Journey to Knowing

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Down to 268.5 today. My body went haywire again on the bike. I went ahead with water aerobics but titrated the intensity. Then on the way home I ate chips from a bag I had to buy to get above purchase minimum at a convenience store earlier this week. I meant to toss it. Then a little chocolate tonight. I'm still under for the day but only because of the exercise. Started using a facial cleanser and moisturizer today. I've never used anything in 50 years but the salt pool water is effecting my skin.

Lots of work this weekend and lots of gym time. I'm averaging about 70 minutes a day. Not too bad. Especially when I was barely moving 13 minutes a day a couple of months ago.
 
I think you are doing a great job & the difference is huge. Well done CF!
 
Thanks @Cate ! This is the point (timewise) where I injure myself or something more important than exercise and healthy eating comes up. Managing to stay on task.

My body is sore today. Not in a bad way but I really wonder if I should hit the gym tonight. I'm thinking yes since this feels more like fatigued myscles than muscles that need time to repair. I'll do 30 minutes on the bike and then gauge whether or not I swim. I am trying to do what my former doctor suggested and titrate when necessary and listen to my nervous system. it's like I'm walking a tightrope. if I lean to far one way, I fall off because the ptsd kicks in and I can't get out of bed or leave the house for weeks. If I lean too far the other way. I make no progress. Just the balancing and constant awareness is exhausting. That's one reason I'm being a little more forgiving on my intake. Food balances things for me and right now the primary focus is movement and convincing my system I won't die if my pulse goes up. Oy.
 
Hey CrowFeather! Wow I'm really glad that you've gotten into pool exercise. It's such a great way to be active in general, but especially helpful when you have an injury. Things seem to be coming together for you - keep it up!
 
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265.8 this morning after a 1:30 am panic attack that lasted hours and f'd up dreams. I needed that decrease for motivation today. Sometimes my body goes down and jumps back up before staying at the new low. I don't even care if that is what this is. It's lower and after those dreams I need a positive. First priority today is to bike. Second is to clean as I've got a visitor maybe staying tomorrow. Oh and ive confirmed that my washing machine doesn't clean clothes. Beautiful.
 
I made it 60 minutes on the recumbent bike! I had to walk away to settle my system down at about 25 minutes and I kept my heartrate under 113 which meant 45-60rpm and only 12 miles, but I busted through that block. It should get easier now each time I do longer time.

Because I slept so late, I've got to eat 10oz chicken for supper to get my minimum protein. Blah.
 
Just discovered chicken thighs are extremely high in fat compared to breast meat. Totally screwed my macros but I'm still under
 
Did 40 minutes on the bike with no major freak out. My heartbeat/ breathing increased to panic level at around 30 minutes. I slowed the rpms and deepened my breathing until it stabilized. Took about three minutes. Swimming I remembered how much I love competition. The woman in the lane next to me was swimming a leisurely freestyle. We took off at the same lap and i just about drowned myself keeping up with her. Fun. Seriously. I did more freestyle today than usual. The rest the past three days seemed to help my shoulder. Towards the end I had to barrel roll a few times to reset my breath because i was so fatigued my breathing and strokes were getting out of sync and barrel rolling is a way to not stop and not drown. After swimming I did 10 minutes in sauna and then came on home. No carbs for two hours which is so difficult. I usually eat something carby after exercise. Found out that defeats the muscles burning fat. I ate an ounce of beef jerky but what I'm craving is chocolate milk!

Down another .9 this morning but after exercising it was back up a bit so who knows.
 
264.4 so I guess the big drop this weekend wasn't false. I think the sauna helped my muscle aches. Nearly no pain. Big time anxiety this morning but totally related to work. I'll be happy when these ideations leave my system. Not a happy way to wake up. Today I've got to write five major contracts because ive procrastinated.
 
I woke up super anxious this morning for no apparent reason. It's a horrible feeling.
Well done on crushing the bike. I'm currently crushing my recliner in front of the fire :blush5:
 
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