Diary: Curvie Girlie: A Yo-Yo's Reformation

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If I said how much I love beer, does that make me a bad person for loving an material object???​

ANYWAY.....I had a white peach, glazed walnuts, some cheese, and some "Annie's Homegrown Totally Natural Cheddar Bunnies" for b-fast. I have an excellent lunch planned, leftover from last night. I have berries and fruit and lettuce and rice and good stuff in my fridge. I'm about to go running, to run off the bunny treats.

If you haven't noticed I have a thing for bunnies. When I was little I had "imaginary bunnies" that I took care of. What a freaky kid, huh? I would even strap them into the car seat with a seatbelt. I think I had about 5 bunnies, although the amount changed. I've never owned a rabbit, and I probably wouldn't because they're nervous critters and I have Oliver, but I absolutely adore anything bunny-ish.

I am a bunny. A broke ass bunny!!!
 
Hey Val girl,

I give you credit for loving your body regardless of how much you weigh. Psssh... 150? You'll be in the 140s soon enough. I think it's just admirable that you don't get down on yourself. Props to you, mama. Also... ain't nothing wrong with "too much booty in the pants." Ow! ;) Glad to have you back, honey.. Hope Oliver starts feeling better....

-Sheryl
 
yep - the beer *sigh*

I had my bout this summer and dumped it and the woman who wanted the nightly beerfest but it was a personal choice. I was definitely messing up. Way too many brewdogs and the eating afterwards.

I had fun but at my age I see it a lil differently than perhaps you do. You wanna continue on and work it off, more power to ya. You have that youthful op to do so. I work too gd hard to compromise the results obtained to date. I coulda easily put on 20 by now had I not stopped (at least the every night thing).

I hope you can balance out what I couldn't. No PYT like yourself needs to shut out the fun.
 
Hey Val! You're wonderful for not letting a few pounds gained make you love your body any less. You really should love it. It's a fine body! ;)
I hate when summer is over, but I have to agree that summer is not the best time for us weight-conscious folk. It seems like a lot of people lose during the summer because they become move active. I just eat and drink way too much in the summer time. So I totally get it.
I broke up with beer too. I tried to maintain a casual friendship, but I think it resents me... it won't return my calls or emails, it's spreading nasty rumors. It's a whole big thing, I don't wanna get into it. :p
 
AHHHH love the bunnies too!! My sister had one growing up, named what else?? "THUMPER" ahahahha I think all of them were called thumper. LOL LOL Well, I hope your weight training and running is still going full force!! Try and have a good rest of your week. Miss seeing you around, but I know you have a lot on your plate. Take Care VBF!
Kim
 
MsGhettoBooty said:
I give you credit for loving your body regardless of how much you weigh. I think it's just admirable that you don't get down on yourself. Props to you, mama.
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Thanks Sheryl! It's important for us all to love our bodies! Thanks for the well-wishing for Ollie!

T2 Trucker said:
yep - the beer *sigh*

I hope you can balance out what I couldn't. No PYT like yourself needs to shut out the fun.
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I had a beer this morning. It was after a weights workout and before I helped a lady move furniture and clean. It's Friday, afterall!!!

sunnydee said:
Hey Val! You're wonderful for not letting a few pounds gained make you love your body any less. You really should love it. It's a fine body! ;)

I broke up with beer too. I tried to maintain a casual friendship, but I think it resents me... it won't return my calls or emails, it's spreading nasty rumors. It's a whole big thing, I don't wanna get into it. :p
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Thanks, Dee! I like your pictorial explanation of your relationship with beer, you card you! :p

Blancita said:
Hey Val, just catching up on you :). Hoping this message finds you in good 'spirits' (no pun intended). Luv ya girl :).
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Awwww! Love ya too! :beating:

Miss Ladybug said:
Well, I hope your weight training and running is still going full force!! Try and have a good rest of your week. Miss seeing you around, but I know you have a lot on your plate. Take Care VBF!
Kim
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I am I am! Full force!!! See ya soon! :)
 
Happy Friday to you :) One beer won't undo the good work you put in from training. In fact I think it's the law that you must drink at least one beer if you are moving furniture. Phew. Glad you didn't get into trouble over that one ;)
 
Hi Val,

Hope your kitty is doing better. I'm still torn up about losing mine 2 months ago. :cry:

You did fantastic on that race. High Five for that!! Woohoo!

I totally hear ya on the men preying on women who are "unstable." Had some o'that in my 20s. Just stay strong and ignore the assholes. It looks like you're good at reconginzing them--and that's the most important thing..lol

Ignore the beer--you're in the clear. Have some wine, and you'll be fine..lol.:rotflmao:
 
Val doll,

I saw your post at Steve's diary. Good job with the weight training.. and working on that fine ass. haha Hope you have a great weekend, girly. :hug2:

-Sheryl
 
Steve was ranting in his journal and it inspired me to share with my readers an IM conversation between me and my friend's friend who lives in Washington (state).

My friend L moved to WA for a few months a while back, and up there he made friends with A, a 28-year old anti-Bush/war/police brutality/etc. activist guy. But this guy just sits on the conputer all day and finds videos and articles that are imformative to his cause, and he makes beats and raps and makes albums and stuff. Which is fine: he's a Gemini (like my "BF") and they are supposed to be all about communication and bouncing around ideas and everything. But this guy has a WIFE and she told L that their marriage is suffering from his neglect toward her. Mind you, i never met either of these people although I have IMed A several times about random shit when we were bored.

L begged me to say something to A about his wife. I refused because I said I didn't personally know him. Then I IMed A about something else and he brought up the topic of his wife to me. So I started to speak my mind! And I started to yell at him, about things I sort of want to say to my own "BF". I wasn't TOO mean. He stuck with me for quite some time! L and I both hope he listens a bit. Here's some of it:

HIM there are 4 control dramas people use to steal energy
ME: according to what philosophy? and how? what are they?
HIM poor me
ME: or just send me a link
HIM indimidation
ME: whatever is poor about you?
HIM intimidation i mean
ME: my bad I'll leave you alone
HIM aloof
HIM interrogation
ME: who what where when????
HIM those are the 4
ME: intimidation, aloofness, and interrogation?
ME: 3!
ME: ??????
HIM poor me (im sad im going to steal your energy because i want you to sympothize with me and come down to my level)
ME: OH I get it!
ME: well what if a person is not naturally inclined to compassion?
ME: that would not work
HIM they use intimidation
HIM I've got a big mallet (so you are going to do what ever the hell I say)
ME: aloofness perhaps draws people in....maybe
ME: inaccessability
ME: yeah?
ME: that's 3
HIM aloof is the one im worse about
HIM i dont say anything (so you ask questions and give me YOUR attention and energy)
ME: I get that
HIM people who are aloof wont say anything they feel they'll be judged by (they dont open up and only do small talk or talk about what the other person will think is cool)
HIM they play it safe
HIM soo much
HIM that...
HIM interrogation (where were you, WHO WAS THAT WHATS HER NAME) that might be my wife in a second
ME: um
ME: interrogation, yes, well I suppose it is an energy sapper
ME: you're missing one
HIM whats that
ME: emotional blackmail
HIM explain
ME: ok
ME: so like, you say, "If you really loved me you would" "or wouldn't"
ME: or crying
HIM ya thats what she does > she crys shes the poor me master / interrogation master
ME: well
HIM but that falls under poor me
ME: i suppose some poeple play the "vitctim"
ME: I don't know
HIM im aloof / intimidation but mainly aloof
HIM one makes the other
HIM see an interrogater creates someone who becomes aloof
HIM cause they're tired of questions
ME: well I can't argue with that but

(Here's where I started to battle!)

ME: I must say in human relations it's not just about power and energy transfers
ME: there is nuruting, which women need
ME: and men do not want to give as much as women want it
ME: k?
ME: nurturing may not come natural to you
HIM but she doesnt say "if you really loved me this or that" its just strait poor me
HIM ?
ME: well that is not something I could comment on directly because I do not see her side
ME: for example,
ME: when Nat and I were going through hard times
ME: people who he talked to were like, "she's crazy--just leave her" and people I talked to were, "He's controlling and an asshole--cut it off and don't let him control you anymore."
ME: where they were all wrong because it was much more complicated than that
ME:: and whatever,
ME: we see each other 2 xs a week cause he lives far away, but anyway
ME: about "poor me" and aloofness; I understand what you're communicating
ME: but I am by no means on your side because I do not know what is really going on
ME: only you two do and you have different perceptions, no doubt
ME: I reckon it is very complicated and convoluted
ME: like any relationship between 2 intelligent people i suppose
HIM the point is you dont want to use control dramas period
ME: no
ME: but human dynamics.....
ME: like why is she saying "poor me"??
HIM all you have to do is appreciate something - anything / that instant you get energy from creation
ME: what are you doing to her?
HIM phone with my mom- / what am i doing to her? what do you mean
HIM phone died
HIM low batteries ><
ME: she is saying "poor me" for a reason
ME: what is it?
HIM ya she does poor me / to get energy
ME: I am supposed to believe she is an energy-sucking monster?
ME: for no reason?

(and the rant begins!!!)

ME: she is a WIFE! Wives need things from their husband
HIM usually she talks about how she hates work and somehow its all my fault but i work as well so= its just energy sapping to me
ME: reasonable things!
ME: perhaps she wants you to be like,
ME: "poor Honey," and massage HER
ME: for a minute, after work
ME: that would not take much energy AND she would be satisfied and not inclined to pull "poor me"
ME: HELLO!

(POST TOO LONG HAD TO CONTINUE IN ANOTHER)
 
IM conversation continued

HIM i would and do - but it depends id rather massage her when she doesnt go overboard when I just see that she needs it and doesnt just bitch over the top about things
ME: well
ME: that is where it gets complicated because it requires tolerance and patience
ME: if you don not have that....
ME: then you can't give her what she wants
ME: and it is a vicious cycle
HIM she needs to mellow out or im gone
ME: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
ME: IMO
ME: Being a woman
HIMwhats IMO mean
ME: "In my opinion"
ME: IMO, being a woman, I would say you mosty likely are not paying enough attention to her
ME: men are apt to not do that
ME: and that's is going to piss her off
ME: and turn her into something she doesn't even agree with
ME: If you changed your attitude from, "She needs to mellow out"
ME: to
ME: "She need nuturing and caring and love"
ME: I guarentee!
ME: she would mellow out
ME: so there!
HIM me being gone - i guess thats aloof? soo she is poor me and it makes me aloof

(I started to get mad)

ME: yeah but you CHOOSE to be aloof and make things worse
ME: it is a fucking choice here
ME: she is not MAKING you be aloof
ME: you are CHOOSING to be
ME: because it's easy
ME: easier than dealing with her
ME: it's the easy way out and it is fucking things up
ME: probably
HIM knowing that she know that I know shes playing poor me- i give up and become aloof
ME: that is childish
ME: you're a man
ME: men face things
ME: it is more painful to face things and fix em
ME: then it is to ignore them and hope they go away
ME: you are absolving yourself from responsibility in the situation
ME: and putting it all on HER
ME: when it takes two to make a relationship work
HIM i only give my love when she quits using a drama
ME: that is control
ME: you are making her beg
ME: you're like a desert-raining only occasionally
ME: women need tropical rainforests
ME: to use a metaphor
HIMas soon as she appreciates something i join her
ME: I suppose
ME: oh like, if she was toatally into something you were into?
HIMlike i said my problem is being aloof
ME: Well, when are you ever totally into her?
ME: allofness-that is a problem
ME: YOURS--fix it
ME: but changing....it is not easy to break behavior patterns
ME: that is life--it's not easy
ME: life is fucking hard and painful
ME: for adults
HIM id rather just evade people who use dramas than force them to be nice with my love
ME: why would you rather? is it because you're selfish? or self-absorbed?

(Ok I admit I was taking out my anger about my own BF on him here!)

ME: I'm not trying to diss
ME: these are natural tendencies of our inner child
HIM because i can get energy without them
HIMwithout stealing it from things
HIM people
ME: you can get energy without stealing them from people.....well perhaps maybe she DOES need to get anergy from somethign other than her huband's love
ME: i have to admit women are guilty of that
ME: putting too much dependency on a man's love...
ME: i know all about it
ME: and I know all about being PUNISHED by aloofness
ME: because that's what you're doing.
ME: punishing her
ME: because you don't agree
ME: so uncool
ME: sorry to be mean
ME: but I think you might want to spend a few introspective hours
ME: deciding what she means to you and the vow youtook
HIM she knows all about the dramas she just doesnt notice them or take them seriously
ME: women in love aren't thinking about the mechanical representation that you're projecting here
ME: they want "Hi Honey, I love you and I'm going to get away from this computer long enough to cuddle and pay attention to you--because you mean that much to me."
ME: they don't want,
ME: "Oh I don't feel like cuddling and why do you always demand shit from me? That is unacceptable; you get nothing now."
ME: make sense to you?
ME: ????
HIM yes

(Here's where I was pretty damn shocked)

ME: wow
ME: m'kay
ME: i meant think for a minute about your marriage
ME: why did you marry her?
ME: WHY? she obvisouly wasn't preggers!

(they don't have kids)

ME: there was a reason and you took a vow for that reason
ME: you can't just get lazy with it!
ME: I'm saying you made a VOW
ME: to put energy into making the marriage work and making her happy
HIMwe liked each other and we didnt want to be alone
ME:yeah well
ME: you love each other
ME: love conquers all
ME: I'm a hopeless romantic, ok?
ME: so you can fix this but it has to come from the heart
ME: and you have to be honest and honestly change your behavior
ME: and give parameters
ME: like instead of being aloof, say, "Honey, I really need time alobe for a certain amount of time, do not be offended. I need space right now.":
ME: instead of rudely brushing her off or something
ME: or whatever you do or don't do
 
And the end!

ME: and sometimes you have to suck it up and give her what she wants
ME: real life is sacrifice
ME: sacrificing oneself for the love of another
ME: to an extent, of course
ME: reciprocity
ME: equal reciprocity
HIM how well were doing depends allot on her behavior / she gets sinicle / like devilishly sinicle and its HELLA not funny
ME: lol
ME: are you making fun of my use of "hella"?
ME: ok ok
ME: sorry
ME: I understand that it is a two way street
ME: but "poor me" from her and "aloof" from you means you're not giving as much as she is giving you
ME: maybe you don't really want what she has to give sometimes, or what she wants from you sometimes
ME: but she loves you and love makes women cynical and mean
ME: because they are hurt that their men don't treat them right--the way they need to be treated
ME: tenderly and with compassion
ME: compassion doesn't come easily to a person who is self-absored, thus that is where the sacrfice comes in
ME: sacrificing a but of self for someone else
ME: it is divine
HIM better go nice chatting

(he chickened out! But said "nice chatting"--what a good sport!)

ME: the highest of the high
ME: k
ME: bye bye

END OF conversation!
How'd I do?
(I know this has nothing to do with weightloss! Sorry!)
 
Wow... finished reading. Jeez.. you're such a bitch, Val. HA! jk I love yas, girl. As for that fellow... umm yah.... if that was my husband, he'd be walking bo-legged around town with his mixer stuffed up his ass.

-Me
 
bikinibound said:
Hope your kitty is doing better. I'm still torn up about losing mine 2 months ago. :cry:

You did fantastic on that race. High Five for that!! Woohoo!

I totally hear ya on the men preying on women who are "unstable." Had some o'that in my 20s. Just stay strong and ignore the assholes. It looks like you're good at reconginzing them--and that's the most important thing..lol
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Last night I came home and my cat was good, he was crying and he wanted affection. SO I cuddled with him a lot before I went out and visited my friend L and his girl friend Ali.

Thanks! I like racing!

I shall ignore the assholes! I'm just ashamed/having problems with my self identity because I never thought I'd be the "weak woman." Shit happens! I'm dealing with it!

There have been several incidences, some of which I can't mention, that have caused me to develop a bit of fear and paranoia when it comes to strange men. I'm working on it to get rid of the fear and paranoia! And get my strength back!
 
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