That's such a nice compliment being told you are great to work with! I hope you are able to catch up on sleep and have nice time for yourself now that the project is coming to a close. I remember how you really didn't want to take on this big of a project, so it must feel like such an accomplishment to have conquered it. So nice you are swimming and eating well, and I do hope you can find more Agatha Christi at the other libraries or through inter-library loan like Cate said.
Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
- They do have that system Cate, but that's not as exciting as 'finding' one. Lol.
- Thanks Liza. I finished The Pearl, it was good once I got into it. Sad though.
- Thanks Marsia. The swimming is great.
Well guys. I am back in the 160s. I have a Fitbit weighing scales and I started monitoring my weight back in September 2018 on it and I am a lower weight today than I was back then. 167.8 today, 40.2% body fat and a BMI of 25.6. So I am officially only a little bit overweight now! According to science. According to photos, I am looking very good. I mean, I am the most critical person in the world of myself and if I'm saying that, it must be true. Haha. My friend told me tonight I was 'glowing'. That was nice.
I was very out of sorts today because I really thought Tom would text me to wish me luck on something. It really seemed like he wasn't going to contact me and that I'd possibly never hear from him again, and the thought of that was really painful. Anyway, he texted tonight and it was such a relief. The thing is, I just don't have anyone else that texts me for the big moments. He always does. Late today, but he came through. Sometimes I wonder if somehow, he can pick up that I desperately want to hear from him. I don't know. If I forgot all about him, would he forget all about me? Hmm, I guess I'll never know the answer to that one.
Anyway, I guess I need to find someone that texts me for all the big moments and also shows up for them. But I am happy that he got in touch and he's still in my life in some limited capacity. Sigh. I don't know why I am so insane about this. I guess it is that. There is no one else.
That's kind of a sad thought when I haven't looked this good in years! I mean, obviously I've aged a bit, but I still look young enough I think. Anyway, another big day tomorrow, must sleep.
- Thanks Liza. I finished The Pearl, it was good once I got into it. Sad though.
- Thanks Marsia. The swimming is great.
Well guys. I am back in the 160s. I have a Fitbit weighing scales and I started monitoring my weight back in September 2018 on it and I am a lower weight today than I was back then. 167.8 today, 40.2% body fat and a BMI of 25.6. So I am officially only a little bit overweight now! According to science. According to photos, I am looking very good. I mean, I am the most critical person in the world of myself and if I'm saying that, it must be true. Haha. My friend told me tonight I was 'glowing'. That was nice.
I was very out of sorts today because I really thought Tom would text me to wish me luck on something. It really seemed like he wasn't going to contact me and that I'd possibly never hear from him again, and the thought of that was really painful. Anyway, he texted tonight and it was such a relief. The thing is, I just don't have anyone else that texts me for the big moments. He always does. Late today, but he came through. Sometimes I wonder if somehow, he can pick up that I desperately want to hear from him. I don't know. If I forgot all about him, would he forget all about me? Hmm, I guess I'll never know the answer to that one.
Anyway, I guess I need to find someone that texts me for all the big moments and also shows up for them. But I am happy that he got in touch and he's still in my life in some limited capacity. Sigh. I don't know why I am so insane about this. I guess it is that. There is no one else.
That's kind of a sad thought when I haven't looked this good in years! I mean, obviously I've aged a bit, but I still look young enough I think. Anyway, another big day tomorrow, must sleep.
- Aw, thank you, Marsia. I hope so too.
- Ha, thanks Liza.
- Cheers Cate.
I feel like I've been through the mill the last few months but yesterday, I found myself thinking, 'Wow, I'm nearly back at a healthy weight, which I wouldn't be anywhere near without going through this trying time, so maybe it was all worth it?' I feel like the phoenix rising from the ashes, in a sense. It really does feel great to be lighter, although a lot of my clothes are a bit loose now. And I don't really have any loose skin or anything, which is even better. I still have a belly but it's a bit cuter. Lol. I do want the washboard abs though, just to know what that feels like. Hahaha.
Anyway, I had a super day today. My aunt visited us this evening and we had such a lovely evening together. She is so supportive of me, she brought me a card and chocolates and prosecco to celebrate the stuff that's been going on. So thoughtful. She's had a tough time lately, she got a diagnosis of something unpleasant a couple of months ago, but she seems to be coping okay. She's staying with my parents tonight, which is lovely, and good for my mum too.
I called out there tonight and we sat around drinking tea and eating slices of toast with butter and marmalade (this is genuinely one of the true pleasures of life - late-night tea and toast) and my mum was telling a story about something, I can't even remember what it was about now, and she was really laughing. I looked at Dad and he looked so happy that she was enjoying herself so much. It was fantastic! She's been a lot brighter lately. They are going up the country for a couple of nights to a hotel on Monday, which will be great for them. I can have some quiet time in the house if I need to while they're gone. Could be a nice option.
Anyway, I love my family and I am very grateful for them. Today was a good day.
- Ha, thanks Liza.
- Cheers Cate.
I feel like I've been through the mill the last few months but yesterday, I found myself thinking, 'Wow, I'm nearly back at a healthy weight, which I wouldn't be anywhere near without going through this trying time, so maybe it was all worth it?' I feel like the phoenix rising from the ashes, in a sense. It really does feel great to be lighter, although a lot of my clothes are a bit loose now. And I don't really have any loose skin or anything, which is even better. I still have a belly but it's a bit cuter. Lol. I do want the washboard abs though, just to know what that feels like. Hahaha.
Anyway, I had a super day today. My aunt visited us this evening and we had such a lovely evening together. She is so supportive of me, she brought me a card and chocolates and prosecco to celebrate the stuff that's been going on. So thoughtful. She's had a tough time lately, she got a diagnosis of something unpleasant a couple of months ago, but she seems to be coping okay. She's staying with my parents tonight, which is lovely, and good for my mum too.
I called out there tonight and we sat around drinking tea and eating slices of toast with butter and marmalade (this is genuinely one of the true pleasures of life - late-night tea and toast) and my mum was telling a story about something, I can't even remember what it was about now, and she was really laughing. I looked at Dad and he looked so happy that she was enjoying herself so much. It was fantastic! She's been a lot brighter lately. They are going up the country for a couple of nights to a hotel on Monday, which will be great for them. I can have some quiet time in the house if I need to while they're gone. Could be a nice option.
Anyway, I love my family and I am very grateful for them. Today was a good day.
Toast with marmelade, tea, and laughing - such a magical evening!! I'm so glad you have such supportive people in your life, and that you are feeling good about your weight loss and your body! I hope you enjoy spending some relaxing time at your parent's house while they are away. Sounds perfect.
i keep waiting for my belly to flatten out--so far no luck haha
I love this so much--those are really the sweet times in life aren't they!
- It was one of my favourite moments of the year so far, Cate. 
- I loved the quiet time at home, Marsia. I started watching The Last of Us, just brilliant telly! Nothing like a post-apocalyptic drama series with zombies to make you feel good about your life, haha!
- Oh, even if I lost another 20 pounds, I would still have one, Liza. It's the last thing to go, unfortunately.
Weight update:
So, I've gone back up to 170.1 pounds today, which I expected, because the project is over and my appetite is back to normal. Hahaha. But, the great news is that my body fat was 39.3% today, the lowest it's ever been since I started using the Fitbit app/scales to track my weight. It should be at 30% to be at a healthy percentage, according to Fitbit, so that is the goal. Healthy BMI, healthy body fat percentage. Then I will evaluate how I look in my clothes and decide if I'm happy with that. I still have a bit to go but if I am careful, I can lose a bit more slowly this year and really feel great about my body!!! To be at 170 though is nothing to be sniffed at. I'm grateful.
Life update:
Today, I felt very blue but I was very busy with work stuff so the day flew by, even though I was working from home. It's the first day in a long while that I haven't cried while working from home. That's progress! Lol. I didn't have any choice, I just had to 'throw myself into my work'. I got loads of extra requests in and a longer meeting than expected that kept the train a-tootin'. I do think I am better when I'm busy. Distraction tactic or not, it just suits my brain more to be engaged with stuff.
I had a bit of a tricky phone call after work to contend with, but the lady I spoke to also said I had a 'lovely demeanour' and should pursue some film acting. Lol! I would love to play Colin Farrell's wife in some post-apocalyptic doomsday blockbuster that I get paid a few million euro for, which would set me up for life! MANIFEST!!!!
Tomorrow, I am meeting a few friends to see a show and Sunday and Monday I back on the court, after a long absence. I feel like I don't have a lot to look forward to right now, but the tarot card that came up for me today was Wheel of Fortune, so who knows what lies ahead... We have to keep that hope alive in our hearts and journey on...
I love this. The world spins madly on...
(I actually never watched this video before, how cute. That blue guy opening the mailbox and staring at the empty space is like me looking at my phone, waiting for a message. Lol!)
- I loved the quiet time at home, Marsia. I started watching The Last of Us, just brilliant telly! Nothing like a post-apocalyptic drama series with zombies to make you feel good about your life, haha!
- Oh, even if I lost another 20 pounds, I would still have one, Liza. It's the last thing to go, unfortunately.
Weight update:
So, I've gone back up to 170.1 pounds today, which I expected, because the project is over and my appetite is back to normal. Hahaha. But, the great news is that my body fat was 39.3% today, the lowest it's ever been since I started using the Fitbit app/scales to track my weight. It should be at 30% to be at a healthy percentage, according to Fitbit, so that is the goal. Healthy BMI, healthy body fat percentage. Then I will evaluate how I look in my clothes and decide if I'm happy with that. I still have a bit to go but if I am careful, I can lose a bit more slowly this year and really feel great about my body!!! To be at 170 though is nothing to be sniffed at. I'm grateful.
Life update:
Today, I felt very blue but I was very busy with work stuff so the day flew by, even though I was working from home. It's the first day in a long while that I haven't cried while working from home. That's progress! Lol. I didn't have any choice, I just had to 'throw myself into my work'. I got loads of extra requests in and a longer meeting than expected that kept the train a-tootin'. I do think I am better when I'm busy. Distraction tactic or not, it just suits my brain more to be engaged with stuff.
I had a bit of a tricky phone call after work to contend with, but the lady I spoke to also said I had a 'lovely demeanour' and should pursue some film acting. Lol! I would love to play Colin Farrell's wife in some post-apocalyptic doomsday blockbuster that I get paid a few million euro for, which would set me up for life! MANIFEST!!!!
Tomorrow, I am meeting a few friends to see a show and Sunday and Monday I back on the court, after a long absence. I feel like I don't have a lot to look forward to right now, but the tarot card that came up for me today was Wheel of Fortune, so who knows what lies ahead... We have to keep that hope alive in our hearts and journey on...
I love this. The world spins madly on...
(I actually never watched this video before, how cute. That blue guy opening the mailbox and staring at the empty space is like me looking at my phone, waiting for a message. Lol!)
Love the Weepies, too. It's wonderful you are almost at your weight loss goal. I hope you don't spend too much time waiting for Tom to call. I hope you get tired of waiting, and go enjoy your outings with friends and tennis coming up instead. You deserve better than intermittent interest!!
- Thanks Liza. I met so many old friends at the tennis court the last day and remembered why I love it so much!
- Oh, I know, Marsia. I don't understand why either.
- Yes, the academy will prevail, Cate. Especially now that the weather has picked up a bit.
I might use this post to do some 'bag of rocks' philosophy stuff. I find it helpful. It's like I'm talking to God, even though I don't really believe in him. But I find it comforting.
How am I doing since the last post? I would say it's been a positive week overall. Work is going well, had a few nice phone calls with people, positive in general and tomorrow is the Friday of a bank holiday weekend, which generally puts everyone in good spirits.
I also had a very flirty conversation with the barman last night in the place I went to see a play. It put a bit of a spring in my step - I am not out of the game yet! And, to be fair, for the project I was involved with, there were loads of pics taken of me, and I have to say, I look nice in a lot of them.
I've still been upset this week however because I just don't want to be self-reliant anymore. I want the support. I mean, I have support, I have such a fantastic immediate and extended family. My aunts and uncles are really cool and I guess I have the benefit of being one of the oldest nieces and nephews on both sides. You know, when you go to a counsellor, they always want to lay the blame of your troubles on your family. But when I think back on my childhood, I just remember so many happy times with my parents and grandparents and the rest of the fam. So, I guess I had too good a support network and school took the rug out from under me...
Bag of Rocks
'What's wrong?' The familiar face. Rugged old man, grey beard, kind eyes.
We're by the river this time. No longer the dusty road. Things feel a bit lighter. More moisture in the air.
He clears his throat. 'I think you're doing well.'
'You've never said that to me before.'
'I've never meant it before.' A smirk.
'I still have the bag of rocks though.' I nod to the heavy backpack next to my feet. We're both sitting on a bench of our own beside the river.
'Yes', he replied. 'But look at where you are. You've made it this far with them.'
'I know, and I kind of can't believe it. I can't believe it was me.'
'But it was.'
'Do I really have to do everything on my own?'
He sighed. 'You want a mate, right?'
'Right.'
'You've been presented with many. But you chose to go it alone.'
'Because they weren't the right fit.'
He indicated the bag of rocks. 'It's hard to fit right with the bag attached to you.'
'Touché.'
He laughed and patted my arm. 'You're in the place you need to be. Be patient. I'm proud of you.' I looked away with a tear in my eye. When I looked back, he was gone.
- Oh, I know, Marsia. I don't understand why either.
- Yes, the academy will prevail, Cate. Especially now that the weather has picked up a bit.
I might use this post to do some 'bag of rocks' philosophy stuff. I find it helpful. It's like I'm talking to God, even though I don't really believe in him. But I find it comforting.
How am I doing since the last post? I would say it's been a positive week overall. Work is going well, had a few nice phone calls with people, positive in general and tomorrow is the Friday of a bank holiday weekend, which generally puts everyone in good spirits.
I also had a very flirty conversation with the barman last night in the place I went to see a play. It put a bit of a spring in my step - I am not out of the game yet! And, to be fair, for the project I was involved with, there were loads of pics taken of me, and I have to say, I look nice in a lot of them.
I've still been upset this week however because I just don't want to be self-reliant anymore. I want the support. I mean, I have support, I have such a fantastic immediate and extended family. My aunts and uncles are really cool and I guess I have the benefit of being one of the oldest nieces and nephews on both sides. You know, when you go to a counsellor, they always want to lay the blame of your troubles on your family. But when I think back on my childhood, I just remember so many happy times with my parents and grandparents and the rest of the fam. So, I guess I had too good a support network and school took the rug out from under me...
Bag of Rocks
'What's wrong?' The familiar face. Rugged old man, grey beard, kind eyes.
We're by the river this time. No longer the dusty road. Things feel a bit lighter. More moisture in the air.
He clears his throat. 'I think you're doing well.'
'You've never said that to me before.'
'I've never meant it before.' A smirk.
'I still have the bag of rocks though.' I nod to the heavy backpack next to my feet. We're both sitting on a bench of our own beside the river.
'Yes', he replied. 'But look at where you are. You've made it this far with them.'
'I know, and I kind of can't believe it. I can't believe it was me.'
'But it was.'
'Do I really have to do everything on my own?'
He sighed. 'You want a mate, right?'
'Right.'
'You've been presented with many. But you chose to go it alone.'
'Because they weren't the right fit.'
He indicated the bag of rocks. 'It's hard to fit right with the bag attached to you.'
'Touché.'
He laughed and patted my arm. 'You're in the place you need to be. Be patient. I'm proud of you.' I looked away with a tear in my eye. When I looked back, he was gone.
What a lovely way to work through your stuff with that lovely Bag of Rocks writing. I could see that being super helpful where you have the older wiser person guiding and advising you, helping you to access that part in you that holds that wisdom. It's wonderfully warm to read that beautiful affection between you and the wise man.
- Thanks Cate. 
- Haha, long live the Academy, Marsia!
- Ah, thanks Liza. It's a bit mad but it brings me comfort.
Friday again. I suppose I had a good break from work recently, so this is not as 'needed' as other times, but it's still great.
My goal for the weekend is to go swimming in the sea. I have attempted to go for the last two weeks - got as far as my knees the first time, to my waist the last time, but couldn't bring myself to fully submerge! The Atlantic is not for the faint-hearted. But it's so good for you to submerge yourself in that freezing water - a great reset for the nervous system, which I desperately need, as I am constantly pushing it to the limit with all the nicotine and chemicals from the cigarettes, my overall poor diet and, of course, the alcohol. Ugh. I treat my body so badly. I could be so beautiful, that's the really annoying thing about it.
I think about my looks a lot. Doesn't everyone? I used to think that was a single person's problem. I don't think that anymore.
Anyway, it's truly boring being self-obsessed like most of the world is. I always think that about influencers - no one is taking your photo because you actually haven't achieved anything. You're just taking your own photo and looking for validation from people you would most likely avoid at a party. It's really vacuous. I hate all that stuff, to be honest. I have to do a certain amount of it on Whatsapp with liking comments and all the rest but I actually would prefer if that feature was removed. You said what you had to say and you didn't get any validation from it unless someone directly replied. Ugh.
I do feel like we are more animal than robot at the end of the day. I have probably said this before but I love reading old books because you see that people never change. The environment might but the desires are the exact same. I find that so interesting. We're living in interesting times now when it comes to tech. Will we all be living in a video game of our choosing in 20 years time? Doing some mindnumbing drone work and then tuning out with our fantasy lives on the web? I find that very depressing.
Even though I haven't been having the best time emotionally, it's probably been a great time in some ways, because I've been able to really think about things and myself and where I want to go and I don't have all those answers yet but I think I will soon.
Also, I have felt all day that something truly exciting is just around the corner for me. I just feel a bit of a buzz in the air. A trill. A call. I'll let you know, hahaha.
- Haha, long live the Academy, Marsia!
- Ah, thanks Liza. It's a bit mad but it brings me comfort.
Friday again. I suppose I had a good break from work recently, so this is not as 'needed' as other times, but it's still great.
My goal for the weekend is to go swimming in the sea. I have attempted to go for the last two weeks - got as far as my knees the first time, to my waist the last time, but couldn't bring myself to fully submerge! The Atlantic is not for the faint-hearted. But it's so good for you to submerge yourself in that freezing water - a great reset for the nervous system, which I desperately need, as I am constantly pushing it to the limit with all the nicotine and chemicals from the cigarettes, my overall poor diet and, of course, the alcohol. Ugh. I treat my body so badly. I could be so beautiful, that's the really annoying thing about it.
I think about my looks a lot. Doesn't everyone? I used to think that was a single person's problem. I don't think that anymore.
Anyway, it's truly boring being self-obsessed like most of the world is. I always think that about influencers - no one is taking your photo because you actually haven't achieved anything. You're just taking your own photo and looking for validation from people you would most likely avoid at a party. It's really vacuous. I hate all that stuff, to be honest. I have to do a certain amount of it on Whatsapp with liking comments and all the rest but I actually would prefer if that feature was removed. You said what you had to say and you didn't get any validation from it unless someone directly replied. Ugh.
I do feel like we are more animal than robot at the end of the day. I have probably said this before but I love reading old books because you see that people never change. The environment might but the desires are the exact same. I find that so interesting. We're living in interesting times now when it comes to tech. Will we all be living in a video game of our choosing in 20 years time? Doing some mindnumbing drone work and then tuning out with our fantasy lives on the web? I find that very depressing.
Even though I haven't been having the best time emotionally, it's probably been a great time in some ways, because I've been able to really think about things and myself and where I want to go and I don't have all those answers yet but I think I will soon.
Also, I have felt all day that something truly exciting is just around the corner for me. I just feel a bit of a buzz in the air. A trill. A call. I'll let you know, hahaha.
Cate
Long term member
Our son, R went swimming in the Southern Ocean yesterday. It would have been freezing!- Thanks Cate.
My goal for the weekend is to go swimming in the sea. I have attempted to go for the last two weeks - got as far as my knees the first time, to my waist the last time, but couldn't bring myself to fully submerge! The Atlantic is not for the faint-hearted. But it's so good for you to submerge yourself in that freezing water - a great reset for the nervous system, which I desperately need, as I am constantly pushing it to the limit with all the nicotine and chemicals from the cigarettes, my overall poor diet and, of course, the alcohol. Ugh. I treat my body so badly. I could be so beautiful, that's the really annoying thing about it.
This is so good to hear, Em. I hope so xoxo
I love that you are exploring what has meaning and purpose for you now. I have been thinking along similar lines, also dismayed at how vacuous and narcissistically preoccupied the "influencers" have become. There doesn't seem to be much substance in a lot of those people's messages, but I do find highly interesting people on Youtube. For instance, I listen to a trio of Jungian analysts who are friends and who talk about topics in an accessible way where non-analysts can follow what they are discussing. They do part of the segment as a free dream analysis, which I love in and of itself. It's funny how technology was meant to make our lives easier, but it just made people depressed and anxious, and I think it's because so many of us are so cut off from nature and from our own nature. Like you say, we forget that we are animals, too!
I like that you are saying about reading old books and noticing how we haven't changed as a society. I am always so surprised how the Greek philosophers have nailed the essence of a modern problem precisely, or how Victorian people write about the same frustrations about society falling apart as we do. I am so frustrated with how people use tech. We could have an incredible education system at this point - escape games that teach how to build an Egyptian pyramid and the geometry involved, richly illustrated programs that teach phonics in fun ways to early readers who are struggling, music theory for everyone with beautiful music catered to the likes of each user, pairing up people who want to learn each other's langages, ... but no, it's being used for war and to figure out how to do better advertising and to collect data on people browsing the internet. I wish we could just take the competitive element out of capitalism and somehow make it more cooperative instead.
I hope it goes well with swimming in the ocean and that you do find wonderful things to get involved with. If not, I hope you can find ways to make your own fun and excitement, and maybe even get friends involved!! I am really hoping for that when we move, too!
I like that you are saying about reading old books and noticing how we haven't changed as a society. I am always so surprised how the Greek philosophers have nailed the essence of a modern problem precisely, or how Victorian people write about the same frustrations about society falling apart as we do. I am so frustrated with how people use tech. We could have an incredible education system at this point - escape games that teach how to build an Egyptian pyramid and the geometry involved, richly illustrated programs that teach phonics in fun ways to early readers who are struggling, music theory for everyone with beautiful music catered to the likes of each user, pairing up people who want to learn each other's langages, ... but no, it's being used for war and to figure out how to do better advertising and to collect data on people browsing the internet. I wish we could just take the competitive element out of capitalism and somehow make it more cooperative instead.
I hope it goes well with swimming in the ocean and that you do find wonderful things to get involved with. If not, I hope you can find ways to make your own fun and excitement, and maybe even get friends involved!! I am really hoping for that when we move, too!