Isnt it amazing, as Im sure you will find, how easy it is to get back into the groove of exercising and pushing yourself:)

I always compete with myself, LOL...just a little bit more, just till I see that number, oh no, now I need to even it out, LOL!!!
 
true :) i only wish it wasn't this hot.
today i am really satisfied with what i had to eat. i think food wise i am definitely making better choices. now i only need to cut back on coffee.

breakfast: whole wheat bread (2 pieces) with liver pate
snack: 1 banana+ 1 piece of apple pie
lunch: 2 nectarines and 1 medium slice of watermelon
snack: probiotic yogurt
dinner: will have lettuce, 1 tomato, 1 pepper salad seasoned with little bit of salt, olive oil and vinegar

plus i also had 1 cafe latte, 1 nescafe cappuccino, and small espresso with milk today. with first and last i also had sugar. i really need to cut back on coffee.

tomorrow i'm going to see a colleague of mine who had a baby while i was in budapest. she's making cakes. hopefully i will resist, and eat only one piece. (i'm craving sweets lately like crazy).
 
well i can officially say that i am retaining water. yesterday i drank water with L-carnitine and it did the trick. i do feel less bloated today and definitely eating light helped yesterday. so i'll keep going like that for a while. the plan is only to have omplex carbs in the morning and on the days when i use the weights.

i'm otherwise swamped with work. i have to finish a report by friday morning which has so much data that its hilarious. but i'll do it. if i could have written my thesis in 15 days i can write a freakin' report of 10 pages by tomorrow afternoon.
 
lena410 said:
i'm otherwise swamped with work. i have to finish a report by friday morning which has so much data that its hilarious. but i'll do it. if i could have written my thesis in 15 days i can write a freakin' report of 10 pages by tomorrow afternoon.
Click to expand...

Thats the attitude girl...HEH, sounds like the work force is treatin you well, LOL!!!
 
hehe yeah really well...i don't know what to say hehehe. they missed me i can tell :D

so i wont be able to finish the entire report because of the mere fact that i didn't have all the necessary facts. so i will have to take the work home. ah well...
however they actually might give me vacation time after this evaluation is done. yaaay :) i sure could use some rest.

yesterday i ended up having apple and a piece of chocolate cake for lunch, later i had two small beers and after that two tomatoes and three pieces of fried zucchini.

but immediately today i feel bloated. so salads it is.
 
Hey there Miss Britta :) missed ya...A LOT

I started drinking nettle tea yesterday because of the water retaining, and it seems it started working a bit.
Today its turning out to be a carbs day, i had two pieces of bread for breakfast, pasta for lunch and will have some leftover pasta for dinner. which is not that bad because i'm going out dancing later so energy will be needed :)

tomorrow i'm hitting the beach, so my exercise will be plenty of swimming :)
 
so water finally started leaving my body :) yaaaay

also i decided to treat my addiction again...so its again one day at a time.

Today I decide to eat like a healthy, thin person. Today is all I can promise.

so, today i had crisp bread for breakfast, a big fish for lunch, 2 nectarines, 1 tomato, 1 yogurt.
apart from that...its saturday and i had to take pile of work home. so off to do at least something. i apologize for not visiting the diaries. will do that in a few days i promise.
 
I'm a bit messed up because of two things. the first one is the weight. I finally weighed myself and I am back to 230lbs. i'm not upset. its my fault. i'm sad because i made this happen. me. i guess deep down inside i still don't like me...or maybe i just don't know how to deal. i need to learn. i really do.
the weight will be taken care of. I am eating well and enjoying what and how i eat. I even sometimes overdo it on the veggies. but its summer and i need all the fresh i can get.

the second thing that is bothering me a bit is this sense of being alone and even bored and lonely at times. In Budapest I was always surrounded by so many people, at any time of day or night i could always have someone to talk to, because of living in the dorm. Plus there was always something happening and in a large city people don't look at you funny if you're going around by yourself. Being back home its different, its being back to reality. Some of my friends are here, and i do get out and all but my social life is cut in more than half. I know I will adapt to it eventually. but i hate this feeling.
Also being with my parents for the next few months are definitely not helping. They are really annoying me, and i try to seclude myself from them but its a bit hard. It was soooo nice not having them telling me what they think i should do. patience right?

i don't know...i guess it seems to me i'm fighting some invisible and unnecessary battles. I want a better life. and yes i know i'm the only one who can make it happen...unfortunately with a forced delay...

one day at a time...
 
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