Good eats... at least, they once were.

[Ankebuzz]

You don't have to break down and go into a personal crisis before you STOP and DECIDE to take care of yourself, first and foremost. Do things you know make you feel better, make a POINT of scheduling them into your day.

... I also remember depression now and then... Just remember that it goes away too, but you HAVE TO stay positive about it!

Sending lots of hugs!!!

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

You don't have to break down and go into a personal crisis before you STOP and DECIDE to take care of yourself, first and foremost. Do things you know make you feel better, make a POINT of scheduling them into your day.

... I also remember depression now and then... Just remember that it goes away too, but you HAVE TO stay positive about it!

Sending lots of hugs!!!

Yeah. I've kind of been floundering today, ate a lot of shit... I woke up at 10:00 and came downstairs and basically slept and ate junk food until 3:30, when I got up and took my shower and my mom came home.

I can't really think of too many things that I can say actually makes me feel happier... I pretty much have the internet, and the treadmill... and I just can't find motivation for the treadmill when I'm so down.

I'm writing a speech and a paper, both on mental disorders. I'm having trouble with my school's research tool. It seems to be going really slow, but I don't know if it's just my computer.

Meh, I'm feeling a little better. Being around people seems to make me happier.

Got to go to dinner now.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Ah! Out of my funk! Treadmill last night: 9% incline, 1hr 30min, 648 calories, 3.75 miles, 2.5 mph.

I only ate 1550 cal yesterday, because I was planning to come downstairs and eat a pb&j sandwich, but I ran out of time, because after my shower it was 11:30, and I had to go to bed.

Soooo... still struggling with motivation, but I'm working on it.

mmkay, talk to you guys later...



<3

EDIT: AH! I SAW 179.0 lbs YESTERDAY!!!

 

[douknowjello]

Hey I was just catching up on your journal but so glad to read you're feeling better. I'm all too familiar with depression. I'm not sure what's worse...being so depressed you can't function or being functionally depressed, lol. Sadly there's a bit of relief in being able to crawl in bed and hide. But glad I haven't felt THAT bad in a while. Anyway you're doing great and it's awesome you were able to get through that feeling in just a few days and throw it off. Hope you have an awesome weekend ~Lisa

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Truth be told, I'm still kind of struggling with a bit of depression. I remember very well the effort it takes to get up in the morning when you're so depressed all you want to do is curl up in a hole and die. It's not that bad this time, luckily, but I still don't like being left alone when I'm depressed. It makes me feel like I could burst into tears at any moment... and I don't enjoy that feeling. I usually end up gorging on junk food, watching tv, and feeling miserable. I'm fighting that tonight. My parents went out on a date because they didn't go out on valentine's day, and I told them it was fine that we aren't going to dinner tonight as a family. I don't like holding them back, or making them feel like they shouldn't do something they want to do. I manage. It helps to have friends to talk to, but seeing as my one real life friend is offline, I don't have much in the way of instant communication. I don't really like talking about how I feel when I'm depressed, because it makes me cry, but it always makes me feel a little better. I get a little agitated, but I rarely find motivation to do anything. See? Now I'm tearing up. Sometimes I just need a good cry, but I don't have anyone to comfort me, and even if I did, I don't like making people worried.



I need friends.
<3

 

[douknowjello]

You have friends I'm pming you my messenger screen names right now! *hugz* Lisa

 

[douknowjello]

Hey I have to run to work but I'll try to catch you tonight or tomorrow if you're on. Hope you find something fun to do. Enjoy the rest of your weekend *hugz* ~Lisa

 

[txsqlchick]

Truth be told, I'm still kind of struggling with a bit of depression. I remember very well the effort it takes to get up in the morning when you're so depressed all you want to do is curl up in a hole and die. It's not that bad this time, luckily, but I still don't like being left alone when I'm depressed. It makes me feel like I could burst into tears at any moment... and I don't enjoy that feeling. I usually end up gorging on junk food, watching tv, and feeling miserable. I'm fighting that tonight. My parents went out on a date because they didn't go out on valentine's day, and I told them it was fine that we aren't going to dinner tonight as a family. I don't like holding them back, or making them feel like they shouldn't do something they want to do. I manage. It helps to have friends to talk to, but seeing as my one real life friend is offline, I don't have much in the way of instant communication. I don't really like talking about how I feel when I'm depressed, because it makes me cry, but it always makes me feel a little better. I get a little agitated, but I rarely find motivation to do anything. See? Now I'm tearing up. Sometimes I just need a good cry, but I don't have anyone to comfort me, and even if I did, I don't like making people worried.



I need friends.
<3

If you were in Texas I'd take you out for coffee. (Pretend those are cups of coffee.)

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

If you were in Texas I'd take you out for coffee. (Pretend those are cups of coffee.)

That's pretty foamy coffee... Lattes perhaps? I don't do that whole Fancy Coffee thing... I drink tea or hot cocoa. haha...

Thanks you guys.

I'm hoping to get on the treadmill today... I've had an off day. Today I've had:

3 pancakes with syrup (from McDonald's)
1 brownie (1.5"x2.5")
1 heat and eat container of Campbells Homestyle Chicken Noodle Soup (140 cal)
Oh! And we're having pizza for dinner, made from the rollout refrigerated pizza crusts, with mozzarella cheese and sliced ham.

Annnndddd... I bought candy. I got 2 king size milkyway bars (which is actually 4 normal sized ones) and a king sized Twix (that's 4 bars). But hey, I have a defense!! They were 3 for $3!! That's like half price!! iggy:iggy:

I'm exercising all of my will power to not eat them right now. That could get pretty bad...

I'm fighting the blues with all I have, and I think I'm winning!

Ah, but it doesn't help to have my cousins self destructing. One has moved back down to Florida, in the same area where her drug addiction was at its worst. The other has a serious eating disorder. She's already passed out in the tub, and had anxiety attacks because she couldn't purge. She's getting scary skinny. My uncle and my dad kind of think that Claire (the one with the eating disorder) really escalated because her sister (Cally, the drug addict) was getting really bad, and she had to do something to get her mom's attention back. I think the whole situation, with Lyn (the mom) living with her dad, my granddad, mooching off him without doing any work, and her AND her husband not having jobs but living quite famously, is absolutely ridiculous.

GAH!

Anywho, I got some of my pictures printed up so I can put them in an album I bought and send it to my uncle Bill. He loves my photography, and he's just so nice.

Yay!

well, I guess that's it.
Good beats the bad so far.
<3
Annie

 

[txsqlchick]

That's pretty foamy coffee... Lattes perhaps? I don't do that whole Fancy Coffee thing... I drink tea or hot cocoa. haha...

I don't either, fancy coffee is usually fattening coffee! When I go to Starbucks I usually have a small skinny latte (something like 110 calories) or unsweet iced tea in hot weather (0 calories).

Thanks you guys.

I'm hoping to get on the treadmill today... I've had an off day. Today I've had:

3 pancakes with syrup (from McDonald's)
1 brownie (1.5"x2.5")
1 heat and eat container of Campbells Homestyle Chicken Noodle Soup (140 cal)
Oh! And we're having pizza for dinner, made from the rollout refrigerated pizza crusts, with mozzarella cheese and sliced ham.

Annnndddd... I bought candy. I got 2 king size milkyway bars (which is actually 4 normal sized ones) and a king sized Twix (that's 4 bars). But hey, I have a defense!! They were 3 for $3!! That's like half price!! iggy:iggy:

I'm exercising all of my will power to not eat them right now. That could get pretty bad...

I'm fighting the blues with all I have, and I think I'm winning!

Ah, but it doesn't help to have my cousins self destructing. One has moved back down to Florida, in the same area where her drug addiction was at its worst. The other has a serious eating disorder. She's already passed out in the tub, and had anxiety attacks because she couldn't purge. She's getting scary skinny. My uncle and my dad kind of think that Claire (the one with the eating disorder) really escalated because her sister (Cally, the drug addict) was getting really bad, and she had to do something to get her mom's attention back. I think the whole situation, with Lyn (the mom) living with her dad, my granddad, mooching off him without doing any work, and her AND her husband not having jobs but living quite famously, is absolutely ridiculous.

GAH!

Anywho, I got some of my pictures printed up so I can put them in an album I bought and send it to my uncle Bill. He loves my photography, and he's just so nice.

Yay!

well, I guess that's it.
Good beats the bad so far.
<3
Annie

Wow...I'm sorry about your family, I have some gossip-worthy cousins too though nowhere near as serious as yours! I have this one cousin who is getting married in 2 weeks to husband #2. She's 27 years old and has a 4 year-old daughter from #1, who she married only because he knocked her up. She's living in my deceased grandparents' house and has been for about 2 years, meaning since the house hasn't been sold the estate is in flux and my mother hasn't gotten about 50% of her inheritance yet, since a lot of what my grandparents had was tied up in that house. So we thought my cousin could just buy that house. Right? Wrong. She doesn't make enough money to get a mortgage for its fair market value. OK, so maybe she could just finance my mother's half of it so at least my mother could be made whole. Right? Wrong. Her credit rating sucks. Has my uncle, the executor of the estate, made any attempt to make my mother whole here? Hell no. In fact, he's using the house, which was left ONLY to him and to my mother...50/50 split...for the SOLE benefit of his ADULT, GAINFULLY-EMPLOYED daughter. She pays no rent to live there. She does pay the property tax on the house, but not the insurance. The insurance is deducted from...you guessed it...the estate.

Oh, and did I mention this same adult, gainfully-employed, COLLEGE-EDUCATED daughter...who claims to not be able to afford to finance even half the purchase price of this house (which would come to about $75,000), just bought herself a brand new pair of tits? I could afford plastic surgery if I didn't have to pay over $1000 in rent every month. A fair rent for a property that size in its present condition...in this market, anyway...would be between $1500-$1800. It's a 4-bedroom, 2-bathroom, 2200 sq ft house! And she lives there for maybe $300-$400 a month since all she pays is the property tax. It's really goddamn unfair. None of us grandkids got anything in our grandparents' will. Not that we expected to...we thought it was totally fair that their estate was split equally between their two children. However, she's getting a great house for a pittance and my brother, my other cousin, and I got nothing. All four of us went to college (and finished). All four of us are 100% capable of supporting ourselves. My brother and I make a lot more than my cousins do, but we chose more lucrative careers. Should my mother have to pay because my cousin chose to teach high school history? She doesn't make shitty money anyway; she keeps bragging that her salary is almost $50k a year! OMGWTF!

Couldn't make it up. My brother is actually boycotting her wedding over this. I'm not, because even though she knows that she has no right to that house, her father is telling her that my mother is OK with the situation and my mother doesn't have enough backbone to insist on the estate being liquidated like it's supposed to be. SIGH.

Sorry...as you can tell this is kind of a sore subject with me...hijack over!

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Wow...I'm sorry about your family, I have some gossip-worthy cousins too though nowhere near as serious as yours! I have this one cousin who is getting married in 2 weeks to husband #2. She's 27 years old and has a 4 year-old daughter from #1, who she married only because he knocked her up. She's living in my deceased grandparents' house and has been for about 2 years, meaning since the house hasn't been sold the estate is in flux and my mother hasn't gotten about 50% of her inheritance yet, since a lot of what my grandparents had was tied up in that house. So we thought my cousin could just buy that house. Right? Wrong. She doesn't make enough money to get a mortgage for its fair market value. OK, so maybe she could just finance my mother's half of it so at least my mother could be made whole. Right? Wrong. Her credit rating sucks. Has my uncle, the executor of the estate, made any attempt to make my mother whole here? Hell no. In fact, he's using the house, which was left ONLY to him and to my mother...50/50 split...for the SOLE benefit of his ADULT, GAINFULLY-EMPLOYED daughter. She pays no rent to live there. She does pay the property tax on the house, but not the insurance. The insurance is deducted from...you guessed it...the estate.

Oh, and did I mention this same adult, gainfully-employed, COLLEGE-EDUCATED daughter...who claims to not be able to afford to finance even half the purchase price of this house (which would come to about $75,000), just bought herself a brand new pair of tits? I could afford plastic surgery if I didn't have to pay over $1000 in rent every month. A fair rent for a property that size in its present condition...in this market, anyway...would be between $1500-$1800. It's a 4-bedroom, 2-bathroom, 2200 sq ft house! And she lives there for maybe $300-$400 a month since all she pays is the property tax. It's really goddamn unfair. None of us grandkids got anything in our grandparents' will. Not that we expected to...we thought it was totally fair that their estate was split equally between their two children. However, she's getting a great house for a pittance and my brother, my other cousin, and I got nothing. All four of us went to college (and finished). All four of us are 100% capable of supporting ourselves. My brother and I make a lot more than my cousins do, but we chose more lucrative careers. Should my mother have to pay because my cousin chose to teach high school history? She doesn't make shitty money anyway; she keeps bragging that her salary is almost $50k a year! OMGWTF!

Couldn't make it up. My brother is actually boycotting her wedding over this. I'm not, because even though she knows that she has no right to that house, her father is telling her that my mother is OK with the situation and my mother doesn't have enough backbone to insist on the estate being liquidated like it's supposed to be. SIGH.

Sorry...as you can tell this is kind of a sore subject with me...hijack over!

haha... I don't know how much of this I've posted here, but I feel a rant coming on...

Okay, here's the makeup of my dad's side of the family...

Granddad. Grandmom (deceased). Their four children: Bill, Bob, James (dad) and Lyn. I'll skip over Bill's kids, because they're pretty removed from my daily life. Bob's kids: Stephen and John (both PRETTY much normal... ), My family: Ben, Sam, Emma, me. Then there's Lyn and her (2nd) husband Victor and her screwed up kids Cally and Claire. Lyn, Victor, and Claire live with my Granddad. Claire recently developed an eating disorder and has gotten scary thin, and Cally almost lost her arm to a dirty needle. Cally has "recovered", but has now moved back to Florida where she developed her addiction in the first place. Claire and Cally are extremely co-dependent with their mom, their screwed up, narcissistic, selfish, leech of a mother.

Now, Lyn really is something else. She hasn't held a steady job for as long as I can remember, and she lives off my granddad. She has opened credit cards in his name without his knowledge. She has racked up thousands of dollars in debt... in HIS name. Jesus! She's SUCH A SCREWUP. And she gets anything and everything she wants, courtesy of my granddad's bank account. Ridiculous. Absolutely RIDICULOUS. AND... She thinks she's getting the house. It's actually getting to the point where I don't want to be around her because I'm afraid I'll snap and upset my dad and granddad, even though they both know my feelings about her. Every hug is a fight against my complete disgust for her. Her conversations are so one-sided, I might as well not even be there. SHE'S SO F*!@ING SELF ABSORBED!

Gah.


Anywho... Time to smile!

I did the treadmill! 1hr30min! 641 calories! I ate 1986 cal, but still got in a 1000 cal deficit. I hope to see the scale move a little bit this week, provided I keep it up. Encouragement is ALWAYS appreciated

Thanks for your replies, it makes it so much easier to know I have people who really understand my goals and who go out of their way to make me feel better when I'm blue.



<3

 

[txsqlchick]

haha... I don't know how much of this I've posted here, but I feel a rant coming on...

Okay, here's the makeup of my dad's side of the family...

Granddad. Grandmom (deceased). Their four children: Bill, Bob, James (dad) and Lyn. I'll skip over Bill's kids, because they're pretty removed from my daily life. Bob's kids: Stephen and John (both PRETTY much normal... ), My family: Ben, Sam, Emma, me. Then there's Lyn and her (2nd) husband Victor and her screwed up kids Cally and Claire. Lyn, Victor, and Claire live with my Granddad. Claire recently developed an eating disorder and has gotten scary thin, and Cally almost lost her arm to a dirty needle. Cally has "recovered", but has now moved back to Florida where she developed her addiction in the first place. Claire and Cally are extremely co-dependent with their mom, their screwed up, narcissistic, selfish, leech of a mother.

Now, Lyn really is something else. She hasn't held a steady job for as long as I can remember, and she lives off my granddad. She has opened credit cards in his name without his knowledge. She has racked up thousands of dollars in debt... in HIS name. Jesus! She's SUCH A SCREWUP. And she gets anything and everything she wants, courtesy of my granddad's bank account. Ridiculous. Absolutely RIDICULOUS. AND... She thinks she's getting the house. It's actually getting to the point where I don't want to be around her because I'm afraid I'll snap and upset my dad and granddad, even though they both know my feelings about her. Every hug is a fight against my complete disgust for her. Her conversations are so one-sided, I might as well not even be there. SHE'S SO F*!@ING SELF ABSORBED!

Gah.

Wow. Just...wow. No offense, but what a fuckup! Think of it this way though...it won't be long before you're out of the house and on your own, and you won't have to see them nearly as often.

Anywho... Time to smile!

I did the treadmill! 1hr30min! 641 calories! I ate 1986 cal, but still got in a 1000 cal deficit. I hope to see the scale move a little bit this week, provided I keep it up. Encouragement is ALWAYS appreciated

Thanks for your replies, it makes it so much easier to know I have people who really understand my goals and who go out of their way to make me feel better when I'm blue.



<3

Awesome!

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

I guess the point where I probably would only have to see them once a year would be once my granddad (now 87, 88 in July) passes. I don't like thinking about that, because I love my granddad so much and he's so funny and cynical, and he messes with our waiter's heads ("I didn't order tea. I ordered cream soda." when he really did order tea and he knew it, acting senile and winking at us when the waiters get so confused...)... but I know it's going to happen some day, and I have to come to grips with that. He's already had several strokes, and is falling frequently...

--------

Ah yes, I'm officially sick. No nausea, but a monster of a head cold that's thrown off my balance and f*@!ed with my breathing. Soooo.... no treadmill today. Yesterday when I got off the treadmill, I was having a little difficulty with breathing, not bad, but now it would almost certainly be worse, since I'm having a hard time breathing through my nose *stuffed up... *
Blaaaaahhhhh...

Class tonight- Public speaking.

Wish me luck!

 

[Ankebuzz]

Feel better soon!!!

LOTS of fluids and BED rest! seriously... the quickest way back to the treadmill

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Thanks for the well wishes. I'm trying to decide whether I am going to try to go to class tonight, because I'm getting really dizzy and lightheaded when I stand up, and my stomach doesn't like it when I'm dizzy... I'm sooooo tired, I woke up at 9:30 because for some reason I couldn't get back to sleep (maybe because when I lie down my nose gets so stuffed up I have to breathe through my mouth, and then my throat hurts when I try to swallow) and then I came downstairs and ate a little something, and then curled up to watch tv, and BAM. I'm asleep until 2:00. So I didn't get any of my work done for tomorrow, and I have an exam tonight (hopefully I can take it at home--- it's open-book/notes, and I'm pretty sure it's just another casegrader assignment, which means I get 3 tries and it tells me what I did wrong so I can fix it and send it again.) but now I guess I need a shower, since it's 3:00 in the afternoon. I'm not sure how my stomach will like it if I get up, but there's only one way to find out...

I'm thinking I'm going to cancel the weigh in until next week when I (hopefully) feel better. I don't want to know if I weigh less than I did next week until I'm sure it's not because I'm sick.

No , and hopefully none in the future...

I feel like I got hit by a parade float, one of the really big, slow ones, and now I'm getting run over by a brigade of those guys in the mini cars wearing fezzes. Next come the antique cars, and the motorcycles... OH JOY!


<3

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

My eyes are hot... I think I need to stop watching tv/messing around on the computer...

Blaahhhhh... I stayed home from class tonight, but I have an exam I have to take @ 8:05. I have my alarm on my phone set so I don't forget.

Now I think a nap is in order.

I hope I feel better soon.

 

[douknowjello]

I have some pretty screwed up family too. Actually some have been pretty damn hurtful and I finally realized just because we're related by blood doesn't mean I have to have them in my life. Not being mean but sometimes you have to think of self preservation.

And I'm really sorry you're feeling so sick. Glad you are staying home to get some rest though. *hugz* ~Lisa

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

I have some pretty screwed up family too. Actually some have been pretty damn hurtful and I finally realized just because we're related by blood doesn't mean I have to have them in my life. Not being mean but sometimes you have to think of self preservation.

And I'm really sorry you're feeling so sick. Glad you are staying home to get some rest though. *hugz* ~Lisa

It's nice to know I'm not the only one.

I overslept (15 minutes!) for my exam because I forgot to change AM to PM on my alarm on my phone

However, I got it done, and got a 100% on my first try.

Fantastic.

Bah.

 

[txsqlchick]

Get some rest chick...you'll recover faster!

 

[douknowjello]

It's nice to know I'm not the only one.

I overslept (15 minutes!) for my exam because I forgot to change AM to PM on my alarm on my phone

However, I got it done, and got a 100% on my first try.

Fantastic.

Bah.

Not only are you not the only one, I think this has become the norm with families these days. Awesome on your exam! Especially being sick. What class was it for?