I think the penny finally dropped...

haha i hear ya girl on the saying something when it isnt ur buisness.... eh.... screw it... its the internets.... people get feelings hurt... but they get over it :p


besides...... thats what we are all here for... .feedback and suggestions and advice....

its not just advice we want to hear... its ALL ADVICE. you wont change from what you are doing wrong until you hear something that just never clicked for you before!!! :)


ANYWAYS


You are doing great woman!!!! way to go on the weight loss so far! well over 100 lbs! Thats wonderful! I am truly insprired! I love how you are going to play around with your metrics to see what works for your body!

Keep up the good work lady!!! :)
 
Thanks, Cabbie and Marie, for stopping by. I know I must have sounded completely frustrated in the last few posts, and I was. Of course I can't just stop caring about stuff, and I would probably explode if I tried to keep my opinion to myself at all times. But I decided that I will be more careful about how I word things, and if it is actually worth it, and if it seems as if things are turning into an argument, I'll get out before it's too late. I have the annoying tendency to get really frustrated with stuff like this, and it's just not worth it.

That said, I do enjoy a good discussion, and had plenty of very interesting ones on this board in the past. Even if in the end people had to agree to disagree, it was always interesting to see everybody's opinion and try to look at things from their perspective. I like that. :)

Okay, on to what's going on, and it's not nice. Things are going downhill big time. I am stuck at around 257, and can't seem to get things to move. WHich I am pretty sure is my own fault for not eating enough at first. So I am trying my best to tell myself that if I just stick with it and keep eating okay and healthy, things will be fine.

What is more annoying is that I am in constant pain and have been for about a month now. It has steadily been getting worse, starting with my back. I always had back pain, but everybody kept blaming it on my weight, and told me if I just lost weight, things would get better. Well.....they didn't, they have been getting worse. I can barely move sometimes, can't stand in one place for any amount of time. If I have to do the dishes, I have to get a chair and sit down, because my back will kill me otherwise. Same with ironing, have to do it while sitting down. Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I don't seem to have any control over my right leg, and I have actually fallen down the stairs yesterday morning because of that.

And in the last week my knees have been acting up as well, they have swollen really badly, and it feels as if there is sand in them, when I move them you can actually hear kind of a 'grinding' sound - hurts like hell. I've been taking codein painkillers over the last week, and they make it bearable, but it's certainly not right. Doctor's appointment next week, but somehow I am not hopeful that anything useful will happen.

And another thing, and that is about....erhm....well, let's be straight and to the point - it's about bowel movement. So if you want to stop reading here, I won't blame you. If not, you've been warned.

I have been reading a lot that people feel better and have better bowel movements since they started eating more healthily and stuff. For me it seems the complete opposite. I can't go at all for about 4 days, feel completely and utterly bloated, have stomach cramps and everything. Then all of a sudden I end up with the runs, and don't even dare to move away from the bathroom for about 2 days, literally poo-ing my insides out. And then it stops, and I can't go at all anymore. Rinse and repeat. It's annoying, makes me feel like crap, and it's certainly not right, or healthy. Any ideas anybody, any kind of food that are known to make things more....uhm....regular? I am eating a lot of fruit and yogurt at the moment, which I thought would be benefical for such things, but no....I'm at a loss.

Also, anybody have any clues about that backpain / knee pain thing? I know I need proper shoes for walking and doing the eliptical, but that alone shouldn't really do that to my knees, should it? And all of a sudden? I mean, I've been doing eliptical and swimming for a few months now, and it only started a few weeks back. I don't want to stop working out because I just know that I will pile the pounds back on, but I tried my 45 minutes on the eliptical on Friday, and after about 30 minutes my husband put his foot down and literally dragged me off it because I was in so much pain and actually crying while trying to do it. Which was totally stupid, I know....*sigh*

Okay, enough rambling. As said, I will try to get a doctor's appointment asap, and then see what happens....wish me luck!
 
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Hello San, I just read your journal.

I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough spot.

Are there not any food banks that you could go to? Or some of them that would come to you?

Why are the Hospitals there like third world countries? I don't know much of anything about the UK....

What is PCOS? I guess I could just google it.

I like your idea of your tattoo about dropping 50 lb and dreaming & determination. That Rocks!

Are most German's tall? *I wonder* See my great Opa is from Germany. So my last name is German and that's about it. I used be able to sing Silent Night in German when I was little, but I've forgotten now. I get my height from my dad, and my mom's dad. I've got some other family member's whom are tall too! :willy_nilly:

You have a kitty too? You tried your *cat stew* yet...? :jump:

There is this site that I used to frequent, it's kind of neat, maybe you've come across it... Well there are a whole load of ppl in my area (Canada & U.S.A) that I've seen, so I wonder if the rest of the world have groups set up on there too. It's for meeting new ppl in whatever Hobby or Activity that you enjoy. It's kinda cool, you should check it out. Most meetups are free, or they cost a couple of bucks a month, and you don't have to pay it every month unless you go to a meetup that month.

Anyways Lata, Seeya in the Challenge!! You're doing such an awesome job!! :hurray: Very Admirable!! << That's my new word! Trying to expand my vocab.

:seeya:

P.S. What are crisps? A type of bread?
 
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Oh I don't know how I missed your last post but I did...I was actually JUST on my way to make a POOP THREAD!! LMAO I am having difficulties too!! Well if I get any clues from others, I'll point you in the right direction. :sifone:
 
I'm still alive.....barely.....*lol*

Sorry for the long absence. Just didn't get around to write anything. It was kind of...uhm....hectic recently. Actually, it was as it always is, but it got to me more. I don't know.

Anyway, let's see.....wishes, glad you enjoy the poop-talk. Seems that it's actually on a lot of people's minds, but nobody ever comes out and says it. Once somebody starts, everybody's like 'Oh yeah, I've got the same problem....'....*lol*

Black coffee seems to do the trick by the way, at least for me. A cup of black coffee at night before I go to bed, and the porcelaine gods are satisfied first thing in the morning. ;)

RunningGirl: Okay, acute money crisis is over for the time being, but yes, we have food banks here. I just really want to put off going to them until I have absolutely no other choice.
Hospitals over here are ridiculous. Take the problem with my knees for example - I went to the doctor, he looked at them, messed around for a while, then said I needed to see a specialist in hospital. He gave me some painkillers and told me the hospital would get in touch with me about an appointment. Now, remember, I could barely walk. I'm not a whimp when it comes to pain, I was beaten up every day from the age of 15 to 21, I can take a lot of pain, but that was something else. It really, really hurt. And my knees were swollen, and hot. So....I went home and took the painkillers. They made me sick to my stomach, and totally dizzy. So I couldn't take them. It took over a week for the letter from the hospital to come, and in it was an appointment for the 14th of July! :(
I called them and told them that it was kind of urgent, because things were getting worse and I could hardly walk, let alone run after my disabled stepson, but they were like 'We don't have any earlier appointments, if it's so bad, go to A&E' (which would be the ER in the States). So off I went. Sat there for 8 (!!!!) hours. Saw a doctor. He said it was an inflammation, he wasn't sure what exactly, I needed to see a specialist. All he could do was give me painkillers. The EXACT same painkillers that I had already gotten from my GP!! *grrrrr*
So I went to a private clinic, on a friends private health insurance. Yes, it's cheating, but at that moment, I didn't care anymore. Within an hour I had seen a GP, a specialist, and got treatment the same day. They removed fluid from both of my knees (which hurt like hell, but felt great afterwards), injected me some stuff into my knees (forgot what it was called), and gave anti-inflammatories (sp). Took about 2 hours, and I could walk pain free. It's still not a 100%, but they said it could take up to three months for it to heal completely. And that it wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't waited for so long to see a doctor. Yeah well...I tried to see one right away, they just wouldn't f*cking let me! *growl*

*deep breath*......yeah, that's the British Health System for you. If you can pay for private treatment, you're fine. If not, you're screwed. Oh, and I have been here for over three years now, I still haven't found a dentist that accepts new patients. Go figure.

PCOS means PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome. Means that my ovaries are full of cysts, causing all kinds of trouble. For me it's mainly hormonal, for some reason those cysts cause the production of piles and piles of male hormones and stuff, so I've got hair in places I shouldn't have any, I couldn't have kids if I wanted to (which I don't), at least not without hormone treatment. It also makes losing weight more difficult and can come with a whole pile of other problems. For me it's mainly that I'm constantly bleeding. According to the 'specialist' I've seen, that is not related to the PCOS, but when I asked him for some other reason, he couldn't think of anything. And sometimes it's really bad, to the point that I can't leave the house because a) I'm losing so heavily that I feel light headed and like fainting all the time, and b) there's not a tampax in the world that can last for longer than 10 minutes (sorry if that's too graphic). At the moment it's okay, but still not 100%. I am also constantly in pain. Not horrible pain, but it's like a constant cramp. Not really the greatest thing. I've got painkillers and stuff that is supposed to minimize the bleeding right now, but I'm not supposed to take it for longer than 4 weeks or it could damage my kidneys. I'm already taking it for 4 months. *sigh*

Well, I had another tattoo done, or rather, I had the one on my arm extended. I liked what the tattoo dude had done on my foot, so I asked him to put some of that on my arm as well. I'm a sucker for punishment, I really am....*lol*

Hmmm....I'm pretty tall, my granddad was 6"6', but my grandmother was only 5"2'. My mom's about 5"9, average. No clue about the sperm-donor, I never met him. But I think I've got most of my height and build from my grandfathers side as well.

Yepp, two kitties....and I haven't put them in the stew yet. But who knows, one day I might just, especially when I find them sleeping on top of the basket with the clean laundry one more time!! *lol*

Crisp bread is just that....crisp bread. It's thin slices of crispy bread, kind of like crackers, just the size of a slice of bread.

In other news....

We had a little bit of money coming in, so at least there is some proper food on the table again. I'm eating fruit as if it is going out of fashion right now.

My knees are better (see above) but not totally great yet. I'm still doing the eliptical, just more careful. It seems okay so far.

My weight keeps yo-yo'ing, no matter what I do. I keep trying to get all my calories in, eat the right stuff, and it still won't really budge. Guess I messed it up good and proper at the beginning.

Anybody else having problems getting their calories in? Not because I don't allow myself to eat, but because I'm seriously not hungry, and don't feel like snacking. I have breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, and then I'm at about 1000 calories, I am stuffed, and I know it's not enough. But they always say that your body lets you know what it needs....if I feel satiated, alert, awake, energized and generally okay, do I really need to eat more??

No swimming last week, no swimming this week!! :ack2: Got my tattoos done and need to let them heal before I can go swimming again!

Only one more month before I make a trip to Germany. First time in 3 years. My husband's not happy, and I just know we'll have a screaming match about it at some point. *sigh*

Okay, I think that's enough totally useless information for one day. If you made it this far, congratulations, you have the patience of a saint!! *lol*
 
Hmmm....right.

The black coffee only worked temporarily.

Now, nothing works anymore.

Last Sunday I tried Laxatives, because I didn't know what else to do. FOr a day, my backside was glued to the bowl, and nothing ever since. I'm getting fibre, fruit and all the other oh so healthy stuff, but my digestive system seems to have a huge problem with that. I mean, it's Thursday today for crying out loud, I feel like a balloon!

Also, for the last week, I've constantly been hungry. And I mean, properly hungry. With a growling stomach and everything.

I'm eating. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner. I'm eating okay, best I can. I'm trying to get my calories in. And so far, that amount of food was perfectly fine, but now I'm just hungry all the time. And grouchy. And I have headaches, and my back is even worse than usual. Not sure if all of that is connected, or if I'm just determined to feel as miserable as possible. *shrug*

Maybe I should start a challenge myself....the 'Regular Bowel Movement' challenge or something.....this is getting ridiculous.....:(
 
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On the upside -

I ordered myself some clothes out of the catalogue recently, because well, I just needed to. Nothing to wear anymore.

So I got some t-shirts. At the beginning of last year, my husband and I wore the same size. 5 XL. I've got pictures where I am wearing his shirts and they just about fit.

I ordered the same shirts, all in 2 XL. And guess what? I have to send them all back because they are too big! I never had to send anything back because it was too big! *lol*

So, my pants size dropped from 32 (which is supposedly a 30 in the US), to 20 (18 in the US). My shirt size dropped from 34 (32 US) to 24/26 (22/24 US). I haven't worn clothes in this size for donkey's years!!

Usually I hate sending things back. Today I'm quite happy to do so, and order again, just SMALLER! :)

And I ordered myself a T-shirt of one of my favourite bands from eBay. I could never wear band-shirts because they don't make them in my size. Maybe now I'll fit into them?! *fingers crossed*

Just wondering - my husband pulled a face, asking if I hadn't 'grown out of wearing band t-shirts a long time ago'. Is there an age limit for stuff like that? I'm only 34 for crying out loud.....and I feel a lot younger than that, because there is so much I missed out on while I was younger, and I refuse to grow up before I haven't done it!!

You think he's just getting a tad bit jealous about me getting a grip on my weight (even though I am still light years away from where I should be), and he doesn't? He's been an arse at the beginning, but recently he's been very supportive, telling me I looked good and did well, even helping me to come up with an exercise plan and stuff - so that comment kinda stung. Not that it'll stop me from wearing whatever I want when it's all said and done though....*lol*
 
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My only question is...

What band?

I've seen a bit of your musical tastes in the music culture thread, so I'm guessing it's someone interesting...

Are you ever too old for band T-shirts?
 
Linkin Park

for some reason it won't let me insert a picture here, so here's the link to a pic:



And I might get an Evanescence one at some point. Haven't seen a nice one yet though, they are all 'girlie' shirts, and I will never fit into those....*lol*

And I don't think you are ever too old for them. When I used to go to Kiss concerts, there were people over 60 in Kiss T-Shirts, and it looked cool! ;)
 
Have you tried prune juice? That always helped my daughter... like immediately :)

--Congrats on the new clothing sizes, that is SOOOO exciting. I use to be really skinny, and I kept all of my clothes. So, as I was losing I got to pull out another box of clothes to try on - it was a great feeling :). Once I got to a certain weight I went to a high end department store and tried on tons of really expensive clothes and just looked at myself in the mirror (that sounds really narcissistic, lol). That was the first time I truly felt proud of how far I had come. I didn't buy anything because I still have another size or two to go and I didn't want to waste the money - but one day I will go back and 'reward' myself with some new clothes.

I think band shirts are pretty cool, myself :blush5:
 
Yupp, tried prunes - fresh, dried and juice. Worked for a short while, but now it doesn't. I'm gonna talk to my mom tonight and see if she can think of some home remedies....mothers are good for stuff like that! *lol*

I didn't really have any skinny clothes due to moving 6 times in 5 years and throwing anything out that I wasn't wearing right then. And I've never been 'skinny' anyway. The last time I was under 250 lbs was when I was 16, so I doubt I would be wearing any of that stuff anyway.

That sounds like a good idea, I think when I get further down I will do the same thing....go to one of those really expensive places with 'normal' sized clothes (as opposed to the plus size places I used to shop at), and just try stuff on. And be happy that it fits.....*lol*

I'll probably buy some ridiculously expensive stuff when I make it to a weight I'm happy with, but it's still a bit of a way to go until then. BUt the little things, like the T-Shirts being too big, make it all worth the while....:)

Plus, the dude behind the counter in the cornershop I went to today commented on the fact that I lost so much weight - said I looked ten years younger. But I think he just wanted to be nice so I would buy more! *lol*

And the girl in the post office I go to regularly asked me how I was doing it because she needs to lose weight too and can't get it to shift. So, people are noticing it now, which is nice. To this day, I don't see a difference in the mirror, but just like when I was big, I seem to have a rather screwed up picture of myself. When I was at my heaviest, I couldn't see it and always thought 'I'm not THAT fat', and now I can't seem to see that the fat is starting to shift. Go figure!! *lol*

But, the numbers don't lie, and the numbers (and letters) say that I fit into 1 XL T-Shirts now! Yay! ;)
 
Hello San,

CONGRATULATIONS on getting to a smaller size!!! WOOT! You must be soo proud of yourself!!!

If you made a Bowel Movement Daily Challenge I'd join ya!! ;) I cross my finger's that I have one every day, or other day. :D Right now what really seems to be doing the trick is this Activia Prune Yogurt along with a full glass of Prune Juice on an EMPTY STOMACH. :svengo: careful with that one, if it works out for ya. LOL

So you got yourself a haircut? Just as of late?


I seem to have a rather screwed up picture of myself. When I was at my heaviest, I couldn't see it and always thought 'I'm not THAT fat', and now I can't seem to see that the fat is starting to shift. Go figure!! *lol*

I never really thought I was "getting big" either or I did, but it was denial (I know not as big as other's here) but I just kept trying to hide it, I came across a picture of me last night (I knew I was trying to hide things in pics) but I cropped it in half ---lol :blush5: so it wouldn't show my full size. I actually came across a few of those.

What're you planning on doing during your vacay in Germany? You're TOTALLY going to blow your family away with ALL YOUR HOTNESS!!!! :party:

I see my mom once a year in the summer, and last year I saw her at my heaviest 162+. When I first started to gain a few years ago, and I went out to see my mom, I told her to please try to be nice but that I was getting a lil chubby. She was like okay whatever (she didn't believe me) and when she saw me she was like "Holy Smokes (laughing) you sure are chubby and than she continued to point out all of the area's that got fat...so hopefully now with the 25-26 lb drop or more by the time I go to see her, she will have a different reaction. :)

So with all that I guess I am just saying I know where you're coming from in that perspective...maybe ;)

Anyways, Keep Workin Hard!! You're inspiring me to keep going too!!

Lata
 
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Hello San, Congrats on becoming a Mod!!! Exciting! Seeya Lata in the Challenge! & Girl you soooo have that swimsuit made!!!

I am wondering what I will do when I've hit my 130lbs in the challenge b4 it ends. Keep posting my stats for fun, I guess...;)
 
Thanks everybody for dropping in, and RunningGirl, thanks for the congrats! I'm just there to get rid of spam though, nothing big...I think the mods were just sick of me reporting all that stuff all the time and thought I should get rid of it myself instead....*lol*

I've been pretty stressed out recently, hence the lack of posting. Sorry about that! :(

Just getting ready for my trip to Germany, had loads and loads of probs sorting things out, so I hope the rest of it goes smoothly, but what are the odds.

Food wise I've been screwing it up big time. I had more junk food in the last week than I had in the 10 months before. Yet I lost some weight. Go figure?!

I'll try to update while I'm on my trip...I'll have my netbook with me, and hopefully will be able to somehow connect through my parent's network...at least that's the plan. We'll see. If there's no updates, it didn't work, and I'll post when I am back. :)
 
On the topic of poop:

I've been using the morning coffee for a morning BM for a few months now and it works every time.

Fat Free French Vanilla creamer:

+

Sugar

+

Coffee

=

POOP.

It's amazing. I hate that I rely on coffee to poop but oh well. I feel better during the day when I've already cleaned out my system. :)
 
New Year's resolution number 1:

Screw it. Why the hell bother? Too many arseholes, and I'm sick of wasting my time.

New Year's resolution number 2:

Just stick with rule number 1. That'll do.


And just in case anybody even still reads this, I don't think I will be around much more other than to remove spam, and the spammers that go with it.
 
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