Journey to Knowing

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What a beautifully heartening thing to see! And to be under the 250 mark - what a gorgeously appealing, and clearly achievable interim goal! Go, you! :hurray:
 
Completely did not want to go to the wellness center today. I walked out of the house without my swim gear. I intended to do 45 minutes on the bike but my feet, both, started hurting bad so I got 30 minutes. That's my minimum. I feel very angry. Don't know if it's related to work or to going down to my father's house next week all week. I am not a happy person right now. Anger is better than self harm. That's a plus.
 
It helps.

I do have to go. He's struggling with some stuff after my mom's death and my brothers are no help. So four or five days down there. I'm concerned about Peri eating while I'm gone. If she's not eating, I'll come home. Priorities.

I'm conflicted about how much i invest in him. He's failed me in world changing ways (not little things) and he's cruel. I have traditionally gotten very defeated spending time with him & my mom. I have a list of things that need to be accomplished and that's what I'll focus on. Ill be working down there 3 days and I think we'll go see The Kitchen one night. He'll fall asleep and say he hated it but I don't care.

Thanks for your support.
 
Oh. And I finally remembered to google why my bp falls when exercising. I've always assumed it's trauma related/nervous system stuff but a high probability reason is heart disease. So cardiologist is being added to my request for referrals Monday when I see the new doctor. Not too bad. Ortho and Cardi. I took off numerology because my coordination has improved so much with the exercise and new glasses.
 
15 minutes bike, 60 minutes water aerobics, 20+ minutes swimming mostly freestyle. I've felt weak all day. But I was able to do a good workout. Really worked it.

I've been craving pizza for weeks so today i got a very small, thin crust pizza. Still under intake and my macros are off but not horribly.

Feeling a little better.
 
Satisfying a craving with a smallish amount of it is a sensible thing to do in my opinion. I have been craving a great big piece of lemon meringue cheesecake today & had a stick of licorice & half a mandarin instead. Nah. I'm kidding. It didn't actually work, but it might have. Whereas a small pizza might have done the trick for you :)
 
40 minutes bike & 20 minutes swimming and 10 minutes in a lukewarm sauna. Stayed within intake and macros are a bit skewed but good.

Yesterday I had the pool to myself so I videoed a lap. I was struck by how large i am. I guess having the lane width as a reference I was able to see clearly how large I am. I was also awestruck at how slowly I swam. This video has made me realize this isn't a 3 month thing or an 18 month thing. This journey I'm on is longterm. And for the first time in my life that kind of thought is not terrifying. It is incredibly motivating.

Today I attempted to correct some form issues which engaged my core more. My knees didn't swell later (i probably should have put ice on them but i didn't) and I feel pretty good. Such a difference from me dragging myself to the gym yesterday.

My AC is broken. Thank god I live in the mountains! It got to 90° in here this afternoon but should be in the 70s tonight. It was actually warmer in my house than in the sauna!
 
@Cate , don't do the pizza! Up on the scale today. I think mainly inflammation but still. A hit today. And my stomach isn't happy.

Waiting for the technician so probably won't get to the wellness center today. I'm bummed about that.

Starting to see those pockets in my body where fat has left and everything is jiggly. This is where I get extremely uncomfortable but I'm gonna keep going. My legs are reshaping big time. And my behind. That is very jiggly. When i lost 90 pounds on optifast, part of the after program was meeting with a plastic surgeon in our weekly group meeting. What I saw there scared me so much. It was presented as 'this is the only option' to have a cut around the circumference on my body and then be sewn back together. Couldn't handle that. Never went back to the meeting and gained back 60lbs rather intentionally. Everytime I feel that jiggle on my body, those images pop in my head. I may need to do some SE work on that to desensitize myself. Good idea. The jiggling is only gonna get jigglyer.
 
Haha. I was only joking. I saw some GF pizza bases in the supermarket yesterday & left them there. I love everything salty that goes on our pizzas & salt is right out for me.
You will be much healthier when you have all those jiggly bits :)
 
I keep telling myself that!

At last my house is cooling off. It got to 32°C yesterday. Five hours of AC and we're down to 26°C. Hoping it will be around 22° by bedtime.
 
It's only getting to 13°C today, which is better than Saturday's 9° & going to get down to -1° tonight. I have been so cold & can't seem to get warm. Thanks to you, I just learned how to put the degrees symbol. I had never known so looked it up. Of course, I won't remember :blush5:
 
Well, big time for us, anyway! :D
 
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