Half of Me:The Story of Fat Girl Slim

ok.

another quick update. i did some reading online about running form, etc and realized that my form most likely was off and could be contributing to some of the issues i have been dealing with - nothing crazy but it needed t be corrected.

tonight i was talking to a friend of mine who suggested that i needed to work on my endurance...said i should try running for maybe 45 minutes or so. i did not think that i could even attempt such a thing (this is me after all) but i dropped my speed to 5.4 and did it. i ran for 60 minutes straight without stopping. 5.4 freaking miles.

just insane.
 
Ali, you consistently amaze me.
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Thanks Trops - I don't know if I earned that or not but I am really happy with what I did. I probably could have done it faster but was cautious since it was my first time.

That's pretty commendable, imo. I couldn't run 60 minutes if you gave me 6 days to do it.
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Randy, I didn't think I could - I am really lucky to have people in my life who constantly question my ability (by assuming I can do more than I do) and push me to do better. I respond to things like that and it shows up in things like this.

I am really happy about it.
 
ali said:
i dropped my speed to 5.4 and did it. i ran for 60 minutes straight without stopping. 5.4 freaking miles.

just insane.
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That's great, Ali! I can't even wrap my mind around that at this point. :) I'm so proud of you! :hurray:

ali.kindacoolforanattorney
 
ali said:
Thanks Ange! I did it and can't believe it. So stupidly ridiculous...

ali.likesbeingthoughtofascoolevenifsheisanattorney
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Amazing what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it. Honestly, it doesn't surprise me that you could do it.
 
Thanks, I have a really nasty habit of thinking I can't, when in reality I can. When I first talked about it I was sure I couldn't do it...once I started running, I knew I could. Funny how that works out sometimes.
 
I have some bad habits, we all do, but one that I have that I find particularly distasteful is my habit of seeing the negative in something before seeing the positive. This has been true with my weight loss, I focus on what I don't have, where I am not or the negative things that have happened to my body. Gotta change that focus. For example:

I am not at my goal weight after almost two years.
This is a learning process and I have suffered some set-backs. I have learned a lot of things that will help me maintain this for the rest of my life. I'm not at my goal weight, but I have lost over 90 pounds.

My stomach is a flabby, droopy, cottage cheese riddled disaster.
It is WAY smaller than it was when I started this thing. What do you expect, really? It was flabby and droopy when you were 265, it isn't just magically going to disappear without some sort of intervention. You look great in clothes and for the nekkid part, well you will get there.

My breasts, sadly, are completely shot.
You have done a dramatic thing here - you went from a 44DD to a 38C - what the hell did you think was going to happen? You can wear cute bras now rather than those boulder holders you had and your chest is in much better proportion to your body. Dare I say, you actually look cute. Anyone who sees me nekkid already knows my breasts are shot, so what :D

I can't wear anything tight due to all of the extra skin/fat in my midsection/hip-thigh area.
You are 32. There aren't many occassions where you really need to wear something tight. You know that there is a good chance that you will be getting some sort of corrective surgery at some point and these things can be fixed. I know you want to look 'complete' but geez woman, a little patience here. You don't go from looking like a house to shrinking yourself to a small condo without sustaining some sort of damage to the premesis.

Put like this, I haven't done too badly for myself. All you have to do is look at my befores and my currents and see what I mean. Overall I am happy and when I get frustrated I am trying to remind myself what it is I have really accomplished here.

Work in progress, that's me :)
 
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Run tonight.

After my Wednesday run I went into it tonight with certain expectations.

I need to stop thinking that I have control over this stuff.

I ran 2.83 in 30. Crappy average of 5.6. Had breathing problems and pain that I am pretty sure resulted from the fact that I need new sneakers.

At any rate, I got sufficiently pissed at this crap and ran the last ten minutes at 6.0 for 9 and 6.5 for 1. I mean really, I ran a fricking hour two days ago and I was turning into a quivering blob of fat running 30 min.

It worked but it sucked at the same time. I was tired.

Off to look for new shoes tomorrow :D

Sweaters too - I am so cold anymore...one of the more interesting side effects of losing weight.
 
Ali, I'm glad that you are adding a positive to each thing that you mentioned. I love it. Here are a couple more positives:

You are healthier then you have ever been.

You are a great role model for your daughter as to what a woman can and should be.

You are not allowing yourself to be satisfied with better, you are going for being the best you can. Very commendable.

You don't allow setbacks to derail you.

You are doing great. Here's a pat on the back. :pat:

Don't worry so much about the run tonight. Speed and time it's all changing all the time. Go faster for shorter distances, slower for longer. Keep changing it up and you'll just get better and better.
 
Thanks Trops - I have been feeling reflective lately, maybe it is b/c I am coming up on my 2 year 'anniversary' of all this, I don't know. Maybe it is b/c of the changes I have been experiencing as of late.

I see that I have come so much further, and not just weight-wise, from last November to this November than I did from January of 07 when I started to last November. The person I was last November was very simply, on every level she could be, a smaller, less fat version of myself.

That person is gone and I couldn't be happier.

Ok - off the mushy stuff and onto my latest run.

First off, I ordered a pair of compression shorts, my stomach has a tendency to bounce when I run and my running shorts are no longer doing the job of holding things in place. Any time I run above 6.0 I get nauseous from all of the bouncing. I need new sports bras for a similar reason.

Embarassing, but hey, we're all friends here. If I can't talk about my belly bouncing along like peter-frickin-cottontain here, where can I talk about it?

So, bouncing should be taken care of, I can't wait to see what that does to me in terms of added performance. :D

Now, Sunday I went for a run and I decided to try something new. I am very goal-oriented, normally setting markers for myself and beating them, which is how I keep pushing myself. This time I decided that the only goal I was going to have was that I was going to run for 45 minutes and run well. If I had to do the whole run at 5.4 - so be it. Overall performance was going to be more important here, not just laying it out just to lay it out.

4.37 in 45 minutes, or an average of 10:30 per mile. Now that is a tad deceiving only because I ran my last 15 minutes above 6.0, mostly at 6.2/6.3 which means that I ran a sub-ten minute mile by default.

Pretty cool shit. For the girl who did her first run at 4.8 and wanted to vomit and die (and not necessarily in that order) to get over 6.0 is such a huge achievement for me. I am making great gains and am really starting to enjoy what I am doing (ok, sometimes, not all the time).

I never thought my stubby lil legs could carry me that fast.
 
*Ahem*

ALI!!!!!! Where are you????

Been a month since you posted here sweetie. While I doubt you are backsliding let us know your progress. :)
 
I'm not dead...

At least not yet but it isn't for lack of trying...

December was a tough month for me...since December 11th I have had the following, um, issues...

1 car accident (I rear ended someone in a torrential downpour)
2 falls down a flight of stairs (within three days of each other I think)
1 case of food poisoning
1 sick kid (4 days of fever, ear and throat infections)

Ok so I know it sounds like just a bunch of bullshit excuses but it really wasn't. Combine that with the holidays and you have ali.toobusytogettothegym.

Now, I wasn't happy with this and today is actually my first day that I am going back in probably three weeks. I am scared to death b/c I am fairly certain that it is going to HURT.

But alas, back on the wagon and all that crap. The odd thing is that I didn't give up on eating right but I didn't eat the way I was supposed to, totally inconsistent, etc, and I managed to maintain my weight. I was 171 this morning and have been as low as 169.

I honestly have no idea how that happened.

So I'm here and I'm back and I promise to try to be better...thanks for checking on me Brian, miss you sweetie.
 
169.something this morning...

I went to the gym last night fully prepared to do a full WT routine and an nice stretch of elliptical, got to the gym and am greeted with a sign that says:

ATTENTION, THE GYM IS CLOSING AT 7PM FOR TOWNSHIP REORGINIZATION

It is 5:50 and I still have to drop my daughter off at the daycare and go get changed...crap. So I decide to ditch the WT and get my ass back on the elliptical to break things back in.

Boy was that hard. Forty-five minutes, 5 1/2 miles more or less made for one tired ali. But, as hard as it was, it felt gooooooooooooooooooood. I spent the last 15 minutes trying to hold a conversation with the secretary of one of the judges I regularly appear before (one of those things that can only benefit you) which helped wear me out a little faster, just from the sheer exertion of having to talk and ride.

I am real happy I did it, I wasn't sure what my performance would be like but I was happy to see that my speed was about where I had left it and the level I was last at wasn't significantly harder than I remember. I am going to try to work my way back into some sort of structured eating as well and hopefully this little break will have a positive effect seeing as I managed to maintain things for a bit.

I am planning on going back tonight in the rain and the muck to try to see where I am with the ole WT.

On another note, I keep playing around with the thought of getting another abdominoplasy consultation since it has been almost a year since I last went. I am not down significantly in the weight department, sadly, but I have managed to go from about a size 18 to a 12. My weight, I believe when I last went was about 187 or so and like I said above, I am about 169 now - only 20pounds since last March could be depressing if not for the size drop and the obvious change in my appearance since that time.

My guess is that if I had it now (time off or work and financing notwithstanding) I would easily lose close to 10 pounds and I would bet at least one size. More importantly I would no longer have this part of my body that doesn't look like the rest of it. From my shoulders up and my thighs down I look pretty decent. The middle of my body is a train wreck.

It really is just that I don't know how much more weight I can lose and have the effect show up in that area. It has shrunk significantly (If I had a pair I would post side by side pics b/c I have one from April of last year) it is just this pouch that shows up in everything I wear and I am starting to get tired of it.

The surgeon told me last year to get as close to goal as I can before I do it because there is a chance that if you lose a lot of weight after, it will have the effect of letting the air out of a balloon.

My evaluation point was originally 150 so I have to see if I wait til then (which could be another year) or go now and see what's what.

Lots to think about.
 
ALI!!!!!

Glad to see you still with us. :D Great job on getting to the gym, by the way.

Now, let me see if I got this straight. In the last 9 months, you lost 20 pounds (and that's after losing a shit load before that) dropped 6 dress sizes, ran a 5k, and you are thinking that you didn't do enough, or that your acomplishments are sub par? Girl, you need to let up on yourself some time.
 
Trops said:
ALI!!!!!

Glad to see you still with us. :D Great job on getting to the gym, by the way.

Now, let me see if I got this straight. In the last 9 months, you lost 20 pounds (and that's after losing a shit load before that) dropped 6 dress sizes, ran a 5k, and you are thinking that you didn't do enough, or that your acomplishments are sub par? Girl, you need to let up on yourself some time.
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I never let up on myself...I know that I am too hard that way and I thank you for showing me the light from time to time :)

I did a lot this year, it just isn't reflected on the scale...in some ways that's ok, in another way I had been hoping to be at 'goal' or at least closer to whatever that is...

It's ok - I will get there eventually.

Workouts have been harder lately due to a medication I am on so I am learning to work through that as well.

Always something to learn or push through...guess it will always be a learning process :) I'm ok with that.
 
ali said:
It's ok - I will get there eventually.
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You've come this far, there's no reason to think otherwise. That re-entry step is a mutha, so I've noted, but it all seems to fall back into place rather nicely.

Be nice to yourself or imma sendin' the goons. Ya hear me ??
 
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