Floater's diary

YES!!! I can definitely feel the changed to my old routine I did yesterday. Woke up pretty fried from working out, did some body weight exercises after lunch, now sitting down for a bit and then I´ll head to the pool for an aqua jogging session.

I´m debating whether or not to heavily prioritize gym over pool for the spring season. Logic dictates I should pack on more muscle this way as long as I´d also eat in a slight surplus. Cardio is important, but my cardio isn´t a weak point by any means, and I could increase it again in the next mesocycle. Then in July, when the pool is closed, I could do another gym-heavy period while mostly doing light walking for cardio.

I´m extremely happy with the new exercise mat I bought. It´s really thick and fluffy and it´s a pretty shade of red that makes me feel happy and energized.
Aqua jogged for 30 mins. Could have kept going but wanted to save juice for gym tomorrow.

Torso has definitely lost some more fat despite the number on the scale having stayed fairly constant around 80 kg (+/- 2 kg) since late fall. The fat is starting to show the general shape of big muscle groups. There is some sagging in my lower abdomen and love handles, but nothing too bad, and I´ve been doing the pinch/stretch test on the saggy skin and it would seem that it´s still adipose tissue causing the flabbiness and not skin stretched out beyond it´s capacity to return which is great news if I´m ever going to get trans-related surgeries.

Yesterday I weighed 81kg when weighed first thing in the morning on an empty stomach. I really hope to get to or under 75kg by fall.
Went to the dentist because ever since I brushed my teeth with someone else´s toothbrush when I was in the mental hospital, I´ve had a lot of sensations and soreness in my teeth and I wanted to make sure it´s just psychological, which it was. The dentist told me not to worry and that "beginning cavities" don´t mean that they will progress and that the darker spots I have in my teeth are just cabities that were starting to form, then stopped, and the dark stuff is like scarring on skin - won´t go away but it´s not harmful in any way. So that´s positive!

Today is rest day but I wanted to get some movement in so I took the train to the city center instead of my home station, went sniffing some perfumes and bought myself a Schleich deer for my Altar Of Whimsy.

I´m considering buying some creatine and using it for the spring season. The water weight gains worry me a little bit but as long as I keep in mind that it´s water weight, I don´t see why I shouldn´t give it a try!
Hormonally I should still be close to performance peak but I feel uncoordinated and stressed out. Probably because new glasses strain my CNS somewhat
Creatine is worth testing out, not everybody responds to it, around 25% of people are non responders, partly due to diet.
Creatine is worth testing out, not everybody responds to it, around 25% of people are non responders, partly due to diet.
Thanks! Got myself a bag the other day and am at loading phase now. Weight has increased by 1,5kg but this is to be expected and now when I get a pump it looks GORGEOUS :D Today I´m going aqua jogging and I´m interested to see if it has any effect on that. Based on what I read about creatine it may have brain health and skin benefits among other stuff and it´s cheap, so even if it doesn´t end up increasing my performance a ton, it may be worthwhile.

My appetite has been great lately and that´s a good thing. Sometimes I freak out internally about eating "too much" but then I remind myself that I´m weighing myself daily to stay on track about staying on the right path, I have a rough idea of my macros and kcals, and also I need to be in a very slight surplus to build muscle. I know I said I need to lose 5 more kg to be absolutely sure that I face no issues at the trans clinic, but for my long term goals and my mental health I think that a bulk is in place right now. It feels so rewarding to go to the gym properly fueled and be able to keep going for 60+ mins while incorporating new things into my routine and getting visible progress.

Also, after my experience of losing weigh last year, weight loss is... Kinda easy now that I don´t mess my body up with beer. That 5 kg will come off when it needs to, but for now it´s good to switch the plan to growth and with increased muscle mass, losing weight in a slight deficit should be easier because my base metabolic needs are gonna be higher then.

Thanks for the dumbbell fly tips you gave me in the autumn, Trusylver. Slowly but surely I´ve been able to build myself a nice, solid chest and it really helps with my dysphoria that there are visible muscle tits underneath my tit-tits. It´s become my favorite exercise - nothing like really milking it slow and steady and feeling the burn. I still do flat barbell bench as a secondary chest exercise in addition to dumbbell flys and might add incline barbell benching to the mix this spring. Does this sound sensible? If I recall correctly, three targeted exercises per muscle group is the recommended maximum per session. I usually do 3x10 reps because it´s just the easiest to remember. Of course that could probably be optimized as well.
I like to go to Taco Bell before gym and getting a naked burrito bowl with extra beans, an upgraded side salad with pico de gallo, guac and creme fraiche and a fizzy water for a drink is so good.

Before I get to go to the gym I gotta go to the optician though. I have an appointment in 40 mins. The new glasses give me nausea and lights are blurry and my vision jumps and everything looks 2D.
Rest day today. Made a really nice protein packed dish:

1 dl of rinsed quinoa
3 dl of water
200g of cherry tomatoes
can of rinsed white beans
1 heaping tbsp of tahini
soy sauce
black pepper
nutritional yeast

-> bake uncovered in oven at 200 degrees for 30 mins

Add four chicken breasts and chopped red bell pepper on top, sprinkle these with salt. Bake for another 20 mins. Enjoy
About creatine: I like this supplement because the water retention prevents my ADHD meds from drying out my skin, and I have had better quality sleep because I don't have to get up in the middle to pee lol. And I can go on longer at the gym.
It´s really interesting - and positive - and I´ve noticed it before but whenever I try to gain muscle and eat at a slight surplus, my diet gets better, because when I keep myself consistently fueled with healthy stuff, I just don´t have any interest in snack foods and such. Buckwheat porridge with hemp protein and sweet potato with chickpeas, for example, taste really nice.
Hm. I´m clearly not eating in a big enough surplus because I´m not gaining weight. (EDIT: obvs I´m aiming at a very slight gain but I´m staying steady on a bulk.) On the other hand I don´t feel comfortable about eating any more than I do now, I definitely get enough protein, and I feel very well fueled in my workouts so I guess I´ll just keep doing what I´m doing and see what happens.

My mother gave me a bag of childhood knick-knacks. They are clearing out the old house and wanted to get rid of it. Some of the things aren´t even mine but my sister´s. But some were... Heavy yet good to reconnect with. I might take the bag to therapy next week and look at the stuff with him and talk about it.

Reminder to self: baked sweet potato with chickpeas is a lovely, simple meal, tasted great cold, hassle-free. Clean eating feels so nice, I´m glad I have the energy for that.
I had the best pool workout session in ages! I aqua jogged for 45 mins and took a hydration break and when I came back, none of the running belts were free anymore. But some kids were playing with kickboards in the kids´ pool so I asked the pool personnel if I can grab one and go ham in the big pool and they said yes. I ended up doing that for another 45 mins alternating styles and had so much fun and my heart rate definitely got way up! I know I´ll feel this in my abs tomorrow lol. Gonna include this in my routine, it was so. Much. Fun.
Did probably my highest volume gym session ever today. I was at the gym for 1hr 45 mins, had a Red Bull at the 1-hour mark. Obviously way too long for a regular occurrence but it was kind of fun to see how long I could push myself. It is possible that creatine helps with my endurance. Kept weights very reasonable and focused on good form. My chest and upper back are blowing up, and it´s really amazing to see.
I have started to implement a rule where I don´t get my morning coffee until I´ve had a hearty breakfast and my ADHD meds. A pleasant side effect is that if I slept badly, the meds won´t intervene with a nap before noon.

Planning to include something else in my daily routine. One hour of relaxation. No phone, no computer, no thinking about tasks or cooking or health care, nothing. I need to get my psychological stress levels down.
I saw a friend in the city center today and we had a great time. The new glasses just don´t seem to work for me and it terrifies me because I can´t tell if I´m the problem or the glasses are. But there are good news too. On Saturday I´m driving with my ex a few towns over to see a chinchilla in need of re-homing so if all goes well, I´ll get my Brotherhood of Rotund Bums going!
All good here. Deload week ends on Thursday this week. Currently waiting for a doctor's appointment to ask about the possibility of breast reduction. Not the same as top surgery but it could alleviate my migraines and feels like a stone worth turning.

I got another chinchilla, Timo, on Saturday. He's a rescue, born on 22.4.2020. I'm his fourth and forever home. He and Heikki still live separately but I will introduce the boys slowly over time so they won't freak out and get territorial. Timo is very sweet. I make sure to shower Heikki with attention so he doesn't get jelly.
Yeah. 6 kg over the weight limit to breast reduction and apparently muscle mass doesn't make any difference, you either fit the criteria or don't.

Oh well. I gave it a try. And: I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and at some point I can gauge whether losing more fat and some muscle is worth getting the breast reduction or not. If so, -6kg is very doable. In the meanwhile I'll wait for the trans clinic's next move.
I did some thinking and realized that I´m actually unsure of my current height because it´s been measured differently during the years. It doesn´t make a huge impact on the BMI (it´s not like I´ll suddenly have grown by several cm) but just rounding up or down 1cm can make or break a BMI bracket. And height fluctuates during the day, too. So I booked an appointment at the health clinic to have my height AND weight re-measured on Wednesday next week.

This means I can make a significant change in water weight in a week. I´m cutting out everything I know to bloat me (xylitol, stuff high in FODMAPs) and cut out as much salt as I possibly can; make sure my bowel empties properly with the help of an osmotic laxative, and pumping up my cardio as much as I possibly can. It´s just a week, and having a significant change in my weight in a week will help my case when I argue that I had had a big breakfast and a lot of water before the doctor weighed me. Which is true but the doctor calculated breakfast to weigh 500g. (Did she presume I don´t drink any water in the morning?)

Any way: plan is in place and now I just gotta be prepared to suffer for a week and it´s gonna be fine.