Talk about Food Porn!!!
Last night Ali and I had a blast!!!
I came to her house with my Raspberry Wine Jelly hommade by Peg, the lady who works for a winery that makes the raspberry wine; a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon; a bottle of champagne (Demi-Sec); unsalted butter, and my laptop.
We proceeded to get drunk and watch youtube and Ab Fab in the kitchen, as we slowly began the fantastic process of making the Shortbread-based Raspberry Wine Jelly Tartlets
In the middle of it, Ali exclaimed, "We need more moisture! Should we add milk...." and I said, "Eww yuck. How about
champagne?" So we added the sparkling Demi Sec and BAM!! Instant success. We rolled out the dough and used elephant, heart, star, dragonfly, and other fun-shaped cookie cutters; we baked for a few minutes; took back out of the oven and added a dollop of raspberry wine jelly in the middle of each, and topped them off with a thinner, small cut-out of a heart on each

Then back in the oven!
Ali then made chocolate genache, which took a butter knife and, hmmm, I guess the movement we used and the technique was kind of like jacking off on them, but the end result was lovely! I'll attach the pictures, I want to show you something...
During the procedure I drunkenly decided to IM a guy who lives in Washington whom is a friend of my friend. We IM each other once in a while, he's cool, I like him--he makes his own beats and raps to them. I've never met him but he used to hang with my buddy when my buddy lived up there for a few months. I wanted to floss, to show off that being a girl making tartlets was much cooler than he ever knew! I think I pretty much taunted him with Food Porn

Either way, y'all can get a better picture of what an ecstatic evening I had, as I was describing it to him while I was doing it.......
Valerie: Oh you have no idea
A.B.: ?
Valerie: the girly things I have been up to-- you'd die of envy
Valerie: mwah ha ha ha ha
Valerie: I'm making TARTLETS-- with raspberry wine jelly, in the shapes, of like, HEARTS and STARS and ELEPHANTS and LIONS
Valerie: and drinking massive amounts of champagne
Valerie: whoops
Valerie: my girl friend is reminding me that we also have tartlets in the shape of ICE CREAM CONES
Valerie: and watching Absolutely Fabulous
A.B.: tartlets i like that word i want a tartlet
Valerie: you poor thing, all alone with your computer
Valerie: and no delicious, warm, sweet, and exotically crumbly morsels to tantalize your tongue
Valerie: HA!
Valerie: *laughing hysterically*
Valerie: oh shit!
Valerie: the tartlets! be back soon
Valerie: don't go away
A.B.: dont forget the tartlets!!!
A.B.: slowly tip toeing away
Valerie: by the way,
Valerie: I was a genius and suggested that we put champagne in the shortbread
Valerie: I'm so awesome 
A.B.: yes you are
A.B.: you and your tartlets
Valerie: they are FABULOUS....hmmm
Valerie: tell you what; I'll make you a deal
Valerie: I'll take a picture
Valerie: HA!
A.B.: NOooo
Valerie: and email it
Valerie: hahaha
A.B.: I better not look
Valerie: Look, it's times like these, you could only WISH you were a girl, and come up with spending your time drinking hella champagne and wine, making tartlets, and watching Ab Fab
Valerie: sorry, but, yeah "We could sell these"
Valerie: HAHAHA--tell you what; IF I ever meet you, I shall sit you down, and say, "Hello, Abomb,"
Valerie: "Nice to meet you,"
Valerie: "Just sit back, relax, and I shall precede to get intoxicated,"
A.B.: not the AB FAB!!!
Valerie: "and make you the best tartlets you EVER had. "
A.B.: We should get all the right people together and move to an Island with enough tartlets to last 2 our dying days
Valerie: I don't agree with that
A.B.: with all the tartlets why would we fight?
Valerie: IMHO,
Valerie: (In My Humble Opinion)
Valerie: tartlets are not very nutritious
(you can tell I was drunk

)
Valerie: therefore, they are a luxury
Valerie: that ONE (not man) can only enjoy once in a while.......
Valerie: oh dear, I need to get a rack out..............
A.B.: 2 much a good thing eh
A.B.: I can handle it
Valerie: oh honey
Valerie: you don't even know
Valerie: we have a bunch of DOUGH leftover that we have to EAT
Valerie: Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhgh
A.B.: the keyboard must be awful messy!
Valerie: my stomach is going to EXPLODE from happiness
Valerie: oh yeah
Valerie: flour and sugar everywhere
A.B.: talking to gingerella today/
Valerie: oh man
Valerie: there was a scurry for an egg-white brush...
Valerie: hold up a sec
Valerie: ahhhhh
Valerie: this is fabulous
Valerie: I'm having the time of my life
Valerie: we gotta make more
Valerie: "Valerie, we could create a culinary empire," said Ali
Valerie: seriously!!! she just said that!
Valerie: the champagne.............that's the secret ingredient
Valerie: If you tell anyone, I'll KILL you
A.B.: you should make a video iron chef style
Valerie: No way
Valerie: our secret ingredient
Valerie: I'll KILL you
A.B.: blooOOD!??
Valerie: this is so fun
A.B.: i better watch my back
Valerie: Ali and I are just grinning
Valerie: ahhh
A.B.: ill think about sending you some saltiness
(ok this was a weird comment but I went with it...)
Valerie: OH WELL, I'M DRUNK
Valerie: omg THEY ARE PERFECT
Valerie: THEY JUST CAME OUT
Valerie: OOOhhhhhhhh
A.B.: it sounds like you type with your mind
Valerie: OMG we decided to NAME them
A.B.: you ever try dragon naturally speaking or via voice where you talk and the computer types for you?
Valerie: "Al and Val's Drunken Tartlets."
Valerie: hahahahahahaha
Valerie: huh, what did you say?
Valerie: I don't get it, I'm far too ELATED
Valerie: HEY!
Valerie: we haven't tasted them yet.........they could be terrible
Valerie: NAH!!!!
Valerie: OOOOOOOOOOHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit
Valerie: Mema MOANED
(Mema is Ali's grandma, she had just tasted a tartlet)
Valerie: this is awesome--PROPS to us
Valerie: *sucks in breath* Ali says theyre good
Valerie: ok
Valerie: I'm about to taste......
Valerie: oh shit
Valerie: YUMMY
Valerie: I'm so sorry my sweet Abomb...
Valerie: you're missing the fuck out
Valerie: ok, I took pictures
Valerie: whether you like it or not, I'm emailing them to you
A.B.: maybe Ill be able to come- If I'm lucky gingerella will take me and the kittys for a few days >
(his wife's kicking him out for a month and he's thinking of coming to California to visit my buddy and meet me for the first time. It's weird, as we all know, having a friend online that you never met!)
Valerie: hee hee hee
Valerie: I CAN'T, I don't have my own house
Valerie: otherwise I would
A.B.: does she live far from you and ______?
Valerie: Nope
A.B.: cool
Valerie: OMG talk about food porn.........
Valerie: this is PORNOGRAPHIC
Valerie: can you argue with that?
Valerie: hmmmm???????
A.B.: the platter
Valerie: I think, I am the female incarnate of BACCHUS himself
Valerie: 
Valerie: sex and food
Valerie: my favorite things
A.B.: pitter patter platter fatter batter splatter matter scatters
Valerie: cute
Valerie: this is fabulous
A.B.: i dun even know who BACCHUS is ><
Valerie: don't you know your Roman mythology?!
A.B.: some of it
Valerie: ok ok
Valerie: I'm far too drunk for the computer
A.B.: leave this monstrosity - begone with you fair maiden
SO thus the conversation ended. Here are the tartlets: