Janvier's Weight loss Diary

I just realized, it looks like I put my own diary entry in your diary! LOL! I didn't mean to get so personal and run on! My brain runs away from me sometimes. I hope you have been doing well, I'm sure you've been kicking butt with your workouts.


Don't you even worry, I love having a lot to read on my diary and I love hearing all about your progress so please keep it up and keep me updated.
 
So I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to update yesterday or friday, I thought I would update from home, but my internet at home was giving trouble. So I will update on my weekend first.

On Friday I weighed in at 127 again and I did well all day until after work. I met up with my friend, we went out to dinner and I had chicken quesadillas and we split some calamari. We went to the movies after and then hung out until about 3am and then he suggested that we go for breakfast...I had pancakes. I feel like I just need to stop eating out until I start making a lot more progress with my weight loss. I really wanted to do well this weekend but I was feeling discouraged and ended up not doing very well. I didn't cheat with anything major, I just went over board with my healthy snacks (cereal bars, crispy minis, too much ceral).

But its a new week and I am still feeling a little cranky from the weekend because I really need to get myself together, I now have a a month and a half or 2 months max until my year and a half mark of my weight loss and I don't want to still be weighing the same at that point, I am so ready to be at my goal weight. The good thing is that my work health challenge started yesterday, its for the whole month of May and I have to do my best for my team, I can't let them down so I HAVE to workout a minimum of 30 minutes a day so that will help me stay motivated to workout, especially on the weekends because I rarely do.

Yesterday went pretty well, I stuck to my meals but didn't do the hard core workout I planned. I ended up just walking around the track near my parent's house for 45 minutes. I guess it was atleast something. I am determined to do well this week...all week, weekend included, I need to prove to myself that I can actually do that because I was doing so well last week until the weekend hit.

Today is going well so far with food, I really wanted to get up this morning to go on my stepper but I want to bed at about 3:30am and could hardly get up this morning for work so that didn't happen. I am looking forward to the BL tonight to inspire me to get myself together. I went grocery shopping last night so I have nothing but healthy snacks in my home. Here is what today looks like:

Breakfast: 1 cup special k with 3/4 cup skim milk and ff yogurt

Snack: Apple and 3/4 cup dry fruit loops

Lunch: Uncle bens bistro express rice and small salad

Snack: Strawberries

Drving home snack: cucumber slices

Dinner: steamed broccoli, sauteed cabbage and lean cusine

Workout: stair stepper and turbo jam

I don't have any new updates on my crush yet...hopefully something comes up. I am trying to get myself out of my crappy mood but so far its not working...I am just tired of not being able to just get through one full week of doing well....I hope everyone is having a good Tuesday.
 
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Cheer up girl - you weigh 127 pounds! I know you are shorter but still that is really impressive and something you should be proud of! In two months it will have been one year for you - imagine being the same size you were last July? Look how far you have come - and we're going to keep going!! It might be coming off slow but it's coming off and we are getting stronger. I hear ya though and it's time to step it up again and get the #'s down! I'm in it with you so let's make it happen!! One day at a time!
 
I am determined to do well this week...all week, weekend included, I need to prove to myself that I can actually do that because I was doing so well yesterday until the weekend hit.

That is sooo me. I do well all week and then over the weekend I go little overboard with my indulgences. :) This week for me hasn't been that great. But usually I'm alright (although I haven't lost so much weight and just started like a month back).

Happy Tuesday! Hope you have a wonderful week.
 
Cheer up girl - you weigh 127 pounds! I know you are shorter but still that is really impressive and something you should be proud of! In two months it will have been one year for you - imagine being the same size you were last July? Look how far you have come - and we're going to keep going!! It might be coming off slow but it's coming off and we are getting stronger. I hear ya though and it's time to step it up again and get the #'s down! I'm in it with you so let's make it happen!! One day at a time!

Lisa I know your right, I know 127 is a huge accomplishment and I try so hard to be proud of myself...But i'm sure you can relate that it is sooo easy to forget how far you've come and just fixate on the now. You are so right though, a year and a half ago I wasn't able to button my pants and wore them anyway and even last July I think I was in a size 8 and I have come a long way from who I used to be and will keep going to become the person that I have been longing to be. You always help me to see the big picture. I'm looking forward to us losing our last bit of weight and reaching our goals together! Thanks Lisa!
 
Hey Janvier, just stopping by to check on you. Looks like you have started your week out doing great so keep up the good work. Oh and Lisa is right, you need to pat yourself on the back, you have come a long way. From a size 12 or 14 to a size 2. That's so amazing. You inspirer me and I know you will lose this last bit of weight. So stay encouraged, as I try to do the same! TTYL...
Theresa
 
That is sooo me. I do well all week and then over the weekend I go little overboard with my indulgences. :) This week for me hasn't been that great. But usually I'm alright (although I haven't lost so much weight and just started like a month back).

Happy Tuesday! Hope you have a wonderful week.


Hi Juni,

I'm glad you can relate to my weekend struggles. I think we just have to make up our minds going into the weekend that we will do our best and just try to stick to that. Now that I am doing this work health challenge I have no choice but to work out over the weekend, which is a good thing so hopefully knowing how hard i will be working out will convince me not to mess it up with my eating. You will lose the weight don't worry, it all takes time and consistancy, you will get there.
 
Hey Janvier, just stopping by to check on you. Looks like you have started your week out doing great so keep up the good work. Oh and Lisa is right, you need to pat yourself on the back, you have come a long way. From a size 12 or 14 to a size 2. That's so amazing. You inspirer me and I know you will lose this last bit of weight. So stay encouraged, as I try to do the same! TTYL...
Theresa

Hi Theresa,

I was just thinking about you last night, thinking that I need to check up on you. Your right, that I have come a long way and I have to keep that in mind. Thank you for you for your kind and encouraging words and having confidence in me. You keep me encouraged and I know we can do this together!
 
Yesterday went really well. For the most part I stuck to my meal plan and I really worked out hard last night. Right as the BL started I had 2 cereal bars (80 calories each).During the BL I went on my stepper for an hour and a half initaially and burned 1275 calories and decided that I would do another 15 minutes to teach myself a lesson for eating those bars and burn them off totaling one hour and 45 minutes and ended up burning 1500 calories! I could hardly feel my legs when I got off. The BL was so good! I was so sad to see Sam go but I knew it was his time- I had NO idea him and Stephanie were dating! Where was I for that??? I was a little jealous to be honest lol, he is such a cutie- there goes my chance with him lol. After the BL I did 40 minutes of Turbo Jam which kicked my butt! I haven't done it in a while, I was soooo sweaty during it I had to keep drying my my face every 2 minutes. I was so beat by the time it was over but felt really good. Today is going well, I plan on sticking to my meals and plan to keep working hard this week...I tried to get up to work out this morning but my legs were aching when my alarm went off to I went back to bed. Here is what today looks like:

Breakfast: 1 packet instant oatmeal with 1/2 cup of blueberries and 1 large coffee with skim and splenda

Snack: Apple and 3/4 cup of dry cheerios

Lunch: Unlce bens rice

Snack: banana and small salad

Driving home snack: cucumber slices

Dinner: sauteed cabbage, sauteed mushrooms, steamed broccoli and Lean cusine

Workout: walk around the track, stair stepper and turbo jam

Crush Update: Yesterday my adorible crush came to my desk to see how I was doing with our work health challenge, he said he just wanted to check up on me...how cute is that? I feel like i'm 12 all over again lol.

Have a good Wednesday everyone!
 
.During the BL I went on my stepper for an hour and a half initaially and burned 1275 calories and decided that I would do another 15 minutes to teach myself a lesson for eating those bars and burn them off totaling one hour and 45 minutes and ended up burning 1500 calories!

Holy guacamole!! 15,000 calories?!? That's awesome. I run for about 30 mins and hardly burn 230 calories. Wow! I am fairly new to this, so I have a question. Do I have to burn more than 1000 calories to be actually losing weight. I'm confused. Thanks.

Great going! Wowoow! I really admire your stamina. I wish I could rock it like you do. Maybe one day....

Thanks for dropping by my journal and for the encouragement! :)
 
Do I have to burn more than 1000 calories to be actually losing weight. I'm confused. Thanks.

Great going! Wowoow! I really admire your stamina. I wish I could rock it like you do. Maybe one day....

Thanks for dropping by my journal and for the encouragement! :)

Hi Juni,

Thank you for post. You definitley DO NOT have to burn anywhere near 1000 calories to lose weight. I usually only go on the stepper that long on Tuesdays and just because I have the Biggest Loser to keep me distracted that long. When I started all I did was 20 minutes a day and lost weight like that for months so please don't think that 1000 calories it what it takes. I think its amazing that you run for 30 minutes, I wouldn't beable to do that, so everyone has their strengths. Thank you for your support!
 
Hi Juni,

Thank you for post. You definitley DO NOT have to burn anywhere near 1000 calories to lose weight. I usually only go on the stepper that long on Tuesdays and just because I have the Biggest Loser to keep me distracted that long. When I started all I did was 20 minutes a day and lost weight like that for months so please don't think that 1000 calories it what it takes. I think its amazing that you run for 30 minutes, I wouldn't beable to do that, so everyone has their strengths. Thank you for your support!

thanks for the answer, janvier. it makes sense. so great that you are rocking it like that. have heard/ read about the biggest loser but have been away from american tv for so long. actually, i have been away from tv period. sounds like a fun show though.

keep up the good work.
 
Awesome night last night!! You totally rocked it! Your doing great this week!! Your crush is totally into you - he wouldn't ask how you were doing otherwise!! I'm so excited for you! Have a great night!
 
Hey, just dropping by, I haven't been very active lately, I suppose I'm on a guilt trip and hate that I haven't been on my grind, but today is a new day and I said, " This is enough of this pitiful crap." I'm so glad that you have been doing so well, I am always so syked at how you stay so aggressive with your exercise! You seem to be all giggly about your crush, and it seems as if he is really crushing hard on you. Stopping by to see how the challenge is going? Yeah, whatever, he really needed something to say to you!
 
Wow a whole week went by and you haven't posted - I'm getting worried. Hope you are ok and just busy with work. Maybe the crush asked you to elope and you ran off and got married, lol. One can dream. Take care of yourself - miss you!
 
Wow a whole week went by and you haven't posted - I'm getting worried. Hope you are ok and just busy with work. Maybe the crush asked you to elope and you ran off and got married, lol. One can dream. Take care of yourself - miss you!

Hey Lisa!

I'm sorry about my absence...but thank you so much for being worried about me, it means a lot. I did not run off and get eloped, but your right, one can certainley dream lol. And I missed you too! A lot!

I'm sorry in advance for the upcoming rant...

I took a week off of the site because I have just been feeling so down and I haven't been doing very well with sticking to my plan and I just didn't want to report on yet another failed weekend. I know if there is anyone who would understand how i feel and would relate to what I'm going through it would be you and the other great girls on here but I just didn't want to bring anyone down with me. I tried talking to my sister and my freinds....but they just can't relate to what I'm going through. I was reading your diary and feel EXACTLY how you feel! I always assumed that losing the weight would fix all of my problems and I would feel great about myself and that I would have all of the confidence in the world and just feel like I could do anything...but I don't feel it! If anything I'm more shy, totally self-conscience and have dirt low self-asteem. My family keeps telling me how different I look and how far I've come and I know I have but I feel like I will never get to my goal weight even though its so close and I feel like even If i do my mind will never catch up with my body. I even found my "fat" jeans that I kept to have as my before...I held them up and had to check the tag to make sure they didnt belong to my dad!! I put them on over the jeans I was wearing and if they wern't the skinny style jeans I would beable to get my body in one leg- yet I still feel like so what? I'm still not happy, I don't feel like I'm complete, I don't have anyone to love me. I have just been having a week long pitty party really. Things with my crush are slow- I'm just too shy with him and probably show him no intrest because I keep thinking why in the world would he like me?? When I try talking to my friends and telling them that I felt like the new me would be pretty and have a great body and that my new confidence would give me the courage to talk to guys and feel good while doing it but its not happening and I feel like the person I loved more then anything left me and didn't want me anymore so why would anyone ever want me and I just feel like I really worked my ass off to get this body, did a year and a half of soul searching to get over my ex and I still feel like I'm not good enough and will never be good enough and no one seems to understand how I feel...they keep saying "but your not fat anymore" and yes thats true but I when I was "fat" I was happy, not about my body but I will happy that I had someone to love me dispite my body- Now i'm not "fat" and unhappy...ugh!...and I'm just tired of cheating, I'm tired of not sticking to my plan and I am tired of my weight bouncing all over the scale due to all of it...everytime I got out of the 170s or 160s or 150s I told myself I was NEVER going back, and I got out of the 130s and I KEEP going back!!! I'm just tired of it. When I do well I feel good and i'm proud of myself and feel like I am getting the body of my dreams...so why do I keep cheating and slacking off?? Maybe because I don't have anyone or feel like I will ever have anyone...I keep waiting for the day that I cut the crap and stick to my plan and get to my goal and actually feel beautiful and have the confidence to talk to my crush and show him that I like him and show him a side of me that he could like too. I really like living my new healthy lifestyle, I want to be this way forever but it won't happen if I keep binging and keep slacking off and right now due to it I'm back at 130 and if I keep it up I will be back at 140 and I really don't ever want that to happen. Recently on the BL Bob told Daris to stand up and finish what he started and I keep telling myself its time for me to stand up and finish what I started too...I'm just hoping I listen.

This weekend I went back to Buffalo with my mom and sister and didn't do too back while I was there, but then came home, bought a bag of macaroons and ate the whole bag! Once again I'm just feeding my emotions.

Crush Update: I ended up telling my boss about my crush- my boss is a young doctor so he is pretty cool to talk to, he was so excited for me and wants to help me and got my crush to train me on a new computer program...I was all excited about my training and took NO advantage of the time alone with him and just focused on the training- He made some jokes and a lot of eye contact but that was it- I feel like i'm a 12 year old with a crush. On friday I got up the courage to go and talk to him and I did a bit of flirting and I think I actually managed to show some intrest so that was huge for me. I told our mutual work friend to just tell him she thinks I'm intrested to hopefully get the ball rolling...we'll see. I hope everyone has been well, I have a lot of catching up on diaries to do. I don't plan on staying away anymore, I missed all of you too much, your the only ones who can relate to what i'm going through.
 
And I can totally relate! So glad to have you back! I wish I could say something to make it all go away and have you feeling better but I know it doesn't work that way for me either. People always told me if you don't love yourself how can someone else love you - well I know my hunnie loves me but I really can't say I love myself. How does someone change that? Well I originally thought losing weight would make me love myself but I have realized that's not the case. My hunnie is also my best friend but I can't say I'm the same for him. He has many close friends that he hangs out with every week and I get jealous when he spends more time with them than me. I just need to find happiness in MY life - when I am with him I am happy. When I am alone - I am lonely and that's when I feel the worst about myself.
I am also still eating out of emotion too - when I was in Calgary with my sisters I was happy and having fun and eating crap. When I'm alone and feeling lonely eating takes those thoughts away. I also get the "I'm not worth it" eat everything in sight emotions too. The only thing I am certain about is how good I feel after a couple days of sticking to my plan and following through with my new habits and not going back to the old ones. Right now I'm hoping to just roll with that and keep working at the thoughts in my head - it really helps getting on here and knowing you are not alone. Thanks for coming back today and posting - I would have been really sad to go another week without you! I believe we will get there - it just might be a rocky road.
 
Hey Janvier! I hate you had such a bad week. But things will get better. One day you will learn to love the skin you're in and things will change tremendously. You are beautiful and you deserve to be loved and cared for by a special person but you have to learn to love yourself first or you will continue to look for validation from others. Positive thinking is the key to living a happy, fulfilled life. Building your self-esteem and self confidence is the single most important part of your entire well-being. I had very low self esteem after I had my first child and divorced my first husband. My ex-husband really broke my spirits and made me feel worthless. My dr. noticed some things I was saying about myself one day when i was at a scheduled check up. He did an exercise with me and gave me some meds to help with my depression. he told me to look in the mirror every day and tell myself I was beautiful and I deserve to be loved. I wouldn't do it at first because I felt stupid talking to myself, then one day I did it. And believe it or not I felt better. So I started doing this 7 years ago and I still do it now. Janvier, I said all this just to say do whatever it takes to be the best you, you can be. I just don't want you to miss out on living and having fun in life b/c of your self esteem. Talk to your Dr. or a therapist. I have done both and I am not ashamed of that. You are beautiful inside and out. I can tell that from the encouraging words you give me and so many other people on this site. I didn't mean to be long winded but I just want to help any way I can.
 
Hey Janvier,
how'd yesterday go? Still feeling down? I'm excited for BL tonight - second last episode I think. I'm going to work out during the show like you always do - everytime I feel like giving up and sitting down I will think about you and all the steps you do! Hope your having a good day.
 
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