Emily Rose: The Reboot

- Thanks Cate, I really feel good about that today.
- Thank you Amy.
- Yeah, I'm still undecided Rob.
- Thanks LaMa, that's a really useful tip. My mind was racing yesterday on the bus into town after work and I felt really panicky and awful. But the swim really helped, so I'm going to keep up this one exercise thing a day. It is very therapeutic for me.
- Thanks Petal. I'm going to see...

DAY 7 - MONDAY 7TH JANUARY 2020 - ALWAYS GO TO YOGA

Weight: 180.8 (0 pounds lost - 16.8 pounds to go)
Goal weight: 164
Body fat: 41.8% (0.1% lost - 11.8% to go)
Goal body fat: 30%
BMI: 27.5 (2.6 to go)
Goal BMI: 24.9

Food:
  • orange juice and cod liver oil tablet
  • 2 weetabix, granola, cornflakes, milk
  • vitamin c tablet
  • cappuccino; tea and milk
  • corned beef, coleslaw, celery, tomatoes, avocado, cheese, rocket, peppers, cucumber
  • feel new tea; end of a pack of crisps; 2 mars bar sweets; 1 jelly
  • tea and milk
  • roast chicken, gravy, potatoes, roast potatoes, stuffing, carrots, mangetout, broccoli
  • coffee and milk; 1 mentos
  • sleep tea; 2 cream biscuits
Exercise:
  • Kundalini yoga
Cigarettes: 7

3 Good Things:
- Loved the yoga class tonight. It was hard in a weird way. Feel great after it.
- Had a nice dinner and home time today.
- SG texted me. I still consider that a good thing, haha.

Anything else?:
Right. So, I've been on my new plan for a week now. I'm really happy with the fact that I have stuck to my plan of one exercise thing a day and also that I only drank alcohol one day this week, which is massive for me. Before Christmas and especially in the run-up to the play, I was drinking maybe 3 nights a week. Not always heavily, but a pint here, glass of wine there, etc. And it all adds up. So keeping the alcohol to the one night I spent with SG is very, very positive. I've also kept my log going here, and I've been honest in it completely. I have not left a morsel out. :)

Obviously, my weight has not gone down since last Wednesday, and I have only made a tiny dent in the body fat, but that's okay. It's not great, but the most important thing for me is getting consistent again and building up the good habits once more. I looked at my arms today in yoga, and you can see the muscle coming through from all the swimming this week, plus my legs feel really strong, and that's great. So I haven't lost, but maybe in a small way, I am conditioning, and hopefully that will begin to be reflected on the scale very soon.

Just to help things along a little bit, I am going to add a new rule. So, to recap:
1) One exercise thing per day.
2) No alcohol on my own or when I have work the next day.
3) Log everything on WLF.
4) No pizza or chips when I eat out.

I looked back on my diary this week, and I ate chips a lot, and that one pizza I had did a lot more damage than a salad would have done. I'm not going to say 'Stop eating out' at this juncture, because I love eating out right now, and I'm spending a lot of time in town at the moment with access to all these nice cafes and restaurants because I don't have my car. When I get my car back, reducing the eating out will be so much easier, as I will be back in the gym and not in the city anymore. But I think this simple thing of not ordering pizza or chips should help.

That's it, good day overall, off to la la land now, night all.
 
ALL of that sounds awesome! I love how nuanced and realistic it sounds.
 
Goodnight! Sleep well! And the day just gone looks pretty good - I love that you can see that you're on track - your own planned and intelligent track. All the best for tomorrow being even better. :)
 
- Ah LaMa, what a nice comment, haha.
- Thanks Amy.
- Cheers Cate.

DAY 7 - WEDNESDAY 9TH JANUARY 2020 - ADDICTED TO THOUGHT

Weight: 179.5 (0.7 pounds lost - 15.5 pounds to go)
Goal weight: 164
Body fat: 41.7% (0.2% lost - 11.8% to go)
Goal body fat: 30%
BMI: 27.3 (2.4 to go)
Goal BMI: 24.9

Food:
  • orange juice, cod liver oil tablet + evening primrose oil tablet
  • oat bran + milk; slice of toast with butter + marmalade
  • tangerine; coffee + milk
  • detox tea; cholesterol yoghurt drink; banana
  • chicken, celery, coleslaw, tomatoes, avocado, cucumber, spinach; slice of brown bread + butter
  • tea + milk; small twix bar
  • coffee + milk; digestive biscuit
  • turkey curry + turmeric with rice
  • coffee + milk; 1 cream biscuit
  • bottle of Finches orange
Exercise:
  • 50 laps pool
Cigarettes: 8

3 Good Things:
- My cousin texted me this morning about his wedding in December. I didn't even know he had my number. It was a nice surprise. (Don't forget I'll be wearing this amazing ensemble: rBVaI1nypsOAJVQKAAL_eJSAjpM600.jpg)
- There were so many crazy people in the bus station tonight and they made me feel sane and like I have my shit together. Ha.
- My mum did me a favour and drove me into town so I wouldn't have to wait for the bus in the rain. Aw.

Anything else?:
The scales have seen a slight movement. I'll take it.

When I was swimming earlier, I realised how crazy my thoughts are, just swirling around in my head, the same shit over and over and over. I'm getting tired of it. I had it more under control the last few months but I had a knock to my confidence recently and it kick-started the same miserable cycle again. I don't want to be on this merry-go-round anymore. So I'm going to really work hard to only experience the negative thing once, and then immediately try to discard it, and process it while I'm sleeping, which is the way it should be. Let the subconscious do its magic. Why am I making myself suffer needlessly like this?

This is a very difficult thing to tackle, but tackle it I must if I am ever to move forward.
 
When you work out how to stop having that loop, Em let us know. I still go over things I did or said decades ago that I regret. What I do is say STOP & then distract myself. They achieve nothing. What is said & done is just that, I hope you find that way forward xo
 
Emilyrose said:
- My cousin texted me this morning about his wedding in December. I didn't even know he had my number. It was a nice surprise. (Don't forget I'll be wearing this amazing ensemble: )
- There were so many crazy people in the bus station tonight and they made me feel sane and like I have my shit together. Ha.
Click to expand...
:rotflmao: Love that.
 
A slight movement, maybe, but into the 170s! Yes! :hurray:

About the swirling thoughts... :( I'm sorry you're being plagued that way - sorry about the knock to your confidence and about whatever the negative thing was in the first place. Can you just tell the "voice" which is throwing those thoughts at you to just knock it off - like you're saying "quit it, brain! I've got better things to do than to go through all that old stuff". Like it's tedious rubbish, that you just can't be bothered with.

Love the idea of you at the wedding in that gown, by the way! :D
 
I’m the same Em I play old stuff over and over again and I do like Cate does and just say stop but it’s hard sometimes. I listen to audio books and am constantly rewinding because I am thinking about some stupid nonsense . I will try to stop it along with you . Well done on the little loss so far .

when you have all the different cereals so you have all together ? Lol
 
- Thanks Cate, I really am working on it.
- Haha, thanks LaMa.
- Thanks Amy, I feel like the swimming is really helping me process stuff. I feel a lot freer tonight.
Petal001 said:
when you have all the different cereals so you have all together ? Lol
Click to expand...
- Excuse me Petal! Don't knock it till you've tried it. :rotflmao:

DAY 9 - THURSDAY 9TH JANUARY 2020 - THERE'S HOPE IN THE AIR
Weight: 178.9 (1.3 pounds lost - 14.9 pounds to go)
Goal weight: 164
Body fat: 41.7% (0.2% lost - 11.7% to go)
Goal body fat: 30%
BMI: 27.2 (0.2 lost - 2.3 to go)
Goal BMI: 24.9

Food:
  • orange juice and cod liver oil tablet
  • 1 weetabix, granola, cornflakes, milk; slice of toast with butter + marmalade
  • tangerine; coffee + milk
  • tea and milk; detox tea; 2 mars bar sweets
  • tuna, celery, coleslaw, tomatoes, courgette, peppers, cheese, cucumber, spinach; slice of brown bread + butter
  • slice of birthday cake
  • galaxy caramel bar
  • beef lasagna, boiled potatoes, broccoli, carrots
Exercise:
  • 50 laps pool
Cigarettes: 8

3 Good Things:
- I feel a lot better today about everything.
- I am viewing a potential house on Saturday.
- My car will be fixed on Monday.

Anything else?:
The house I'm viewing is pretty much across the road from the swimming pool so it would be perfect! Fingers crossed.

I don't have much else to say, my mum keeps talking to me, so it's hard to concentrate, haha. Bring on the weekend! Whoo whoo.
 
Lol Em I must try sometime !
I have to admit I laughed out loud with the detox tea and 2 mars sweets .
what’s the detox tea ?
 
Across the road from a swimming pool would be marvellous! Splish! splash! - at six in the morning, when no-one else is around... ooohhhh... I do hope that one works out!
The swimming sounds great, and I'm glad it helps in clearing your head. Also - terrific to see you're firmly down in the 170s now! :)
 
All this talk of swimming had me get my bathers out today. I would love to have a swimming pool across the road!
 
I have to say I don’t like swimming mainly the showering and hair washing etc plus I am a crap swimmer but like Cate I’m thinking I could give it another go , I have a gym with a pool I could try .
 
- Thanks Cate. It was lovely, and would have been the same landlord as the house before last, where I stayed for 3 years. I really hope I get it.
- The detox tea is this lovely one I got in Tesco, so nice: IDShot_225x225.jpg
- I actually like it better when there's people there Amy, I really enjoy the random conversations in the jacuzzi.
- Me too LaMa. I have my heart set on the place. And there's this cool flea market just a few steps away. I had a look today, there was some interesting stuff in there.

DAY 10 - FRIDAY 10TH JANUARY 2020 - CLEARING THE AIR
Weight: 178.7 (1.5 pounds lost - 14.7 pounds to go)
Goal weight: 164
Body fat: 41.7% (0.2% lost - 11.7% to go)
Goal body fat: 30%
BMI: 27.2 (0.2 lost - 2.3 to go)
Goal BMI: 24.9

Food:
  • orange juice and cod liver oil tablet
  • oat bran, milk; slice of toast with butter + marmalade
  • 2 biscuits; coffee + milk x 2
  • rice, spiced ham, corned beef, coleslaw, tomatoes, peppers, cheese, cucumber, spinach, rocket; slice of brown bread + butter
  • Mexican burger and Fanta
  • 5 pints Hophouse 13; 1 whiskey
Exercise:
  • 50 laps pool
Cigarettes: 17

3 Good Things:
- I had a big talk with Work Colleague and I think it might help us to move forward.
- I had a great night out with my Indian friends. One of them is getting married in a month's time so it was nice to have a drink with him before it all changes for him, haha. It's an arranged marriage so it's really interesting to talk about. He put his profile on a website that's kind of like Tinder, but it's to get married instead of just fuck around. He said one girl was rejected as a potential because she had the same horoscope as him. :)
- We are getting things in motion for the next play! It should be really good.

Anything else?:
So yeah, Work Colleague and I had a big heart-to-heart. It started off with him shouting at me and saying we're too alike and we should wait for the manager to come back and discuss the problem with her. I got him to sit down again anyway, and it transpires that the issue is that I made a comment to him last year that he really took offense to and he hasn't been able to get over it. It really upset him to the point where it changed his opinion on me, both personally and professionally. I've already apologised about the comment a number of times, but it's just the way he is that he cannot move on and forgive me. It's also all muddied because he said there were 'feelings' there, which is kind of a mad admission to make. I don't know if those were just platonic feelings or something more, but it really made me think that he has a lot of strong emotions when it comes to me - very positive before the comment, and then really negative afterwards. Which makes communication difficult and it really hard for us to work together.

We discussed the argument we had before Christmas and he said that he thought he'd gotten over what had happened earlier in the year, but clearly that wasn't the case. He said he couldn't believe how quickly we went from a normal conversation to shouting at each other. I said that if there's simmering resentment from both parties for months, it's really not surprising.

In conclusion, he said that he was glad he could be honest and he feels like it might help. He said that he still hasn't gotten over the argument and what I said to him in email afterwards, but he's sure that he will. He doesn't know how long that will take. I said I'm really glad he was honest because at least now I understand what was going on.

I guess I can't really do anymore now except be kind to him and give him space if it seems like he wants it. Hopefully, he will come back to me again.

In other news, WC had recommended this cool shop in town where they have really nice random stuff, and I found this epic notebook there today:
IMG_6185.JPG
I've been looking for a 2020 diary for ages, but couldn't find the 'right' one. This is the one.

I'm going to have a coffee now and then off to meet SG. I'm visiting my friend and her new baby tomorrow and then I'm going on a work trip on Monday! Busy times ahead.
 
Emily your diary looks good .
Glad you are sorting things out with WC . Hope things remain calm there for you .
Oh I enjoy poking around a flea market but need to go to the city for that .
your weekend sounds good . Hope you enjoy the night out and visit with your friend .

nice to see the weight going down too ! Well done
 
Love flea markets! And great that you know know what the WC mess was all about. In the end he doesn´t have to forgive you (though it would be more pleasant for you of course) but he does have to be able to treat you professionally again.
 
Em, I hope things settle down now with WC & you move to a platonic & pleasant work relationship. Fingers crossed with the house. How many would you be sharing with?
 
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