JadeLynn's Weight Loss Diary

JadeLynn

JadeLynn

Member
Current Weight: 150
First goal weight: 130
Preferred goal: 125
Date I hope to accomplish the first goal by: January 1, 2014

Biggest obstacle: Stress eating and poor nutrition in general. Snacking at night has become a bad habit that I intend to break.

Biggest strength: I love to exercise.


Today started off fairly well. Got up early. Ran 3 miles and did some ab work and push ups. Breaksfast was yogurt, half a bagel and a piece of veggie sausage.

At work I got stressed out a bit and felt that urge for a snack. I tried to assess if I was hungry or if it was the stress. Decided I was hungry and had some more yogurt and almonds. Lunch can be tough because I spend that time chatting with my significant other who for now is on a different continent There are only so many quiet places that I can go and do this. Now that the weather is cooler more places have vegetable soup and chilli so that may make it easier. I hate trying to figure out what to eat :)

It feels good to begin this journey and see that other people are on it too. I'm so impressed with the other Diarys, you guys have really kept them up and I love seeing how the tickers on your signatures are going down. It is really exciting to me.

I've never had weight loss partners. My weight has been a very private thing for most of my life.

Hopefully today will continue to bring good things. I am writing down what I eat, I hope that knowing that I will have to do this will make me think twice before I grab for something.

When I get home from work, I'm going to try to do some strength training or yoga. My abs used to be one of my best features. Now they are my problem area. That has been a bit of a shock. And also a bit expensive, since this roughly 25 pound weight gain, I've had to buy a lot of new clothes. Don't you just love realizing that you have gained weight and then having to spend money? Well the smaller sizes are boxed up and waiting for me!

Have a great day everyone!
 
You love to exercise, that is great! And a definite strength when trying to lose weight.

We may not be there physically but we can be your online weight loss partners and support/motivation :)

Writing down what you eat I think is great. Even if you don't use it to count calories it can show you a pattern and show you how much bad foods (or good) you are actually eating. This also makes you more conscious of what you are putting in your mouth. When I had a food diary I found myself asking, do I really want to write down that I ate this? No? OK then I guess I'm not eating it.

I find this forum is a great place to come and vent, post success, and find motivation. It has really kept me going and while I've had my slips and set backs, for once I have not given up. I get back up and push again and the support here is great!

Hope you find the support and motivation you are looking for as well.
 
Hi there! Thank you so much for taking the time to read what I have written and comment! I'm so grateful for this kind of support!

I did find today that I got really stressed out about a meeting at work. I came home...reached for some junk food and thought "You will have to write this down!" Definitely helped. So now reading what you wrote, really clicked with me :)

I see you have made some progress, that's awesome! Hopefully I will too!
 
Wow today could have been a really bad eating day. Work was non stop stress and chaos. This was a chance that several people would be furloughed. It was also Boss's Day and someone gave me two huge candy bars. I broke off 2 small squares and I threw the rest out. I felt a bit bad but.....

Life is stressful right now for many people...and it just seems to continue on. I have to learn to manage this better. I'm a introvert. People (especially loud people) drain me. My former boss was a lot like me, my new boss is my polar opposite. I'm a budget person, sitting for long amounts of time in a quiet place and working on my budgets is calming to me. Constant meetings (that often seem like a huge waste of time) make me an irritable nervous wreck.

This new boss has so much energy that she hops on and off of a treadmill that she has in her office! Her computer is even on like a tray that is attached. I'm all for exercise, but really people do sweat when they are on treadmills.

I did a different kind of workout today. If any of you are familiar with The Firm workouts, you may remember an old series of DVDs that utilized a piece of equipment called The Transfirmer. It is kind of like to step platforms that can be stacked or used separately. I used to be a step aerobics instructor so I thought I'd like these DVDs. I did have to order it all on eBay because you cannot buy them any more in the store or from The Firms's website. I really like this series and I feel my thighs screaming all ready.

I think that the kind of workouts that mix cardio with weight training intervals are among the best. I find that if I don't workout in the morning than it is much harder to fit it in later. Life is more unpredictable then. But at 5:00 am most people are sleeping and the world is a quiet place.

So although I'm not sure I ate super healthy. I didn't eat super bad and boy I sure could have! Baby stepping my way through this!
 
Hi Jade, welcome to the forum! We sound a lot alike.

One, I'm also an introvert. For most of my life I've always just stuck to myself. Even now I'm still quiet until you really get to know me. I'm envious of people who seem to be so free with who they are, but it's just not me.

Two, I've also kept my weight issues to myself. Clearly everyone could tell that I was overweight, but I also had a smile on my face - fake or not. I don't think anyone really understood how miserable I was. However, once I started to lose weight slowly my self confidence starting developing. Now I'm getting more and more comfortable in my own skin and can talk somewhat freely about it to those I'm closest with.

It sounds like you have a great plan of attack. Eating well is a must. Learning to fight off cravings, especially when stress or other emotions are involved is still something I'm learning how to deal with. It's not easy, but it's worth the battle for sure. :)

Keep up the good work. You'll get to your goal before you know it!
 
Thanks so much for the welcome Mandy! I think we definitely have some things in common! And yeah...people don't know how badly I'm feeling about gaining this weight, I don't even acknowledge that it has happened, but it is really odd to not feel like me anymore...and I don't like it one bit!

It has only been a couple of days, but I did weigh myself this morning, more to make sure I wasn't gaining than thinking I would have lost any weight. The scale did go down 1 pound, so 149, which was a nice surprise. I'm very good at being in denial and not weighing myself. I then seem to pick more flowy clothing and purposely avoid the more form fitting things in my closet and the ooops 20 pounds here you are! Denial is not my friend!

Did a three mile run today and some toning before work. Didn't eat horrible, didn't eat great. There was some fruit and rice cakes though. I had a chance to eat some chocolate, but honestly didn't want it, so I didn't eat it. Whoo Hoo!

I did something I never do and I mean never. I left work 20 minutes early, came home and almost immediately got on the couch. I fell asleep for three hours. I'm not one to take naps, but I was just weary to the bone. Work stress and other life stresses have just gotten to me. Ugh and the holidays are coming. I vow that one day I will go on a vacation over the holidays and institute a "I'm not buying gifts, please please please don't buy me any, let's all just enjoy the time of year and each other."

The best Christmas Present I'm going to give myself is fitting in to my size 6 clothes again. Time to go backwards and not forward...on the scale that is :)
 
Three words “Chocolate Covered Pretzels” I got those as a gift and didn’t throw them out. Hmmm maybe I should have. Still I wouldn’t say that I went over board today.

I did a different Transfirmer DVD. I do enjoy them quite a bit. I used to be a step aerobics instructor and part of the DVD was step. I stopped teaching because once I began working full time because I didn’t have the time, and I don’t want to teach again or anything, but it has been fun to do some of these workouts. Glad I went on eBay to get the DVDs and the Transfirmer Step Thing.
I’m so happy that it is Friday, been a truly horrible week at work. I have spent waaaay too much time with my bipolar boss. Today she admitted that she gave us all what amounts to “average” ratings on our performance evaluations because she had missed the deadline that was given to her by her boss and that was easiest even though she knew that myself and one of my colleagues/friends deserved better. She just didn’t have the time to fill out the extra form. Ummmm how exactly is that okay? And she told the two of us while we were in a meeting? Who does that, share everyone’s rating.
And it is this kind of thing that can throw me into a snacking frenzy. What does one do with all the negative emotions? One thing this did reinforce with me is that all the extra hours, the work to exceed all of the performance expectations that were set by 10-20% just wasn’t worth it, because I can get an average evaluation by walking through the door.

When I get to speak to her one on one that is what I intend to tell her. With her hyper manic mood swings it can be difficult to get a word in edge wise, but the bottom line is that she needs me quite a bit. She doesn’t know how to do what I do and lacks the ability to concentrate to learn. The kicker is that I had written so much information in my self evaluation that she simply could have cut and paste some of the data in to the additional form and been done in 5 minutes.

But….I will learn to process these kinds of negative emotions without resorting to food. I think I gained 10 of the 20 pounds in the 8 months that I have been working with her. I will learn about boundaries with this woman, she is the type that likes a lot of face time and I am the type who does not. Much can be done with email and then I have documentation. With her impulse control issues she just likes to run off to see someone. And if the door is closed, she will knock. I really cannot stand this woman and the heart of the matter is that I very much dislike people who because of their personality traits, mental instability, incompetence…whatever cause problems for me. I’m pretty conscious about not taxing others or making my short comings their problem. I miss my former boss.

I think I will try to sleep just a bit later. I get up about 4:30 am during the week. Maybe I will let me self sleep until 6 am and then workout.
 
That really sucks about work and your boss. And it's horrible that she couldn't take the time to do a proper evaluation for those who deserve it like yourself. Doesn't make for a good work environment because people will learn to do just the bare minimum required and all will be well. Doing more gets you nowhere, so why bother? Not good at all. Hopefully when you get that one on one time with her you can say what you need to and get through to her. Perhaps she can try to do a new evaluation or an addition to it? Seems pretty crappy that you have done so much extra work and that's what happened.

Hope things get better. Glad you are enjoying those DVDs at least!
 
Hi There icychic! thank you for stopping by and for your kind words. It really is horrible and what an odd way to tell the two of us, I think she didn't want to face us and so just kind of casually mentioned it when we were together. And you are correct...people will learn to do the minimum, there is no extra money for doing more and now there is no recognition, so it definitely is not a good environment. She stresses me with her hyper ways and mood swings.

I am enjoying the DVDs. Today I ran 3 miles and then I did one that made me giggle. It is called "Jiggle Free Buns." There is also "Jiggle Free Abs" and "Jiggle Free Arms." I was pretty tired after the run and the DVD. Then I was lazy and then I began sorting my winter clothes and putting summer ones in storage. It does depress me to see those smaller sizes. It is so odd to think that I was that size for a long time. But I suppose I will just try to be motivated to be that size again.

I have to remember that this is a constant process, it isn't going to happen over night!
 
Not the best night. I bought some new jeans the other day, put on a pair and they were tight. I so miss the days of throwing on just about anything and feeling comfortable about how I looked. No it was more than feeling comfortable I liked it. Why oh why did I let this happen? You would have thought that after gaining about ten pounds that I would have taken control of the situation and not let it get to 20. Seriously WTF?

Ok so I know in some ways negativity is not good, but in some ways I do feel like I need to remember that I am the one who allowed this.
 
JadeLynn said:
Ok so I know in some ways negativity is not good, but in some ways I do feel like I need to remember that I am the one who allowed this.
Click to expand...

I totally get where you are coming from. You want to ensure you remember how it happened so you don't let it happen again it gives you the motivation to fix it. But you also have to let the past be the past, don't let it get you down. That was my problem for many years, I just gave myself such a hard time and saw the journey ahead as too hard and I would give up and eat junk and feel even worse about myself.

As long as you are focusing that negative energy on a positive workout you are doing well!
 
You are correct icychic, I do not want to ever let this happen again. Thank you for your support!!

I was thinking about something today, that I'm a little embarrassed to admit, but what the heck, this diary is for processing my feelings about my weight as I work towards where I want to be.

I was working with a very pretty younger woman (early 20s) and for some reason she began talking about different women in our department. I think there was one who wanted to get plastic surgery and this younger woman was saying that she shouldn't get plastic surgery, that we all have something "great" that we are noticed for.

Jane has great hair, Sue has great legs, Amy has great boobs, Gwen has a pretty face...but you Jade you've got the best body of us all. She said all of this very factually not like she was trying to be mean to anyone or trying to stroke anyone's ego.

She no longer works with me, moved to a different state. I'm kind of glad. I do not have the best body any more, that is for sure. That was about 3 years ago.

I don't know why I'm so down on myself, I don't think sorting through my old clothes has helped.

Haven't eaten horribly today, not great either. I think that is pretty typical for me. But I did exercise pretty hard...ran 5 miles and then did some abs. My legs and butt are sore from the DVD I did yesterday. I went to McDonald's with a friend for breakfast, I got the oatmeal. Nothing fried at least :)

I still don't think I workout as hard as I used to. I'm always in a rush it seems. I have 2 dogs and I love them so much, that I give in to playing with them when I come home from work. So any toning that I want to do goes out the window. I will get better at that.

My fiance will be moving here shortly after the first of the year. I want my old body back for that reason too. I have gained weight since last we saw each other. Although he has not seen me at my best either.

How I look doesn't seem to matter to him. He always tells me that I'm beautiful and gives me compliments, so it is not him who is making me feel that way. I'm pretty sure I could never be with anyone who made comments about my weight. The things that I tell myself are bad enough thank you!

Well like Scarlet (from Gone With the Wind) said: "Tomorrow is another day."
 
I think we all have days when we feel extra bad about our weight and body. Just use that as motivation to keep going.

Also dogs come before workouts, and if they play hard and run around lots you could get a workout and play with them at the same time. You may not be working a specific area but it gets you moving and your heart rate up which is the whole point right?

The fact that you used to have an awesome body simply means you have proof you can get there again.
 
What you’re feeling is totally understandable. I certainly don’t want to make your weight gain seem insignificant by saying this, but at my peak I was at least 250lb. That’s about 150lb more than I should be at my height. I’ve always wondered why and how I let myself get this far. As a kid I was healthy, happy, and had a lot friends. Then my family moved to a new town where I knew nobody. I think that’s what started me on my slippery slope. I turned to food for comfort and I eventually got so fat that I knew nobody would want to be around me so I turned to food even more. It’s a vicious circle for sure! It’s really sad to say, but if it weren’t for my recent diagnosis of RA, I probably would still be at 250lb with no intentions of losing. :(

So anyway, just know that you’re not alone there!

I have 3 dogs, all boxers. One is almost 10.5, one just turned 2 on Saturday, and my 3rd is almost 1.5 years. They are very active dogs so we got walking when we can and I also love rough housing with the 2 year old although he tends to get very rough and I end up looking like an abuse victim. LOL Thankfully he knows when I say “all done”, playtime is over. I think working out and toning is important, but so is the whole bonding experience with them. :)
 
Hi icychic and Mandy!

I posted yesterday, but for some reason I got logged and the post went missing. I didn't have time to re-write it.

So hopefully that won't happen this time :)

I actually do incorporate toning into playing with my dogs. I put 5 pound ankle weights on each leg and then I go outside with them. I throw two tennis balls and while they fetch them, I do walking lunges for a bit. They return, repeat the cycle and I do squats or leg lifts. It is still dark outside at the time, so my neighbors are all sleeping.

I thought about what you wrote icychic and I said to myself many times..."You can get there again!"

Mandy-thank you for your post. It really did make me feel less alone. I think what you have managed to accomplish is absolutely amazing. I hope you are so proud of what you have accomplished! And isn't shopping so much more fun now? :)

My parents thought about moving when I was in junior high school and I totally freaked out. I kept thinking "Who will I sit with at lunch??" They actually did move when my brother was in high school and it was a very traumatic experience for him.

I always felt like a bit of an outsider and really don't make friends that easily. When I was 16 I asked for a gym membership for my birthday and I began going there religiously. Eventually I was asked to become an instructor and I taught step aerobics classes and some toning classes. In college I also taught to get a free gym membership. Being fit kind of 'defined' me for lack of a better word. And it made up for my shyness.

Didn't have time to teach once I got a job. I realized that at a gym (when I wasn't an instructor) it was odd for me because a lot of cliques developed. It really was easier for me to workout on my own schedule, so that's what I started doing in 2007.

I love boxers, they are such happy energetic dogs. Animals have always been a source of comfort and companionship for me. My eight year old pomeranian died in May and it was devastating to me. He had cancer and it was a very fast spreading kind. I think that is partly why my other two fur babies are a bit more needy. He was actually very chill and I think they followed his lead in the morning.

I rescued a mixed breed that is very timid. She is pretty large 75 pounds, but she likes to rough house with me too at times. And then I have a teacup poodle who I found outside in the rain when she weighed just a bit more than a pound.

Bonding with them is definitely the most important thing!

I realize that my issue is totally food. I workout at least an hour a day and fairly intensely. Today I ran three miles, did Pilates for my abs and lunges with the weights. I do some kind of workout at least 360 days out of the year.

I dislike thinking about what I eat so much, but it must be done. I think my diet has gotten worse as my stress increased and so now I am paying the price for that, quite literally in a new larger size wardrobe :(
 
Hi Jade, we have very similar goals by the looks of it! I'm about 3lbs heavier but my goal weight is also 3lbs more. I love exercising too, I did my fitness cert 3 a few years ago (which has since expired, oops) and I'm planning to finish that qualification when I'm done with uni (get my fitness cert 4).

It sucks gaining weight, I was halfway to my goal this time last year then life stress got to me and my weight shot back up. I have no excuses now though, I'm loving life so I plan to use this time to get there! Good luck with your goals!!
 
The past couple of days have been rather contemplative for me. I have been trying to figure out what exactly is wrong, what caused this and why I cannot seem to fix the problem easily. I mean losing 5 pounds to start with should really be no problem for me, but I am having such a difficult time making some lifestyle changes.

Alot of my issues come down to my job and how much it exhausts me. People are constantly sending me emails, calling me, needing help it is such a drain. Introverts are people who recharge by themselves, extroverts get energy from being with other people.

I am very self sufficient at work, mostly because I do not want to deal with other people and also because I think that taking care of what I need to do is my responsibility. I am a pretty good problem solver and so I end up with lots of requests.

By lunch all I want to do is go to this place where I know the owners and I can sit there with my iPad in peace. Problem is that they don't have that many healthy food options. Although I have my own office, leaving the building is a must for me. And by the time i come home I am mentally exhausted, it is not so much physical as it is mental.

I did talk to my boss about my evaluation and she is going to change it. But the effort that I had to go to, to fix the situation was tough.

All of this affects my mood, which in turn affects my eating. So I am going to have to find a way to make my mood not affect my eating. I think the extra weight makes me feel tired. My body feels so odd to me. I used to feel very light and graceful. Now I can feel my stomach and it always feels full. I literally am not comfortable in my body. I want for the world to slow down so that I can concentrate of doing something for myself.

I think until I learn to deal with some of these issues, that I will continue to have problems making good choices. I try to avoid a lot of the people who stress me as much as possible, that is also stressful. They just go on and on and repeat themselves. I have no earthly idea why I cannot walk down the hallway without someone complaining or being negative about something. Or needing something. The morning today was quiet, first time in a long time. Hopefully tomorrow will be too. Getting trapped in the middle of gossip and negativity fests, or with someone who wants to tell me every single thing that they have done that day has got to stop. It is not like I want to tell them, work is work and I just want to get on with it!

This is a lot to think about.

Did a FIRM workout DVD this morning and then used my ab rocket. The DVD that came with it has at least one really difficult workout that is around 8 minutes long.

Yes figuring the how and why of weight loss is a much more complex issue than I had realized.
 
So I decided to really work on eating less and getting my body used to it. I have also realized that how I begin my day, seems to set the tone. So eating healthy first thing is helpful. I ate yogurt first thing before my run and then had some oatmeal. I am at some place different today for lunch and having soup. I did have a couple of crackers at about 11:00 am. Clearly the problem is what I eat and although I wouldn't say I eat huge amounts of things, what I do eat is not the best.

Workout was a three mile run, squats, lunges, inner thigh work. I will do abs when I get home. Weighed today...148.5. Not a huge improvement, but down is better than up!

Oh and I almost forgot. I actually ate an apple :)
 
Today was not a bad day eating wise. I had chili with some rice mixed in for dinner, cucumber and tomato salad and some fruit. I did have half of a blueberry scone. I am kind of proud of myself. I looked at the package and saw how many calories were in the scone, cut it in half and toasted it. Half is better than a whole one. And I had some fruit, vegetables and protein today. Wasn't too bad I suppose ;)

I will do this. I can be a very stubborn disciplined person when I set my mind to it. And just like any other problem in life that I have had to tackle, I can do this too!

Looking at how many of you have lost substantial amounts of weight is very inspiring! I'm so glad that I joined this forum!
 
I actually felt much better today (and not just because it is Friday ; ) I have realized that I have not been getting any where near enough fruits and vegetables in my diet at all. I think adding some of that in yesterday made me actually feel better today. I have not done this today and so that is a bit of a concern. Going out to dinner in a few minutes and so I will get a Greek Salad. That will be something at least. I have decided to pack some fruit and maybe some cucumbers and tomatoes to work with me and have those with whatever lunch I buy. I think that will help. I ran out of strawberries yesterday to put in my oatmeal or eat along side my bagel, will also make sure to keep those on hand.

Friday we can wear jeans to work. I always wear mine with a blazer or dressy top, I like the way that looks with skinny jeans and heels. So I did wear a pair of my skinny jeans today and didn't feel them biting in to my stomach. Was quite nice actually!

It is so amazing what writing about my eating as well as writing down what I eat has brought to my attention!

Exercise today was 45 minute aerobic/toning with weights step workout and 20 minute ab workout. Did some more abs when I got home too.

Well off to dinner. Hope everyone is having a great day!
 
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