I'm gonna do it!

I am so bummed out right now. First of all we went to Applebees with some of the people on my husband's side of the family, but also one of my managers is quitting. Actually she never really got "started." I hired her in mid-November (she is the woman I bought the business from) and she kept working at her old job, so she put in 20 hours a week at my Center and probably 30 there. She was supposed to be leaving her other job at the end of this week, but I came down on her a little bit about some issues and she let me know that she was going to stay at her other job and leave Inches-A-Weigh Feb 1, if I wanted her to stay that long.

So of course, I am up worrying tonight. Does anyone else have sleep problems? I am so irrational in the middle of the night. Even when there is nothing to worry about I will find something. Right now it is 4:04am and I have been up since 1:55, when I woke up to go to the bathroom...then of course I could not get back to sleep. Right now I just feel like crap because my mind is racing but I really want to go to sleep. I just don't see the point in laying in bed, it's like it makes it worse.

Well, I am going to go check up on everyone else.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your manager. She's probably a bit resentful since she used to own the place.

Well this is really bizzare! I have the exact same problem. During the day I worry about practically nothing at all, and I have zero problem falling asleep early (often around 9 or 10pm). But I often wake up between 2am and 4am and I start worrying about all these things, and thinking about all the things that upset me like my dog who died this year after I had her 10 years. I only pray I can get another hour in before I have to leave for work but its already 5:12am and I've been up since 4am lying in bed. Wonder if the Mirena does this too, though I must admit it happened a lot before I got it. Too bad, it would be nice to blame it for absolutely everything! LOL
 
I never had this problem before I bought the business. But I don't just worry about the centers I worry about anything and everything. Even if I have a bad dream I will worry about it even though I know it was just a dream...I am just completely irrational when I wake up in the middle of the night. I just hate not being able to sleep! I always tell myself, "What good is worrying going to do for you? You can't do anything about it right now, so go to sleep and take care of it in the morning!" I also pray a lot, I mean God tells us not to worry about anything but to pray about everything.
 
I wannaBthin, it happens to me to when I'm really worried about something. I guess that happens because at night we can't run from our problems like we do during the day.
I usually drink a cup of very strong passion flower infusion. It works with me...
I hope you'll be able to solve your problems at work, then I'm sure sleeping will be easier.
Good luck!
 
I have never heard of passion flower infusion, is it a tea? I have grown quite fond of drinking a nice hot tea lately.

I think you're right about running from our problems during the day. I am really good at avoiding problems until they just go away, or just smoothing them over.
 
It's a kind of tea, yes. I buy it at the herbalist shop but since I live in Italy I don't know where you could find it.

Many of us here are very good at avoiding problems. That's one of the main reasons I'm overweight. You would think I would have noticed 20 kgs more settling comfortably on my body but reality is I never thought I was getting fat. I told myself all kind of stories like I'm just bloated, It's just THAT week, etc.
I guess that being here at least is a step forward.
 
You're right, you did take a very positive step forward. I did not realize you lived in Italy, it must be so beautiful! My husband and I were just talking tonight about our desire to visit Europe!
 
Europe is a very beautiful place, especially 'cause it has a long history. I hope you get a chance to visit it! We have a very different lifestyle and many of my american friends were surprised when they came here the first time b/c sometimes we tend to think that the west part of the world more or less is all the same. I was very surprised too the first time I visited America. A whole new world for me :D Naturally we do have a lot of things in common but it's always easier to notice the differences.

Got to go now, lunch time for me!

It was nice talking to you, I hope we'll get the chance to do it again soon.

Ciao!
 
What works for me about being fat?

So allyphoe has got me thinking about what works for me about being fat. The only thing that is a positive is that I like foods that are bad and I like a lot of them so being fat is much easier, and that really isn't even a positive since most things that come easy usually aren't the best things.

So what doesn't work for me?

1. I am so sick of wearing fat clothes. I am to the point now that my 2 pairs of pants that fit are now getting quite snug, they are a size 14.

2. I miss shopping for clothes, you can't buy a 14 in most of the stores I like.

3. I am sick of being grostsquely surprised at how disgusting I look everytime I see myself in the mirror or in a picture.

4. I want to look better for my husband. He is so loving and supportive and we still have a great sex life, but I hate taking my clothes off in front of him and know that it would be better if I was thin again.

5. I am so lazy and that makes it hard for me to get out and do things with my kids. I want to be more active but when you get in that lazy cycle it is hard to break.

6. I can remember how good it felt when I was thin and I want to feel that way again.

7. I am sick of being stared at when I go places. I imagine that people are thinking "That girl is too fat to try to make herself look nice...she just doesn't look good at all." Even though I am fat I will admit that I have a pretty face (though it is hard to tell right now because I am at my fattest), and I do try to look nice. I like nice clothes and shoes and purses and accessories, but it's almost like "What's the point?" Nothing I wear is going to make me look any better, I am still fat! I think that everyone around me knows it.

8. I OWN 2 WEIGHT LOSS CENTERS. It is pathetic that I am fat when I help so many other people lose.

9. I hate the feeling of my double chin.

10. I hate the feeling of my legs rubbing together.

11. I hate that my gorgeous 4 carat tw weddding ring is getting too tight on my finger.

12. I hate that I cannot wear a skirt because there is no shape to my legs and they look like 2 tree trunks.

13. I hate that when I go shopping and grab clothes to try on thinking they might hide my belly or butt or thighs, and I put them on and I'm like "Damn, there is no hiding how fat I am now" because my weight has gotten so out of control that I cannot suck it in and look decent anymore.

14. Even though I love my husband more than anything else (other than God and my kids) and would never do anything to hurt him, I miss getting checked out every now and then. Who doesn't like attention?

15. I am sick of writing in my journal that "This is it I am ready to lose weight!" Or "I have finally decided to lose weight I am at my wits end and I know I am out of control," only to write back a week later and say, "Oh, I actually gained 2 pounds over the last week."

16. I am sick of wanting to eat so much.

17. I am sick of hiding how much I really eat.

18. I am sick of food being the number one thing on mind, always planning on how and when I am going to eat, planning out binges days in advance.

19. I am sick of wasting money on buying so much food.

20. I am only 23 and I am not living the fullest best life that a 23 year old should.

21. I am sick of having events coming up thinking "I could drop 10 pounds before then" and a) never dropping the weight or b) dropping the weight and still being fatter than I would like and then c) putting more weight on after the event and then having another event come up.

22. I am sick of being around my thin family members and being so super embarrassed because I used to be the thin one. (I am 5'8" and I used to wear a size 2, sometimes 4 but also had nice curves.)

23. I miss getting compliments on how nice I look.

24. I hate how fat and blubbery my stomach is.

25. I hate having cellulite (not that anyone ever sees it, but with the right pair of pants you can tell that I have it).

26. I really want to wear a swimsuit this summer and not be super embarrassed.

27. I want to wear my thin clothes again, or at least my size 8 or 10's that I got into between kids.

28. We never had a party when we eloped to Hawaii, and I want to have one without being a big fat slob, and I would like to wear my wedding dress to the party since no one got to see me in it.

29. I hate having such a wide butt that it is embarrassing squeezing by people when I go to the movies or to a play or something like that.

30. I hate that when I order something unhealthy people are probably thinking "Oh my goodness! No wonder she is so fat!"

31. I know that if I let myself go without losing weight soon I will probably become one of the people who is 800 pounds and cannot get out of my house, seriously, my addiction to food is that bad.

32. I hate that my weight prevents me from doing a lot of things that I would like to do; like go on vacation, I would love to just do a little getaway but I really feel like I would not enjoy it since I am so uncomfortable with my size; or shopping more often; or going out places.

So basically nothing works about being fat for me but it's like I never seem to care. Well, I feel like I am on the right track now. I am happy I found this site and all of you wonderful people. I just know that I will do it this time.

So by the way, I am off the lemonade diet.

If you couldn't tell I have been up since 2 am, so far today I just grabbed a couple pieces of thin sliced turkey, 30 calories, because it is now 6:15 and I was getting hungry.

So, today is going to be a good day and I am going to think about what does not work about being fat for me.

Thanks Allyphoe!
 
Just wondering, what motivates the rest of you? What does not work about being fat for you?

I once heard that you should make a list of at least 21 reasons why you want to do something because it makes it more of a priority in your life than just giving yourself a couple of reasons. It is easy to blow off just one or two reasons, much harder to blow of more (21 I guess:))!
 
The idea of finding 21 things that motivates you seems a really good idea... it is a surefire way of focusing your mind on a task. I once was told that for every bad thought you have about yourself you should thing of 3 good things about yr self to squash it... I never really managed to find 3 things!

ooh on yr post with Omega you asked how many lbs in a stone, there is 14lbs to the stone.

Catch ya later

Tab x
 
If you havent already - check the Fear of Thin thread in On Topic - the reasons why you don't want to lose weight are often more revealing than the reasons you do...
 
Things I hate about being fat and stuff that motivates me...

Not finding clothes to fit
Standing out in a crowd (I'm 5'11")
Having to spend twice as much on clothes as everyone else
Fed up of wearing clothes I've worn through 2 pregnancies (considering the trousers are starting to go seethru!)
I want to be a good role model for my children
I want to be around to see my possible grandchildren, my mum never got to meet hers
I want to sit down in a chair and not have to weigh up whether or not it will snap under me.
I want to be a yummy mummy and actually look good wearing a pair of jeans and a jersey.

There are many more things as well.
 
Good morning Iwannabthin! Love the list idea! What motivates me,hmmm

-sick of being sick all the time and have surgeries!
-want to be able to sit without fat sticking out of my tummy and the love handles.
-would love not to have asthma anymore!!
-want to be able to eat w/portion control.
-want my hubby to look at me and think"wow, that's my wife"
-want to be able to exercise with out getting winded all of the time.
-Do not want to be the "fat one" anymore on my side of the family
-want better self confidence!
-want to wear a swim suit finally and not have to wear a wrap around me
-want to be proud of who I am!
-want to be able to jog with my boys and keep up with them.
-want that healthy glow about myself
-want to cook w/healthy choices and want to eat better
-want no back fat!
-want tone arms
-want a very tone butt, no back rack anymore!
Finally just want over all health for myself!! This is the :party:year!
 
I love reading what you all have to say. You help me kind of escape from my day. I don't know if I posted it on this thread or another, but I had a manager leave one of my centers last night. BUMMER. So I went into work today to get things in control and we found out that someone had broken into my center last night and stole $275 or so out of the cash box. To make matters worse I am sure that it was a client. I had to call the police in and they had to call the crime scene investigators to dust for fingerprints and such. I just feel like I am going to get sick now just thinking about it. I know it sounds crazy to think that a client would do that but all the evidence points to it. I am just so upset to think that whoever did this is going to be in my Center again, probably thinking to herself, "Ha ha ha, I got away with it. They will never know it was me." Who knows what else might happen. So I have ordered some cameras to put up inside. It was just a bad day. So what did I do? Went to my comfort foods. I had a cheeseburger for lunch with a diet lemonade, and I had a turkey brat for dinner with a large salad, then I had a brownie with caramel and ice cream. It is no excuse but I am just feeling so stressed out right now. But I feel totally bloated and crappy.
And I got up at 2 am this morning and feel wide awake and full of worries tonight. I hate worrying about things. But I know that bad things seem to happen all at once then everything will be fine again soon. You know, I think we are actually fortunate that bad things happen all at once otherwise there would always be something going wrong every so often.

So I just don't know what to do, do you ever get that feeling? It's like I was totally violated and I just can't believe it really happened and I just feel kind of empty right now. I mean luckily it wasn't much money and I had taken all the checks out yesterday, but what kind of person does that? I mean it was totally planned, there was a paper or something taped over the lock from the inside of the center so the door would not lock and they could sneak in from the back, and we lock our cash box in one of the four offices in one of the several filing cabinets and we kept the key under the fax machine. So how did they know where we kept the box? The filing cabinet was pried open with a crow bar or something, so if it were an employee why wouldn't they just use the lock? And if it were a burglar how did they know where to look and why wasn't the Center a mess if they were looking everywhere for the cash, and I keep my office locked so why wouldn't they think that the money was in there and try ti break in? And if it were a stranger how did the door lock get taped open from the inside? Who wouldn't have noticed a stranger walking all the way to the back of the center and standing in plain site and messing with our door?

I just don't get it.

Anyway, I'm going to go through and see what you all posted in my site, I just needed to vent a little bit, thanks!
 
Any reason you don't suspect the now-departed manager? Unless they were two different centers, that seems to fit the scene you've described.

That really sucks, though. You have every reason to be upset.

Don't beat yourself up over the comfort foods. Just get back on track. :)
 
The reason I don't think it was her is because she would not have had to tape the door open, and she knows where the key is so she would not have had to pry the filing cabinet open. But believe me, she was the first peoson I thought of.
 
Tabitha,

You cannot tell me that you cannot think of 3 things good about yourself. You seem like such a nice person.

I like your reasons though, I have a couple pairs of pants that are practically see-through myself that I had to retire.

I never wrote that I want to be a good role model for my kids, but I do. But luckily they really like their fruits and vegetables, but that is just for now.

Well, you found the right place, and I am sure that you are going to reach your goals. Good Luck!
 
Eevee,


I love your reasons too. I am so lucky that I don't have any health problems because of my weight...yet. I suppose that should be a big motivator for me since I see how many problems extra weight can cause. I guess it is easy to take something for granted if there is nothing wrong with it.

This is sooo going to be an awesome year. I know we are all going to look so much better by spring...and totally great by summer.

Good luck!
 
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