Do all guys check out other girls when they're dating someone?

Stefani1

Stefani1

New member
Does no one have eyes just for you? Does every guy check out other girls when they have a perfectly good one already?

I thought that if I lost enough weight I would be hot enough that this wouldn't happen, but if I get the response I expect, every man out there checks out other girls. Guess that means I'm spending the rest of my life alone because I can't trust anyone.
 
I have been with my fiance for 6 years now (since I was 14, he was 16) and I mean there have been occasions that I have seen his eyes wander and I bring it up and he says "You know, guys cannot help it, it's what we do, I mean I don't think about them or even remember them 1 second later." He then went on to say that guys even look at other guys to compare themselves to them (women do this to other women too). I am def the jealous type, but I trust he is not really doing anything to intentionally hurt me, and after seeing many committed men comment on the looks of women other than the ones they are with I am pretty sure 80-90% (if not more) of men notice women other than their own, now if it is like full on checking out (head to toe inspection or staring at their butts or boobs) is completely uncalled for, and I believe most men do not do that.
 
It's a bit of a double standard, any girl who isn't a lesbian says they don't look at other men is a liar. Bear in mind when it happens though it's the same type of thing. You look, have a thought, then carry on and don't even remember them later.

It's like saying you're only allowed to look at apples and nothing else. Well when you're walking down the grocery isle even though nothing else is available, its right in your view and you know that you just want the apples.

As long as they only look and don't touch then it's not the end of the world. Besides, you'll find a man who adores you and all the trivial stuff won't matter anymore :)
 
thank you for your responses everyone. It makes me sad that this is true, because I feel that I must be lacking in some way if my man has to look at other girls.

It makes me feel horrible that he can't have eyes just for me, and if all men are this way, as you've said, then I'll always be hurt. Therefore, I guess I don't belong in a relationship, if everyone is just going to hurt me in the end.
 
Stefani said:
thank you for your responses everyone. It makes me sad that this is true, because I feel that I must be lacking in some way if my man has to look at other girls.

It makes me feel horrible that he can't have eyes just for me, and if all men are this way, as you've said, then I'll always be hurt. Therefore, I guess I don't belong in a relationship, if everyone is just going to hurt me in the end.
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It has nothing to do with you. It's human nature to look at other people of the opposite sex.(or same if your into that ; ) Plus men are visual beings. Way more so than woman. It doesn't mean your not enough..not pretty enough..not sexy enough. ect. As women we think we are not good enough often..Be secure in yourself! If a guy checks out a girl it doesn't mean that he's planning on doing anything with her. They are just looking. You need some self confidence hun, your beautiful. Now if he is being rude about it then he's not the one for you. Like if he would make comments about how he wishes you looked like someone than that wouldn't be right at all. If he's just looking I don't see an issue with it..How many times do we as woman see a guy with his shirt off and think wow he's hot...pretty often I bet. Some guys are just more vocal about it. Plus the feel the need to look all the way up and down. Why I am not sure. lol It's harmless. Don't let it rule your emotions.
 
I consider myself to be a pretty old fashioned kind of guy. I have been with my g/f for almost a year now. When we are together I will never check out another woman. I think that is downright rude and disrespectful. I think she is so beautiful, and she deserves my attention, not someone else.

Honestly I don't intentionally look at other women when we are not together either. Now occasionally I will notice a pretty girl walk by or something. Note my word choice there: I will "notice" them passing by, but you will never catch me checking them out. We all see attractive people here and there. But there is a big difference in my opinion in seeing them, and gawking at them. I am very happy with my g/f and I think she is so beautiful, hence I have no desire to look at other women.
 
LeaJnice said:
It has nothing to do with you. It's human nature to look at other people of the opposite sex.(or same if your into that ; ) Plus men are visual beings. Way more so than woman. It doesn't mean your not enough..not pretty enough..not sexy enough. ect. As women we think we are not good enough often..Be secure in yourself! If a guy checks out a girl it doesn't mean that he's planning on doing anything with her. They are just looking. You need some self confidence hun, your beautiful. Now if he is being rude about it then he's not the one for you. Like if he would make comments about how he wishes you looked like someone than that wouldn't be right at all. If he's just looking I don't see an issue with it..How many times do we as woman see a guy with his shirt off and think wow he's hot...pretty often I bet. Some guys are just more vocal about it. Plus the feel the need to look all the way up and down. Why I am not sure. lol It's harmless. Don't let it rule your emotions.
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lol yeah I guess I do need some self confidence, but I'm really struggling with seeing something I like in the mirror. I'm trying, but I can't seem to see anything other than that 250 pound version of me.

I was just hoping that if a guy really liked somebody they wouldn't notice anybody else lol I guess that's naive. When I like somebody I truly only have eyes for them and they're the only ones I think are attractive in the entire world.
 
TrumpetGuy said:
I consider myself to be a pretty old fashioned kind of guy. I have been with my g/f for almost a year now. When we are together I will never check out another woman. I think that is downright rude and disrespectful. I think she is so beautiful, and she deserves my attention, not someone else.

Honestly I don't intentionally look at other women when we are not together either. Now occasionally I will notice a pretty girl walk by or something. Note my word choice there: I will "notice" them passing by, but you will never catch me checking them out. We all see attractive people here and there. But there is a big difference in my opinion in seeing them, and gawking at them. I am very happy with my g/f and I think she is so beautiful, hence I have no desire to look at other women.
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Your gf is a lucky woman!

So you'd gladly make the decision to never be able to look at another woman in your lifetime (if that were a true possibility)?

And you're saying that you never WANT to check out another girl, right? That the "noticing" is completely involuntary on your part, that it's involuntary on every guy's part and that "checking someone out" involves actively thinking about or wanting other girls.
 
I think there is a big difference between 'looking at' and 'checking out'. My husband looks at other women. Of course he does. Can't run around with his eyes closed. And I look at other people, male and female. I even sometimes point other girls out to my husband. He'll look, say something like 'Oh yeah, nice legs', then turn around, look at me and say 'But yours are nicer!'

I know I can trust my husband, and he can trust me. And if either of us wants to look at somebody...so what? I enjoy looking at (imo) beautiful humans. But looking has nothing to do with wanting anything else. I enjoy looking at a good looking man or woman as much as I enjoy looking at a beautiful painting. No harm in that.
 
thank you for your responses everyone. It makes me sad that this is true, because I feel that I must be lacking in some way if my man has to look at other girls.
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Why? We're all human. I'm in a relationship with a guy who I ADORE. He's good looking, sweet, loving, kind, and the sex is awesome. That doesn't mean I can't appreciate another good looking guy when I see him.

If you buy a piece of art that you love, does that mean you can't appreciate the value of another piece of art as well, even if you have no desire to own it?

I never understood women who got pissed off becuase their guy looked at other good looking women. Heck, when we're out I'll point out women who I think are his "type" ... simply because it makes me smile to know that even though there are dozens (maybe even hundreds) of women out there who are freakin' gorgeous ... who is it he's going home with? ME!

That whole "I'm not meant to be in a relationship" thing is .. if you'll forgive me being harsh ... self-pitying BS.

The idea that you'll never think another person is attractive? Horse hockey. That's childish, Cinderella thinking.

There are lots of attractive people in the world. Just because I say I think Hugh Jackman is totally hot and I'd do him in a minute doesn't mean I'm not head over heels for my guy.
 
KaraCooks said:
Why? We're all human. I'm in a relationship with a guy who I ADORE. He's good looking, sweet, loving, kind, and the sex is awesome. That doesn't mean I can't appreciate another good looking guy when I see him.

If you buy a piece of art that you love, does that mean you can't appreciate the value of another piece of art as well, even if you have no desire to own it?

I never understood women who got pissed off becuase their guy looked at other good looking women. Heck, when we're out I'll point out women who I think are his "type" ... simply because it makes me smile to know that even though there are dozens (maybe even hundreds) of women out there who are freakin' gorgeous ... who is it he's going home with? ME!

That whole "I'm not meant to be in a relationship" thing is .. if you'll forgive me being harsh ... self-pitying BS.

The idea that you'll never think another person is attractive? Horse hockey. That's childish, Cinderella thinking.

There are lots of attractive people in the world. Just because I say I think Hugh Jackman is totally hot and I'd do him in a minute doesn't mean I'm not head over heels for my guy.
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I'm in a relationship too, with I guy I adore as well and who adores me. I completely agree that I can recognize that other people are attractive, but that doesn't mean that I'm attracted to them or want them. That is what I meant; maybe it did not come off that way and I apologize for any confusion. My wording was poor, and does not reflect my true meaning.

I, too, pick out girls while I am out with my man who I know he will find attractive and that are his type. What I don't understand is why he's with me when there are so many other women out there who are BETTER.

You're not being harsh at all. I completely understand where you are coming from. Where I am coming from may be a place of "self-pity," I agree, but I think I look like a piece of shit. I have never been confident and I don't think I ever will be. I used to weigh 250 pounds, and now am 156. I have come a long way and many people tell me I'm attractive, hot even, but that doesn't make me believe it. Until I'm secure in my own looks and learn to believe that I deserve to be loved, I will never enjoy my man looking at someone else or be secure enough to have him do so without hurting me. Therefore, I do not believe that I'm meant to be in a relationship with my self-confidence as it is now.

I'm jealous that you are such a secure person. I can only hope that one day I will be as secure as you are. If you have any suggestions as to how I might do this, it would be extremely helpful. After all, you seem to be a very opinionated and open person and I would enjoy hearing your point of view on the subject. Check out my other threads and maybe you can give me some valuable input there as well.

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I can only hope that you will respond to my other existing threads as openly and as thoughtfully as you have this one.
 
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Stefani said:
I, too, pick out girls while I am out with my man who I know he will find attractive and that are his type. What I don't understand is why he's with me when there are so many other women out there who are BETTER.
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There's much more to a person than their looks Stefani, you seem to be forgetting that! Granted that outward appearance is what everybody sees everyday, the person inside is where the true attraction takes place and is the most meaningful. He's with you primarily because your personality is something he finds attractive and can relate to (or at least he should be).

There's many very attractive women I see everyday that I have absolutely nothing in common with...and would never want to date. It's not just about the looks Stefani! :)

Stefani said:
I have come a long way and many people tell me I'm attractive, hot even, but that doesn't make me believe it. Until I'm secure in my own looks and learn to believe that I deserve to be loved, I will never enjoy my man looking at someone else or be secure enough to have him do so without hurting me. Therefore, I do not believe that I'm meant to be in a relationship with my self-confidence as it is now.
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This is definitely something you need to work on! It's completely natural for men to look at other women even if they're in a relationship...women do the same thing too! Are you going to tell me you don't walk around campus and notice other guys that you think are "hot"??? Come on, I know you do! Is there any harm in doing that? Of course not!!!

Him looking at other women doesn't mean his feelings for you are any less Stefani! :)
 
Hmmmm. Do I check out other women?
I have to think what I see when I look at another woman.

Im not really sure...but being with my wife of 4 yrs partner for 14, I do know I dont look at other women like I did when I was single.

Back before then, it was like I was shopping. Looking to test drive. Checking under the hood. Pricing maintenance. Seeing how far you get on a tank. I could go on and on.
Now I have a great vehicle. Does what it is supposed to do, looks great...goes anywhere. It is always there for me and gets me where I want to go. It might be tempermental on wet days, it shows its age, has some dents...but overall, its dependable.

I might look at Ferraris and Lamborghinis....but I'll never want one. High priced, too dangerous, high maintenance, shitty mileage...and someones always trying to break into them or steal them.

I guess like they say...Its a Jeep thing...you wouldnt understand :)

All humour aside...its simple.
When you find the right guy, you wont have to worry about other women.

Good luck
 
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I think Flumes summed it up pretty well. Because I am in a relationship with someone I love I don't look at women the same way as I would if I were single. If I see a beautiful woman I may notice her out of the corner of my eye, but that's it. I don't look at someone else and think naughty thoughts or things like that. I think that it is a very distinct line.

There are certain things in the world that are pleasing to look at, and we all notice them. A nice sunset, beautiful art, a nice view out of a window, and yes an attractive member of the opposite sex (or same sex if you roll that way). But I have someone I am happy with and I don't notice other women the same way as I would if I were single.
 
Stefani said:
Does no one have eyes just for you? Does every guy check out other girls when they have a perfectly good one already?

I thought that if I lost enough weight I would be hot enough that this wouldn't happen, but if I get the response I expect, every man out there checks out other girls. Guess that means I'm spending the rest of my life alone because I can't trust anyone.
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...says the girl with half-naked pictures of herself in a bikini posted in her profile?

You're upset that your boyfriend 'checks out' other girls, but you have nooooo problem posting pictures of yourself in a bikini on the internet, for the whole world to see, just so you can get off on the 'OMG U R sooooo HAWT' type comments and get some sort of self-absorbed ego boost?

Relationships take TWO people to work at it in order to be successful. You can't get upset at your boyfriend for doing something that you are trying to get other boyfriends to do. You don't want your man to gawk at other women, but you want other men to gawk at you?

Oh, and you also started an entire thread just so you could show off your "bikini body". You have no right to be upset at all.

Man, how does it feel to have your cake and eat it too?

On a serious note - Yes, ALL men look. So do ALL women. Nobody can deny it. Grow up.

/THREAD
 
Chef pretty much said what I was thinking reading this whole thread.

There's nothing wrong with "admiring" another person. I love my fiance more than life itself, and he treats me like a princess and makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world but guess what... He has a penis, therefore he's going to look at other women. He doesn't gawk at them, but of course he notices. Any man that's in a relationship or married that says they don't look at or notice other women is either lying or gay. If you act like an overly jealous female, you're going to find out real quick how to lose your man. Men don't like jealous, insecure women. Be confident... Just because men admire another female, doesn't mean they don't find you attractive or think you're "not good enough" or whatever.

Not trying to be a bitch, just trying to help :)
 
ChefChiTown said:
...says the girl with half-naked pictures of herself in a bikini posted in her profile?

You're upset that your boyfriend 'checks out' other girls, but you have nooooo problem posting pictures of yourself in a bikini on the internet, for the whole world to see, just so you can get off on the 'OMG U R sooooo HAWT' type comments and get some sort of self-absorbed ego boost?

Relationships take TWO people to work at it in order to be successful. You can't get upset at your boyfriend for doing something that you are trying to get other boyfriends to do. You don't want your man to gawk at other women, but you want other men to gawk at you?

Oh, and you also started an entire thread just so you could show off your "bikini body". You have no right to be upset at all.

Man, how does it feel to have your cake and eat it too?

On a serious note - Yes, ALL men look. So do ALL women. Nobody can deny it. Grow up.

/THREAD
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I posted those pictures so that I could get suggestions on how to lose the rest of my weight. I think that I look like a fucking piece of shit right now and really want to finally reach a point where I look good. I was hoping that by posting pictures showing my tummy and thighs I would get suggestions on how to finish losing weight in these areas.

I posted these pictures for support and suggestions not to "get off on the 'OMG U R sooooo HAWT' type comments and get some sort of self-absorbed ego boost." I am frustrated and disappointed by comments like these, because people are making fun of me; they know I'm chubby and they're just fucking around with me. The comments I would really appreciate would be about how to finally look good in a goddamn bikini. I started off at 250 pounds and was hoping that this summer would be the first summer I could actually where a bikini. I have been struggling with my weight loss for a very long time and did not post those pics for any other reason except for to find out exercises and suggestions on how to acutally look good in a bikini, which I obviously do not right now. I WANT to look good in a bikini, therefore I posted my progress pics in a bikini. Simple LOGIC.

I doubt that anyone is "checking me out," because I'm still really fat and ugly. I don't appreciate comments that say I "look good," because I know the people are being untruthful. I do not want men to "gawk" at me, I want suggestions as to how much weight I would actually have to lose to look fucking decent for the first time in my life. Is that really too much to ask? Why can't I be one of the hot girls? I did not post a thread to "show off" my "bikini body," I posted it so that I could get suggestions as to how to finally get a bikni body! I want to actually be proud and secure enough to wear a bikini out to the beach. At this point I am nowhere near that point. I posted those pics expecting some CONSTRUCTIVE cristicism, not some lies about how I "look good." That's just BS, come on. I posted them on a forum, where I don't know anyone personally, because I expeced some nasty comments like "take the pics down fatty!" "you're burning my eyes!" "only plastic surgery can fix you!" I figured my feelings wouldn't be as hurt if I didn't know anyone personally, but what's worse is that people keep fucking with me, saying I look "good" or "attractive" or "hot". LIES. I joined this forum so I could finally get suggestions on how to be attracive.

Thank you for your time and well-thought out post. It is appreciated; I just hope that you understand where I'm coming from now, instead of some off the wall place you thought I was.
 
Ok, first off...

Stefani said:
I posted those pictures so that I could get suggestions on how to lose the rest of my weight. I think that I look like a fucking piece of shit right now
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I don't understand.

In all of your pictures you are smiling and posing...
I would think that if you weren't proud of all the weight you lost, and of how awesome you look now, you would do what most people do and take the standard straight ahead, arms to the side, blur out the face shot, but you didn't.

You would be able to get the same advice from that kind of pose, yet you look like your playing Tyra Banks in those shots.

Weird...

Back to your original question:

When I like somebody I truly only have eyes for them and they're the only ones I think are attractive in the entire world.
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Other people don't suddenly become ugly because you get a boyfriend.

The way you talk about relationships and your body, I don't think you will ever be completely happy with either until you change the way you think about them.
 
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