kelly's diary

I should have avoided all that gibberish and just admitted that I fell in love with an older man. Why is it so hard to admit when one falls in love? Because it is not easy to enter in to love. Perhaps it is more clear that I like older men, but it gets f**ked up for me because then I think the older man is doing a job my father ought to have. Making me feel secure. What I imagined was feeling so comfortable that I could fall asleep in his arms.

I became single seven years ago. When my boys joined air cadets two years later, I became involved, and I realized that there would be opportunities to meet men, older men, in that milieu because of the affiliated Royal Canadian Legions. Michael is a Legionnaire, and I can't wait to see him in next year's Remembrance Day parade. I have always loved (right word?) Remembrance Day and now I know one of the veterans on parade.

I think there will be more opportunities for me to fall in love, but I love the rich character of an older man who is not afraid to emote or be forthright.

I'm sorry I haven't read people's diaries lately. I will do some now.
 
Love is supposed to make yuo feel secure.. nothing wrong with expecting that in love... you can't pick who your heart chooses to fall in love it - it kind of just happens.. go with it and enjoy..
 
maleficent said:
Love is supposed to make yuo feel secure.. nothing wrong with expecting that in love... you can't pick who your heart chooses to fall in love it - it kind of just happens.. go with it and enjoy..
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I concur, I hope you figure things out Kelly.

And good job on the weight loss!
 
then I think the older man is doing a job my father ought to have. Making me feel secure.
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I don't think that this is necessarily just an older man trait. I'm not really into older men myself, but I definitely do want security in a relationship.
 
Oh well. "Being in love" is nice, even when it's temporary. So's being "in lust":) Sometimes you practically have to flip a coin to see which one it really is! At any rate, as long as we're "in something" at any given point it means we're alive and kicking and ready for the next little adventure down the road.
 
Yet all love dies but the love we have for our families. Even with our exhusbands. I don't think I can give my all again because I have already given it. There is not an "all" left in me. My kids, my ex, my love for them, and him, I suppose, too, is undying. God forbid his organs fail.
 
This is so far off the topic of weight loss. But I know I have friends here.

I will be so broken if and when my ex gets sick. There is no deeper love than with whom you share your children with, even if you are incompatible.
 
Oh Kelly, you sound so down...of course you could be in a bright perky mood and just musing "aloud"..it's hard to tell the underlying tone sometimes when it's just words on a screen. But, in case you are feeling a little down, thinking about previous loves "gone wrong"....

as long as we are walking around breathing there is always the potential for great, unexpected, lasting love to enter our lives. Sometimes when you feel like you've given a particular relationship your "all" and it does not work out, it feels like, "ok that was it, got no more to give"...I've been down that road and had that thought myself. But love really isn't like a bank account with a finite amount that can be depleted. Think about how when you have a child and love him/her with what seems like every single fiber of your being...yet when another child comes along - don't you find that your heart and feelings expand to encompass that child just as much?

I have every confidence that if you just keep going through life, doing what you do, being the special person that you are, the day will come when, among the BILLIONS of people on this planet, there will be one who comes into your world, takes your breath away when you least expect it and has as much to give you as you have to give him.
 
My mom and dad married when my mom was 24 back in 1956. She was in a loveless marriage at least from the very early 1970s. I was born in 1968. I know I really did wish my parents would divorce. They weren't the kind that would fight. It was much more beneath the surface, but they stopped making any pretense by 1982. My dad may or may not have had an affair with my godmother, but he most certainly did in mind if not body. The reason I'm saying this isn't too depress you. In fact, just the opposite. My mom met a wonderful man after my dad died. In fact she got remarried at age 70. He treats her like a queen and she seems so much younger than she seemed even in her 40s. There's a reason I haven't given up on romance myself at age 38 and that's her example. You deserve to be happy Kelly and you can be.
 
Cannon 2006 said:
My mom and dad married when my mom was 24 back in 1956. She was in a loveless marriage at least from the very early 1970s. I was born in 1968. I know I really did wish my parents would divorce. They weren't the kind that would fight. It was much more beneath the surface, but they stopped making any pretense by 1982. My dad may or may not have had an affair with my godmother, but he most certainly did in mind if not body. The reason I'm saying this isn't too depress you. In fact, just the opposite. My mom met a wonderful man after my dad died. In fact she got remarried at age 70. He treats her like a queen and she seems so much younger than she seemed even in her 40s. There's a reason I haven't given up on romance myself at age 38 and that's her example. You deserve to be happy Kelly and you can be.
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Wow. Nice, Cannon. I always love to hear a story like that about finding love later in life.

(((((Kelly)))))) you are loved.
 
Happychubette said:
This is so far off the topic of weight loss. But I know I have friends here.

I will be so broken if and when my ex gets sick. There is no deeper love than with whom you share your children with, even if you are incompatible.
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This is what Ive been battling with...and towards your all comment - I kinda feel the same as well - Ive given my all and I dont think I have anything left LOL...and moving on and forward scares the hell outta me...
 
Cannon 2006 said:
There's a reason I haven't given up on romance myself at age 38 and that's her example. You deserve to be happy Kelly and you can be.
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Aaawww what a great thing to say and how sweet abt not giving up on romance - I honestly believe we all deserve the best but it is finding it and believing it a nd it is so hard to let go or let your guard down when you have made mistakes or bad decisions in the past and when youve been screwed many times...
 
maleficent said:
Love is supposed to make yuo feel secure.. nothing wrong with expecting that in love... you can't pick who your heart chooses to fall in love it - it kind of just happens.. go with it and enjoy..
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Kelly this has been my saving grace for a looong time...I just keep reminding myself that - I am not bad it isnt my fault, I just gotta deal with it...
 
Hey Cannon is right BIG TIME!! I was in a very unhappy/unhealthy marriage for 12 years, all my young adult life, and not to mention my skinniest times. HAHAHA well, I got out of that marriage, even though I remain to this day best friends with his mother, I love her to pieces (like a mom) getting to the point. I never wanted to get tied up with another man for the rest of my days, I just wanted to grow old with my sons and then be there for them through their trials and life. I was done with men, they dissapointed me all my life, going way back to childhood of course. Well, never say never, because when I wasn't looking I bumped into the most fantastic man. I was floored and I was taken from the very first time I layed my eyes on him. He was bald, okay he shaved his head, and he was bowlegged, but I didn't give a hoot, he was a fox and he was so well rounded it through me for a loop, he is now my husband and my soul mate. How do I know this?? Because we are best friends and best lovers, we have been this way for 5 years now, so what i'm trying to say here is It's NEVER to late to find that one, it's never to late to share your heart, and it's NEVER to late to start over. If it's meant to happen it will and nothing can stop it. So don't hold back, be who you are and enjoy life while you are here today, we only get one shot, so make it the best. Enjoy your day!! I'll be thinking about ya!
Kim
 
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