Floater's diary

I think it went OK! I have some anxiety over some details but I can always re-address them if necessary. Bought a cheeseburger on my way to the train station, and bought a sweet potato, some ginger, carrots, coconut milk and four beers for soup and the other kind of liquid fun this evening. All in all I feel OK. Thanks forum mom!
 
:grouphug: Have another hug: I know the endless picking apart of every word said after an event you feel went well but on some level fear might have been a bust. You're very critical of yourself so if your so critical gut says it went well it must've.
 
Floater said:
I think it went OK! I have some anxiety over some details but I can always re-address them if necessary. Bought a cheeseburger on my way to the train station, and bought a sweet potato, some ginger, carrots, coconut milk and four beers for soup and the other kind of liquid fun this evening. All in all I feel OK. Thanks forum mom!
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It sounds like it went well. If you think it went ok & you feel ok, it must have! You hadn't posted when I went to bed & I thought that must mean good news. Well done xo
 
I'm HAPPY. In the calm, serene kind of way. Slept in late, took a walk, ate, grocery delivery came, and I think I'll go to sleep again soon. Freezer & pantry are full. I'm safe.
 
I realized I haven´t eaten anything solid today - whoops, was too busy to think about that - so I now have some bastardized palak paneer with chickpeas for protein and Philadelphia cheese for creaminess simmering on the stove. Had to use up the cream cheese... Smells great! My goal for tomorrow is to have actual breakfast, it´s silly how I sometimes forget to eat. But today´s been good.
 
The spinach-chickpea-potato thing was great, now I´m having two rye bread sandwiches with cheese and salt beef, and a bowl of frozen cherries & mango cubes
 
200g of cottage cheese, and 4 Brazil nuts. Feeling snacky and very happy about that. I need to remember to buy more multivitamin though!
 
Feeling happy. Had yesterday´s palak paneer-type of thing for breakfast, am now doing the dishes after prepping some boiled eggs and putting lentils to soak for later. I plan to make sweet potato and lentil soup with plenty of ginger!
 
Today´s trans clinic interview was exhausting. I was asked if I can make coffee with an unfamiliar coffee machine. And I was reminded of the BMI limits to different treatments. Yeah I know what the limits are, but it was jarring to be reminded about them by an older woman the size of an ATV... Especially as she then said that with hormones "it might be easier to lose weight if you work out a little bit". What a bitch. I´d like to see her take part in my "casual" workout sessions and see how long that infantilizing attitude will stick. Sorry about the rant!
 
Ate a bowl of fruit and calmed down a bit. Oh I also went for a walk with my friend and her dog. I got this, and I´m not crazy for recognizing what parts of the process are dehumanizing (both towards autistics and trans people) and it´s natural that I react emotionally.
 
People in general assume a lot about others on just their appearance, unfortunately. It is natural to be offended by insensitive & untrue comments. Just imagine that person was probably envious that you will be able to lose some weight when you take hormones & build more muscle. A little muscle envy? They probably trot out the same questions & comments to everyone, without even giving them a thought.
Was the walk with your new friend? What sort of dog do they have?
 
Cate said:
Was the walk with your new friend? What sort of dog do they have?
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The walk was with another friend, she has a Lapland sheepdog (?) and the dog is adorable :)

Thanks for the encouragement! I´m a bit peeved that she had seen my gym results but apparently I didn´t register as fit enough in her mind. Which made me quite a bit dysphoric. But yeah they probably -almost certainly - ask the same questions from everybody and on another hand it makes sense she wouldn´t remember or did perhaps not even pay attention to my body when I saw her live. I´m overthinking things and being butthurt, likely because tomorrow´s my brother´s death anniversary - and I´m worried what´s going to be dragged to the surface.

I feel much more centered now. Had a bowl of popcorn as a treat. :grouphug:
 
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