Iwan's Weightloss Journal

Iwan naloseit

Iwan naloseit

New member
Alright! I've made the decision to change! Now, the hard part. Let me introduce myself. I am a 27 year old Alaskan single mom and I am fat. I believe in absolute honestly with yourself and everyone around you. I believe in living in the here and now and I believe that deluding yourself into believing things that are not true only hurts you in the end.

I've been a big girl all my life, always chubby. I grew up with two siblings that were very thin and could always eat to their hearts content and not gain an oz.

I want to lose weight because I want to be healthy and live a long time, I want to see my son's kids have kids because I've always wanted more then one but I don't think thats going to happen in my future. Massive heart attacks run in my family, they kill fast usually the first time. My dad lost his father when he was very young from it and was put up for adoption. My dad is 53 and has had 2 minor heart attacks and a stroke, but he has lost all 7 of his brothers and sisters to heart attacks in the last 15 years.

I have been divorced now for three years from a very physically and emotionally abusive husband. I have full legal and physical custody of my 4 (soon to be 5) year old son. We live in the most remote region of the united states, the Aleutian Islands. The town I live in is a hub for the area so our population is about 4300, give or take some transient workers for the fishing industry. We rely on the shipping industry to bring us all our foods, so we don't get a whole lot of fresh stuff. Well, I guess we get tons of fresh fish, thank the goddess:D or I don't know where I'd be.

I started the herbalife program last saturday, a week ago exactly and I'm not finding it too appitizing but its not killing me either. although, my breath has been really foul since about 4 days ago and I don't know what thats about, maybe the vitamins. I may or may not stick with this crutch called herbalife. I read the nutrition facts and find that fructose is a main ingredient and I don't like that much, it sure explains the horrible breakouts I'm having as a result. I'm also carefully counting my calories for my one meal a day. I ordered the herbalife snacks but they havn't made it here yet so I've also had to closley monitor any snacking. So, heres a typical day for me on this diet:
Breakfast:
herbalife shake
vitamins
32 oz water
Lunch:
chicken breast w/ 1 tbs teryaki sauce
steamed broccoli (about 1 1/2 cups)
vitamins
32 oz water
Dinner:
Herbalife shake
vitamins
32 oz water
Snack:
Diet coke
chicken broth
slice of whole wheat bread

I change up the lunch a bit, the second day I was on the diet I had a burger that my sister brought me at work and realized she was trying to sabatage me before I made it to the fries. She probably doesn't want me to lose weight. There is alot of sabatage and ill treatment in my family. When I was young I wasn't allowed to diet it was strickly forbidden even when my doctor told me I needed to lose weight at age 14. I'm not the favored child.

I weighed myself on wednesday to see if any progress had been made and I lost 4 lbs. I won't weigh myself again till monday. I have to go to the senior center to use their medical scale because I don't have one at my house. But I feel good, I feel a little bloated today...but when have I not felt bloated in the last 6 years.

I'm toying with the idea of posting pics, but that would first mean I'd have to take some. I'm very camera shy and don't allow photos of myself to be taken. The number one reason being that I'm very homely :eek: and the second being that I am fat (theres that total honestly and lack of delusions). Two things that just don't mix.
 
great first entry... welcome to your diary... you've come a long way to get to where you are now... and you will achieve your goals... Any woman who can leave an abusive marriage and gain full custody of her child... can do whatever she puts her mind to... :D

Your village sounds intriguing... i've been a city girl most of my life it must be kind of a neat way to live... The only thing i know of the aleutian islands is that is where dr bellows always threatened o send major healey on i dream of jeannie when he was bad... yes, i watch too much television... :D

Are you a native alaskan? inuit?

Can't wait to read more from you.. I'm glad you're here... you're gonna do great and get all sorts of support.. and we're gonna convince you that you are beautiful... i'm stubborn like that... :D
 
Welcome to the WLF and to your Diary :D

I agree with Mal (where HAVE I said that before?) After all you've been through, you can achieve ANYTHING!!

Not to mention, our beauty comes from Inside, and pours over onto this outer skin - she's stubborn and so am I, we'll convince ya ;)
 
Mal, I'm Unangan, commonly but incorrectly referred to as Aleut. I think you two have already convinced yourselves that I'm some hidden beauty that just has low self esteem. I will allow you that delusion.
I don't think I'm an ugly person on the inside, but people rarely get to know me. I work in a job that is necessary but unfortunatly brings me alot of enemies. And thanks to many bad experiences with pseudo-friends, family and the like I've just leaned through negative reinforcement that I can't trust people. Sometimes the people we love the most hurt us the most. Its just a fact of life.
 
no enemies here, darlin'... and we want to get to know you...

Very few people are ever going to be features on the cover of a magazine for their external beauty.. doesnt mean that their internal beauty can't shine forth... I told ya i'm stubborn... :D and relentless... :D Have some faith... we'll convince you too...

I'm glad you've decided to start diarying... :D you've got a lot to offer.. and we're very good at accepting people for who they are here... flaws and all..
 
Ooooh, I just had such a good lunch. I don't know the exact calorie count but tortilla soup (home made no lard), and half a veggie sandwich. Heaven! But, heres a reason to lay off the tortilla soup...I wasn't paying attention and I stuck my elbow, white sweatshirt and all, right in my full soup bowl. And I know from experience that George's tortilla soup stains bigtime, even when the red/orange/yellow stain comes out the grease stain is still there forever.

I wish it wasn't raining because I'm in the mood for a good walk. I guess me and my son will have to do Tae Bo instead. 4 year olds and tae bo are hilarous!
 
I would've stuck my other elbow in the soup and painstakingly tried to match it up exactly the same, :p I'm a simplicity hound, what can I say ?? :D

Welcome to the forum :)
 
First of all let me say that I am extremely jealous of you living in Alaska. ;) I used to live in Bettles AK, a few years ago and I miss it terribly. Right now I'm currently stuck in Florida of all places!!

I want to wish you luck on this weightloss journey. I'm on the same path as you and I hope we both reach the destination.
 
Thanks for the words T2 and Chai Cat! I've never been to Bettles but if its in Alaska you know its beautiful (unless its anchorage...blech!). BTW, I had to stop by the senior center a little while ago so I weighed and I'm down another pound! I've lost my first 5 lbs! It makes me feel giddy and now I'm addicted!
 
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I must be over the hump, I feel great. I no longer have to gag my morning shake down, in fact, the only thing gagging about my morning routine is the total control pill I take with my multi vitamin. it smells and tastes like (censored!). I woke up this am with a raging head ache, I must have been grinding my teeth while I slept. Last night I had a bit of a munchie moment but I restrained myself from the really bad stuff and had a serving of sugar free jello and three green tea wasabi peanuts. then I went straight to bed to deter any further snack attacks.

My coach keeps asking me if I'm measuring myself and how many inches I've lost, to be honest, I havn't lost any inches from the areas that are being tracked, but I can see my wrist bones and thats definatly a loss that is a visable acheivement for me, although I do have to look at my deformed wrist bone on my right wrist that was mangled in a freak black ice accident my first year in college. It sticks out a lot more then the left wrist bone because it never healed right. Anyways, good day, and it helps that I'm down 5 lbs I have a really positive mind set today, I can do anything. And the typhoon finally blew through so we can go for our walk run tonight!

The funny thing about the typhoon we just had is that it packed winds higher then the current "hurricane" blowing through bramuda right now...80 mile an hour winds...:rolleyes: thats a breeze compared to here. Lol! And you didn't see us on national news. I think all the hurricane hype is only serving to create panic and they should stop splashing it across front page news everyday. And, if they don't want their towns dimolished by winds they should raise the building standards. We had 6 hours of sustained 90-125 mile an hour winds with floods last year in february and nobody lost a house...my neighbors lost a roof but thats because they did a shotty job putting it on. I lost my bbq but thats because I didn't bungi it to my house like I should have and it floated away with the flood waters. I'm glad I'm not a wimp.:D
 
Hello Iwan!! Welcome to the Forum!! My name is Michelle and it is very nice to see you here :) Congradulations on loosing your first 5 pounds!! That is way awesome!! Your making great progress, just keep at it and you will be down to your goal weight in no time :) Good luck!!
 
Thanks for the comments!
I think I am going to start going to the gym and using the eliptical trainer again. I read Kallies journal and she seems to be loving it and I remember how good it felt a few months ago when I was going. But back then I wasn't really going for me, or to lose weight, I was going to try and meet friends and that didn't really work out so I quit going. Now I'll be doing to for me and to hell with having friends.
 
Good for you Iwan,
Going for yourself, and seeing the positive effects, will make such an impact both on your body and how you feel about yourself :D
 
Alright, mongolian beef for lunch not a good/healthy choice. I think I may need to skip my shake tonight to keep the calorie count low. I took my son out for lunch because its our sunday thing, since I always work weekends and he has to come to work with me. I wanted to make a healthy choice, but really, the other option was general tso's and I KNOW thats like 1800 calories. and of course thats what my son ordered and tried to get me to help him eat it...no way...those leftovers didn't even come to my house I took them to my dad and abandoned them to his mercy.

I didn't clean my plate though. Thank the Goddess. I left most of the rice and alot of the beef on the plate. and when I was almost full I dumped salt and hot sauce all over it so I wouldn't pick before someone cleared the table.

At home, if my son doensn't eat his whole dinner I dump bleach on it before I put it in the garbage. I don't even want the trash tempting me. Especially considering my evening meal is a shake and sometimes I feel like I want to munch so bad. The hardest part about this dieting for me is that I have to cook foods with alot of carbs and fat for my son, he's tiny and underweight and I have to sit with him while he eats and bark at him to sit down, stop wiggling and eat all the food on his plate.

I don't know where he gets the petite size from, his father is a rather large italian and I'm not petite except for my height but thats kinda a flook of genes or something because everybody in my family including the women are over 5'7" and skinny. He's short and skinny. He's the smallest kid in his class, and his teacher weighs and measures all the kids and charts their progress every week which is fun for the kids but then she harps on me for not feeding him enough...like I'm starving the kid or something. I think he just tears though energy like crazy, the kid even runs in his sleep, not kidding you.
 
the kid even runs in his sleep, not kidding you.
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My daughter has a cousin like this...I went to visit, was there 20 minutes, the kid jumped up and down the entire time; I kid you not:D I wish I had half of his energy!

You're doing great! Congratulations on your first big loss! I can't believe your own sister would try to sabatoge you like that! (I do believe it, but you know what I mean) I heard a saying once..."Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone". Who cares what your sisters look like, if they act like that, screw 'em. :p
 
He's the smallest kid in his class, and his teacher weighs and measures all the kids and charts their progress every week which is fun for the kids but then she harps on me for not feeding him enough...like I'm starving the kid or something. I think he just tears though energy like crazy, the kid even runs in his sleep, not kidding you.
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Don't worry too much about that. Someone called CPS on me about my son saying I wasn't feeding him and as they were here he was bouncing between the video game and the ice box so all that was quickly dropped lol. Some kids are just in over drive when it comes to food. I hear they grow out of it. If his appetite stays like this I hope his wife is a career woman that can keep him fed lol.
 
a friend's child has the affectionate nickname - tigger - because tiggers bounce.. and michael bounces - or rather hops constantly.. the kid will eat whatever you put in front of him and manages to burn off all those calories... I'm jealous...
 
hehe, this mornings trip to the gym was quite comical. When I got there the cardio room was overflowing with people so I took a few trips around the track walking to warm up while I waited for my turn on an eliptical trainer and somehow got talked into a game of volleyball with a bunch of really huge samoan guys that were short one person...they ended up with a short person...lol. It was fun, I bruised my knee pretty good, its already blue and black but learned the fine skill of dodging the falling mass of man...lmao:D
And then when I got my turn on the eliptical there was a waiting list so I could only go for 20 minutes. But, I still burned 300+ calories and kept my heart rate in the cardio rate for nearly the whole time. It sure is hard to concentrate on working out when you have 5 people anxiously awaiting you giving up.
 
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