Jessie's Journal

I'M HERE!!!!

Ok, so I've been having kind of a weird few months... for those who read my last couple of entries, I started seeing the guy from outta town, had lots of fun with it, met another guy, was seeing him to, then he decided to be a dick, which is ok, cuz I still had the other guy, and then last month, about Sep. 11th-ish, WE decided to call it quits to :rolleyes:
SOOOOO- things were going ok for a few weeks(I'm a good single person, lol), then on Sep 24th, a bunch of us went out for a friends birthday, and the guy (from here in town who was a dick) and I started talking again, so he came out to... well, everyone left, if was me and him playin pool and having a few drinks, and yeah, heres the crappy part of my story- I woke up in a hospital the next day, after apparently having been raped and beaten?!! I don't remember anything, but man oh man, the friggin depression I have been going thru is so AWEFUL I just cry sometimes... :) I'm getting better, but I still have those moments where I just wanna pull my hair out. So, yeah, I guess I'm glad I don't remember what happened, cuz its easier to be myself, but I definately need something to focus on again, and this is it. I still have what, like 60-70lbs to go to be at my main goal, and this will definately give me something to accomplish and be happy with... so I'm back :D yay for Jessie!! lol... but seriously, I don't mean to sound like such a drag, but its good to just tell it and get it out there, so if I ever get crappy and depressed, yell at me for it, cuz trust me, I need it!
Ok- so I spent two days in the hospital and had a crap-ton of iv's, and one of them gave me friggin vasculitis(which is actually quite creapy cuz my whole vein in my left arm is the color of a bruise from wrist to elbow, bleh)- and my arm is killing me!! Workouts probably won't have much to do with arms for a while :) and food, well, I'm working on it... the first 8 days after everything went down I lost 13lbs... and food still isn't uber appealing to me, but I'm working on getting my food back to normal and stuff to.
So there ya go. I'm back, but bear with me, cuz I'm still tryin to get everything back in shape again with my life... but I'm definately glad you guys are all here :D
I'll see ya all around!!
 
Jess393 said:
I'M HERE!!!!

Ok, so I've been having kind of a weird few months... for those who read my last couple of entries, I started seeing the guy from outta town, had lots of fun with it, met another guy, was seeing him to, then he decided to be a dick,QUOTE]

Sorry.. what's decided to be a dick mean? me not american/english.

I'm sorry to hear what u been thru...pray that u'll receive complete healing (emotional/physical) soon again. Glad u r back! I've been here for abt 2 weeks and everyone has been sweet here. So I'll see u often here ya!:D Do visit my diary too! I'll see u around!
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Honey, I am really sorry to hear about what happened. If you ever want to chat, i am always around.
And if you don't want to chat about it, that's cool too....or if you wanna form an ass kicking posse to find him and beat the pi** out of him i'm up for that too.

Anyway, whenever you're ready to go again, you let me know and we'll do it together. Just like before.
Love you heaps. xoxoxo
 
Hey guys :) Soooo. Still haven't been to the gym, or haven't really gotten my diet back under control yet either... Tonight I should have gone to the gym, and seriously, I watched niptuck instead :( ...... Totally could have gone. Wanted to go. Just, didn't. Weird....
Its soooo irritating! I have managed to lose 40lbs, so why is it soooo difficult for me to get back into it?! I don't understand!
ANyways, help me guys!!!! Tell me whats wrong with me, lol... I gotta do this.. Just have to.. :)
 
First of all I am so proud of you for telling your story and not letting them ruin your life and I want you to know you are strong and you never deserved that! Girl you can get back on track I know you can! You have to deal with alot of emotion right now and its hard I know! Just take the baby steps and take it day by day! You will do it and be ok it is just gonna take time and steps! But when your mad go to the gym and that will help! I am so sorry and I lvoe you and I am here for you!
 
Jess393 said:
Hey guys :) Soooo. Still haven't been to the gym, or haven't really gotten my diet back under control yet either... Tonight I should have gone to the gym, and seriously, I watched niptuck instead :( ...... Totally could have gone. Wanted to go. Just, didn't. Weird....
Its soooo irritating! I have managed to lose 40lbs, so why is it soooo difficult for me to get back into it?! I don't understand!
ANyways, help me guys!!!! Tell me whats wrong with me, lol... I gotta do this.. Just have to.. :)
Click to expand...

I feel exactly the same way! I just can't find the determination to get back on track, i don't know what is going on with me.
I think i just need someone to kick my butt for like a day or two and then i'll be okay...
We gotta do this jess...how is your food going?
 
Bedsy- its AWEFUL!! I mean, uber bad. bleh. Half the time I forget to eat, and then the rest of the time I eat crap. I don't know why, cuz it just makes me feel aweful, but I can't seem to figure out why all of a sudden I want to eat so crappy...
Today was a bad day to... The city prosecutors decided not to file charges against the guy, due to insufficient evidence. Sure. Cuz me spending two days in the hospital and having a black eye for almost three weeks is a lack of evidence. Whatever. I ended up getting really depressed and cried for like two hours, lol, and then had a gigantic coffee/cookie/toffee drink. I'm pretty sure there was about a bazillion calories in there...lol. I dunno.. I'm gonna see what my chances are in a civil suit, but maybe its a good thing this isn't going to court- I'm getting back to normal now, and having to sit thru tons of crap wouldn't make me feel better, I'm sure. so, oh well, right? Hope he doesn't do it do someone else, then the cops will feel like asses.
Ok, so future goals:
1. Go to the gym Sunday thru Thursday.
2. Eat within my original 1200-1500 cals. GOOD calories. :)
3. Breathe. Cuz right now, thats the only thing thats certain in life, and I might as well enjoy it while I'm still able to do it lol :rolleyes:

Well, I'll definately use this as my mental sounding board as well, hopefully noone minds :D and trust me, starting Sunday, I'm gonna give all I got to restart this thing. I need something to focus my anger on, like Tina said- workout when your mad!

Oh- Bedsy- where the heck is your diary?? Icant seem to find it ANYWHERE!!!
 
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW i love you and big huggs for you!!! I will pm you my email so if ya need me I am here!
 
Thanks Tina :)
Today was another lazy day. Go figure, right? Sat in my pajamas till 4pm, ate 2 hamburgers, went to work, and here I am, at the computer, instead of working out :( A friend of mine, Jerry, tried to get me to go to the gym tonight, and I begged him to just let me finish out my last week of fatness, besides, I would workout tonight, tomorrow, and then not be able to on Friday or Saturday, so whats the point, right?? lol, now I'm justifying, which is BAD!!! Its ok, I gave him the go ahead to drag me outta my house come Sunday if I'm not at the gym. *sigh* so, anywhooooo...... gonna go, maybe I'll clean or something :rolleyes: tons o' fun!!
 
yo homegirl,
so if it's any indication of how i'm going that you can't actually find my diary, that's about how i'm going lol.
But it just ticked over to daylight saving here in ol' sydney town so i really don't have anymore excuses. So tomorrow for me is D day.
Back on the wagon. So tomorrow i'm gonna bring my diary back up tp the front page and from then on...it's you and me missy.

Let's do it...
 
Woohoo!! Today started it. And when I say today was the start- I really mean, I ended up eating chicken strips and french fries :( However, I DID get to the gym, and was only gonna do 20 of cardio, and ended up doing 30. Sooo,thats good, right? :D So it was 30 minutes, 400 calories, and 1.86 miles... TOmorrow, I'm gonna try to add like five or ten minutes to that, and get some weights in. Ohh, and abs. Cuz I need some. :rolleyes:

So- I have kind of a date tonight... little bit nervous, but not overly so, and it pisses me off, cuz seriously, before this crap happened, nothing that had to do with guys made me nervous... and just thinking about it makes me a little sick :( Its ok... Things are getting on track- I'm gonna get back into my diet, like I said- Ive already lost 40, there is NOTHING stopping me from losing anohter 40- I'm pretttttttyy much back to my confident straight forward self, and I bought some cute shoes. Weird thing tho- I'm not really a shoe person, so why did these make me happy??? Hmmm... a mystery I may NEVER understand :D

Alirght, peace out till tomorrow, when I will hopefully have good news on the diet AND boy front :rolleyes: seeya!

Bedsy- ABSO-FRICKIN-LUTELY!!! get your butt back in here with me girly, we did good before, we can do fantastic again. When you get a new diary started, I'm gonna start a new one to. Its only up from here!
 
SO. Bowling didn't happen... stupid leagues... :rolleyes: boy didn't show up- which I knew might happen, he hadta work, so theres always next time- instead all my friends and i went to a movie, after which I totally ate ice cream and a brownie :( .... Crap!!!

Went to the gym, did 30 minutes, 10.9 miles, and 205cals on a bike...don't generally like bikes, but someone was on MY elliptical lol... and I don't like using the other ones.

Hoping for a fantastic day tomorrow, but ya know how that works- theres good ones, and not so good ones. Just kinda hoping that all that candy won't be a distraction for me :D Whoever made candy seriously needs to be shot lol.... well, chocolate in general, but whatever...

Hope you all have a nice day tomorrow to!!
 
So, didn't make it to the gym... But I DID walk around quite a lot with a friend and her kid doing the trick or treat thing.. then I came home and cleaned.. What a freakishly fun night :rolleyes: Food wasn't so bad today, although I DID have like 5 reeces pb cups. Why did I do that? I don't even LIKE peanut butter, lol.
Bedsy, I wish youd hurry up and get your butt in here :( I feel like I only have you and Tina anymore!! Seems like no matter how much I post in other journals, I'm gettin the shaft... lol... so friggin HURRRRRRYYYY!!!! I need some support or I'm liable to go crazy :rolleyes:
I'm out yo!! Everyone wish me a better day tomorrow :D
 
I am back and you better not be getting the shaft I wont allow it! I thought ya was gonna start a new diary or are ya waiting on bedsy who better get her buns back in here also! We are so gonna do this and I am so proud of you! Get in that gym more though get your muscles to kick some butt from now on if they mess with ya! Come on girl you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Hi there! I"m here for you!

Don't worry about the p.b. cups, you probably burned the cals by walking anyways!

I'm going to try to loose 10 pds before thanksgiving, wanna buddy up w/ me??
 
NewBride- that'd be fabulous :D Sooo... how do we go about that lol???

So today was kinda crappy- I feel a little fluish, muscles ache, headache, cold but not, ya know.. I got off work bout an hour ago, waiting for my sister to get home and then we're gonna go do some healthy grocery shopping. My weekend is a long one(Fri: 3:30pm to 7am, Sat: 3:30pm to 7am, Sun: 5pm to 11pm) bleh... so tonight I gotta stay up till bout 5:30 am in order to sleep longer before my shifts start, lol, wohooo!!! SO when Im done grocery shopping, I'll go to the gym, and bust ass to well, get rid of the ass :rolleyes: hopefully I'll have a good update for ya later :D
 
That is awsome and dont over do it girl you have a busy weekend ahead! I may not be back till Monday but I am here for you and get rest but do go to the GYm
 
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