Emily Rose: The Reboot

I am joining in on the compliments for that dress - looking for new clothes is exactly what I do as a reward! My Etsy account is full of saved items. Feels great when you get to the event having fulfilled that goal.
 
- Haha, she'll be getting very expensive taste at an early age Petal!
- Yeah, the clothes on there are gorgeous LaMa.
- I'm really glad you managed to quit again Sunflower. They're insidious bastards, they really are. Still working away from home, which is great. I think we should be okay.
- Yeah, I'm not sure the event will even happen at this stage DA, but fingers crossed. I would love a day out!

Going to follow Sunflower's lead and start tracking again.

Weight: 181.8 lbs - 41.2% BF - 27.7 BMI
Sleep: 9 hr 39 min
RHR: 59

Food:
- porridge, 4 prunes, raisins, soya milk; slice of toast with butter and marmalade
- scrambled eggs, fried mushrooms and onions, slice of toast with butter
- brown rice and massaman curry sauce with onions, mushrooms, courgette, peppers, potatoes, spinach
- 100 g happy cow milka bar
- coffee and milk, tea and milk, orange juice, love tea, stomach ease tea, peppermint tea

Steps: 12,026
Exercise:
- run 360 cal burn
- walk 232 cal burn
Total: 592
- yoga: Day 1 - Yoga with Adriene - Dedicate

Cigs: 8

Tired now, happy enough with the day. Wanted wine by the end of it. It's difficult when I don't have to go into the office every day not to want it. But I managed.

Oh, almost forgot to say. I was rewarded for going for a run because I went on a new trail today and I bumped into a very good friend of mine! It was so nice to see him. We actually didn't have that much to say, but it was a nice surprise. Looking forward to having a proper meet-up with him again soon.
 
Well done on a good day, Em. I hope you get to give up those ciggies, Em & buy that pretty dress. One day you will be able to go out & party again xoxo
 
Hey Emily, good to see you tracking food, exercise, and cigarettes. It will really benefit you! And hopefully one day you can stop counting the cigarettes, because they are just done.

I understand the wanting alcohol thing, many a night I miss my nightcaps. Not enough to start regularly, but I do think about it.

Good news about your friend, do get together when it's safe.

Keep up the good work, makes me feel good to see you doing well!
 
- Oh God, I'm sure I will Cate. I've got a few parties left in me for sure.
- Thanks Rob.

I'm actually not going to do the tracking thing today - went for my run, ate 3 good meals, have gone off course a bit this evening, but anyway...

What I wanted to discuss with people is food + mood.

So, one of my housemates is doing the keto diet, which to me is the most miserable diet in the world. She has the same two salmon darnes with a sad amount of asparagus for dinner every evening. It's just very restrictive. Plus, you have to take all these supplements because you're not eating any fruit! Which to me is bananas (pardon the pun!). But, she has lost a lot of weight in a relatively short of space of time, which is great. I have only met her when she's already lost a lot of the weight, so I don't know the difference. But I know people and I know mood...

So, last weekend, she splashed out with a cheat meal and got steak and had mashed potatoes, veg and a few glasses of red wine, and she was so chatty and made the effort with me and all that. We had a nice chat.

But her default mode really is misery, if I'm being honest. Like, she's a naturally quiet person, that's cool. When I'm comfortable, I am a natural talker, really inquisitive, I want to know everything about everyone. (I remember my first year in college, my housemate turned to me one night and said, 'Oh my God, the amount of questions you ask people!' Sometimes I think I am an alien planted here to learn about the human race.) But anyway. Quiet people, all good. Surly people, not so much.

But I'm wondering if maybe that is because of the restrictive diet. Like, we all know the stereotype of the jolly, fat person. And obviously, it's not great to be basically on a sugar binge to make you hyper and fun to be around. But I also think being on a diet makes some people joyless and surly and not great company.

I just know I am the worst person in the world when I am hungry. I have absolutely no energy for anybody or anything. Sometimes, it's not even when I'm hungry, it's just when I'm functioning without sugar. Keto Housemate (new name) has been on this diet for months, so she must have adjusted to it at this stage, and yet the taciturn mode of communication seems to be default mode, unless she has a boost from something.

I guess what I'm asking is - is it possible to get to your goal weight by following a diet and still be a happy person? Cate, I know you went on that mega diet a while back - what were you like on it? Did you feel like yourself?

I'm just wondering if I want to go on the journey if I am going to be a moody bitch for the duration.
 
Em, when I went on that mega diet, back in 2007 I felt really positive & almost like a religious convert. I'm not sure what happened really. It was like a switch got turned on. I just asked G to make sure my memory wasn't playing tricks on me, but he said: "No, you weren't grumpy at all". I have had a lot of trouble finding the motivation to be really strict again & still have my original plan. It really was super strict. You could only eat from a list of certain vegetables, fruit & lean protein, no bread, pasta, rice, wine, no starchy veg at all, everything strictly weighed out. I somehow did that for 6 months.
Keto wouldn't suit me at all as I love my fruit & veggies too much. IF works for lots of people, but is hard when you live with someone. 5:2 is my preference as I only really feel like I'm "on a diet" 2 days a week. I can cope with hunger for 2 days. Just.
 
My friend D has been doing keto for 2 years now and she thrives on it (been dieting since she was a fat-camp teen and always had trouble sticking to things because her hunger signals were so intense), likely because she's a creative cook who isn't limited to salmon, asparagus, and supplements. She even eats some fruit (usually berries) and has the occasional shot of gin (which is how I know gin's the most keto-friendly version of that keto-unfriendly thing called alcohol. Maybe your housemate has to be very strict to stay in ketosis but she could also be so restrictive because she's terrified of regaining her weight, which sounds miserable to me. I think most people are unhappy on very restrictive diets but if you want long-term success overly restrictive may not be your best bet anyway.
 
I have a friend who has a lot of weight to lose . I guess he is about 350 lb . He tries the keto diet and makes keto bread , does great meals but Friday night he is off it having pasta or rice or chips and wine and lots of snacks . He says is the weekend and starts again Monday . I was trying to help and encourage him but I don’t ask anymore. It doesn’t suit his lifestyle the keto diet . I tried it years ago and lasted a week and put back on the weight I lost in days .
Sounds like your in a good place Emily . Nice you met your friend .
 
I love that you met an old friend on your walk! What a great pay-off. :)

As for your question - yes, surely it's possible (not that I know from experience, yet) to stick to a diet, to the point of hitting goal weight, and still be:
a) happy, and
b) good company.
But maybe KH is being so hard on herself that she's building up anger at not being able to keto without difficulty, and that is what makes her bad company? It really doesn't sound as if she's hit the right weight-loss strategy for her, however well it works for others.
 
- That's really interesting Cate, thanks for explaining.
- Hi LaMa, I don't really know my housemate that well, I guess I am just trying to figure her out. Maybe the keto has nothing to do with it. Thanks for sharing.
- I don't think I'm in a good or bad place Petal, just a place. Which is okay for now.
- I'm probably being too judgemental Amy. 'Your vibe attracts your tribe', and of course, both my housemates are trying to lose weight.

I had an off morning but the rest of the day was fine. I think I have more time to process my moods now and really wonder what the fuck is going on.

I've been thinking a lot about how I can earn money without earning stress and nonsense along the way. I've talked about my job a lot here - in some ways, it's great. I am autonomous, I can really be creative if I want to be, I get a lot of praise and I know they like me. At the same time, there is so much office politics to cope with, even when we are not even around each other, that I find very difficult. I just like to be myself, and make stupid jokes sometimes, and it's all reported back, and I feel under surveillance and that everything I do is commented on. It's a nightmare. And yet I want to be in a creative industry, where reviews and comments are what you are going to have to deal with on a daily basis. It's a strange place to be.

Maybe when this is all over, I should just take that backpack and travel around and find out what would make me happy. I don't know what really would.

I guess I have too much time to think right now and I'm thinking that I am stressed out far too much. I'm not even in the office and I feel unhappy and worried about everything. And in my personal life, I know I have people that care about me, and they will show up and be there for me if I ask them, but it's not like we are texting and video messaging every day. I am as solitary as I ever was. I think I am really missing a great friendship or love or something. I need a bit more.
 
It sounds like it's the creativity that you most like about your current job, and the audience/colleagues response to it. Is it both those things - or one more than the other? - e.g. does the creating in itself make you happy?
I can see that for visual artists or musicians it might - just the thrill of working out how to capture some idea. But for writers and theatre workers there's got to be audience/reader reactions, I guess, and that comes with anxiety that no-one will like it, or that they won't like it as much as the last time. :( TV and film writers must feel under surveillance the whole time, with the business-driven constant tracking of audience numbers.

With the "too much time to think", could you seriously focus, and mine your life to write a new, funnier, stunning shared-house version of Women on the Verge?
 
That post really resonated with me. Although I guess I've kind of given up on truly decent office politics by now. I have no advice to offer, although age-wise I'm 10 years ahead of you. So here's just a hug :grouphug:
 
- Hi Amy. Yes, I definitely enjoy the process of putting an email together or writing a story, but I always love to get feedback on them also. I guess when you write, you don't only write for you - it's nice to share your ideas with others and get a response from them.
- Thanks LaMa, hugs are always welcome.
- Thanks Cate. xx

Right. I'm over whatever was bothering me last night (probably because I have a few days off now). I've kind of figured out how to make the days of not much happening more enjoyable for myself. I'm getting used to not being able to go to a cafe or go clothes shopping or whatever. I do really miss the swimming pool, yoga classes and the gym, I absolutely cannot wait until those things are back. But, as I mentioned, I'm getting used to cooking for myself more and all of that. So I'm doing okay with it.

I've had a very enjoyable day so far. The weather is beautiful outside, which helps. I went to the supermarket this morning and got my shopping done, bought a takeaway coffee and a magazine and sat in the car reading it for a while. Very relaxing. I came home and realised I'd completely forgotten something I needed from the pharmacy, so back into the car and to the one in the village. I actually saw a woman working there that I was best friends with in primary school for a few years. I actually wasn't very nice to her, when I think back. I used to pinch her to make her do what I wanted. Yes, I can be awful from time to time. Luckily, I don't do that to people anymore, lol.

Anyway, for some reason, I got the idea into my head to buy a measuring tape. I got the perfect one in Dealz. I did a preliminary measurement - not good, I'm afraid. I'm going to start measuring once a week, just to see if I can get my waist down to where it should be. I'm not depressed about the number now, because I know there's an easy solution - do something about it! I will measure again tomorrow and share with you.

I also got a text to say they have set up a blood bank in a hotel very near my house for next week, so I rang and booked an appointment for Monday. I've only donated blood once and I have been meaning to go back for ages, so this is my chance. It's not completely selfless, as I get to go somewhere and interact with other people, which is very exciting! But I'm still doing my bit I guess.

I had a lovely lunch there - I went home yesterday and Dad gave me roast chicken and stuffing to bring back with me, so I made up a lovely sandwich and had it with the homemade potato and broccoli soup I made the other day. The soup was extremely bland - I think it needed some carrot in it to sweeten it up a bit. But I will make another attempt soon.

I might have a little nap now and then watch a movie or read my book for a while. I'm planning a veggie chilli with pasta for dinner and I was a bit bold and bought garlic bread in the shop this morning, which I know is absolutely not good for weight loss but will go so well with my meal.

Have a nice day all.
 
Good to hear you´re feeling more at peace with things. And great that you´re going to donate blood! About your soup: it probably just needs more salt. Soup takes a LOT of salt, potatoes take a LOT of salt, and potato soup seems to take the squared amount :)
 
Hi Em nice you have a long weekend . It is a beautiful day and good to hear you are cooking and getting back into putting up with this enforced solitude. It’s not easy I know .
Office politics go on in most places so unless you become self employed it’s hard to avoid .
Disappearing for a while with a back pack sounds like a great idea to me . It could open up a whole new world .
 
Your day sounded much better, Em. Just having some human interaction cheers me up immensely. I didn't realise just how much it is important to me. That's good that you get to give blood nearby. Win/win for everyone.
 
Emilyrose said:
Anyway, for some reason, I got the idea into my head to buy a measuring tape. I got the perfect one in Dealz. I did a preliminary measurement - not good, I'm afraid. I'm going to start measuring once a week, just to see if I can get my waist down to where it should be. I'm not depressed about the number now, because I know there's an easy solution - do something about it! I will measure again tomorrow and share with you.
Click to expand...
Oh, terrific! Though "where it should be" is a bit of a shifting figure (ha! half a pun in there). 35 inches has been quoted here more than once as a maximum for women, but I've also seen 88 cm, which is half an inch less than that - and I've also seen that one should do a waist/height comparison, which doesn't sound encouraging. :(
Anyway, you have the tape measure now, and I'll haul mine out as well.
Good for you, re: the blood bank. :)
 
- Oh God Petal, I know. When will that opportunity be available to me again? I'm not sure. I should probably start saving now.
- I love the blue-footed boobies Cate. So cute. I need the interaction too.
- Yeah, wasn't too bad H.
- I always thought it was 32, but I will aim for 35 as a starting point. (38 now.) Thanks Amy.

Since my last post, I have found the most beautiful woodland walk near my house. It's a bit further than the 2 km (I just checked - it's actually 7 km away - whoops!) but it is really lovely there. I have gone there the last few days and I can feel how amazing it is for stress relief already. The walk is about 50 minutes and it's quite a hike in stages, and I have honestly felt really inspired and like a new woman after doing it the last few days. I love listening to the river and the birds tweeting, my feet jumping over tree branches and avoiding the muddy parts. I saw a squirrel today. And a cow. Lol.

I've made a decision. I'm going to try to do a full year of a daily walk in the woods and see how I get on. Obviously, I might not be living in this house for another 365 days, but I am not going anywhere for the foreseeable future, so let's just set it as a year and see how it goes. I just think it is great to have something tangible to aim for every day and I think it will do me the world of good. It's a nice workout too, but it really is more for clearing my mind. I am back at work on Wednesday and I am going to try to get up every morning and do the walk before I sit down at my desk. I think it will be a great thing for my head.

Food has been okay the last few days, not fantastic, but not terrible either. Still smoking, but I really do know that the end is nigh for this. I have had a lot of days not smoking till after 6pm, not smoking at all, etc. and I haven't freaked out. It's keeping the streak going is the thing I'm trying to wrap my head around.

I didn't do a reading/listening thing in a while, so let's do that.

Currently reading: Normal People by Sally Rooney. It's won loads of awards and there's an adaptation of it starting on TV this week. I feel really emotional reading it actually. It's very honest, brings me back to my youth, and makes me contemplate missed opportunities. Which means it is a good book.
Currently listening to: I've listened to The Magnetic Fields' album 69 Love Songs a bit this week. It's such an interesting album - 69 songs, so it can be hit or miss, but overall, a brilliant record. I will post one of the best ones below.
Currently watching: I just finished the first series of Miranda. Sitcoms are not my thing, but it is laugh-out-loud funny, and since Miranda is the same age as I am in the first series, I can relate to so much of it. I definitely recommend it.

Not much else to say - people have gone mad on breaking the rules here, which means that lockdown might not be lifted any time soon. I did just tell you about my illegal woodland walk, so I am probably not helping things. Agh!!

 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top