Wow. I haven't posted in almost 10 days. How sad.
Life has been pretty hectic lately. I still love my job. It's amazing in every way. I really love the people that I work with, and the kids I work for. What other job would I get to watch movies on my laptop at night, and play with kids during the day?
I had a miscarriage. I was only a few weeks along, so it wasn't devastating. I hate to put it that way, but that's how my mind works. If I think of it any other way, it would probably hurt me deeply. I know that this wasn't a good time. My doctor gave me the option to use a pill, instead of surgery. I opted for the pill, since it was at home. It went very smoothly, and I am better now.
My ex moved out today. We've been broken up for almost a month, now. We were waiting for my son to go back to Illinois before he moved, though, to not hurt him. It's very strange, having it just be my daughter and I. I've spent the day scrubbing the kitchen, rearranging it, and scrubbing the bathroom. I worked last night, and still haven't been to sleep. I still feel like cleaning. I think it's the whole idea of a fresh start that is keeping me fired up.
I got a call from the Louisville Chorus today, and set up an audition next month. I'm super excited! I can't wait to get back into a choir. Yay!
I had planned on being single for a while. I figured I could take some time for myself, and get things figured out. It didn't quite work out that way. lol. I'm now involved with a man, Liam, who I have known for 20 years. Our moms grew up together on the same street. He and I were together between 8th and 9th grade. We remained friends over the years, always flirting, but never following through, due to prior relationships. I ran into him in 2006, and he was married. My heart sunk. In 2008, we started talking again, and I found out he had gotten a divorce. She had cheated on him several times, and was pretty much crazy. He was dating a girl, but he thought she was cheating on him(she was, in the end). We flirted, and almost had something, but he stayed with the girl, hoping he was wrong(he wasn't). I completely lost touch with him for the next few years. Apparently, he had cancer. He went into a deep depression and didn't talk to anyone. He started dating another crazy girl(sigh), and I was dating Justin. SO...this year. Around the end of May, I told Justin I couldn't handle dating him anymore. He has too much growing to do, and I'm past that phase. I needed someone in the same part of life I was, or...just no one at all. I figured I would focus on work and my daughter, and be super content. There was still something missing, though, which I figured would change once he moved. I went back to Illinois for my 30th birthday on June 8th. Liam texted me the night before my birthday, slightly intoxicated, and said that he should have gotten rid of Liz(the girl that cheated on him) for me. It was so random. I asked why, and he said that he had always wanted me. He was dating someone, though. She was...crazy...again. I knew this girl in school...and, yeah...she was. We texted over the next few days, but I didn't take it seriously. I thought he would just disappear again. He didn't. She ended up breaking it off with him, because he had to work, and she wanted him to call off to go out. Sounds like she was super committed. Two days later, she was living with another guy. SO...yeah. He told me that he wanted to take things slowly, because he didn't want to mess things up with me. I was completely in accord. He also said that marriage was off of the table, unless the right girl came along. I was fine with that, too. Two weeks later, he told me he loved me.
I went to Illinois on July 12th, and we saw each other for the first time in 3 years. We were like teenagers. Super nervous...haha. We went to dinner with his parents. He drove...and paid. I was completely shocked. I haven't been on a date where I didn't pay and drive since...um...2003? Earlier, maybe. He stayed with me in my hotel that night, and was a complete gentleman. Well...almost.
We HAD to kiss. lol We want to save things for later, though. We're both very serious about that. So, no sex. Again, a first. A guy that's not obsessed with it. It was hard to keep our hands off each other, though...so, yeah. lol The next day, we ate breakfast and said our goodbyes. I was staying another night, but he had to work. On the day I was leaving, he drove 30 minutes to see me....his idea. When it was time to leave, he had tears in his eyes. It was so completely sweet.
I'm just so happy. I feel complete, now. He and I are so natural. We have so many things in common, and our personalities are in perfect sync. We should have been together this whole time. Bah! He is already making plans to move here by next March. As for the marriage thing...yeah. I told him that I had this very sad dream, where I was married to someone else, yet the whole time, I kept wondering why I wasn't with him. All he said was, "That dream is invalid, because you're going to marry me."
We had a long discussion today....3 hours. lol...where we talked about marriage and things. He said that he can't pass up the one person he's meant to be with. Right before that, he had asked my ring size, for future reference. lol I know with him that he won't rush into it...but I wouldn't be upset. We've known each other for most of our lives. I would be marrying my best friend. SO...yeah. I am totally on cloud 9.
Oh...and weight loss. lol I'm hovering between 248 and 250. I'm still in the after phases of the miscarriage, so I'm not too worried about it. I'm basically having a really heavy lady time. I'm still eating healthy, but just not exercising. It would be very bad if I exercised before I healed. BUT...I'm not gaining! Again...super happy.
Life is good. Life is just so good.
Now that I'm under 250, I'm going to really push forward. I can see 200 right over the horizon. When I hit 199, I'll probably cry. A lot. lol
It's just so brilliant! It makes me want to keep pushing and lose the rest. I only want to get to around 160-180. That's not that far, considering how far I've come. I started at 288 in May, and now, August 1, I'm 243. That's 45 lbs. I look at all of the weight I want to lose, and think that 45 lbs isn't that much. It is though! It's halfway to goal! Just a few more months, and I will be at a weight that I will be happy with. Heck, I'm happy with where I am, now! lol I have a figure again! People at work are so supportive. They are always commenting on how amazing I look, and how it's great that I've done so well. 
I just KNEW that at some point, he would leave me, because he would realize how terrible I really am. /sigh. After that, I dated jerks. For 5 years, I dated my son's dad, who physically and mentally abused me. I left him, only to date a guy for a year who did the same. Then, I met my daughter's father. He seemed amazing....for the first couple of months. Something wasn't right, though. His stories never seemed to add up, and he always seemed nervous. Come to find out, he was a pathological liar. I was with him for 5 years. He had my head completely twisted. Complete mental abuse. I left him, stayed on my own for a bit, then met my recent ex. He was honestly great...just too young. He could never make decisions on his own. We were in two separate places. 
50lbs since May 1st. That's so huge!!!! I found a paper that I had written at the beginning of my journey. It had all of my reasons for wanting to lose weight, my starting weight, as well as dates with goal weights. By September 1st, I wanted to be 241. As of today, I'm 239. 
