Janvier's Weight loss Diary

njoyabl said:
Hey, just dropping by, I haven't been very active lately, I suppose I'm on a guilt trip and hate that I haven't been on my grind, but today is a new day and I said, " This is enough of this pitiful crap." I'm so glad that you have been doing so well, I am always so syked at how you stay so aggressive with your exercise! You seem to be all giggly about your crush, and it seems as if he is really crushing hard on you. Stopping by to see how the challenge is going? Yeah, whatever, he really needed something to say to you!
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Hi Njoyabl,

I didn't get a chance to respond to you. So as you can see I haven't been doing great either but I'm hoping to bounce back and get back to being aggressive with my excercise. I hope I didn't let you down with my lack of motivation. My work health challenge is certainly a challenge! I didn't realize how much water 8 glasses was until it was mandatory to drink it!!! I have to run to the bathroom every 15 minutes! I have been getting in my 1 hour of excersice a day which has been hard for me since I usually don't do much excersice on weekends, but the fact that its for my team has kept me going. We played Wii Fit as a group on Monday, I'm going to post a group picture for you to see. Thanks for your post!
 
Recently on the BL Bob told Daris to stand up and finish what he started and I keep telling myself its time for me to stand up and finish what I started too...I'm just hoping I listen.
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I *loved* that line. I think of it often as well. You can do this. You are strong and you CAN finish what you started. Keep it up <3 Everyone is allowed to slip, it's what you do when you've realised you've slipped that's important.
 
chubbygirl said:
When I am alone - I am lonely and that's when I feel the worst about myself.
I am also still eating out of emotion too - when I was in Calgary with my sisters I was happy and having fun and eating crap. When I'm alone and feeling lonely eating takes those thoughts away. I also get the "I'm not worth it" eat everything in sight emotions too. The only thing I am certain about is how good I feel after a couple days of sticking to my plan and following through with my new habits and not going back to the old ones. Right now I'm hoping to just roll with that and keep working at the thoughts in my head - it really helps getting on here and knowing you are not alone. Thanks for coming back today and posting - I would have been really sad to go another week without you! I believe we will get there - it just might be a rocky road.
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Lisa how you have been feeling really hit home for me, I think that is what is happening with me, I am so lonely and the loneliness is just weighing me down and and really making me feel bad, and when I feel bad and insignificant I just start to think about sugar and once I get these sugary thoughts in my head I can't think about anything else and will just go and get them. And its frustrating because just like you when I am sticking to my meal plan and working out consistantly I feel SO good about myself and so pround of myself and I have no idea why that great feeling isn't enough to keep me on the right track. I feel so much better being able to talk to you about it and knowing that you know exactly what I am going through. I believe that we will get there, we have the willpower, we just need to keep the motivation going. Thank you for always listening and being so understanding!
 
mrskt20 said:
My ex-husband really broke my spirits and made me feel worthless. My dr. noticed some things I was saying about myself one day when i was at a scheduled check up. He did an exercise with me and gave me some meds to help with my depression. he told me to look in the mirror every day and tell myself I was beautiful and I deserve to be loved. I wouldn't do it at first because I felt stupid talking to myself, then one day I did it. And believe it or not I felt better. So I started doing this 7 years ago and I still do it now. Janvier, I said all this just to say do whatever it takes to be the best you, you can be. I just don't want you to miss out on living and having fun in life b/c of your self esteem. Talk to your Dr. or a therapist. I have done both and I am not ashamed of that. You are beautiful inside and out. I can tell that from the encouraging words you give me and so many other people on this site. I didn't mean to be long winded but I just want to help any way I can.
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Hi Mrskt20,

Thank you for your post and kind words. Its so intresting that you said your ex-husband broke your spirits and made you feel worthless because thats exactly what I was thinking to myself last night, I just feel like he just broke me and all of my beliefs and hopes and wishes and it all caught me so off gaurd and I have no idea how to just let it go. I go through days and weeks of feeling fine and then i'm just back to square one again. I think at the begining of it all my weight loss was a great distraction and maybe now that the end is in sight I'm trying to hold onto the weight as my distraction... I don't feel like I'm depressed, I'm just sad, but i agree that talking to someone would probably be a good thing to do, I'm worried that if I never go of all of the sadness I'll never let the weight go either. I'm going to give the mirror excersice a try, I need to build my self-asteem and if that worked for you I will give it a try. Thank you for your support.
 
chubbygirl said:
Hey Janvier,
how'd yesterday go? Still feeling down? I'm excited for BL tonight - second last episode I think. I'm going to work out during the show like you always do - everytime I feel like giving up and sitting down I will think about you and all the steps you do! Hope your having a good day.
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Yesterday at work was crazy, I couldn't get a minute to myself to update. Yesterday was so/so, I'm still down but not as down as last week, so thats a plus. I was really excited about the BL, I cried like a baby during it as always lol, I was SO happy for Ashley and so heart broken for Daris, I know what hes going through with his night eating. It was so emotional to watch the marathon but I was so happy for all of them.

I was on my stepper for an hour and 40 minutes during the show, and burned a much needed 1350 calories...then got off and decided to have cereal, about 4 shortbread cookies and 2 chocolates...I felt so i annoyed with myself and calculated that I ate about half of the calories I burned with my snacking.

So far for the day I have stuck to my meal plan and will probably go for an hour long walk after work. Here is what my day looks like:

Breakfast: 1 packet cream of wheat and ff yogurt

Snack: dehydrated fruit bar and 3/4 cup of dry cheerios

Lunch: uncle bens bistro express

Snack: fruit salad

Dinner: Lean cusine and steamed veggies

Water: 8 Glasses

Workout: 1 hour walk

So I have a not great update on my crush- I told our mutual work friend to just tell him she has a feeling that I like him to see if that would get the ball rolling and before she could get it out he told her he decided not to date for a year! He has been getting threats from a female friend's jealous bf and said he isn't in the mood for dating! I was so crushed! I don't know if he was just in a bad mood and I should still try or if he is serious and I have to give up...wasn't a good way to start the week!

Thanks again ladies for being so supportive and wanting me to do well.
 
Janvier said:
So I have a not great update on my crush- I told our mutual work friend to just tell him she has a feeling that I like him to see if that would get the ball rolling and before she could get it out he told her he decided not to date for a year! He has been getting threats from a female friend's jealous bf and said he isn't in the mood for dating! I was so crushed! I don't know if he was just in a bad mood and I should still try or if he is serious and I have to give up...wasn't a good way to start the week!
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You know, I think we all get these days, men and women alike. He probably had a couple of bad days, feeling some type away about the harassments he has been receiving, which is understandable. I've had times when I just didn't want to be bothered with anyone, and then after a few days of feeling like crap, I was ready to take my position back into society again. He could be serious, which seems doubtful, or it could just be as I said, I know you know the feeling, so I wouldn't really stress it if I were you. More importantly, whether you end up dating him or not, is to continue to pursue a friendship, that is beneficial in the long run no matter what happens. Take care, and have a great day!
 
Late night snacking is the worst! I wish I had someone come and lock my fridge and cupboards after dinner! I think I learned the habit from my dad because he is the exact same. As soon as dinner is over he gets up and gets a bowl of ice cream - even if others are still eating dinner. Then all night he is snacking - peanuts, licorice, chips, cookies, etc. That's how I was raised. My mom would always yell at him and I would just laugh and think it's funny and always eat whatever he was eating. He just laughed it off it. I can't blame it all on him but I know it influenced me.
That sucks about the crush. I agree with njoyable that it was probably just a "in the heat of the moment" kind of remark. I think your friend should wait a week and then try bringing it up again. Maybe it was a comment where he was trying to see if she would feel sorry for him and reply "no don't be that way - you know Janvier has a little crush on you". That's probably how I would have commented, lol.
Do you have plans for the long weekend? If there is a seat sale you could fly to Thunder Bay and hang out with me for the weekend! That's the first time I mentioned where I live - seems weird but I feel like I know you all so well that I don't mind sharing. I'm just always afraid of someone finding me that lives here since it's such a small town. One person would find me and before you know it everyone in the town will have read my diaries, lol.
Have a good day Janvier - I think it's going to be a great one!
 
Hey Janvier!
I hope you're having a super day!!!! Thank you for your post in my dairy. You are always so supportive and I feel like we're friends even though we're miles and miles away from each other.
I agree with the other ladies about your crush. Traumatic experiences have a way of making you feel like dating isn't possible. I also think he may be trying to protect you from getting involved in some drama. so, don't be down about it. He could still be your knight in shining armor, lol!
 
Janvier, sorry about the bad week. <<<<<<HUGS>>>>>> I am sending you all the positive energy from here. Be strong. You are doing really well, and we are all sooo proud of you. Just remember that.

RE: crush. It really sucks, but I wouln't take it in a negative way. I think this is a perfect opportunity for you to actually become friends with him. It is easier to start liking someone who you know. I think when he gets to know you better and realized what an amazing amazing person you are, he will not be able to stop falling...I think friendship is a great great start to any relationship. Approach what you have with him in a different way (with friendship). I bet you guys will become great friends and (fingers crossed) more than friends.
 
Just popping in to say I agree with what everyone else is saying. I highly doubt he actually meant that he was really, truly going to swear off dating for a year. That's the kind of thing said in the heat of a moment. I can't count how many times I've heard someone say they are done dating and are swearing off the opposite sex, only to turn around and have someone new a couple of weeks later.

Also, it seems on odd response to the issue. He's going to swear off dating because of female friend's jealous boyfriends? o_O Wouldn't it actually make more sense to start dating someone? Take himself off the "market" so to speak, so the ff's bfs don't have to worry. I don't think it's something he's really thought through and decided on.
 
Sunflower said:
I *loved* that line. I think of it often as well. You can do this. You are strong and you CAN finish what you started. Keep it up <3 Everyone is allowed to slip, it's what you do when you've realised you've slipped that's important.
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Thank you for your post and encouragement Sunflower, I really appreciate it. I totally agree with you that I am going to slip along the way, I just need to keep getting up and moving forward. Thank you for the much needed support!
 
njoyabl said:
You know, I think we all get these days, men and women alike. He probably had a couple of bad days, feeling some type away about the harassments he has been receiving, which is understandable. I've had times when I just didn't want to be bothered with anyone, and then after a few days of feeling like crap, I was ready to take my position back into society again. He could be serious, which seems doubtful, or it could just be as I said, I know you know the feeling, so I wouldn't really stress it if I were you. More importantly, whether you end up dating him or not, is to continue to pursue a friendship, that is beneficial in the long run no matter what happens. Take care, and have a great day!
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Thank you for your advice Njoyabl, I think you right about everything! I'm sure he was just frustrated and it was just his frustration talking, I talk like that all the time out of frustration. I decided not to give up but I am also trying not to get too attached to my new feelings for him either, I do like him, but I feel like more then ever I need to stay most focused on myself and my weight loss and if good things happen with him I will be estatic, and if not then there is not much I can really do about that. Your right that I will atleast get a friendship out of it. You have great advice, thank you!
 
chubbygirl said:
Late night snacking is the worst! I wish I had someone come and lock my fridge and cupboards after dinner! I think I learned the habit from my dad because he is the exact same. As soon as dinner is over he gets up and gets a bowl of ice cream - even if others are still eating dinner. Then all night he is snacking - peanuts, licorice, chips, cookies, etc. That's how I was raised. My mom would always yell at him and I would just laugh and think it's funny and always eat whatever he was eating. He just laughed it off it. I can't blame it all on him but I know it influenced me.
That sucks about the crush. I agree with njoyable that it was probably just a "in the heat of the moment" kind of remark. I think your friend should wait a week and then try bringing it up again. Maybe it was a comment where he was trying to see if she would feel sorry for him and reply "no don't be that way - you know Janvier has a little crush on you". That's probably how I would have commented, lol.
Do you have plans for the long weekend? If there is a seat sale you could fly to Thunder Bay and hang out with me for the weekend! That's the first time I mentioned where I live - seems weird but I feel like I know you all so well that I don't mind sharing. I'm just always afraid of someone finding me that lives here since it's such a small town. One person would find me and before you know it everyone in the town will have read my diaries, lol.
Have a good day Janvier - I think it's going to be a great one!
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Hi Lisa,

I would need someone to lock not just my fridge but my cupboards too! That would be perfect, except I would be embarased when this person would come back to unlock everything for breakfast to see that I tried to claw everything open lol.

My dad is pretty similar to yours actually, and even now if I tell him to cut back on something or cut something out of his diet (hes trying to lose weight) he says that a little won't kill him- thats probably true but it won't help either.

Do I ever wish you were my work friend, you would of had the ball rolling with my crush already lol. I'm going to talk to my freind and tell her I still think she should tell him, I don't feel like I would have anything to lose, at the very least he'll be flattered I guess.

You know whats funny? I knew you lived in Ontario and I thought how cool would it be if we became friends and were able to do healthy things together- Then I looked up Thunder Bay- I had NO idea it was so far away!!! :svengo: Thats disappointing! I think we would make good friends and be good influences on eachother. I am always so worried about someone I know reading my diary as well, its such a personal thing.

Thank you for all of your great advice and support Lisa!
 
mrskt20 said:
Hey Janvier!
I hope you're having a super day!!!! Thank you for your post in my dairy. You are always so supportive and I feel like we're friends even though we're miles and miles away from each other.
I agree with the other ladies about your crush. Traumatic experiences have a way of making you feel like dating isn't possible. I also think he may be trying to protect you from getting involved in some drama. so, don't be down about it. He could still be your knight in shining armor, lol!
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Hi Mrskt20,

I feel like we're friends too! You girls are so great and supportive and always know just what to say or know just how I feel. My fingers are crossed that your right, I am in need of a knight in shining armor, I will keep you updated. Thank you for always being so supportive, it means a lot to me!
 
juni said:
Janvier, sorry about the bad week. <<<<<<HUGS>>>>>> I am sending you all the positive energy from here. Be strong. You are doing really well, and we are all sooo proud of you. Just remember that.

RE: crush. It really sucks, but I wouln't take it in a negative way. I think this is a perfect opportunity for you to actually become friends with him. It is easier to start liking someone who you know. I think when he gets to know you better and realized what an amazing amazing person you are, he will not be able to stop falling...I think friendship is a great great start to any relationship. Approach what you have with him in a different way (with friendship). I bet you guys will become great friends and (fingers crossed) more than friends.
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Thank you for the Hugs {Hugs back} and positive energy Juni, your such a sweetheart!

I agree with you that working on the friendship is best right now, I would at least get more oppertunities to talk to him and to get to know him better and to hopefully show him a side of me that he may like. I really really appreciate your great advice and amazing support Juni, it means so much to me to have you to talk to!
 
mizzie said:
Just popping in to say I agree with what everyone else is saying. I highly doubt he actually meant that he was really, truly going to swear off dating for a year. That's the kind of thing said in the heat of a moment. I can't count how many times I've heard someone say they are done dating and are swearing off the opposite sex, only to turn around and have someone new a couple of weeks later.

Also, it seems on odd response to the issue. He's going to swear off dating because of female friend's jealous boyfriends? o_O Wouldn't it actually make more sense to start dating someone? Take himself off the "market" so to speak, so the ff's bfs don't have to worry. I don't think it's something he's really thought through and decided on.
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Hi Mizzie,

Thanks for stopping by, its been a little while since I've checked up on you as well. I agree with you and the other girls that it was just a heat of the moment statement. If his real reason was this jealous bf hes probably just sick of girls and and the drama that some of them carry around, but it would make his life a little easier if he would just date me and have no crazy bfs to worry about wouldn't it?? lol. I guess time will tell if he meant it or not.
 
Okay so this won't be too long.

The past two weeks at work has been so crazy and so busy and my boss was always around so it was hard for me to stay consistant with my updates, but things are better now and he should be around less so I will hopefully do better with daily updates.

My weekend was okay, it wasn't horrible and it wasn't great- it could of been better. I did well all day yesterday until the night rolled around and i started snacking on everything in sight, healthy snacks but way too much of them- rice crackers, special k bars, left over chicken salad- I should of just went to bed, but I didn't and today my stomach is aching from it and I feel so bloated. I did go speed walking around the track yesteday, I did 15 laps in about an hour and 15 minutes and then went home and did the stepper for 40 minutes and burned 535 calories- I think I cancelled out my 40 minutes on the stepper with my snacks :banghead:- but today is a new day and I am truly sick of going backwards and ready to put the 130s behind me for good, no more bouncing back to the 130s. I decided I need to commit to getting my butt out of bed in the mornings to do 20-30 minutes any kind of excersice, sticking to my meal plan during the day and working out again in the evening. I think this commitment is what its going to take to get the weight off and get to my goal and I used to do it so I can definitley do it again. I am really seeing the weight I gained back in the mirror and its really upsetting because I was feeling so good before christmas and I got back to that pre-christmas weight and came sliding back to the 130s again. So enough talking about it, its time to just do it. Here is what today looks like:

Breakfast: 1 packet instant oatmeal with 1/2 cup of frozen blueberries and ff yogurt

Snack: orange and 3/4 cup of dry cheerios

Lunch: Campbells cup of soup

Snack: banana

Dinner: Lean cusine, steamed veggies and sauteed cabbage.

Workout: stepper and hip hop abs

Tonight is the BL finale and I am so excited! I can't wait to see who wins and I can't wait to see how amazing everyone looks. Thank you all so much for talking me through my sadness and my struggles, you all mean a lot to me and I have no idea what I would do without all of the support you give me.
 
Hey Janvier, I know how frustrating it can be to juggle your weight back and forth. It used to be so easy for me to lose weight, I think because I was seeing improvements everytime I looked in the mirror and I was smaller than now, it kept me going w/o cravings and bizarre snacking. I'm really having a time now. I guess I am lazier because of my job and everything, but your workouts are always amazing, and you look great, and have a lot of confidence and positive energy. My meal tonight is similar to what yours was yesterday. Lean cuisine with veggies. When you say sauteed cabbage, what do you mean? I'm always thinking of fried cabbage, Hhhmm, yummy, but I'm not sure. I make the best cabbage like 12 different ways!
 
It is soooo difficult for me to get out of bed early in the morning these days too. But it is mostly because it is so hot. I do wake up around 5am, go to my window to look outside, and when I see the sun already beating down, I am totally defeated. I go back to bed, cover my head and fall right back to sleep.

I hope you wake up early tomorrow morning and have a great great workout!
 
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