I feel like crap today.....

S

Safeboy43

0
Hey everybody,

I just wanted to come on here and post (or vent) a few things and seek some advice. Some of you may know my story. Last June, over the course of two months, I lost about 23 lbs due to anorexia. I had a terrible body image and finally drilled it into my head that I had to gain some weight. I tried a slow and bulk of 0.5-1lb per week and gained most of that weight back in a mostly lean way. Through this, I found my favorite sport and lifestyle (bodybuilding).

Well time goes on and I started to crave a few "dirty" foods like hamburgers, ice cream and chocolate bars ect. I decided to include a "cheat" meal once a week to help me stick with a clean diet 90% of the time.

The first day, I crashed. I probably ate 4000 calories of crap. I was fine for a few days and then hit the wall again. Including today and five days previously, I have likely eaten 6000 (or more) calories per day. Today, I ate an entire pizza to myself at a party and came home and ate a huge dinner with a bunch of other crap.

I don't know why I do this. After I finished that pizza, I didn't even feel full. However, after I finished eating at home I felt very sick and disgusting.

I feel absolutely TERRIBLE and SICK and wish I had never done this "cheating" thing. I try and pick myself up and move on but five days later I've gotten no ware. I was so bloated tonight that I couldn't even go to the gym to workout!

What do I do? I don't want to undo 7 months of hard work and dedication to something stupid like this! Would anybody be able to give me some insight or advice on this?

Many thanks, :eek:
Safeboy43
 
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have you seen or talked to a Dr. .
 
With respect to ....

" I probably ate 4000 calories of crap. I was fine for a few days and then hit the wall again. Including today and five days previously, I have likely eaten 6000 (or more) calories per day. Today, I ate an entire pizza to myself at a party and came home and ate a huge dinner with a bunch of other crap " .
​

...when you do this , what do you get out of it...in other words......what would you say is ( or you think is ) ' the payoff ' for you when you do this ?

There has to be a ' payoff ' IMO - what would you say it is ?
 
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Wrangell said:
With respect to ....

" I probably ate 4000 calories of crap. I was fine for a few days and then hit the wall again. Including today and five days previously, I have likely eaten 6000 (or more) calories per day. Today, I ate an entire pizza to myself at a party and came home and ate a huge dinner with a bunch of other crap " .
​

...when you do this , what do you get out of it...in other words......what would you say is ( or you think is ) ' the payoff ' for you when you do this ?

There has to be a ' payoff ' IMO - what would you say it is ?
Click to expand...

The pay-off is most likely the comfort of food, it makes you feel good like a drug, and like a drug it makes you feel like crap afterwards.
 
Phate89 said:
The pay-off is most likely the comfort of food, it makes you feel good like a drug, and like a drug it makes you feel like crap afterwards.
Click to expand...

Perhaps you're right....but that'd just be a guess.

What's really relevant in this case is what the ' pay-off ' means for Safeboy43.

Hopefully he'll let us know.
 
Wrangell said:
With respect to ....

" I probably ate 4000 calories of crap. I was fine for a few days and then hit the wall again. Including today and five days previously, I have likely eaten 6000 (or more) calories per day. Today, I ate an entire pizza to myself at a party and came home and ate a huge dinner with a bunch of other crap " .
​

...when you do this , what do you get out of it...in other words......what would you say is ( or you think is ) ' the payoff ' for you when you do this ?

There has to be a ' payoff ' IMO - what would you say it is ?
Click to expand...

Hey Wrangell,

I'm not sure that there was any kind of "payoff" as you say. However, before I indulged myself, I thought, "whatever, I can have this." I took a slice and ate it. I forgot how good it tasted as I hadn't eaten pizza in well over a year. Because of that, I took 11 more and probably would've eaten more if it was offered. It's not like it made me feel any better about myself or anything, it was just damned good. Obviously, I thought, "well, I screwed up now so I may as well forget about the rest of the day." Come evening time, I felt like crap because of what I did (for the fifth day in a row.)

Does that give you enough info?

Thanks again guys,
Safeboy43
 
Sorry to flood the forum but I wanted to post an update. Sunday was ok for me and I ate my normal 3200 and did some cardio. Today wasn't so good. I got home and was freaking hungry. I easily put down a couple bagels and PB with a glass of milk. Overall by the end of the day I totaled at over 5000k again. :eek2: No bloating or anything, though.

However, I lifted tonight and felt great. Felt like I could lift a car :)

I don't know what's happening to me, though. I don't feel like a "binge eater" and feel like I can't stop myself. I was just damned hungry. It's starting to concern me, though. Is it normal for something like this to happen to a 17 year old kid? I don't want to develop a worse condition where I'm going to need serious help to stop......

Cheers,
Safeboy43
 
Hey man we all have problems, Your one could be made into a positive. It would be awesome If you wanted to be huge and you could eat that much.

One option would be to start planning what you are going to eat and filling your house with healthy food. Then when you feel like binging you dont have the option of crap food. Sounds easy but I know its not.

Good luck man.
 
NBS 4life said:
Hey man we all have problems, Your one could be made into a positive. It would be awesome If you wanted to be huge and you could eat that much.

One option would be to start planning what you are going to eat and filling your house with healthy food. Then when you feel like binging you dont have the option of crap food. Sounds easy but I know its not.

Good luck man.
Click to expand...
I actually find that most of my binges aren't on dirty food. Unfortunately, that doesn't make it much better. :mad: I just gotta get my ass back in gear. This is stupid.

Thanks dude.
 
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Safeboy43 said:
I actually find that most of my binges aren't on dirty food. Unfortunately, that doesn't make it much better. :mad: I just gotta get my ass back in gear. This is stupid.

Thanks dude.
Click to expand...

Hi Safeboy,

It definitely sounds like you are binge eating. You are eating like this probably because you are looking at foods as good or bad instead of on weather you are actually hungry or not. You are obviously eating fast or you wouldn't get to the point that you feel bloated.

here are a couple of good posts that you may find helpful:

http://training.fitness.com/weight-loss/i-m-back-again-31468.html#post269490

http://training.fitness.com/weight-loss/i-m-back-again-31468.html#post269534


you may want to read the whole thread......

cheers
Diane
 
gotfit said:
Hi Safeboy,

It definitely sounds like you are binge eating. You are eating like this probably because you are looking at foods as good or bad instead of on weather you are actually hungry or not. You are obviously eating fast or you wouldn't get to the point that you feel bloated.

here are a couple of good posts that you may find helpful:

http://training.fitness.com/weight-loss/i-m-back-again-31468.html#post269490

http://training.fitness.com/weight-loss/i-m-back-again-31468.html#post269534


you may want to read the whole thread......

cheers
Diane
Click to expand...

Thank you, gotfit. This is very helpful. Much appreciated! :)
 
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Maybe some advice from a different perspective will do you some good.

I too have been obsessed with trying to gain weight. I'm just naturally skinny. I found this site and picked up some info, but a lot of it, I just took too seriously. Yeah, it's great to try and eat "clean" all of the time. It also feels good to count all of your calories. The underlying thing is that it feeds the thing inside of you that craves control. I think a lot of body image problems come from deep rooted control issues. If you feel out of control in other places in life, you try to seek control in building the perfect body.

Now, I congratulate you on recognizing that you have a problem and taking action to get healthier physically. The thing is, you can't just change the routine, and become controlling in the opposite way. If you were controlling what you were eating in order to lose a huge amount of weight, using the same desire for control to gain it back isn't going to heal the hurt inside of you. There comes a point when you have to realize that it's not about the weight. It's about you, and how you deal with anything in life that stresses you.

Now, I think the reason these "cheat" meals are bothering you so much is because you're still trying to be in complete control of yourself and the foods that you eat. The fact of the matter is, eating a bunch of food will help you gain weight. But you seem to feel that "letting go" and eating for fun or comfort is ruining your plan because you don't feel like you're controlling every bite you put in. Basically, you're still thinking like an anorexic, but you're just trying to gain weight.

Now there are people that will tell you you have to gain weight in a certain way. They'll say you have to count calories, and record everything you eat. Now I think, for a recovering anorexic, that is the worst possible advice. I really think you need to work on your emotions first. Forget about the food for a while. Don't count calories, don't record what you eat. Don't try to eat more or less. Just listen to your body for a while, and see where you are. I think some counseling might also help for you. The people on this forum are certainly well intentioned, and many of us try our hardest to give the best advice, but very few of us are trained counselors. So, if you feel comfortable, look in to finding a counselor that specializes in eating disorders.

Now anyway, back to my story. I found this forum. Followed a lot of this advice, and tried to eat clean and count calories. It was a disaster. I felt terrible about eating anything that wasn't "clean" and I felt terrible when I couldn't get enough calories. I ended up losing more weight from the discouragement. Counting calories works for a lot of people who need the structure. But for people with too much structure or too much of a desire for it, counting calories can be torture.

What I'm trying to do now, is just eat. Eat when I'm hungry, eat a reasonable amount, and stop when my body says that I absolutely cannot eat another bite. I also let myself eat out at my favorite fast food place, panda express, once a week. It does two things, it gives me the extra calories that I need, and it lets me enjoy some really tasty food. I've learned not to feel bad about it because I know that overall, I'm a really healthy person. I exercise like I'm supposed to and I don't eat huge amounts of processed junk. I can afford to eat out every once in a while. I think a lot of it is just learning to let go. No one can be perfect, and fortunately, the human body is pretty resilient. A few slices of pizza every once in a while is not likely to give you heart disease. It's when you're eating a pizza 5 days a week that it gets bad. It's really just about using common sense.
 
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Well said, well said.....

spicypumpkin said:
What I'm trying to do now, is just eat. Eat when I'm hungry, eat a reasonable amount, and stop when my body says that I absolutely cannot eat another bite. I also let myself eat out at my favorite fast food place, panda express, once a week. It does too things, it gives me the extra calories that I need, and it lets me enjoy some really tasty food. I've learned not to feel bad about it because I know that overall, I'm a really healthy person. I exercise like I'm supposed to and I don't eat huge amounts of processed junk. I can afford to eat out every once in a while. I think a lot of it is just learning to let go. No one can be perfect, and fortunately, the human body is pretty resilient. A few slices of pizza every once in a while is not likely to give you heart disease. It's when you're eating a pizza 5 days a week that it gets bad. It's really just about using common sense.
Click to expand...

What a great post! Nicely put spicy!
 
spicypumpkin said:
Maybe some advice from a different perspective will do you some good.

I too have been obsessed with trying to gain weight. I'm just naturally skinny. I found this site and picked up some info, but a lot of it, I just took too seriously. Yeah, it's great to try and eat "clean" all of the time. It also feels good to count all of your calories. The underlying thing is that it feeds the thing inside of you that craves control. I think a lot of body image problems come from deep rooted control issues. If you feel out of control in other places in life, you try to seek control in building the perfect body.

Now, I congratulate you on recognizing that you have a problem and taking action to get healthier physically. The thing is, you can't just change the routine, and become controlling in the opposite way. If you were controlling what you were eating in order to lose a huge amount of weight, using the same desire for control to gain it back isn't going to heal the hurt inside of you. There comes a point when you have to realize that it's not about the weight. It's about you, and how you deal with anything in life that stresses you.

Now, I think the reason these "cheat" meals are bothering you so much is because you're still trying to be in complete control of yourself and the foods that you eat. The fact of the matter is, eating a bunch of food will help you gain weight. But you seem to feel that "letting go" and eating for fun or comfort is ruining your plan because you don't feel like you're controlling every bite you put in. Basically, you're still thinking like an anorexic, but you're just trying to gain weight.

Now there are people that will tell you you have to gain weight in a certain way. They'll say you have to count calories, and record everything you eat. Now I think, for a recovering anorexic, that is the worst possible advice. I really think you need to work on your emotions first. Forget about the food for a while. Don't count calories, don't record what you eat. Don't try to eat more or less. Just listen to your body for a while, and see where you are. I think some counseling might also help for you. The people on this forum are certainly well intentioned, and many of us try our hardest to give the best advice, but very few of us are trained counselors. So, if you feel comfortable, look in to finding a counselor that specializes in eating disorders.

Now anyway, back to my story. I found this forum. Followed a lot of this advice, and tried to eat clean and count calories. It was a disaster. I felt terrible about eating anything that wasn't "clean" and I felt terrible when I couldn't get enough calories. I ended up losing more weight from the discouragement. Counting calories works for a lot of people who need the structure. But for people with too much structure or too much of a desire for it, counting calories can be torture.

What I'm trying to do now, is just eat. Eat when I'm hungry, eat a reasonable amount, and stop when my body says that I absolutely cannot eat another bite. I also let myself eat out at my favorite fast food place, panda express, once a week. It does two things, it gives me the extra calories that I need, and it lets me enjoy some really tasty food. I've learned not to feel bad about it because I know that overall, I'm a really healthy person. I exercise like I'm supposed to and I don't eat huge amounts of processed junk. I can afford to eat out every once in a while. I think a lot of it is just learning to let go. No one can be perfect, and fortunately, the human body is pretty resilient. A few slices of pizza every once in a while is not likely to give you heart disease. It's when you're eating a pizza 5 days a week that it gets bad. It's really just about using common sense.
Click to expand...

Great post !

+ rep
 
spicypumpkin said:
Maybe some advice from a different perspective will do you some good.

I too have been obsessed with trying to gain weight. I'm just naturally skinny. I found this site and picked up some info, but a lot of it, I just took too seriously. Yeah, it's great to try and eat "clean" all of the time. It also feels good to count all of your calories. The underlying thing is that it feeds the thing inside of you that craves control. I think a lot of body image problems come from deep rooted control issues. If you feel out of control in other places in life, you try to seek control in building the perfect body.

Now, I congratulate you on recognizing that you have a problem and taking action to get healthier physically. The thing is, you can't just change the routine, and become controlling in the opposite way. If you were controlling what you were eating in order to lose a huge amount of weight, using the same desire for control to gain it back isn't going to heal the hurt inside of you. There comes a point when you have to realize that it's not about the weight. It's about you, and how you deal with anything in life that stresses you.

Now, I think the reason these "cheat" meals are bothering you so much is because you're still trying to be in complete control of yourself and the foods that you eat. The fact of the matter is, eating a bunch of food will help you gain weight. But you seem to feel that "letting go" and eating for fun or comfort is ruining your plan because you don't feel like you're controlling every bite you put in. Basically, you're still thinking like an anorexic, but you're just trying to gain weight.

Now there are people that will tell you you have to gain weight in a certain way. They'll say you have to count calories, and record everything you eat. Now I think, for a recovering anorexic, that is the worst possible advice. I really think you need to work on your emotions first. Forget about the food for a while. Don't count calories, don't record what you eat. Don't try to eat more or less. Just listen to your body for a while, and see where you are. I think some counseling might also help for you. The people on this forum are certainly well intentioned, and many of us try our hardest to give the best advice, but very few of us are trained counselors. So, if you feel comfortable, look in to finding a counselor that specializes in eating disorders.

Now anyway, back to my story. I found this forum. Followed a lot of this advice, and tried to eat clean and count calories. It was a disaster. I felt terrible about eating anything that wasn't "clean" and I felt terrible when I couldn't get enough calories. I ended up losing more weight from the discouragement. Counting calories works for a lot of people who need the structure. But for people with too much structure or too much of a desire for it, counting calories can be torture.

What I'm trying to do now, is just eat. Eat when I'm hungry, eat a reasonable amount, and stop when my body says that I absolutely cannot eat another bite. I also let myself eat out at my favorite fast food place, panda express, once a week. It does two things, it gives me the extra calories that I need, and it lets me enjoy some really tasty food. I've learned not to feel bad about it because I know that overall, I'm a really healthy person. I exercise like I'm supposed to and I don't eat huge amounts of processed junk. I can afford to eat out every once in a while. I think a lot of it is just learning to let go. No one can be perfect, and fortunately, the human body is pretty resilient. A few slices of pizza every once in a while is not likely to give you heart disease. It's when you're eating a pizza 5 days a week that it gets bad. It's really just about using common sense.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your reply, spicy. This was probably the most helpful advice I have ever received from anyone.

To start, I would like to say that I don't feel "restricted" by counting my calories. Of course, I did before when I restricted myself to 1000k a day but I didn't care then. Others gave me similar advice to stop counting for a while and see what happens. I did and it was a disaster. I ate too much of the wrong stuff and felt like crap because I did not know if I had the right macro nutrient balance or even enough calories. As a result, my workouts suffered because I thought I was wasting my time.

You are right about the cheats, though. In the entire time I have included these "cheats" I think I only had one "good" day which was my first. I counted all my cheat calories and just paid no attention to macros. However, on the next few I stopped counting and just used it as an excuse to eat irresponsibly. That would be in the form of eating 6 bagels or vacuuming back an entire large pizza and carrying the bad habits on for the rest of the day. That became a habit for a week and I suffered the consequences.

Recently, I am still having trouble with it. I don't really crave cheat foods but it just seems to be a massive amount of food that I crave. I'm down to three, high calorie/cheat days now but I'm still frustrated with myself. Oh well, time will tell.

Thank you again, spicy :)
 
It seems your problem though is an inner conflict. You are having an odd system of reward and punishment. It seems you reward yourself with "cheats" then punish yourself with "junk." Remove this system of reward and punishment. It also seems you have a list of "good" and "bad" food. It seems like when you have a case of "bad" food, you punish yourself. Then when you have a case of "good" food, you "reward" yourself with "bad" food - ie you have yourself a "cheat" meal.

Ask yourself why do you have this system of good and bad food? You're only limiting it by your own artificial standards.

Of course paying attention to your diet is important. However, when you create an artificial reward/punishment system, you create an illusion that your diet must be perfect or else. Counting calories is not for everyone. It seems in your case, you reward yourself by counting calories, then punish yourself when you're not.

I think you should talk it out with a family member. However, sometimes family members have a hard time understanding your problem. They might tell you to walk it off or that you worry too much, but then it will become an even bigger problem when no one acknowledges your problem. Of course, finding a solution will be hard. I think the very best thing to do is seek someone to talk it out. You might respond well to a group of people you can talk face to face who had similar problems.

I also agree with Spicy. You should talk to someone who understands these type of problems. You might find it very well to go there. You can also try tape recording your thoughts. Then play it back a few days later and laugh at how ridiculous you sound like. I tried that one day, and I laughed at myself. I was pretty angry with something, then I talked it out on the computer recorder, and replayed it a few days later and laughed at how ridiculous I sounded. Sometimes you just don't know how silly something is until you look at it again in a few days or hours.
 
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Dallen said:
It seems your problem though is an inner conflict. You are having an odd system of reward and punishment. It seems you reward yourself with "cheats" then punish yourself with "junk." Remove this system of reward and punishment. It also seems you have a list of "good" and "bad" food. It seems like when you have a case of "bad" food, you punish yourself. Then when you have a case of "good" food, you "reward" yourself with "bad" food - ie you have yourself a "cheat" meal.

Ask yourself why do you have this system of good and bad food? You're only limiting it by your own artificial standards.

Of course paying attention to your diet is important. However, when you create an artificial reward/punishment system, you create an illusion that your diet must be perfect or else. Counting calories is not for everyone. It seems in your case, you reward yourself by counting calories, then punish yourself when you're not.

I think you should talk it out with a family member. However, sometimes family members have a hard time understanding your problem. They might tell you to walk it off or that you worry too much, but then it will become an even bigger problem when no one acknowledges your problem. Of course, finding a solution will be hard. I think the very best thing to do is seek someone to talk it out. You might respond well to a group of people you can talk face to face who had similar problems.

I also agree with Spicy. You should talk to someone who understands these type of problems. You might find it very well to go there. You can also try tape recording your thoughts. Then play it back a few days later and laugh at how ridiculous you sound like. I tried that one day, and I laughed at myself. I was pretty angry with something, then I talked it out on the computer recorder, and replayed it a few days later and laughed at how ridiculous I sounded. Sometimes you just don't know how silly something is until you look at it again in a few days or hours.
Click to expand...

I see what you mean. I have since given up on eating anything ridiculous or processed for the simple fact that I do not enjoy it anymore. You are right, I was rewarding myself with "bad" food and then repeating the cycle all over again. I seem to have this system of good and bad food because of my goals (primarlly being lean mass gains). "Bad" food is classified is something that will not help that goal and "good" food will.

I still don't think that I'm punishing or rewarding myself by counting calories. I think of it as a tool to help me, nothing more.

I've also talked to some of my family. I've asked them to watch me and make sure that I'm not going overboard with anything I eat. Sometimes, they can't tell when I'm binging though as some of my meals are larger. If they only knew....

I've been to an ED dietitian when I was anorexic and all that happened was she weighed me and threw a recipe book in my face that was full of sh*t calorie dense food. Her advice was to eat 4000k per day minimum and NO exercise. Of course I did not follow that and gained the weight back slowly and ended up looking much better.

However, I think I'll take up your suggestion on an audio diary to keep perspective on things. That may help a lot.

These responses are overwhelmingly good. I never expected this much. :)

Thanks Dallen
 
Safeboy43 said:
Thanks for your reply, spicy. This was probably the most helpful advice I have ever received from anyone.

To start, I would like to say that I don't feel "restricted" by counting my calories. Of course, I did before when I restricted myself to 1000k a day but I didn't care then. Others gave me similar advice to stop counting for a while and see what happens. I did and it was a disaster. I ate too much of the wrong stuff and felt like crap because I did not know if I had the right macro nutrient balance or even enough calories. As a result, my workouts suffered because I thought I was wasting my time.

You are right about the cheats, though. In the entire time I have included these "cheats" I think I only had one "good" day which was my first. I counted all my cheat calories and just paid no attention to macros. However, on the next few I stopped counting and just used it as an excuse to eat irresponsibly. That would be in the form of eating 6 bagels or vacuuming back an entire large pizza and carrying the bad habits on for the rest of the day. That became a habit for a week and I suffered the consequences.

Recently, I am still having trouble with it. I don't really crave cheat foods but it just seems to be a massive amount of food that I crave. I'm down to three, high calorie/cheat days now but I'm still frustrated with myself. Oh well, time will tell.

Thank you again, spicy :)
Click to expand...



I'm glad you found my advice helpful. One thing I'm seeing is that you're placing A LOT of emphasis on you calories/macro nutrient ratios. I understand what you're trying to do, but I think this may just be another symptom of the original eating disorder. Like I said, it's not about the food, it's about your own desire to have control over what you put in your body. You really don't need to know your exact macro nutrient ratio. You just need to use common sense when you eat.

The problem with precisely counting everything is that you feel terrible when you don't meet a certain guideline. Like I said, the body is resilient. You're not going to become obese or get heart disease if you eat a little more fat one day than you think you're supposed to. And if you get into a regular healthy routine, you won't need to depend on calorie counting to be sure you've eating the right amount. Ideally, you want to be able to eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full and maintain a healthy weight. Right now, you're not on track to that. You are strictly recording everything you eat, giving yourself these "cheat" meals, and beating yourself up over it. I think this is only stressing you out and making you feel worse about yourself.

My recommendation would be, get rid of these "cheat" meals. If you feel like eating something tasty, go ahead and eat it, but don't call it a "cheat" meal. Make it a part of your every day diet. And because calorie counting borders on obsessive behaviour, I would strongly recommend that you refrain from it for a while. It may be painful at first, but that's the addiction to control speaking. It really is like coming off of a drug. What you can do, is determine a routine of what and how much to eat that will leave a margin of error for you to meet your caloric needs. Remember, it doesn't have to be exact. Just determine that sensible amount of food. The margin of error should make up for days when you don't eat enough or eat a little more than planned. This is different from calorie counting in that it does not have to be exact. Before humans even knew what calories were, we managed to survive in the wild. And, we didn't always eat the same amount every day. Some days were good hunting days, and other days weren't. You don't need to get the exact number of calories every day. Trying to do it will end up stressing you out.

Okay, so once you have set up these ROUGH guidelines. Stick to it for 2 weeks. Don't count calories. It should be unnecessary since you've already planned out your meals. After 2 weeks, see how you feel. If you're still craving that control, just stick with it. Ideally, you want to be able to eat, be healthy, stress free and happy.
 
spicypumpkin said:
I'm glad you found my advice helpful. One thing I'm seeing is that you're placing A LOT of emphasis on you calories/macro nutrient ratios. I understand what you're trying to do, but I think this may just be another symptom of the original eating disorder. Like I said, it's not about the food, it's about your own desire to have control over what you put in your body. You really don't need to know your exact macro nutrient ratio. You just need to use common sense when you eat.

The problem with precisely counting everything is that you feel terrible when you don't meet a certain guideline. Like I said, the body is resilient. You're not going to become obese or get heart disease if you eat a little more fat one day than you think you're supposed to. And if you get into a regular healthy routine, you won't need to depend on calorie counting to be sure you've eating the right amount. Ideally, you want to be able to eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full and maintain a healthy weight. Right now, you're not on track to that. You are strictly recording everything you eat, giving yourself these "cheat" meals, and beating yourself up over it. I think this is only stressing you out and making you feel worse about yourself.

My recommendation would be, get rid of these "cheat" meals. If you feel like eating something tasty, go ahead and eat it, but don't call it a "cheat" meal. Make it a part of your every day diet. And because calorie counting borders on obsessive behaviour, I would strongly recommend that you refrain from it for a while. It may be painful at first, but that's the addiction to control speaking. It really is like coming off of a drug. What you can do, is determine a routine of what and how much to eat that will leave a margin of error for you to meet your caloric needs. Remember, it doesn't have to be exact. Just determine that sensible amount of food. The margin of error should make up for days when you don't eat enough or eat a little more than planned. This is different from calorie counting in that it does not have to be exact. Before humans even knew what calories were, we managed to survive in the wild. And, we didn't always eat the same amount every day. Some days were good hunting days, and other days weren't. You don't need to get the exact number of calories every day. Trying to do it will end up stressing you out.

Okay, so once you have set up these ROUGH guidelines. Stick to it for 2 weeks. Don't count calories. It should be unnecessary since you've already planned out your meals. After 2 weeks, see how you feel. If you're still craving that control, just stick with it. Ideally, you want to be able to eat, be healthy, stress free and happy.
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Thank you again for the advice, spicy. You're right, calorie counting is a somewhat obsessive behavior but for people using it, it sometimes has to be a controlled obsession (not implying that's me or anything).

I'm still very uneasy forgoing it all together. It's not that I feel more in control but just that I am getting enough to not be wasting my time up in the gym and other activities. I've gained a lot of hard earned muscle and I don't want to lose it.

Take an example from me:
Two friends call me and say they're going on a 4 hour speed hike tomorrow. I can either say ok and quickly punch approx. how many calories I'm going to burn and eat accordingly the next day or....

Guess how much and risk losing more weight and working against myself in the gym that day.


I'll say I found myself in this situation a couple months ago. I had to consume nearly 4000 calories that day! I never would have guessed I had to eat that much if I had not been counting.

There are many posts around here relating to post workout nutrition, getting enough calories for the day and things like that. That's kind of where I'm coming from.

Yes, I do want to be stress free and happy and the only time I am stressed and unhappy is when I go astray from where I should be. I thought that would be a natural thing but perhaps not.

Recently, if I have a day where I feel like eating more, I just have what I want and count it in. Counting it in helps me feel accountable to what I am doing as opposed to the few days where I threw the calories out the window. A few weeks ago, I would eat a huge amount of food and say, "Whatever, I'm not counting today" and keep eating. Now, I can say ",Okay, I ate 500k over my goal, I think that's enough."

That was my plan overall,

Please keep in mind that my goal is not to argue for the hell of it. Just trying to show my perspective. :)

Best Reguards
 
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