Kaitie's Open Diary

Katie--I really can only throw in my opinion to you. Please don't take it as advice because only you can make the necessary decisions. Part of me knows how hard losing weight is and how I've struggled with it my whole life even when the weight has stopped me from doing things or feeling the way I wanted to feel. However, he also needs to take you into account and if he refuses to do that, you may need to cut your losses. I know whatever you do, it'll be the right choice for you.
 
Sending a hug from Vermont!!! My husband is overweight, probably 30 pounds worth. I've had to beg, plead, etc to get him to try and lose weight.
Ain't gonna happen unless he wants it to happen, just like it didn't happen with me until I made it happen. I do believe that as one loses weight, you deal with other issues as well. I'm happy for John that he has lost weight!!! However, seven years without sex.....Marriage is many things, but it's been said that if sex isn't an issue it's 10% of the issues in the relationship. If there are sexual problems, it's 90% of the problems in the marriage. You do have choices here.
If John refuses to go to counseling, go yourself.
 
Okay... now that I've had sleep (overslept.... stupid alarm) I can say what Cannon said... only you can make your decision...and I'm not trying to sway you in any way, I just hate seeing people go through stuff when they really shouldn't have too. And I'm with beckster, if sex isn't an issue, it's only 10% but if it is an issue... it can be the root of just about all conflicts. I also agree with here that you can go to counseling yourself...I just don't know why he'd be willing to throw it all away...I'm so sorry girlie... :(
 
:( Oh Kaitie, I'm so sorry. I echo what the others have said. 7 years is a long time to be in a relationship like that. I did 5. I got 2 beautiful kids out of it, so I have no regrets. But I had to get out. I would rather take the chance being alone, with just the hope of finding someone who I feel the "spark" with, than stay with my ex when there was no sexual attraction, and he pretty much ignored me 90% of the time. That was my decision, and I'm happy that I made it.

Only you can decide what to do, but (and tone is hard to tell through a computer), from the tone of your messages, it sounds like you already know what you really want, you're just scared to make that decision. Because it will change everything that was safe and familiar. Believe me, I understand. I've been there.

You are strong, you are beautiful, and you deserve to have what you want.

(If you want to talk, just me me, ok?)
 
No sex? for 7 years? QUICK! WE NEED A MEDIC!

But seriously, thats gotta be majorly hard on a relationship. Sex is not everything, but it does help a HEAP of the bonding of two people. I think i would probably leave if i never got sex too :/

Especially if i was size 12!
 
Hey Katie,
I hate to say it but it does sound like you
have fallen out of love? It happeneds to even the best people
but you can't carry on a relationship that way but can continue
to have a friendship, so maybe the time has come where you
2 need to sit down and have "THE" talk and maybe still have
a friendship if the relationship isn't going to work out.
I was married before no kids with him and he wasn't affectionate
at all but he was an idiot ontop of that but we don't speak and I
haven't even seen him in over 9 years! Goodluck Katie and I am very
sorry your going through this,Tammy:)
 
Yeah, just try not to do it when you're angry. Oh and in case he gets pissy, open your own bank account and take your half of the money now .. just in case :)
 
I know this sounds crazy but I don't want to leave him...he's a nice guy but ya'll are so right...how can he not see how bad the situation is? how can he tell me he doesn't want to talk about it? I'm telling you if he knew what was going on in my head I would be in serious trouble---mormon folk are not supposed to 'think' those kind of things. *eyeroll*

So I suppose my only option is to go back to suppressing it all.

Ok, flirting with the phys. ed. teacher today was fun and hearing everyone rave about how skinny I looked felt really really good. I think I might take another picture and post it up here....it's been 20 pounds.
 
Kaitie said:
I know this sounds crazy but I don't want to leave him...he's a nice guy but ya'll are so right...how can he not see how bad the situation is? how can he tell me he doesn't want to talk about it? I'm telling you if he knew what was going on in my head I would be in serious trouble---mormon folk are not supposed to 'think' those kind of things. *eyeroll*

So I suppose my only option is to go back to suppressing it all.

Ok, flirting with the phys. ed. teacher today was fun and hearing everyone rave about how skinny I looked felt really really good. I think I might take another picture and post it up here....it's been 20 pounds.
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Hey Kaitie, It's unfortunate what he's putting you through (and yes... HE'S putting you through it), but follow your heart. if it says stay with him..then by all means, stay... but be careful with suppressing it... all the build up of stress, loneliness, etc can put years on you... and not only that.. but you could lose weight and not healthily. Depression is a monster on ones physical body... and supressing it could end up making this far worse in the long run... I think it'd be theraputic of you to post a new photo! The compliments, encouragement, and overall family community that we have here (for the most part) is very encouraging I think! :) Keep on smilin!
 
Heya Katie, hope things are going right.

I guess having children will be out for you as well if he cant 'perform' which i suppose saves a lot of hassles later on.

SS is right though, the only thing you get by clinging onto a dead marrige is wasted years. I stuck with my first husband for 4 years after i realized it wasnt meant to be. it got to breaking point and things went hellishly all out of control or a while. I only wish id finished it earlier.

Anyway life is good now. I hope your life ends up good.
 
You need a girlie trip to Vegas. You say 'oh typical reply by T2' ?? Seriously, it just might buy you both the time you need if not temporarily.

I think everyone is crystal clear on your story, however, the outcome is in your hands.

For once I won't sequester myself in your diary on this subject, I say fullfill the dreaded 7 year itch and see where you stand afterwards. That's my adult take on this matter.
 
Hi Kaitie,
Like everyone has said, I wish you and John, the best in all this - it is definitely not easy :(

I think it's important to remember that John has been trying in regards to the weight issue. You and he have lost the same amount of weight. I mentioned it a few pages back - but remember, could you imagine putting in all the work you have, only to not get the positive reinforcements?

He's not getting the emails from parents saying they don't recognize him, he's not flirting with the phys ed teacher, he's not getting the amount of kuddos you are and I remember when I first started losing weight - I had lost over 20 pounds and Bob hadn't even noticed - it was SO disheartening, and truthfully, one of the reasons I joined this forum.

John has a long way to go before the weight loss is truly apparent, but if he's trying and not getting positive affirmations, it's going to be really hard to keep going.

It doesn't sound like you want to leave him, but there are clearly things missing in your relationship with him. I so hope that you guys can get to a place where you both are happy.
 
Hi Kaitie - wow, it took me ages to catch up. Everyone has made fantastic points and there's so little I can add but here's the thing, he won't change until he's ready in his own mind. I've been him, I've been where he's at, not able to sit in the seats at the theater, terrible sex, etc.. and it may take the proverbial smack in the face but be patient with him.

And remember, you can't compare your journeys - it's different for everyone.

Hang in there! *hugs*
 
M2M said:
I remember when I first started losing weight - I had lost over 20 pounds and Bob hadn't even noticed - it was SO disheartening, and truthfully, one of the reasons I joined this forum.
Click to expand...
Absolutly seconded about the people not noticing. I lost 30kg/60-70lb before i got my first comment. The thing is, you can loose a lot of weight and still be fat, so long as you are still fat then people wont say anything. And it is really hard and discouraging when you've lost a HUGE amount and getting nobody noticing or no credit.
 
*passes out the valiums, gives T2 two of them*

Just let me vent people---I don't want to hear any advice please.

Grr. He said he would go to the gym at 7---then after I came back from the store---then after he printed out some stuff for school....and I thought ok, shoes are on and he's out the door. Good, he went to the gym. Nope. He went to Target and gave me some lame ass excuse about 'doing laps in Target' instead of going to the gym. What kind of bullshit is this. I'm so pissed off that I can't even look at him. How can he do this...how can he not understand what the f*** his actions (lack of action) are doing to me--to us. 40 pounds---who gives a rats ass about 40 pounds. He hasn't lost any weight since October, nothing, zero, zip...and he seems perfectly fine with it. How can he be fine with it? How can he not do anything about it? This attempt at weight-loss is just like all the others....gung-ho for a little while and then when he realizes that he's got to actually keep it up he stops. I'm fuming. 15 freakin' minutes on the treadmill....is it going to kill him? Walking around target---who the freak goes to target to get their heart-rate up? Does he really think that walking at a leisurely pace while looking at stupid toys is really going to help him lose weight. I'm so mad....I'm tempted to lock the bedroom door and make him sleep on the couch---I'm just disgusted.
 
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