Happy and Healthy

So...my food was pretty good today until about hmm 6? Lol

Today:
Breakfast
1 cup nonfat yogurt w/peaches: 165
1 granola bar: 140
Diet Sprite
snack:
Coffee cake:200
Lunch:
1 chicken chipotle sub: 395
Carrots and Celery w/dill dip: 200
unsweetened iced tea: 0
Dinner (This is where it went all down hill)
5 Jalapeno poppers: 350
1 roast beef sandwich w/cheese: 440
1 fry: 340
1 Diet Dr. Pepper
dessert:
1 small heath blizzard: 600 :cuss: (went out for ice cream w/the boyfriend)
Water
Total: 2,830...soooo defintely like 1,300 over---defintely eating light tommorow!
 
So spring break has defintely been a little busier than I thought-but thats ok because Ive been able to see my boyfriend everyday since I've been home. YesterdayI went and got my hair re-highlighted and my eyebrows waxed which was long overdue! It felt nice to get it redone and just relax. Then I went and got a quick dinner at Jimmy Johns and went over to the b/fs house after he got back from class. We ate dinner together and then we actually went to Best Buy and bought Guitar Hero 4 lol the drum set and everything, and we pretty much spent the rest of the night playing haha. I tried playing the drums but it was hard so I sang lol which was equally as bad-but it was still fun. We took turns switching off the guitar. We then laid down to watch some tv around 11:45 ( he didnt have class til 2:30 today) so we had a late night, but I was so exhausted I ended up falling asleep til like 1:15 and then he kicked me out lol. Which was good cuz his bed isnt very big and he needs his rest!

Tonight,Im sure I'll hang out with him again--my other friends arent home yet and dont have spring break at this time, so I think were going to go to a movie and dinner or something, so that should be fun. I think we're seeing Watchmen. Then tommorow I might be having lunch with 2 of my friends, and later that night Im being introduced to my b/fs other friends at a LAN party, because theyve all wanted to me me lol. So that should be interesting as well. Other than that, I havent really had time to just veg out at home which makes me a little sad, but it'll prolly happen on Sunday or Monday. My mom wants to go computer shopping and bedding browsing one of those days so hopefully it wont take all day.

I got a new shipment from Macys today which always makes me excited! I had to order a few things: Clinique-eye make up remover, new perfume: Tommy Hilfiger- dreaming *soo yummy*, I also got a magic bullet thing to make protein shakes it was on sale for $26!, then I got a northface fleece zip up, some new stud earrings, and a pair of really cute suede moccasin flats.

Food yesterday wasnt too great--but i was down this morning (according to my parents scale which weighs a little lighter than mine) My diet consisted of a lot of girlscout cookies, 1 serving of egg noodles w/cream of mushroom soup, 1 jimmy johns turkey sandwich, 1/2 bag of chips and diet soda.

Today I woke up around 11:30 since I had such a late night, but all Ive eaten so far is 1 piece of toast w/jelly and a small handful of chocolate peanuts and a diet pepsi. I'll prolly dig around in our freezer for a lean cuisne or something later. But right now Im not so hungry :)

I also forgot to add! I ordered All American Reject tickets today! They have been my favorite band since I was like 14--so im supe excited the concert is April 13th--so I def have something to look forward too! YAYYY

So far:
1 piece of toast w/jelly
small handful of chocolate covered peanuts
lunch:
1 stouffers panini - 370
1 homeade smoothie (1/2 banana, 1/2 cup frozen peaches, 1/4 cup blueberries, 1/2 cup skim milk) = about 150 (it was delicious!)
thin mint girl scout cookies
 
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I'm glad you're getting to see your boyfriend!! That's exciting!! Boo for your friends not having the same spring break, I think they all should be at once!
 
Sooo the night with the boyfriend didn't exactly go welll...I am completely frustrated and upset, and it’s all very embarassing-and I just don't know what to do. I can't even call my friends and tell them what happened because I’m just ashamed.

**This parts a little explicit--so sorry if it offends anyone**
So here it is, I went over to his house around 8ish. (*side note, we hadn't seen each other in over a month before Wed, and wed and thurs I saw him for a couple hours and nothing physical went down) Everything was fine when I got there we hung out played guitar hero watched some TV etc. I had tried especially hard to look cute tonight, because I figured since it was Friday it was supposed to be kind of a date night whatever--so afterwards we’re laying in his bed watching a movie and kind of kissing etc. and one thing leads to another and we start having sex, I get on top and as things are going along, I can't help but notice he looks just completely detached, no passion, no lust--nothing. His arms were lying on his sides, eyes closed, not a sound coming from him, and it looked to me like he’d rather be sleeping....

Well, to me I felt like a charity case I didn’t even know what to do, I felt upset so there was no way that I was going to continue having sex with him like that. So I stopped and ask him if something’s wrong, and he says no...Then I tell him he looks rather bored, and he proceeds to roll his eyes and look away. So I get up off of him and he starts putting his pants on, so I get dressed and go into the bathroom to try to recollect myself and assess the situation. I was in there for about 5 minutes and came back. I again probed if there was something wrong, but it was such an awkward situation that he would hardly answer me and I didn’t want to get angry or say the wrong thing since it’s a touchy subject none the less. So I just sat on his bed for a while hoping that he would ask whets going on, so he didn’t then after a while I asked if he wanted me to leave and he replied with a “maybe” which was a kick in the ass enough to get me to go. So I got off the bed quickly picked up my purse put on my jacket and walked upstairs, he followed me, gave me a quick kiss on the lips and then I left.

I was heartbroken; I got in my car and wanted to cry. I’m just so confused and sexually frustrated. So I got about 5 minutes away and trying to suck up my tears I realized that my car was out of gas so I stop and fill up my car then when I’m driving away I decided to call my b/f because I have to know what the hell is happening. I ask him what’s going on and he said he doesn’t know, and I explained to him how I felt. I asked if it was something I was doing wrong and he said it wasn’t and he just wasn’t “in the mood” –then I replied, asking him if he even liked having sex with me anymore (this seems over the top but it’s been brought up before) so I pretty much got nowhere with the conversation and after about 2 minutes I apologized for making the situation awkward and hung up. I’m supposed to hang out with him tomorrow and go to a party, but as it stands right now I’m way too embarrassed to do anything with him anytime soon.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years, and we’ve pretty much been sexually active since we were both 15. Things have always been great between us physically. I mean he was always ready and willing to get physical and I’ve always been more than happy to oblige. But recently maybe in the past year or so, I feel like having sex with me for him has become a chore, it makes me so upset. I feel like I’m dysfunctional, as if there’s something wrong with me. I don’t know if he’s not attracted to me anymore or if he truly just doesn’t like sex. I’m so at a loss, and I’m upset and just sad. I and my boyfriend have always had a lot of rocks in our relationship and this just seems like the straw that’s going to break the camel’s back.

I’m sorry about this entry its rather explicit, but I just don’t know who to go to or what else to say. I felt so out of control and ashamed about myself that I proceeded to go into my bathroom when I get home and purged my dinner that I had eaten around 8. I relapsed. I know I shouldn’t have but I did, and now I’m definitely slipping on an already slippery slope.
I have to get up early tomorrow and go out to breakfast with some friends; hopefully I can get through it without breaking down…..
Until next time.
 
So after a long sleepless, tear filled night--I woke up this morning hoping last night was just a bad dream, but none the less it wasn't. I talked to my friend online this morning from school and looked at the situation a littlemore in depth. I feel a little petty for what happened, so when my friend came to pick me up to go out to lunch and shopping with my 2 other friends, I texted my boyfriend apologizing. He apologized as well, and he told me that he was sorry for how he acted and that next time things will be better, and he added an "I promise" and for me to hear him say that is really nice, because hes very particular on his word and he doesn't say anything unless he means it. So I believe him. Other than that I haven't talked to him today, hes been at work.

Im a little tired and a little embarassed for how i acted last night, when I sensed a lack of control. So Im trying to resume my activities for today as normal. I do notice that I have a headache which is probably from the purging, and I feel a little weak. But hopefully it won't have to happen anytime soon again.

Today Ive eaten:
Lunch-
1 bowl of broccoli cheese soup-250
1 salad- 150
10 grapes- 55
Snack-
Handful of chocolate covered peanuts: 210
1 piece of buttered toast: 110
Dinner-
1 lean cuisine panini- 360
1 bowl of steamed veggies - 60
1/2 smoothie-75
Total: Around 1,270
 
I don't know whats wrong with me, my boyfriend and I made up, but I still feel very hurt from the situation. I cried all last night, and when he called me after he got off work to go to the party with his friends I declined, telling him that I wasn't in he mood to go out. I just felt utterly miserable last night. I ended up purging again, because it helped me take my mind off of things for all of a couple of minutes. Then I took 6 sleeping pills (over the counter, not very strong) so I could just go to bed and not have to think about things. Im so mad at myself for doing it, but I just don't know how to cope with this feeling of rejection and loathing. I know I just need to pick myself up slap myself across the face and move on. But Im just having a lot of issues right now, and its defintely not going well.

My weight has stayed the same--probably as a punishment, Im expecting my period in a few days. But im still trying to eat as I normally would and not let the purging get in the way. 2 slip ups dont have to wreck my recovery completely and Im trying to not let it.

I hope today goes better. Nothing to eat yet.
 
Well I finally ate :)
Breakfast:
1 eggie in a basket = 255
1 peach protein shake = 190
10 chocolate covered peanuts = 100
Snack:
6 thin mints-240
Lunch:
1/2 turkey sandwich-260
Cheez Its- 200
Dinner:
Sesame Chicken*
Fried Rice*
Crab Rangoons*
Egg Roll*
Dessert: Chocolate chip cookies*
Total so far: Way over...
Also I added some photos to my profile:

Weight Loss Forum - Mad4Chillas's Album: Me right now and Through the Years :)

Also I took my stats as well *Because Im bored* Haha
Bust- 36''
Waist-33''
Hips- 41''

I would like to reduce all my stats (goal someday :))
Bust-34
Waist-28
Hips0 34-35

But good news is, according to my log Ive been keep Im down about 7.6 lbs from one week ago, yay :)
Hopefully I can reach my mini goal in another week--5 more lbs!
 
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Not much has happened today, or yesterday in fact. I was pretty much home a lone all day yesterday and I went to Target bought some movies (Heathers, Trainspotting, and Brokeback mountain) and nailpolish and diet coke haha. Then I got chinese food. I still havent had a very long talk with my boyfriend yet, but he said that we could talk today--we might hang out today. So Im sure things will get resolved, I hope. Down 2lbs this morning. Still have yet to get my period...my mom brought me home taco bell but I dont have much of an appetite...

Edited later---
Im glad to say I finally feel a little back to normal :) Made up with the boyfriend, had a nice night out and in with him ;) And it just feels nice to come home tired and feeling overall satisfied about the day after a few shitty ones. No purging today--yay! Minor achievement :)

Food wasn't super amazing (all my food was eaten out tnight) but even tho its monday I feel like it was my Friday since my Friday was a disaster.

Today:
lunch-
3/4 chicken quesidilla-390
1 chili cheese buritto- 370
diet coke: 0
Dinner-
3 boneless honey bbq chicken wings-240
1/2 serving of chicken penne pasta-500
water w/lemon-0
dessert-
teeny malt cup w/a little baby brownie :p -200?
totals: Around 1,700 (Im guessing on my dinner and dessert because I dont actually have the calorie count)

*not fabulous but im in an alright range, so im relatively happy*
 
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I was unable to weigh myself this morning, because I slept over at my b/fs house last night, but my food was pretty bad so im sure I was probably up or the same as yesterday, I'll give my body the benefit of the doubt and say I was the same. Tonight my sister and her b/f got into town so were all going out to dinner, I dont know where but hopefully I'll be able to do alright.

I have a lab report due for my sensory class at midnight tonight--boo even though its spring break I still have hw (WTF?!) and I have a practice take home test for my counseling class due next Tuesday. So Im going to try and not distract myself with tivoed episodes of you are what you eat, computer games or my favorite new website:

Not much has happened, I ate at BK for lunch (bad idea but i was hungry and im on my period---yes im using a scapegoat) But whatcha gunna do...
until next time :willy_nilly:
 
Mad4Chillas said:
Not much has happened, I ate at BK for lunch (bad idea but i was hungry and im on my period---yes im using a scapegoat) But whatcha gunna do...
until next time :willy_nilly:
Click to expand...

Ah, everyone needs a scapegoat sometimes ;)

:)
Thanks for stopping by my journal!

I appreciate your concern. I kind of lapsed for a little bit there, but (hopefully) I'm back on track.

:) <3 Hope you can conquer this PMS and not let yourself get off track!

<3Annie
 
Hey Annie! I thought I had lost you haha, but glad to see your giving it another shot :)

Tonight we went to the Olive Garden with my sister her boyfriend and my parents. I am ashamed to say I ate quite a lot. I had 2 servings of salad, 1 breadstick, 1/3 of "The Tour of italy" and like 1/2 piece of cheesecake, and 2 lemoncello sodas. I hadn't eaten much today so I guess it was alright, but Im nervous what the scale might say tommorow!

Other than that, I did my homework and pretty much just hung out all day.
 
Mad4Chillas said:
Tonight we went to the Olive Garden with my sister her boyfriend and my parents. I am ashamed to say I ate quite a lot. I had 2 servings of salad, 1 breadstick, 1/3 of "The Tour of italy" and like 1/2 piece of cheesecake, and 2 lemoncello sodas. I hadn't eaten much today so I guess it was alright, but Im nervous what the scale might say tommorow!
Click to expand...

Well, I gotta say you did pretty well. I think even when I'm on track, I would definitely decimate that tour of italy. I always have more than one breadstick, too. :p

:) Thanks for the welcome back. I'm glad someone missed me :)

:leaving:
<3
 
Thanks Annie for stopping by again--its really nice to have someone reading my journals even if sometimes they are utterly boring :)

Today Ive decided to try and eat good--> well at least for the morning, I promised I'd make my boyfriend dinner tonight "Mariah Chicken and Rice and Egg Rolls" which is my take on Sesame Chicken, but he absoloutely adores it. The only problem is, the chicken is fried, but a promise is a promise...so I must.

Breakfast/Lunch:
1 Protein Shake (Blueberrys, Peaches, P.Powder, Skim milk) = 205
2 scrambeled eggs w/onion and cheese = 250
1 piece of toast w/ 1 tsp butter = 130
1 Diet. Dr Pepper= 0
Total = 585

I definetly plan to clean for man tonight, so lets hope I burns some calories! Oh and down 1lb today, so m ticker is right on.
 
Mad4Chillas said:
Thanks Annie for stopping by again--its really nice to have someone reading my journals even if sometimes they are utterly boring :)

Today Ive decided to try and eat good--> well at least for the morning, I promised I'd make my boyfriend dinner tonight "Mariah Chicken and Rice and Egg Rolls" which is my take on Sesame Chicken, but he absoloutely adores it. The only problem is, the chicken is fried, but a promise is a promise...so I must.

Breakfast/Lunch:
1 Protein Shake (Blueberrys, Peaches, P.Powder, Skim milk) = 205
2 scrambeled eggs w/onion and cheese = 250
1 piece of toast w/ 1 tsp butter = 130
1 Diet. Dr Pepper= 0
Total = 585

I definetly plan to clean for man tonight, so lets hope I burns some calories! Oh and down 1lb today, so m ticker is right on.
Click to expand...

Well you did pretty well in the am... I know you'll be able to exercise self-discipline and willpower with the chicken. Sounds like you're eating pretty well! Way to go!

Yay on the loss! I'm back down to 178-- I'm so happy! :D

:) I like people reading my journal too, it keeps me writing.

:)<3I wish you the best of luck with that chicken tonight! Don't forget to enjoy it... but not too much! haha
<3:conehead:Annie
 
Ah! so here is your diary! i wasn't sure whether you had one!!! Thanks so much for showing support to my *newbie* diary, I will definitely come back..it sounds like you got alot going on! with the boyfriend and all! Your foods look sooo good, and you've lost 7 lbs so far? gosh! good job!
 
The night with the b.f. went well I made some delicious sesame chicken with rice anddd I made homeade egg rolls and they were yummy! I kept asking my b/f if he liked them and when he did I got really excited cuz hes a super picky eater, so I knew i must of done good!

Food for today:
Earlier calories -585
snack:
1/2 cup ice cream w/brownie- 270
dinner:
1/2 cup white rice-95
1 fried chicken breast- 455
1.5 egg rolls- 225
sesame sauce- 80
dessert:
1 cup samoa ice cream-240
Total = around 1,930 (Not the best, but I knew it was gunna be a little high)

But I cleaned for about 2 hours today, re-organized my room, scrubbed the chinchilla cage and vaccuumed like a mad woman so hopefully I burned some cals :)
 
Mad4Chillas said:
The night with the b.f. went well I made some delicious sesame chicken with rice anddd I made homeade egg rolls and they were yummy! I kept asking my b/f if he liked them and when he did I got really excited cuz hes a super picky eater, so I knew i must of done good!

Food for today:
Earlier calories -585
snack:
1/2 cup ice cream w/brownie- 270
dinner:
1/2 cup white rice-95
1 fried chicken breast- 455
1.5 egg rolls- 225
sesame sauce- 80
dessert:
1 cup samoa ice cream-240
Total = around 1,930 (Not the best, but I knew it was gunna be a little high)

But I cleaned for about 2 hours today, re-organized my room, scrubbed the chinchilla cage and vaccuumed like a mad woman so hopefully I burned some cals :)
Click to expand...

I think you did pretty well! You probably did burn quite a few cals! I think you should be proud that you didn't lose control. Fantastic!! :hurray:

Awesome! Yay Mariah!!

<3Annie
 
Mini Plateau!

So today I am yet again the same weight, but my parents scale is so wonky, that Im starting to get paranoid. I know that it weighs slightly less than my scale at my apartment, but its like I have to step on it 5 times in order to ensure an accurate reading. I really want to lose 3 lbs by monday, because thats one of my mini goalas but I just dont know if thats gunna happen--im going to try my damndest to make it happen though. Then I will be at 10lb loss after my stupid months long slip-up.

I so dont want to be a chubster on my 21st birthday and I want to be able to wear a cute jean skirt and a strappy tank top, and not be self-concious. As of today there is (3 months and 4 days until my Bday) which I would like to be within 10 pounds of my ultimate goal.

So lets kick it into action! As of right now I probably am not going to be working this summer *Bum I know* But am going to technically be a full-time student this summer with online classes and wont have time for much, but a new gym just opened up down the road about 5 minutes away and I think Im going to join that so I can keep up during the summer :)

I would love to buy a piece of gym equipment or something, but alas Im pretty poor. I would love to indulge in some new rollerblades though, I love my bicycle and I just got new golf clubs. So maybe rollerblades and a tennis raquet would be lovely :)

Damn..I wish it was warm out haha *HATE MINNESOTA*

This post really has no point, but I am rather bored lol. I should work on a take home test that i have and some article summarys...but Ive already done 2 assignments on break and that is just 2-too many. ::Sigh:: looks at backpack...

Also, I noticed this morning someone ate my girlscout cookie samoa ice cream! I am mad--I bought it myself, but then again I only had 2 bowls and really..I dont need it but its just the fact that at my parents house i forget the food I buy is pretty much a free-for-all where with my apartment and my roomates my food is mine, and no one else.

Lameeee---

Lunch:
Leftover Olive Garden-
3/4 piece of lasagna
1/2 piece of chicken parmesean
diet dr. pepper
 
My Mother Is Driving Me Insane!

Oh man, I think a week at home has just been a week too long, I am ready to go back to school haha. My mom is driving me nuts!

Yesterday I didnt eat that great...and today hasnt been fabulous yet either, I didnt weigh myself either--yipes, unfortunately I woke up to my mom yelling, because she is an overdramatic drama queen. We're having company again tonight (my mom had friends over last night, and I hermited myself away in my room) and Im glad that I have plans because I dont think I can stand to be around my moms friends again.

Tonight Im going out with a couple of my girl-friends for dinner and a movie and then around 10pm Im going to a party with my boyfriend to meet his friens that I ditched out on last weekend. Hopefully the night goes on without a hitch.


Today Ive had:
1 chicken samich
10 crackers w/cheese
1/2 cup grapes
Diet. Dr Pepper
Snack
1 bowl of ice cream w/brownie and chocolate :drool5:

Wish me luck on the impending events of t onight, because tommorow im heading back to Wisconsin!
 
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