Diary: Curvie Girlie: A Yo-Yo's Reformation

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That was a nice post. Not too long ago I was doing the drugs and alcohol and looked older than I do now!

But I agree with Tom. There is a difference between being "big" or chubby and obese.. esp. with health.

Body image can play a key role in that we all have that number (yours was 159) where we wake up and realize "what have I done to myself?" Some of us catch it quicker than others.

I think taking care of ones self is a good thing. Whether it's losing weight or getting some plastic surgery. It's the people that take the magazine clippings into the docs office that have serious issues!
 
Good post and I couldn't agree more with all that you've written. A lot of the stuff you touched upon really reflected how I felt at one point in my life. But I began to realize that the only way I could change physically, was by changing how I saw and thought of myself. Getting passed the mental blocks you put on yourself I find is even harder than first starting off that exercise and diet routine.
 
Of course, there IS a difference between being merely overweight and being obese. When you're overweight, it's a lot easier to keep a positive body image. You generally hate parts of you, but not the whole package. That's how I felt up to my 30's, before I got over 230 lbs.

When you fall into the obese and morbidly obese category (I've only been in the first, not the second), you start hating the whole package -- just because fat starts accumulating everywhere. Parts of your body that basically were OK when you were just overweight take on the "ugliness" of the parts of your body you've hated for a long time.

Tom, I can imagine. I am AMAZED at the power and strength that clinically obese people have. It makes me happy inside when a person reshapes their lives and is able to get to a healthy weight--like you!!! I hear stories about people who are thrilled once they are able to cross their legs....

Thanks for reading!

What I think is people on here may not realize how brave and strong they all are, they are opening up their Windows (lives) for everyone to peek into. That takes guts and balls, and to put it all out in writing is huge. This is why I love this website.

Me too, Kim!! And you're right--which is why we should only encourage and support, not criticize (I think). We are making ourselves very vulnerable!

But I agree with Tom. There is a difference between being "big" or chubby and obese.. esp. with health.

Body image can play a key role in that we all have that number (yours was 159) where we wake up and realize "what have I done to myself?" Some of us catch it quicker than others.

I agree--and you'd probably agree that the majority of people on here have been to hell and back, which definitely contributes to weight gain and not realizing the numbers creep up. Food is like a drug, it can be used to hide our pain, obsessions, fears, loneliness....the list goes on!!! I eat sometimes because I'm BORED and it feels good. I'm trying to work on that but it's damn hard!!!:mad:

I began to realize that the only way I could change physically, was by changing how I saw and thought of myself. Getting passed the mental blocks you put on yourself I find is even harder than first starting off that exercise and diet routine.

I agree, getting into the right frame of mind was the hardest thing. To be perfectly honest, when I began to lose weight back in Dec/Jan, I became obsessive. I HAD to, I think, in order to remember what I was doing and why. Eventually I mellowed out and was able to maintain focus without being horribly preoccupied with "how many calories..." I had to remember that every extra goodie or drink was impeding what I really wanted...and I would have to remember when I looked in the mirror not to say or think anything negative. That is very hard--sometimes I'd be like, "Oh my arms are jiggly," then I'd remember and think, "I look great and I will look better the more I stick to this!" And I'd be looking forward.
 
Yesterday--y'all are going to hate me

Yesterday, inadvertently, by chance, etc., my beautiful boyfriend and I....

Got dinner bought for us by a millionaire.​

Well, he has millions in assets anyway ;)

Richard Alfaro is one of the nicest guys I know. We sell his wines, Alfaro Family Vineyards, and the winery he's in partnership with Joe Martin (who is also super-cool)--Marin Alfaro

He used to be a baker--and sold his bakery to Sara Lee. I found this article:


Anyway, his wines are selling very well and expanding--thanks to our company, and thanks to the fact that he likes to personally deliver wines all over the Peninsula and the Bay Area. He's such a sweet man, has a 14-year old daughter after whom he named a wine (Lindsay Paige) and a 13 year old son (but no naming after here).

Here's how yesterday went:

After deciding I needed a day of rest from exercise, I climbed back into bed and napped until the BF woke up around 2pm. He was well pleased that I was in bed with him and we had some fun before I showered, dressed, put on a little makeup, and we hungrily went to Thai Orchid for lunch (no b-fast, slept instead). As a matter of fact, I stepped on the scale after my shower and was 136.5 lbs!! :eek: I knew it was just depleted glycogen stores but it was really fun to see the number anyway! I did well at first, no drinks, no appetizers, just my prawn basil plate with rice. But I ate it all because I was so hungry. I was so hungry i didn't even feel full afterwards. I had a very small scoop of coconut ice cream.

We went to Pelican Ranch winery to taste, where I had a few crackers, and the wine lineup--2 Chards, 2 Pinots, a Zin and the dessert wine: Raspberry wine with 2 Hershey's kisses. Then we went over to Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery a few doors down and tasted their beers--they give you a 1 oz cup for each beer so it was only 5 oz. But I had some pretzels and lots of the nice rock salt (sodium must be high from that and the Thai dish). I wanted to go to Equinox Winery because they have sparklers. We went there and saw Barre, and he tasted us on some of his Italian grape-wines and a sparkler that tasted very Old-World--because it was en tirage for 9 years!!:eek:

Barre was very nice and accommodating and he walked us around and showed us the machine-done riddling system he had--does the riddling in 7 days as opposed to hand labor that would take 4-6 weeks, without reducing quality. Nice.

We then went downtown, because I wanted to go to Vinocruz--never been there before. We sell to them. Lo and behold! Richard Alfaro was pouring his wines!!! We came in and waited until he finished his conversation, and gave him a hug (he's that nice), and he bought our tasting fees ($5 each). My BF had to go get some coffee and Richard said he was going to Soif (a wine bar/restaurant with gourmet food that you can pair with a recommended wine). I asked if we could come with, and he was totally down--he was alone, anyway. So we met up there and I had what he had and vice versa--I suggested this Bordeaux blend, he had some, he suggested this sparkler, i had some. I had the scallop dish with raisin caper sauce, and my Bf had honey glazed baby back ribs. Richard had beets stuffed with cheese and a sugar peas dish. We talked and talked, mainly about his kids and parenting. At the end of the meal, he told me he'd cover it! Good grief the bill was $80--and he tipped $20!!! We were very grateful and he acted grateful that I sell his wines!! It was a great dinner.

The BF and I went home and snuggled until I fell asleep, and he said he was going to carry me downstairs--but I refused! I didn't feel comfortable--I still feel too heavy for him to do that. He's no weakling but he's no body builder either! Anyway, I had a great day spent with my boyfriend.....

But i consumed too many calories. That is OK, yesterday is officially my Cheat Day and today I'm going to run 6.2 miles in a minute--I need to stretch, first.

Ok, be back later maybe!
 
Sounds like a great day. One of my friends had a great time yesterday in Munster, Indiana of all places. Three Floyds released their Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout yesterday. I don't really go in for Stouts that much, but it is really good. Had a great beer party last night, but I really want to try wine country sometime. Good luck working it off, I'm trying to do the same thing.
 
Sounds like a wonderful day, Valerie.
What's "riddling" anyway?
It sounds like you're having a great life now. Always fun to read about your days.
 
Me too, Kim!! And you're right--which is why we should only encourage and support, not criticize (I think). We are making ourselves very vulnerable!
part of support is to point out where a person is going wrong... internet forums can be very enabling places for behavior that shouldnt be encouraged... True support of a person is to point out that behavior.
 
Sounds like a wonderful day, Valerie.
What's "riddling" anyway?
It sounds like you're having a great life now. Always fun to read about your days.

Riddling is twisting a bottle of champagne in a rack 1/16 of a turn to get the sediment slowly to the cap part. It's a method made popular by Veuve Clicquot.

part of support is to point out where a person is going wrong... internet forums can be very enabling places for behavior that shouldnt be encouraged... True support of a person is to point out that behavior.

OK. I am not going to point out where I think some people are going wrong in how they present their information, only maybe in simple things like food choices. We all express ourselves differently, and I accept that (like saying one should put all the liberals on a boat to China and blow it up ;) )
 
Update-brief

Today I went to the track. I started running. I ran the 1st mile in 6:48. I'm very proud of that. I would like to try sprinting 1 mile soon to see what I can do. I ran 11 laps (4=1.06 miles) which is 2.915 miles in 20:00:59. I stopped because it was hot, no shade, and the astro-stuff I was running on heated up and got very stinky and the chemical smell made me slightly ill until I couldn't bear it. I then drove up the street to Fall Creek, and ran on the trails, which is about 3 miles. As fast as I could, jumping over rocks and trees and little streams and shit. I lost my car key. I walked back and a nice couple found it before I had to go very far. I feel great.

The BF and I made "lunch": talapia, garlic, onions, and cilantro chutney cooked with cut up serrano peppers--then put on a wrap with hot black beans, cilantro, mint, green onions, basil, salsa, and STRAWBERRIES. It was delicious and the strawberries really went well. Ha ha I bet you didn't think they would! DELICIOUS. Anti-inflammatory meal (wrap was sprouted wheat).

I haven't counted the calories yet--about to do that. Yesterday was a surplus of calories of 600. I probably ran that off today, and if I just eat 1600 today I can be ok for daily deficits for the rest of the week--and on the road to 133 by May 26th. I HOPE.

Weight today: 139. Probably due to too much sodium and overeating yesterday. Not sad, or concerned--just taking it lightly and trying to eat lightly for the remainder of the day. Boyfriend saying I look good today (in short shorts and a tight T-shirt). Beautiful day. Time to clean house (GROAN).
 
How much fun is that, going out with the owner of a winery. OH YEAH!! :D I'm so proud of you, going out and doing all that running, even after having such a great weekend, you are so good to your body and all that good food. mmmmm I really need to learn to put more things together to make meals, I usually keep it simple and only use a few ingredients. You inspire me to try harder in the kitchen and I thank you for that. I keep thinking to myself, wow to be down in the 130's again, oh boy, oh boy I would love that! someday I'll be there or at least where I should be to look great again!! Keep it up, which I have no doubt you will.
Kim
 
Ricard Alfaro
136 pounds
Running a mile in 6 minutes
Very good stuff! Happy Happy.
I had to laugh when I read about your bf offering to carry you down the stairs ... I had this momentary visual. I've never wanted men to carry me because I'm 5'9", tall and I could just see me ... this tall gangly creature, arms & legs flailing ... it would not be graceful no matter how strong the guy is. ha ha ha
 
That lunch sounds pretty damn tasty. I'm missing all the fun around here! Glad to hear you're still doing so well though.
I think it's funny that so many women have hang-ups about letting men carry them! I'm the same way. Whenever I see girls in movies or on TV jump into a guy's arms, I think "I would never be able to do that!" I get all freaked out whenever Matt tries to pick me up, even though he's a really big strong guy.
 
Ladies: Thanks for reading, yes being carried by my BF without worrying "am I too heavy?" would be nice!

Kim: ~hugs back~

Morning Gripe:

Last night I ate to maintenance. I was just too hungry after lunch, and nibbled here on some smoked salmon and flax crackers, and strawberries, and nibbled dark chocolate, and had a Luna Bar because it's nice and sweet, and.....yeah. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr :mad: My body is just really wanting to eat to maintenance, and it's all because I work out a lot! I heard that that can work against you. Don't get me wrong, I am VERY VERY satisfied with how my body looks. But I made that vow--that goal. I want to get there, regardless if I gain weight later and decide to stay around here. Does that make sense? Also, I am very interested in becoming fast. Muscle does all the work in running--fat swings along for the ride and gets carried. However, my book on running for women says the best female runner actually has a higher body fat than her "runners up." Still, it's probably about 18% or less (book wouldn't say).

Talked to my housemate who used to run--said he did 3 miles in 15 minutes and some seconds. Made himself VOMIT at times.

Who would want to do that?

*whisper* ME.

I want to push myself to the edge, the best of my ability sometime and see what I can do. I want to become an athlete. Why the hell not? I already truly enjoy training and getting more fit. Low body fat helps. I DON'T want to get injured....and it seems like all athletes do at one point or another. I'm a wuss when it comes to that.

Let me do something regarding my goal weight. The classic "ideal" body weight thing is this: add 5 lbs for every inch over 5' that you are. Me: 5'7", which would be 135 lbs. Then add or subtract 5-10 lbs for your body frame size, if at medium stay there. My body frame (according to the wrist test) is small. But not very small, so subtract 5 lbs = 130 lbs. To justify this, I take my lean body mass from the composition test: 112 lbs of me is water and lean muscle, bones, etc. 28-ish lbs is healthy fat. And about 15 lbs of that is absolutely essential. (This was when I was 140). It would not be an unhealthy weight for me, 130 lbs. For what I want to do, it could be a great weight! So my goal, although low in comparison to many people on this forum, is still healthy for my body (although I could be heavier and be just fine.)

Ok I have to go to work, be back later....

Have a great day everyone! :)
 
Valerie, is your goal really to get to 14% body fat? That seems awfully low. I mean if you want to be a pro athlete, I guess it's OK, but like you say, that female runner has a bf % of 18.

If your lean body mass calculation is correct, i.e. 112 lbs., and you're aiming to get to 130 lbs. without losing lean mass (which I know you are), then that would mean at 130 lbs., you would have 18 pounds of fat. So, 18 / 130 = 13.8%.

Funny, my daughter reminds me so much of you. She's athletic, and wants to get to the same weight as you. Actually, she's got in her mind 1 pound less, 129 lbs. She's convinced that at 136, she's "fat". I spent a lot of time this weekend helping her develop a free weights program, talking about nutrition, etc. She wants to look like all her skinny LA friends, but what she easily forgets is how strong she is. Hell, she can do 5 pullups, unassisted! Her body fat percentage is 21.6% now, so going down to 129 lbs. will bring that to 18% or so.

Frankly, I think body fat percentage is a much better way to set a target weight than BMI or some absolute number. If you're 136 lbs. now, you're right at 18%, which is pretty ideal for a female your age.

I don't want to discourage you, but I'm wondering if a transition from losing weight to gaining more fitness is really what's called for at this point. After all, you still want to stay "curvy" don't you?
 
Hey Tom, thanks for being better at math than me! LOL! I messed it up!

I have a feeling running is going to decrease my lean mass.

Steve thinks the test I did was incorrect and that I'm more than 20.1% BF. I have no idea at this point!

I'll keep this all in mind, thank you!
 
Hi Valerie! Stopping by your diary this morning to say hi! Trying to catch up with all the ongoings from everyone's diary over the weekend.. as far as yours goes.. Don't worry about the math.. you look just fine!!! :D
 
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