Disappointed. Sad. Tired of Being Chubby.
Ugh. I'm going to vent. I don't even know where to start. For the most part Dax and I have been getting along great the past few months. But every once and a while he says something that TOTALLY hurts my feelings. Like last night I am totally sick.. you know... no make up all day, nose chapped from blowing it, hair a mess, bla bla. and he's hammered cause he's stressed at work. So I'm like 'tommorrow's still cool right?' (dinner) and he say's "Well, are you going to look as good as you do now?" (in a negative way). So I was like: 'Screw you, you're drunk, leave me alone.'
Fast-forward to today. I'm still sick. Home from work. I pull it together at the end of the day, shower, do my hair, make up, etc.... Try to look especially cute. He strolls in at 5:35 pm (Our dinner reservation is at 6:00 PM!!!!!!) showers, throws on a dirty polo. We're 10 min late for our reservations (under my bosses name who is treating us). At dinner, as long as conversation is focused on him its fine. I order a glass of wine and I say to him "I should probably have only 1 glass of wine" He's says "why, cause you're a total bitch when you're drunk?" loudly... its a small restaurant so the lady at the table next to us gives us a look. I say "no, cause I've been sick and haven't had a drink since Dec 24." So, I make sure that I let him control the rest of the conversation (we talk about his work the ENTIRE time). (**I couldn't afford for any public embarrasssment-- I mean my boss had left his credit card with the owner --who he knows-- and this was a really nice restaurant: $50/plate.**). Anyway. The rest was uneventful other than him being mildly embarrassing.
The thing that also hurt was that he never said I looked nice or anything like that. I tried so hard to look good, after his mean comment the night before and NOTHING.
Then, I'm quiet. We stop by the grocery store. He's like "What's wrong? What's wrong? Sweetie, are you quiet cause you're sick???" I'm like "yeah".
OH! also --before all this --he calls from work and asks if we can move up our reservations earlier to "get it over with". I mean, this dinner probably cost my boss $300 --for two people! (!!!)
Any way I'm just bummed. I mean I totally BLEW my diet tonight, too!! So on top of it all I feel like a bloated whale!!!
Lets see I had: GARLIC BREAD, 2 pieces, 2 glasses of wine, eggplant crepes (1.5 small), pasta (like 2 cups linguini --I ate more cause I was upset--) with lemon butter wine sauce and seafood (muscles, shrimp, calamari, scallops). Then, I had a few bites of white chocolate ice cream w/ berries.
So now I'm home. He's TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS!!! Agh. Plus, this was our date night before he leaves for Dallas, for work, for a week. In Dallas, him and all his dipshit corporate croanies go to strip clubs EVERY night.
It just sucks that here I am -- I'm working SO hard on this diet. but I've just started so you can't see it yet. So great. I don't even get a 'you look good tonight, honey.' But all next week a chick who looks like a F-ing Slutty Barbie gets him shoving OUR money at her so he can oggle her BODY! Agh! It just sucks! Usually, strip clubs don't bother me but in this situation --It Sucks
Why are guys sooo insensitive sometimes?
Sorry, Guys, that I'm venting. I'm just bummed. I feel fat (probably the 2 lbs of pasta in my belly). I feel sick still. I'm buzzed (lol on only 2 glasses of wine). My feeling are hurt.
I wish I could flash to being skinny. I know its a long way ahead. Ugh.
**Don't worry guys I'll only use this to make me stronger. I'll wallow in it tonight but I'll make up for it in Fiber, protein and cardio. *sigh* I'm not even going to log the rest of today into Fitday -- I'll just chalk it up to an "over" day.
As soon as I'm better I'm hitting the gym HARD.
