Kaitie's Open Diary

Kaitie,
I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult right now - how much did John weigh when you guys got married? Has he always been heavy?
 
Eazy: You sit back and watch the guy that you married kill himself and then you tell me if you're going to try and change him or not.

M2M: He was 350 when we got married and he shot up to 494, at the moment he's at 454.
 
Have you talked to him about it? I know you guys were trying to lose weight together, so I'm sure he knows it's a problem. But does he know how serious it is to you?
 
Wow - I hadn't realized he had lost 40 pounds! That's fantastic! That's about how much you have, in the same amount of time right?

And it hasn't been easy for you (for any of us), the same to be said for him.

Has he thought about joining this forum for support too?
 
dari: We've discussed my unhappiness numerous times...I even brought it up yesterday and he said that he didn't want to talk about it.

M2M: I know that he's made progress but he had lost 45 pounds and then regained 8 pounds---the same cycle as the last time we tried to lose weight. He knows all about this site, he's just not interested in it.
 
Perhaps some couple therapy sessions might help you guys - a lot of people gained weight over the holidays - even my SKINNY friends averaged between 2-3 pounds - gaining 8, if you're already big is not all that hard to do.

I think something important for you to realize or keep in mind...
...it has taken you a lot of hard work to loose 38 pounds.

It's taking him a lot of hard work to loose the 40 or so he's kept off.

But you see the difference in you. You get the positive affirmations from other people about how great you look and what a difference there is, etc.

Is he getting those same accolades?

My guess is that a lot of people might not have noticed yet.

That's a TOUGH spot to be in. All that friggin work and it's not showing that much, my wife is repulsed by me...etc., etc.,

As hard as it is for *you* I would imagine it's even harder for him right now.

Just sayin'...

I hope it all works out for you guys.
 
Oh Katie, its got to be hard for both of you. You for having to wait for him to get down to a decent level (which in all honesty could be a couple of years), and him knowing that hes unattractive and unable to do a lot of things others take for granted.

hes lost already a really good amount of weight, have you celebrated that? any mini-goals to try and pump him up about it? If he looses 40lb and all he gets is you moaning about him being overweight he may be inclined to give up.

I think you should perhaps you should stick with him for a while longer if you truely love him, give him the chance. If its only the weight thats a problem then just wait it out and dont go organizing stuff thats going to make both of you uncomfortable (ie going places that require larger seats).

Perhaps spend more time together doing stuff like taking a day hike. It doesnt have to be hard out walking, just take your time. a day hike can burn up to 2000 calories and also mend a lot of bridges (its done wonders for me and the kids getting along i tell you!).

Anyway, in the end its up to you. Dont walk away without knowing for a fact that you did everything in your power to save it. Otherwise you are gonna end up living with regrets.
Today might be a bad day, but tomorrow will be better :)
 
I really wish that he would want to walk the dog with me....to finish putting in the floor that we started two weeks ago---but he would rather just sit on the couch and watch tv. It's annoying.
 
Hey Kaitiebeans, sorry things got ya down right now. I gotta give John credit for closing in on losing damn-near 10% of his body weight. What's it been 5-6 months now ?? I agree John could be trying harder and longer but he's still on the minus side of the task he's set out to do.

I know when I lost my first 40 el bees, I wanted everyone to notice and no one did, or at least they never mentioned it but you're probably a seasoned veteran of classic northeast winter doldrum and you just know this time of the year is gonna really separate the hard chargers from the fair-weather casual 'dieter'. If you can't set a fire under his ass to get out and about, help him with his food choices and be supportive. It may make all the difference come spring when it's time to get rolling again.

As much as I gulp down your angst, I still revel in your own accomplishments, don't lose sight of your own transformation. The forum is proud of you. :)
 
As much as I gulp down your angst, I still revel in your own accomplishments, don't lose sight of your own transformation. The forum is proud of you.
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I agree with Randy here...I don't have any advice for you, I'm sorry. :(
 
First Katie you're doing great! I hope this break has been good for you. I have to go back tomorrow and I'm not thrilled about it :(. As for your husband I really don't know what to tel you. Its tough. I will say I've been trying really hard and I managed to gain more over the last month than he did. He probably never will be really skinny, but there's a difference between him being 170 pounds and being healthier. I hope you guys can work this out. I can kind of relate with the theatre thing. We had great seats for the Producers and man it was tough.
 
Heya's Katie,
Hello and I am so sorry to hear what your going
through yes it is very tough and from experience he's not going
to do it until he's ready himself. Maybe to stay on track the 1st
couple weeks (the hardest) maybe offer to take him out to eat
every weigh in at the end of the week your treat 1 bad meal a
week is better than several and this way if he is craving things
during the week he can enjoy a meal on weigh in day?

I do this for myself which helps me alot go through the being satisfied
feeling to the guilt afterwards then I am ready for another hard week
of work.Just and ideal. It will get better and congrats on the 45 lbs thats
a huge start! Tammy
 
*hugs* I'm sorry about how discouraging that must be, Kaitie. I'm impressed that you are in size 12! That is such a great accomplishment. Don't give up on him - 40 pounds is a lot and I'm sure with your example there is hope in the present and future.

Keep on! You're doing great.
 
Kaitie said:
I really wish that he would want to walk the dog with me....to finish putting in the floor that we started two weeks ago---but he would rather just sit on the couch and watch tv. It's annoying.
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My bf is 250. I've begged and pleaded with him to loose weight with me. I even tried to remind him about his football days and get him to go to the gym with me and buff up knowing that he would loose body fat in the process, but he sits in front of the computer and refuses to get up. :( I know how frustrated you are. I'm there, too. Ooooh, I forgot, there was a glimmer of hope. He was going to fast for a week...it lasted 5 hours, but at least he thought about it. That's progress right? Maybe there is hope! I keep hoping that he'll see my progress and want the same thing for himself. That's all I can hope for.
 
Im actually wondering if there is something deeper than the weight. I mean hes actually lost more weight than you even with the ups and downs. By my math hes lost 40lb and you've lost 38.5.

We all have our ups and downs.
 
Uber mature topic so if you can't handle it don't read it---and if you're some teeny-bopper who just wants to tell me to 'not change him' please don't comment.






The deeper issue is sex---our lack of any. I've been married to him for seven years and we've never had actual sex. He's just so fat that he can't get it up. About 3 years ago I just gave up even trying with him....I'm just not attracted to him in the slightest. And here I am 34, married, and celebate. The clocks ticking and I can't stand the thought of even attempting sex with my husband.
 
Hey Kaitie, just wanted to post REALLY quick before I head to bed that... I read the last 2 - 3 pages and...well... I'm at a loss for words with your situation. I'm at 221 right now... started tentatively at 255ish. It was either that or more... I've been even higher than that...but I don't know what that number was...all I know is that my weight was out of control. Probably got into the 270/280s. And I don't understand how someone that is supposed to be working at the relationship alongside you...can just...not care about himself enough to try to extend his lifespan to be with the one he loves... I mean.. he's toying with his life... toying with your lives together... all for another episode of his favorite tv show. I hate the situation you're in... and I wish that there was something that we ALL could do... I really hope your situation gets better... And whatever decision you make, whether to fight for it, or cutting your losses and going on with your life...without someone who is willing to work at bettering his life... and dragging YOU down... its unfortunate that he won't step up his game... I just couldn't go to bed without throwing my two cents in... :( Hope things look up for you.. okay... NOW going to bed... If you need to talk.. just let me know :)

EDIT: Whoa....I just read the post above mine and...well... wow... that goes even deeper. MTM&K said something before she went to bed. Dr. Phil calls something like this... a Deal Breaker. I mean.. 7 years, what is he wanting out of your marriage? Just someone to cook meals? I don't know you, him, or your day to day life... I just don't understand what he's doing...we know what he's NOT doing... and that's just unfortunate! Kaitie...I'm SO sorry this is happening to you and you're in mine and MTM&K's prayers...Sex is a huge issue... regardless of who you are. And that can REALLY mess things up, if there is someone who is lacking in being a participant. Or atleast trying to make things better. I just... I think I need to sleep on this and come back in the morning.......sorry if this wasn't all that coherent... You're in our prayers...night.
 
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