Floater's diary

Loaded my coffee pot in advance, mixed the dry ingredients for savoury oatmeal in advance, swim gear is all packed... I´ll try VERY hard to wake up at 8AM tomorrow and go aqua jogging first thing in the morning.
 
Trouble sleeping. Had a banana. Might as well take minimum dose of ADHD med, it's almost morning anyway.

EDIT also a snackbox of raisins and rye bread w manchego.
 
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Cate said:
I hope you went aqua jogging anyway. I would love that.
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I'm sorry forum mom. I'm a [removed self-defeating adjectives] and I'm sorry to disappoint you [what a weird thing to say,sorry]. I just can't move. I want to cry. I feel like I'm going to vomit.

EDIT oh wow. Just reading this after a few minutes makes it obvious that U'm having a horrible time with my mental health and I really need to rest & regroup. Edited some of the worst negative self-talk out of it, edits in [...]
 
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Please don’t ever apologise to me. You won’t disappoint me. If you are not up to doing something, you’re not up to doing something. Please take good care of yourself. I am sending you an unconditional, unjudgemental, great big squishy hug! :grouphug:
 
Cate said:
Please don’t ever apologise to me. You won’t disappoint me. If you are not up to doing something, you’re not up to doing something. Please take good care of yourself. I am sending you an unconditional, unjudgemental, great big squishy hug! :grouphug:
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This is just what I needed and you are so appreciated, Cate :grouphug:

I´m happy to report that mentally "giving up" was the right choice for today. I won´t be able to make it to the pool before closing time, but I decided I´ll walk to the gym in the evening and do a LIGHT workout. Weekdays are much better for aqua jogging anyway, because the pool is open until 8PM, not 5PM.

I´ll watch some Netflix or something now.
 
Fuck, I feel horrible.

Cabbage casserole & rye bread with Manchego and arugula.

Also cherries and a banana.
 
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I cleaned Heikki´s cage, which I´m happy I got done because it´s his home and I want him to be comfortable. But simply cleaning his cage & hoovering took a lot out of me. There´s also a funky stench in my sweat and piss, like an inflammation stench, if that makes sense. I have joint pain too.

My best guess is that I´m currently going through so much psychological stress that my body can´t handle it and is forcing me to rest. Also, judging by how extremely tired I have been, pushing it is probably not smart. I´m going to go have a cool shower and skip my gym plans for tonight.

After the shower I´ll empty the dishwasher and try and watch something on Netflix.
 
Pasta with tuna, garlic, and scallions.

I´m mentally centered again. It´s no wonder I went through a rough couple of days. Tomorrow will be different.
 
I watched "The Wonder" on Netflix and it was absolutely amazing. I don´t want to spoil anything but the themes of that movie felt so personal and relevant to me and it was a beautiful film altogether.
 
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