Emily Rose: The Reboot

Definitely try to stop comparing yourself to others, Em. Like Petal says, many of them would probably fancy being footloose & fancy-free. Enjoy your date with SG xo
 
-Thanks Petal. I wouldn't have to do overtime every day, but I just feel I have got so behind on my tasks, I need to put more hours in. I definitely worked about 5 hours extra this week, because I didn't have Friday, which is normally my catch-up day. It's annoying. And yes, no more comparing, thank you!
- Yeah, I'm very limited in my outfit choices now because of my laziness when it comes to ironing LaMa, so it's one thing I want to get sorted this week when I have plenty of time.
- Thanks Cate. I think there's a part of me that always wants to fit in, and I hate that I don't sometimes. I'll just have to get over it.

I actually cancelled on SG, but I hope to meet him during the week instead. Reasons are I feel exhausted today and I just want to buy a few more days as I still feel so fat. I know it's silly, but that's how I feel.

I went to the dentist today, no fillings, and she did a marvellous job on the cleaning. Very happy with that.

I've decided to move up the timeline and quit smoking tomorrow. I don't have the stress of work to use as an excuse, so I'm feeling quite optimistic. I also have such a fun day planned tomorrow - swim at noon, playing tennis with Dad at 4pm, then heading for food in Milano's and the cinema to see Tenet afterwards with one of my good friends. So it's all gravy baby.

Tonight, I'm just chilling, no wine, eating ice cream instead, which I feel is a better alternative. Going to watch a bit of Netflix and get an early night. Starting a new weight loss plan tomorrow, really simple recipes, I hope it works for me. I have to try anyway. Let the Wellness Week commence!
 
I've done my share of canceling stuff because I felt too fat to be fabulous. And I've gone only to feel gross and out of place. So no blame from me here.
 
How was the pizza and the movie . Is it worth seeing , it's on in our local flick , might give it a go .

Feeling a bit fat myself last day or so . Here is to a more slimmer feeling for autumn
 
- Phew, thanks LaMa. :)
- Am, the movie is extremely confusing, but it's enjoyable at the same time. I also hope September gives us both a boost Petal.

I weighed in at 187.1 yesterday, another small drop, so I definitely feel I have started to lose again. I think the real panic Covid eating has calmed down a lot. I didn't actually think I was eating so much more during lockdown, but I guess when you consider how much more movement I do on a typical day now, it makes sense. Like, even climbing up and down the stairs to work a few times a day makes a difference.

Had a good day yesterday - did 40 laps (1000 m) in the pool at noon yesterday and played tennis against Dad in the afternoon. The sun came out but I felt a bit drained. I think my body just wants to rest and really rejuvenate over the next week. I'm okay with that!

I went for the smaller pizza option in the restaurant, but then I had a honeycomb dessert thing as well, which was lovely, I have to admit. My friend had also pre-ordered popcorn for us for the cinema, which goes into the mystery popcorn stomach that appears even when you are really full already. Still, I didn't feel overly full, so I hope the exercise yesterday did something to help with the calorie imbalance.

Really feeling so content and happy this morning, just enjoying sitting in my bed and not really having to go anywhere or do anything. I am going to try to book a massage and reflexology now - today if I can and Wednesday if not. I am going to treat myself and not feel bad about it whatsoever. I'm on my holidays!

My friend is a teacher and he was telling me they have to teach with the masks on, which I didn't realise. I asked how the kids will be able to hear them and they have to wear microphones now! Madness.

I have since booked the massage for today at 1pm. They don't do reflexology at the moment but my main beauty place in town does, so I'll book in there on Wednesday for that. Better get up now and have my breakfast, can't wait for my massage! I just want all the tension from the last few weeks to melt away.
 
- Thanks LaMa.

I had a pizza this evening and I feel so full after it that I've booked in for a late-night swim so I don't go to bed feeling sick. I played tennis for 2 hours this morning, but still - pizza is a lot of calories. Anyway, I've eaten it now. When will I learn?

I also called to a friend's new house earlier and she gave me a tour of it, as I hadn't been there before. It was really enjoyable. We used to work together in my last place. She was asking about my current job and I was complaining and she said it always seemed like I was trying to convince myself that I actually liked working there. Interesting observation I thought. Maybe it is time for pastures new. I am loving the break, I have to say.

SG texted me again today so we are definitely meeting on Wednesday. I have booked us into a pub in town, I will not cancel this time! I really don't think that's fair on him, even though he never gets mad really. Which is kind of amazing. I'd have been so pissed off if I were him. But I guess he understands that it's my issues really. Anyway, let's see how we get on. We're going to the place where we had our first date actually. We haven't been back since.

That's it for now, still haven't tidied my room, but I am getting up early for spinning in the morning, so when I come back, I hope to get to some chores. Or else I'll just go back to bed for myself, who knows?
 
Not all pizzas are too high in calories Em . Maybe it was a small one :)

Sounds like a good start to your week . I think I convince myself a bit that I like my job too ( sometimes I do right now it's horrible ) . Forget about it for this week go have fun
 
Thanks everyone.

I’m sitting in the pub now listening to the great music waiting for SG. I really miss the pub. Way better than drinking wine in my room. I have a nice blue dress on, got some new makeup, I think I look pretty good!! :)

Did loads of work for the drama group today, excited about that starting up again. Some great people in it that I look forward to meeting again.

Also played tennis for two hours today and even did a bit of coaching with a new girl. I was teaching her the serve. I really like being a coach, haha.

Anyway, that’s it for now! More tomorrow.
 
You paint a really good picture, Em. I could just imagine you sitting in the pub, looking good, listening to the music....
It's good to hear about you getting back into your drama group & your tennis. Your life looks pretty good, Em. Lots of possibilities.....
 
Thanks for the nice and supportive comments guys. :)

The date went really well. I think we definitely have a good connection, SG got a bit drunk towards the end of the night and was telling the barmaid I was his 'beautiful love', which was really nice to hear. I guess I still have reservations on the SG front - I enjoy his company, I find him attractive, but I also have a lot of misgivings about him, so... I don't know. It's not 'right', it's more a 'right now' thing. Which is better than nothing, I guess. I just think there's a different guy out there for me who I will end up with.

I've been on my own so long that it's hard for me to imagine wanting to be with someone all the time. I really like having so much freedom in some ways. Like, I might not meet SG now for a few weeks and I am fine with that. I think when I meet the love of my life, it will be different. I am just really hesitant to share so much of myself with someone else. I guess I just need some form of love that I haven't met with yet. And, it's interesting, because I actually feel comfortable with SG, and I'm not out to impress him, maybe a bit but I'm more or less myself. I just think there's a different level needed to get me to really commit.

Food is not going well, I am not doing enough to take care of myself in that regard. That really annoys me all the time. It's a constant drain on the brain - I want to nap constantly - it's really the fact that I waste so much energy scolding myself. I hope to get to a happier place in time. I do think I understand myself more now, but I still have this deep sadness inside me that I constantly try to push away. Maybe it is time to confront that.

My friend with the new house was telling me she had just chatted with a therapist that day - she said she was good and she would recommend it to anyone. I have no shame about having a therapist really - I guess I don't know if it would really accomplish anything. I feel like I know myself already - I actually find it really boring to talk about myself in real life at times. It depends I guess. But I find it all a bit of a dance.

I think overall, this holiday has been great. I know a bit more of what I want and don't want - I am going to go back to work with a huge distance maintained between myself and the emotional stuff. I'm going to prioritise getting on top of my tasks for a bit, and then I am going to just enjoy my time off as much as I can. If things don't improve, I will leave, and not wait around anymore. No more chances given.
 
Mr. Right Now can be a lot of fun (and sometimes a sanity saver) so I say enjoy.
It's a constant drain on the brain - I want to nap constantly - it's really the fact that I waste so much energy scolding myself.
That could be a thing to work on in therapy but if you feel like you're making enough progress on your own that's fine and all that matters. Your life, your way.
 
Em did you clean your room ? Lol
Sounds like you had a great time and are focused enough for the autumn . Enjoy the moment Em and the future will look after itself
 
- Yeah, I am contemplating it LaMa. We'll see what September brings.
- No, I did not Petal. Hahaha. Tomorrow!! My last day to do it. I am the Queen of Procastination. :D

I'm not going to talk too long tonight, as it is late already. I had a really nice day. I went for a tennis lesson this morning and then the lady I took the lesson with asked me to play doubles with her at 6pm, so I had an unexpected extra game today. It was really nice to be asked, and the weather was lovely today, so I enjoyed the extra time outdoors.

I met a friend this evening in the pub for a few drinks and the obligatory food, there was a real buzz in town, it was great to be a part of it. We had such a pleasant evening. We're planning a trip to Wimbledon next year if possible! I hope it happens.

I really feel I've had such a fantastic holiday and I made the absolute most of the time I had off. If I want to show off and give you a list:
- 1 x date
- 1 x meetup with friend in pub
- 1 x tennis lesson
- 1 x massage
- 1 x reflexology session
- 1 x dentist
- 1 x swim
- 1 x yoga class
- 2 x cinema trips (1 with friend)
- 2 x visit friends
- 2 x visit home
- 8 x tennis games (1 remaining tomorrow)

I mean, in 10 days off, that is not bad. Carpe diem seems to be my thing lately. I absolutely love Dead Poets Society and I think this scene sums it up. I want to suck out all the marrow of life.

 
Sounds like a great vacation!
 
Back
Top