Diary of Semi-Neurotic Ex-Secretary Soon-to-be-Sexier Sophia

^^ Yep :) I will post pics tom as I haven't quite figured out how it works on here with the pic-size limit. Bit sucky really.

I do need to get a digi camera and take (err private) pics of me wearing them for before-and after shots, you're right but I'm a bit short of money right now :)

Well anyway... I've been sleeping so badly lately --- 2 nights of horribly agitated sleep - the usual subconscious worrying at the back of my mind I suppose - so I felt very grumpy and irritable and just plain fed up.

Also, when I don't sleep well I get REALLY HUNGRY next day. Always happens without fail.
So it was REALLY difficult to stick to my diet today.
But the only extra I added was a sandwich - 2 slices brown bread, 2 slices tomato, 2 slices half cheddar, 1 tbsp low fat mayo. It could have been worse, let's face it.

The rest of my food -lunch, dinner, b'fast - was the same as all the other days .......... won't bother to repeat it .......... except addition of 2% fat honey & mustard salad dressing as replacement for the other one since this one has so few calories. Quite scrummy too, it was.

God it's so hard to think I'm ever going to get to goal. When I think of how much weight I need to lose it's just soul destroying. Ah well.:angelsad2:

Exercise today 17/02/09
Slim in 6 Ramp It Up (45 mins)
This is now getting v. easy for me, so I'm now ready for the next stage, which is Ramp It Up, yipppeee.:coolgleamA:
 
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sophia28 said:
Also, when I don't sleep well I get REALLY HUNGRY next day. Always happens without fail.
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Me too! When I was taking a college class last semester while working full time I was really missing alot of sleep and it seriously was making it impossible. I knew it wasn't helping but I didn't know how much until now when I took a semester off. Sleep is good, lol.

sophia28 said:
God it's so hard to think I'm ever going to get to goal. When I think of how much weight I need to lose it's just soul destroying. Ah well.:angelsad2:
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I hear ya on that one. I have another 175 pounds to lose so all I can think of right now is getting back under 300lbs. My mind can't even conceive of being under 200 so I guess that helps me not think about it too much. But for now I just am focusing on my next mini goal..that's all I can handle. But yea...I worry about how long this is going to take.

You're doin great though so hang in there :) ~Lisa
 
Ooooh Hiya Lisa :) I've just been to your journal to post and came back to find yours --- great minds think alike & all that...:coolgleamA:

You are sooo right about mini goals - I really need to get my brain trained to think THAT way instead of my STUPID way, which is ridiculous and counterproductive. Ahhhh it will come ... just needs practice.

I need to start perhaps a challenge for myself with little achievable goals you're right ...... and then maybe give myself a (non-food) treat for each one. Sounds good.

About the sleep thing - I have actually read somewhere that it is scientifically proven that sleep helps to switch off our 'hunger button' which is exactly why we are STARVING when we don't get enough sleep or if we are getting bad quality sleep.

That's why when I don't sleep very well I freak out cos I know how hungry I'm gonna be all day.

Man, tonight I'm gonna sleeeeeeep like there's no tomorrow.......

Ahhhh well, I'll be back tom as, like yourself I'm completely wiped out ............. but meanwhile take care & thanks for stopping by --- Always great to see ya !!{{HUGS}}
 
what are you using to take your pictures???
im also exhausted... i cant even think of what im trying to say xD
haha i will try again tomorrow...
 
Angelica..... Yeah I was going to take pics of my thongs but never mind it's too complicated lol. I need to buy a digital camera as I only have a godawful webcam that takes terrible pictures.

Anyway... well I got 9 hours sleep in, last night, at last.... a proper, good night's sleep with no nightmare/agitation thank goodness and felt much better. Result = No more agonising hunger cramps, phew.

Today was my rest day and as usual my brain was cajoling me, saying 'awwww a weeee bit of turbo jam won't do you any harm, come on..' so I told my brain to SHUT UP and went and dyed my hair instead.

Got to have rest days right, it's so darn silly of me to feel bad each time, totally ridiculous. It's such a habit to exercise now that I feel my day's not 'right' without my workout. Anyway.

Well sum-up for 17/02/09 is:

Food
Same as every other day (I just am sooooo boring but I just am totally fine with eating the same stuff all the time)
1 slice bread 1 slice half fat cheese
1 third of Fruit Bake
140g chicken, 1 tbsp olive oil, tom & onion salad, honey & mustard 2% fat dressing, half mini baguette
1 cup tea 1 sugar
2 slices lemon
1/4 pint semi skim milk

Exercise
Rest day
 
lol you know... i was thinking about having a rest day.... and im not sure i can.... =T
i just cant not do anything... sooo im going to just like walk a mile or soo... and then stop myself... just because it makes me feel better and i have more energy that way... lol...

and 2 miles is nothing when i am used to like 5+ =P also i am keeping up with my stretching as well... i feel im getting tighter for some odd reason D: hahah definitely not an octopus at the moment xD

its great that you got in 9 hours of sleep finally!!!
 
Wow Sophia and Angelica, I wish I had that problem with not being able to take a day off exercise. Unfortunately I'm able to take 7 days a week off with no problem :X.

Have an awesome weekend Sophia :) ~Lisa
 
Oops ....... been of a slacker in updating my diary last few days.

^^ Thanks for stopping by Angelica and Lisa, :) always cool to see you.:seeya:
Angelica I see you're like me and hate rest days, it's mad isn't it. But we gotta realise that's when our muscles grow and become strong so it's a good idea in the end, even though we feel sucky. Keep going with the stretching --- got to do that pilates stuff I mentioned, that's fab --- me too, I haven't been doing much stretching so am nowhere near an octopus ..... more like stiff old board.

But anyway, yep have slacked a bit on my journal but am still hanging in there and still going strong.

I have now worked out all calories for my food since I will be joining the 6 week challenge and I want to do it all perfect when I do my food entries each day.

Anyway ..... have to make a note of my missed days so far, just for my own accountability so here goes:-

Food 18/02/09:
B: Extra lite philadelphia, 1 tsp -- 12
Waitrose half fat cheddar, 2 slice -- 66
Wholemeal bread, small loaf, 1 slice -- 55

L: One third of a McVitities Go Ahead Strawberry fruit bar -- 41

D: Ready to bake baguette, half -- 185
Tomato, 80g -- 14
Red onion, 25g - 9
English Provender Co. Honey & Mustard 2% fat Dressing, 1 tbsp -- 17
Olive oil, 1 tbsp -- 128
Chicken breast, skinless, 140g -- 207
Tesco italian style mixed leaf salad, 1/2 bag - 10

Snacks & extras: Sugar, demerara, 1 tsp in tea -- 18
Jaffa mini roll, 1 roll -- 119
Half pint semi skimmed milk -- 139
Total: 1020

^^^^ Food above has been the same, give or take very few calories, for 19th and 20th Feb too.

Exercise
18/02/09: Slim in 6 Burn It Up (60 mins)
Woah this is a killer, first time I have ramped it up to this level and yeah, it burned alright!! There I was trucking along for the first 20 mins thinking This is a breeze ...:sifone: well 15 mins later I thought I was gonna pass out!! haha.
Well I think this will slim my legs down, heck if this doesn't nothing will. It's not a fun workout, a lot of repetitious movements, lunges and squats mostly, and just not fun, but it should bring results so I need to stick to it.
I'll mix it with other stuff so that I don't just keep overtraining the same joint/muscles which just never does my body any good.

19/02/09: Nell McAndrew Ultimate Challenge (1 hr 20 mins)
My fave workout which is the only one which makes me feel I truly have worked hard and leaves me exhilarated. It had got pushed to the back of the pile of dvd's since starting TJ, but no, I need to start incorporating it again because my Gosh does it get you fit, and builds endurance and strength like nothing else, without boring the pants off you.

20/02/09: Slim in 6 Burn It Up (60 mins)
OK I don't know what was wrong with my stomach today, had a weird upper stomach niggling pain, not muscular but more like in my digestive system, or maybe trapped wind (charming) God only knows what -- which put a dampener on everything, plus I was extremely low on energy. So this was hard work. Nevertheless, I got through it, ... even though about 40 mins in I nearly croaked. Lol. Gotta keep going with this cos I can feel results already, my legs already feel so much tighter and slimmer.


Well, apart from that, am still fighting the ol' food cravings, but not too bad -- except a couple of days of weird crazy hunger pangs on 18th and 19th which I then discovered were due to my TOM arriving! (Blasted thing)

So I'm now sort of back to normal and can go to bed empty-stomached without feeling I'm gonna die. It's still a challenge though. The whole damn thing's a challenge, sometimes I feel life is so haaaardddd when you're on a diet then I tell myself to stop being such a self pitying wimp. :conehead:

Hope everyone has a fab weekend !! :Angel_anim:
 
sophia28 said:
Oops ....... been of a slacker in updating my diary last few days.

^^ Thanks for stopping by Angelica and Lisa, :) always cool to see you.:seeya:
Angelica I see you're like me and hate rest days, it's mad isn't it. But we gotta realise that's when our muscles grow and become strong so it's a good idea in the end, even though we feel sucky. Keep going with the stretching --- got to do that pilates stuff I mentioned, that's fab --- me too, I haven't been doing much stretching so am nowhere near an octopus ..... more like stiff old board.

But anyway, yep have slacked a bit on my journal but am still hanging in there and still going strong.

I have now worked out all calories for my food since I will be joining the 6 week challenge and I want to do it all perfect when I do my food entries each day.

Anyway ..... have to make a note of my missed days so far, just for my own accountability so here goes:-

Food 18/02/09:
B: Extra lite philadelphia, 1 tsp -- 12
Waitrose half fat cheddar, 2 slice -- 66
Wholemeal bread, small loaf, 1 slice -- 55

L: One third of a McVitities Go Ahead Strawberry fruit bar -- 41

D: Ready to bake baguette, half -- 185
Tomato, 80g -- 14
Red onion, 25g - 9
English Provender Co. Honey & Mustard 2% fat Dressing, 1 tbsp -- 17
Olive oil, 1 tbsp -- 128
Chicken breast, skinless, 140g -- 207
Tesco italian style mixed leaf salad, 1/2 bag - 10

Snacks & extras: Sugar, demerara, 1 tsp in tea -- 18
Jaffa mini roll, 1 roll -- 119
Half pint semi skimmed milk -- 139
Total: 1020

^^^^ Food above has been the same, give or take very few calories, for 19th and 20th Feb too.

Exercise
18/02/09: Slim in 6 Burn It Up (60 mins)
Woah this is a killer, first time I have ramped it up to this level and yeah, it burned alright!! There I was trucking along for the first 20 mins thinking This is a breeze ...:sifone: well 15 mins later I thought I was gonna pass out!! haha.
Well I think this will slim my legs down, heck if this doesn't nothing will. It's not a fun workout, a lot of repetitious movements, lunges and squats mostly, and just not fun, but it should bring results so I need to stick to it.
I'll mix it with other stuff so that I don't just keep overtraining the same joint/muscles which just never does my body any good.

19/02/09: Nell McAndrew Ultimate Challenge (1 hr 20 mins)
My fave workout which is the only one which makes me feel I truly have worked hard and leaves me exhilarated. It had got pushed to the back of the pile of dvd's since starting TJ, but no, I need to start incorporating it again because my Gosh does it get you fit, and builds endurance and strength like nothing else, without boring the pants off you.

20/02/09: Slim in 6 Burn It Up (60 mins)
OK I don't know what was wrong with my stomach today, had a weird upper stomach niggling pain, not muscular but more like in my digestive system, or maybe trapped wind (charming) God only knows what -- which put a dampener on everything, plus I was extremely low on energy. So this was hard work. Nevertheless, I got through it, ... even though about 40 mins in I nearly croaked. Lol. Gotta keep going with this cos I can feel results already, my legs already feel so much tighter and slimmer.


Well, apart from that, am still fighting the ol' food cravings, but not too bad -- except a couple of days of weird crazy hunger pangs on 18th and 19th which I then discovered were due to my TOM arriving! (Blasted thing)

So I'm now sort of back to normal and can go to bed empty-stomached without feeling I'm gonna die. It's still a challenge though. The whole damn thing's a challenge, sometimes I feel life is so haaaardddd when you're on a diet then I tell myself to stop being such a self pitying wimp. :conehead:

Hope everyone has a fab weekend !! :Angel_anim:
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Hey Sophia!!

congrat on losing weight! So cool! Yea I have tried quitting cold turkey, damn is it hard. So I cut up some strawberries and I ate those last night. And I have melon slices for tonight if I get up. The only reason I was up last night was because of my body, It hurts so bad with out the ibuprofen. I have arthritis. We havent figured out what kind. I see the doc soon.

But you are doing so well!!!!!!!! Congrats hun!!!!!!!!!

Keep trecking, the weight will fly off of you. I am going to try this new vid I bought. It is from another country, but it is so good, but so fast, but they incorporate some pilates into their work out. And than I have pilates for dummies. I think you have me hooked to these exercise vids lol Thanks!!

But anyway I hope tomorrow is another wonderful day and thanks for stopping in! ((hugs))

always
Natsky:seeya:
 
it's good to see you joined the challenge :) but at only 1020 cals per day + your exercise i am not sure your eating enough.
 
Hey Natsky, great to see you too ! :Angel_anim:

Thanks for all the encouragement, always very much appreciated ...... let's face it, it is a long hard slog isn't it!

Well done with the strawberry/melon trick at night, that's so low fat and great way to get in your vitamins !

Hey I'm dead chuffed to know I'm getting you hooked on fitness videos, it would thrill me to bits to know I was a contributing factor in getting you fitter (obviously along with your fab coach boyfriend)!

I love fitness DVDs, & have used them so often, like when I'm out of shape and not ready to get out there jogging, etc. They're a great stepping-stone for when you're not feeling ready to workout in a big way in front of other people, and great for when the weather is lousy.

Also they're good for tailoring to your needs, e.g. some gym classes may be too advanced, or jogging just out of the question right now, so you can get gentler but still effective workouts at home and work on improving your fitness in your own time. Great stuff eh!!

I do hope you get something sorted with your arthritis... that must be agonising and make things very diffficult for you -- I hope the doc is helpful ...
Take care of yourself !!

Hi Trusylver :seeya: thanks for stopping in. oooh yes, I am v. much looking forward to the challenge ! :)

About the diet - I am supposed to be eating 1200 cals a day but sometimes I fall short for certain reasons, I won't bore you with all the boring details right now. Mostly it's lack of time and not being v. organised.

Plus it's still a learning process for me to go back to eating regular meals compared to eating junk & high fat snacks every second in between, like I was doing for a whole year :ack2:

I am however, working on it ... it's all a learning process. But I'll get there eventually :)!
 
So... today had my weigh-in and I have lost another 4 pounds! yay :)
I have proudly changed my ticker. Feels good doing that.

Ahh I dunno, I feel very blahhhh today..... I know the reason. Went out today to the park at lunchtime and it's a really warm sunny day for February and it just brings back my usual fear of spring/summer approaching. :angelsad2:

I really dread those seasons because I can't hide under so many clothes & feel so exposed. Sounds silly but true.

So I'm all down in the dumps cos I am terrified of even the idea of summer and not being able to cover up in a coat/jacket. I get this every year when I'm overweight; drives me nuts. I can't look forward to summer time like normal people, basically.

Well, I'll do my T. Jam in a minute and see if that makes me feel any better. ...take my mind off it at any rate.
 
omgosh i know exactly what you mean about dreading the time when the coats have to come off... and no more hiding >_< haha seriously i have been there.... only this last year i kept a jacket on even in blistering heat... and would lie and tell my friends im not hot at all... my parents would get sooooo mad at me telling me it could cause me to have a heat stroke.... but there was no way i was going to let everyone see my bulges... T_T good thing that period of life is going to be coming to a close this year. ^^
 
^Thanks Angelica, I'm glad you understand - makes me feel less like a freak, you know? And OH YEAH i'm with you on the jacket thing, all summer I refused to take this black jacket off, no matter what. I nearly died in that thing.
I remember walking back from work in 31 degrees but still refusing to take it off -- risked giving myself sunstroke, FGS!

Anyway, I too am sort of feebly hoping that this year things will be different, but I'm not sure I have enough time ... not long to go before spring (eeek) and I have sooo much more to lose.

But anyway, I'm just being a negative ol' bag today (wretched weather)-- haha most people complain about cold and snow and I hate when it's warm ...... I'm all topsy-turvy, me.:ack2:

Food today So far 21/02/09
B: Extra lite philadelphia, 1 tsp -- 12
Waitrose half fat cheddar, 2 slice -- 66
Wholemeal bread, small loaf, 1 slice -- 55
L: Two thirds of a McVitities Go Ahead Strawberry fruit bar -- 82


Exercise today 21/02/09
Turbo Jam Cardio Party - 40 mins
As always, super--enjoyable. Turbo jam really rocks and Chalene is my goddess from heaven haha, no really she inspires me to work my butt off no matter what. :)
 
the weather here as well has been rather bleh...

lots of rain... and moody people... who knows i would love to reach my goal during the summer... but it may be during the fall that i finally hit it... but at least im done putting it off any longer... lol... if i would have started back when i graduated in may 2008, just think of where i would be now... haha but im done putting things off. =D
 
^Oh yeah if I reached goal by summer, it would be such a miracle I'd probably die of shock or something.

Well today I let myself have a lie-in, and it was heavenly, I love my lie-ins soooo much. :coolgleamA: Later saw the ex for drinks and chats. Nothing too exciting.

Well I'd better make note of my food & w/o's:

Food yesterday 21/02/09
Total cals: 1,099

Exercise today 22/02/09
Slim in 6 Burn It Up (60 mins)
Woahhh, I just blazed through this workout like some kind of superwoman ..........! (haaha).
I was surprised cos this is the hardest in the first Si6 series and I thought it would take me MUCH longer to build up to this endurance level. I got through it like it was a breeze - OK maybe not a breeze, but wooow!.
I had no probs, no need to stop, no breathlessness, no muscle ache.
I'm so proud.:) :jump:

Let that be yet again another lesson to me=-- I was honestly thinking that I would utterly suck today, cos I felt low on energy earlier, but in fact I was completely the opposite.

Maybe my body decided: Hmm, looks like this woman is still insisting on doing all this exercise so I'd better start building up even more muscle pronto to keep up with her .

^^ Which is of course my intention -- to force my body into a fat-burning machine. Haha, I am far, far away from that I know, but it's my ultimate aim!!


Also, today after all these years I finally figured out the correct technique to do reverse curls. I never had quite managed to do them properly before.... so, hurrah for me. There's hope I might even get rid of that wretched 'pooch' in my belly which I hate so much.

Well the 6 week challenge is on tomorrow, so good luck to us all!!:party:
 
^^^ Aww thanks, Trusylver, that's much appreciated!
Very best of luck to you too !! :Angel_anim:

Well today I decided to list just a few of the things which illustrate how my being fat leads to my life sucking big style.
This is to incentivise myself.

1. Cannot in the summer go the Regent's/Hyde Park like everyone else in light summer clothes and lie around enjoying the warmth. No -- I am either completely inappropriately dressed (covered from head to toe & therefore sweltering) :cuss:, or I am in self-imposed house-arrest refusing to come out, no matter who begs.

2. Cannot in the spring / summer wear nice clothes but always ones that either make me half boil to death or make me look horrendous; cannot go around in just jeans and shirt without having to tie a flipping cardigan around my waist -- which is intended to look 'casual' but is IN FACT only there to hide my butt.

3. Cannot enjoy my summer hols in Italy at the beach. e.g. Last year no matter how fab the weather/sea/etc. was, I could not fully appreciate it because I looked utterly GROTESQUE.

4. Declining going out to museum/speakers corner/portobello market, etc etc, and other stuff with the ex on the days I am feeling or looking 'TOO FAT' so he ends up miffed and I end up miserable and feeling a jerk.

5. I have turned down TWO guys (both err unfinished business, used to see them regularly a while back --- NOT both at the same time, 'tho!), both lovely guys who are utterly to die for. So yeah that's Ash & Johnny.

Well the former emailed me a while back saying we really need to get together again. Now this guy I was crazy about. But what do I do???? I stall him and stall him & eventually write back saying i'm really busy and as a side-note have turned into a baby elephant so I will get back to him. And I don't. A few more emails and he gives up.
This ........... because I AM TOO FAT. Opportunity lost.:banghead:

The second guy, Johnny, emailed me recently plus also called me on the phone which I was not expecting ....... I am ashamed at how utterly despondent I was during our conversation, just really really crap. The reason?? .....

That I just couldn't bear the fact that the last time this guy saw me I weighed 55 goddamned kilos. And I knew this guy wanted to make arrangements to hook up again, but how the heck could I see him again when I'm almost 20 kgs heavier ??? That's not gonna happen.
So in the end... what did I do?? I said that I would call him back to get together again... and I never did. Why, because I AM TOO FAT.

An opportunity lost, again- and a pity, I spent such fun times with him, a really cute guy and such a laugh as well. Ah jeeeeez. :banghead:


^^^^^^^^^
I have written this list to REMIND myself every time I weaken, that this is, amongst many other things, what being fat does to me. I do not enjoy life fully when I'm overweight, and that is a fact I CANNOT deny.
I need to remember this.

That extra piece of cake/pizza/mexican/whatever... is not worth it, if this is how I am going to suffer, and on top of that, the whole factor of being jealous of thinner people who have freedom to do what they like, whereas I am trapped in this prison not able to fully join in with life or enjoy it.
So I end up wallowing in my own self-pitying lump for the remaining god knows how long.


^^^I am sure there are more items to add to this list. I shall add more as they come to me, as I really need a strict reminder to myself. I cannot afford to give up.

I know I prob let my weight affect me more than perhaps the average person, but I am just like that, ultrasensitive to the max. Well it's all food for thought. I need it.
 
wow girl! that is quite a list!
and WHOOOH! i am loving your avitar!
finally =P heheh

btw.... xD i just realized we arent friends... i
was looking in my list and couldnt find you! XDD haha
 
Challenge Time!

Hi Ya, I'm Stacy. :)

Have A Goal Reachin' Day 1!

We are gonna knock out some pounds I tell ya! ;)

I look forward ta chattin' with ya.

:seeya:
 
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